Open-Eyed Adoption: Real Help for those Parenting Adoptees

by Robin Hitt ACC CDWF

Open-Eyed Adoption presents a compassionate look at uncovering the mysteries of the adoptive parent/adoptee relationship Open-Eyed Adoption is written for the purpose of supplying a resource for those who have adopted children as well as those who are considering the possibility of doing so. Often adoptive parents are ill-prepared and uninformed as to the unique challenges that raising adopted children presents. For instance, the earlier a parent knows that an adoptee has trauma from the beginning, the better equipped they can be to adapting their parenting style vs what may have been the style of their own parents. Being unaware of this, they can be confused and discouraged as to what they are seeing and why their adopted child responds the way they do. They may even be bewildered, due to the amount of love they give, to see a different response than they expect.  This book gives resource and tools to the parent for better understanding of what may be happening in the heart of their child. The information contained in Open-Eyed Adoption can also be used when parents are communicating with their adult adopted children. It encourages parents to look at parenting from different angles when it comes to the adoptee. Furthermore, Open- Eyed Adoption dispels the myth that they are all alone, takes a look at the importance of self-kindness and shows the way to get the support they need.

232 pages, Paperback

Published March 7, 2023

Reviews

[Rachel West]

A great resource for anyone interested in or affected by adoption. Lots of stories from adoptees, birth mothers, and adopted parents that don’t shy away from the trauma and hardships that comes with adopting. So glad to have read this book.

[Heather]

Overall, I got a lot out of this and found many of the stories to be hopeful and uplifting! I appreciated how the book was organized into chapters of personal stories from adoptees, birth mothers, and adoptive parents. The perspectives of the birth mothers were so important to read, especially because I know they are often overlooked in books like these. I felt like this had a lot of similar research compared to the various adoption books I've read in the past, but there were many powerful reminders! Topics that were covered well and stood out:

-"We must make the topic of adoption safe and available to our children. The more they see us as okay with the subject, the more they will feel invited into the conversation. If we don't flinch, they won't flinch and follow our lead. We become their safe place- their refuge to say what they're really thinking."
-The history of how in ancient Roman cultures, adoption was quite common, especially for adults who saw promise in children or young adults. "This adoptee received all the wealth, property, and goods of the adoptive parents, sparing nothing. They were fully received in every way... The same adoptive parent could disown his own biological son if deemed appropriate to do so, but the adoption was irreversible. When the choice was made to adopt, it stood. You might say that commitment to adoption, in this instance, was stronger than blood."
-The sweet stories of adoptees who felt like being adopted made them unique and/or they felt extra chosen by their parents. They were brought up like they were just as important as biological children, and this mentality stuck with them.
-Parents who did things right through honest discussions and ensuring that their children knew how unique and special they were!
-The dive into how common it can be for adoptees to have the fear of abandonment so deeply embedded that they can be overly obedient or overly reactive as a defense mechanism.
-The discussion of how therapy is normal and more likely to be needed for adoptees, but that it can also be very impactful.
-Understanding the ways adoption may impact a child's ability to trust, to take criticism, punishment, or to receive love.
-The way adoptive parents can find themselves in a trap of wanting to say "yes" to everything their children ask for because they fear hurting the relationship if they do the wrong thing. How to acknowledge this and set loving boundaries.
-Neurofeedback as an alternative therapy choice. I had never read as much about how fascinating it is!
-The power of being around other families touched by adoption.

[Tucson DeShon]

This book gives some great insights for anyone involved with adoption. I've been in a bit of a funk recently but this book helped put a new perspective on the complex intricacies that revolve around adoption. Highly recommend for anyone that has adopted, been adopted, or placed a child up for adoption. Helped me work through some subconscious traumas that I didn't even know I had! 🤞🏽