The Girl's Guide to Being a Boss (Without Being a Bitch): Valuable Lessons, Smart Suggestions, and True Stories for Succeeding as the Chick-in-Charge

by Caitlin Friedman, Kimberly Yorio

So, you finally got that promotion. You’re the boss now. The supervisor. The manager. The captain. The taskmaster. Those days of taking orders, running errands, and clock-watching are over. As exciting as all this might seem, once the rush of the promotion is over, you might be scratching your head wondering exactly what to do. Being the boss is never easy, but it's twice as hard for a woman. It seems like there's no middle ground. Either you're the dragon lady who rules with an iron fist or the mousey girl who gets drowned out at every meeting. When a woman wields authority and dares to make tough decisions, how often is the "B-word" bandied about by her employees? How can she strike that balance between pushover and dictator?

Fear not. You can do the job. All you need is a little helpful advice to send you on your way. Whether you supervise two as a shift manager or lord over an entire corporate empire, Caitlin Friedman and Kim Yorio will show you how to step gracefully into your new position of power. They’ll teach you how to motivate your team without alienating them, how to delegate without feeling guilty, how to deal with office politics and how to handle evaluations, promotions, and even firings. And for those of you who are already running the show, they can help you become the mentor your employees deserve.

Inside, there are self-assessment questionnaires to help you find out where you land on the bitch or wimp scale; interviews with prominent female bosses, human-resources directors, and therapists; and advice from a whole host of experts. In addition, there are funny and informative checklists and tips to make sure you’re the Good Witch around the office and not the Big Bitch. And, most important, Caitlin and Kim will teach you the secrets to owning your role and loving it. You’ve earned your promotion, so enjoy it!

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Self Help, Leadership, Psychology, Management, Professional Development

240 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2006

Reviews

[Laura Sinnott · Rating 1 out of 5]

Reads like a Cosmopolitan article - littered with embarrassing phrases like "Chick in Charge" and "Bad Bitch or Big Witch?". It's awful to think the next generation of young female mangers might read this and believe it - perpetuating gender stereotypes to the nth degree.

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't finish. They lost all credibility with me when I got to the chapter on dress code and it said to get a manicure, have eyebrows waxed or threaded regularly, keep split ends cut and always wear makeup. These are all things that cost money that men don't have to do, so I don't do them (at least, not as a habit). Plus, do you know how much extra time I'd have to plan to wear makeup? Not wearing makeup does not mean you don't care about your job or how you present yourself. Not doing your job well means you don't care about your job. You can dress for success and relatively cheaply (Goodwill, etc, which I have done), but expecting women ONLY to have their nails, hair, and eyebrows done on the regular is excessive.

I'm trying not to let one paragraph discredit the whole book because I do need to delegate more, but this is also written for and from a more corporate stance than the one in which I work. I can't use a raise as incentive; I don't have that kind of power.

Also, I'm already not a bitch at work. Where's the book for when you need to be a little bit of one?

[Beth Kuehne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd give it a 4 for completely new "bosses."

[Val Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had to reread this book, as it had been a while since I'd seen it. While many of the skills and tips in this book are good advice for either gender in the workplace, the authors (who run their own public relations company, celebrity chef Jamie Oliver among their clients) include some information of specific relevance to women. For example, they remind women that being the boss means that you can't be "buddies" anymore with everyone, and that at times it's not personal but indeed just business. They also remind women that you have to own your power as a boss--don't be afraid to "be the boss," as your employees are counting on you to speak and act decisively. They give equal time to being the boss at a company versus being the boss at your own company, and they provide some great info on hiring and firing. Most importantly, they emphasize how important communication is when you're the boss and how important it is that you take each employee as they are; understand that some employees may need more guidance than others or flexible hours, or whatever, and when you meet them halfway you can get great work out of them. However, I'm witholding a star because I think some of their attitudes on "put in your time" and "you should never blog or have an office romance" a little misguided/outdated. If I avoided office romances, I wouldn't be married.

[Cinnamon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've struggled with becomign a manager and this book provided some great points and some great points of view. I read it quickly hoping for advice in dealing with some touch situations that I have been dealing with at work and I have to say it helped me. If nothing else, it reminded me to think that I need to remember to be the manager I want to have. Which isn't easy, but its a lot easier to live with myself.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good reference book for women who want to be great individual contributors or women moving into a supervisory role. I enjoyed the 'girl talk' chats with female managers to gain their perspective on various leadership topics.

[Liz De Coster · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good and practical advice, but really geared towards large corporations, and doesn't work as well for women at smaller organizations, non-profits, and so on.

[Karen J · Rating 3 out of 5]

I definitely found some valuable lessons in the book. I purchased this book back in 2007 when I was trying to get into a management role. I just now read it many years and several different management positions later. While a lot of what they talk about will always apply - being nice, fair, consistent, good communication; there were some parts I didn't agree with. I could tell the authors were not talking about a manufacturing environment. They talked about many other types of environments. There may be a newer version of the book which takes into account how American culture and workplace culture has changed in the last 20 years. I found the section on dress code to be particularly geared towards an office type environment. I do agree that dress code is important but it can be vastly different depending on where you are working. I would recommend to people going for on site interviews to ask about the appropriate dress code in advance. I went to an interview once in a skirt suit and heels only to find out that wasn't a good choice for a manufacturing floor tour. My advice with this book is to take the nuggets that make sense and figure out the rest for your particular situation.

[Angie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing read. Just seemed very common sense to me. Probably would have had a different perspective and found it far more valuable if I had read it when I first started managing people. Frankly, I was horrified when, on page 25 I read, "...studies also show that women are not socialized to become leaders and that great leading female role models are few and far between. Sure, there's Eleanor Roosevelt, Hillary Clinton, Madeleine Albright, Oprah Winfrey, and Maya Angelou, but beyond that, can you name anyone?" ?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Devon Watkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an easy read and straight to the point with its information. I liked the added passages of real life examples given at the end of each chapter. The authors reached out to women CEO's, managers, authors, and business owners to give the book real life examples of the concepts expressed. If you're not a manager/boss/business owner, this still can help you develop a strong mindset in the workplace. Will probably read again.

[Kristen Considine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to love it but I just found it to be contradictory. Many reminders of good habits but then ruin the point by basically saying the opposite in the next chapter. Maybe it’s just the way I was reading between the lines, but I couldn’t get past it.

[Rhi · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is ... okay. A little dated for sure but there are some timeless management principles that would be great for a new manager to explore. Overall I wouldn't recommend it for somebody with a lot of leadership experience because there really wouldn't be new or thought-provoking material.

[Yali · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very dated and US focused but an interesting read nevertheless. Some bits gave me a good giggle like the chapter on gossip towards the end while others were more thought provoking...

[Martha Kinsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good material, although slightly outdated by the time I read it in 2022 (published 2006). Still worth a read!

[Mallory Michaelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book in 2018 or 2019 when I was just starting a managerial role. I fortunately have learned a lot of this information on the job.

[Carla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the stories. They shared great positive and negative experiences and answered a lot of questions I didn't realize that I had! Great idea and gave me a lot of ideas to try with my team!!

[Erin J · Rating 3 out of 5]

I took a few tidbits from it, but it’s geared toward conventional business offices, and I work in a very different setting. But it was an easy read anyway :)

[Kasthuri BV · Rating 3 out of 5]

started off fine, looked like it was not the same crappy self help types. all until it turned into one. absolutely struggled to read after a point

[Libby B · Rating 1 out of 5]

Definitely an outdated way of leadership.

[Claire Kane · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is horrendously regressive. I thought the title was tongue in cheek, but no, it just panders to already the suffocating stereotype that women are bitches if they are assertive. What would these women call male bosses who behave in the way their supposed real life examples do, I wonder? i also find it absolutely abhorrent how these women trivialize and shame bipolar in their book by calling women who go from 'nice boss' to 'bitch boss' 'bipolar betties'- no seriously.

[pri · Rating 2 out of 5]

i can not say that it wasn't worth the time it took to skim through mainly for a few good kernels. a lot of honest reflection on how you are no longer everybody's friend when you become the boss. and how to sort through that oddness of not only no longer hearing the gossip but now being gossiped about. :) i also did like the Q&A with women leaders. getting a chance to think about more women in power and what their touchstones and lessons are.

the rest of it - sometimes vapid, often conflicting (don't be the bitch... oh but don't ever let your staff interrupt you. ever.), kind of small scaled (might be useful for someone managing 10-20 people).

but fundamentally, it didn't deliver on the promise of the title. instead it talked about basic 'boss' stuff (getting there, making yourself available, getting a good staff in place, hiring, firing, reviewing, etc). but - i felt - didn't address the gender issues involved. would have much preferred a bit of gender stereotyping in helping to see how a woman can use the strengths in this role.

was hoping it would be a tongue-in-cheek sharing of tips type of book. it wasn't.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

My dad bought me this book. I love my dad, he's been the most ardent supporter of my career, really.
The title was a little off-putting, but once I got over it, and just read it, I realized this short little guide is a gem. A lot of the information seems really fundamental, but it made me realize that I had a problem NOT falling back on them. Good book for people who are entering the supervisor/management field. For those managers who think they know it all, its a good touch-stone book to remind you that while you might know a lot, its useless unless you are able to transform that knowledge into consistent practice. (and at the end of the day, nobody knows everything about anything...so there)
Effective at reminding you that although its important to find your style of management, you also need to figure out what traits to seek out for a position AND what motivates each of your employees. Like I said, fundamental--but a challenge all the same!

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just inherited a new team and was feeling a bit lost on what to do. How long do you give existing employees "space"? How do I bring on new people and keep the team happy? How do I build my team's culture and attitude? This book answered all of those questions.

A lot of the information is common sense, particularly if you've been in the business world for as long as I have. I am a big fan of all the testimonials and bits of advice from women who have been there and succeeded. I love how these ladies give you permission to move people on if they're not a good fit or bringing your team down as well. It's a delicate balance between nurturing and growing people who deserve it and cutting your losses on people who don't.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hated to buy this book because it's so bloody pink. I want to believe that managing is managing, no matter what your gender. But I know that's not true. And this was the only book I saw, while browsing, that talked about going from staff to management and how awkward that can be, how much it can affect you socially, how your need to be taken seriously can change the way you are with people. In short, it addressed my concerns pretty head on. The book itself isn't quite as patronizing as it looks. There's none of this that isn't fairly intuitive, but somehow, it helps to know that I'm not in this alone. The advice is good--- not surprising, but solid.

[Carrie Elizabeth Rundhaug · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overall this book looked interesting when I was wandering around Barnes and Noble the other day so I decided to pick it up and give it a shot. While this book has some helpful information in it I can't help but think that I wasted my time reading this book.

In my opinion the majority of information included in this book was common sense. I think what would have been more helpful would have been to outline pointers to help solve the actual problems addressed in the book.

Overall I don' think I got a lot from this book. I wouldn't say its a total miss. But I would definitely not waste my money on this book go borrow it if you want to read it.

[Julz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book just before starting my current job last August, since it would be the first time I'd be not just leading/facilitating, but actually having someone report to me and giving directives to others who are not direct reports.

I've noticed that often female bosses tend to be inconsistent, as in, "You never know which one is coming to the party."

I don't want to be that way, yet I don't want to fall into the trap of being everyone's buddy, either. This book had some excellent suggestions.

[Piritta · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kirja on vuodelta 2006, ja se kyllä näkyy. Ihan kuin olisi katsellut johtajuusoppien historiaan, sillä monissa asioissa on tultu ilmeisesti paljonkin eteenpäin. Koin, että kirjoittajien sävy on aivan liian ylimielinen. Lisäksi häiritsi, että joissain kohdissa puhuttiin tulevalle johtajalle, joissain nykyiselle johtajalle, joissain assistentille ja joissain alaiselle. Ei ihan turhakaan, mutta hyvä oppikirja siitä, miten hetkellä X ajan hermolla oleminen tarkoittaa auttamatta, että hetkellä X+14 tieto on jo vanhaa.

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm rereading this book because it's so good. Since I'm new to managing staff, I find myself in situations that make me wonder if I'm doing right. This handy little guide gives advice on how to deal with staff who question your authority, how to seperate business/friendship relationships, and much more. There are interviews with female managers and tips throughout this guide. This is a must-read for all female managers.

[Marta · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the book and found some aspects of it to be very helpful. I also found it affirming to see many of my previous bosses behaviors being addressed as negative. Something's seemed very obvious (communication!) but one topic I wish they had delved into more is what to do when you're a new manager managing someone whose been at the company for many years and is older than you. This is something personally I would have found of interest.

[Sal Goeldner · Rating 2 out of 5]

This should be compulsory reading for every female who is a boss - "Congratulations on your promotion and here's a book to read before you do anything !". Warns women against being control freaks and the pitfalls of micromanaging.Lots of sensible advice about managing.