Forgotten Among the Lilies: Learning to Love Beyond Our Fears

by Ronald Rolheiser

The author of The Holy Longing explores the debilitating obsessions that often dominate our lives and offers down-to-earth guidance for learning to leave our fears, anxieties, and guilt “forgotten among the lilies.”“Rarely do we taste the food we eat or the coffee we drink. Instead we go through our days too preoccupied, too compulsive, and too dissatisfied to really be able to be present for and celebrate our own lives,” Ronald Rolheiser writes in the introduction to this powerful collection of essays. Forgotten Among the Lilies shows that there is a better way to find contentment and joy. Only by trusting in God’s grace and providence, Rolheiser argues, can we move beyond our obsessions and rejoice in what we have and who we are.With his trademark blend of insight, compassion, and honesty laced with humor, the author teaches that it is possible to experience freedom instead of anxiety, solitude instead of loneliness, and a generosity of spirit that returns to the giver far more than it costs.

Genres: Spirituality, Christian, Faith, Christianity, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Theology

336 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1991

About the author

OMI

Reviews

[Margaret · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book with moments of brilliance and cutting edge at least for me and yet there were mediocre sections in the book. It often wavered over to the two star rating especially when discussing church politics or delved into subjects that I am not interested in. The redeeming factor is the fact that the author often referred to Thomas Merton, my favorite Christian author. The first part through to the middle was the best and the latter part lost my interest. Still a worthwhile read.

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is so much that is excellent in Rolheiser’s writings. Deep insight into the human condition and great wisdom on how to keep hold of our life in Christ and in his church. At other times he says things that are not quite helpful and probably not quite sound either. Overall I consider him to be a helpful, at times illuminating, if not quite indispensable voice.

[Maureen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Generally speaking Fr Rolheiser's theology is too conservative for me. On the other hand, he makes some valid points about church, the most important being, that we all need community. Do not journey alone. We grow through community as well as having our egos humbled and deflated. I certainly agree with that.

[Matt Reser · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rolheiser is the next CS Lewis and Eugene Peterson. No one can do more with less words.

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a gift to me from Brother Martin; an 82 year old Hispanic monk and WWII veteran whom I developed a crush on while on retreat at the Trappist Abbey of Our Lady of Guadalupe (Thomas Merton was a Trappist monk). At the beginning of my three days at the Abbey, Brother Martin loaned me a book and a tape; "The Spirituality of Imperfection", and "Br. Martin, Memories of the War in the Pacific". I lent him "War and the Soul". At the end of the three days, we met and traded back, and he gave me this book. I was so moved by the fire of spirit - that transcended any religion - dancing in this man's eyes. I was very curious about his gift to me.

"Forgotten Among the Lilies" is the last line of The Dark Night of the Soul, the poem by St. John of the Cross.

Rolheiser is a progressive Catholic who seeks to deepen and de-pathologize our restlessness and longing, and to reaquaint us with its mystique:

"We are fired into life by a madness that comes from our incompleteness. We awake to life tense, aching, erotic, full of sex and restlessness.
This dis-ease is, singularly, the most important force within existence. It is the force for love and we are fundamentally shaped by our loves and deformed by their distortions".

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this book a while ago but somehow forgot to note it here. I love this book so much. I wrote several long journal entries about all the things it made me ponder and consider and re-evaluate. Rolheiser is a much-needed quiet, contemplative voice in a hurried, brash world. And not contemplative in that kind of staged, yoga pants and mat sort of way, either. He isn't afraid to approach controversy and frightening questions. He makes you look at yourself and your flaws unflinchingly, and reach towards the romantic, idealistic, innocent self you may have betrayed as you became run-down and worn out and used up by the world. Highly recommended read, even if you don't normally read "religious" type books.

[James Wheeler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book and one of the best books on sexuality that i know of.

[Kristina Knight · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wise and beautiful. During some chapters I took so many notes I basically re-wrote the full text, and during other chapters I found myself shaking my head in disagreement but still respecting the warmth and openness of Rolheiser's posture. As someone entrenched in evangelicalism, which is currently splitting itself in a million pieces as it conducts its own progressive vs. conservative witch trials, I walked away from this book realizing we have a lot to learn from this Catholic priest's courage and nuance.

[Justin Ruszkiewicz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rolheiser writes some very thoughtful reflections in this book, and I will be revisiting this one in the future.

I will say, the book started way stronger than it had finished. It felt like he was pulling no punches with the first four to five chapters, and then after that he mellowed down a bit.

This book is a great encouragement to those who struggle with anxiety and fear, who deal with the question of what life is all about and how we are supposed to relate to God.

Rating: 8.25/10, four stars.

[Marissa Viszolay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. It opened my eyes to the beauty found in living a life of simplicity, seeing the good in forming friendships with the opposite gender with chastity. The author understands what it means to live a life of humility, of service to others and an experience that encourages a softening of the heart. He is Catholic and has some great perspective on the religiousness of his religion. I recommend reading this author's work at least once.

[Rachel Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some REALLY moving and wonderful points — especially, for me, on the topics of accepting and loving ordinary and hidden life. Also the parts where Rolheiser writes about the importance of honesty and vulnerability. There are parts i didn’t exactly gel with but, the chapters are so short it is easy to just skim right through them or just skip them — and since every chapter is different it isn’t terrible to do.

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderfully thoughtful and honest book about our spiritual health and lives and what we can do to attend to them. With grace, humor, honesty and care he asks tough questions, gives some sage advice and encourages the reader to endlessly seek God. This book is rich and worth the time to invest slowly!

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a journey and took me several months to finish as I chose to read one chapter a day. It was definitely a good way to start each new day. Father Ron still ranks as one of my favorite spiritual writers.

[Brian Wilcox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here, as elsewhere, Rolheiser, a Catholic cleric, writes as one of everyone, gracing readers with a captivating, inclusive, and clear application of Christian spirituality, not barnacled with dogma and institutionalization. One of my favorite reads.

[Steve Regnier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Original!

I found many of the points in this book to be original and insightful. I found the occasional venture off the spiritual to comment on non related issues annoying, but overall, this book is a worthwhile read.

[Mrs C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful words to savor especially in a world where everything is within our fingertips. This is a Catholic perspective in attaining joy and contentment.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful. Rohlheiser’s reflections on life and faith never fail to challenge me. I don’t agree with his perspective on some things but I always come away with something nourishing.

[Ron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gloriously pastoral while holding the line on humility and reflective news. Pragmatic engagement with the ‘front lines’ of faith.

[Brian · Rating 3 out of 5]

Its brevity ignited some chapters but left others too dim.

[Brace1737 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Father Rolheiser gives the reader a collection of essays on important topics that face the Catholic church. All of these essays will provoke thought. Some might change your point of view.

[Quilltips]

This was, beyond a doubt, one of the most beautiful and healing books I have read in a very long time. I took my time with this book, reading it a few sections at a time and thinking about them, and I think the slow pace helped me to absorb more of what it said.



Perhaps the most thought-provoking section, in my opinion, is his series of essays on whole sexuality and its place in human life and interaction. He gives a beautiful defense of priestly celibacy -- from the perspective of someone who has lived it, no less -- and speaks about sexuality not just as something physical, but as the entire way we interact with others, giving and receiving of each other in a network of bonds and connections.



Fr. Rolheiser's style is very warm and inviting. It helps to have a solid grounding in Catholic theology when reading some parts of the book, but others are accessible to all -- simple, loving, and deeply in touch with the human condition. While I disagreed with the book on a few finer points, I appreciated the nuance and thought given to each topic. If you're looking for an encouraging, inspiring book on the place of a Christian heart in the world, this is for you. And even if you're not, try it anyway. You won't be sorry.

[Jeff · Rating 3 out of 5]

WOW. This book was amazing, and I definitely recommend it. It had long chapters, broken into small subchapters which made you think over the chapters quite a bit in different ways. The subtitle is, "learning to love beyond our fears," but in reality it's about receiving the love of God despite our fears, and in receiving that love, the unconditional love of God, and the radically gracious and merciful love of God, how that empowers us to live life free and enables us to give our lives more freely to others and for the service of God not to convince others by our words only, but with our actions as well. The two go hand in hand.



This wasn't a book I necessarily thought would be great, or even looked good from the outside, but the content was jam-packed and amazing, I will definitely re-read this again and am pasting stuff on my wall from this book!



Receive God's love, and live free!

[John Osman · Rating 5 out of 5]

We used this book for a book club and it was a source of much discussion. A few of Rolheiser's reflections were extremely powerful and the source of transformation.

The book is a collection of essays from Rolheiser's column published in numerous Catholic periodicals and/or publications. They are just the right size for reflection - two or three pages. As a matter of fact, they are just the right size as a source for the different media form of the web. One could take the text and add images or audio or video - or a combination thereof and make a great online retreat.

[Darren · Rating 3 out of 5]

Never have I heard the erotic nature of man understood as a force that aids the spiritual life, but Rolheiser makes this lesson clear throughout.

"Christianity will have power when we have vital communities which can, concretely, offer an alternative to the second-best compensations that our world offers.

When the touch of human warmth, genuine community, is withheld, we will always have a lot of unbelievers and a lot of struggling believers."

[Phil · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a set of short pieces on various topics dealing with prayer and being a Christian (specifically, a Catholic) in the real world. Those familiar with Rohlheiser's other books will notice familiar themes present in a rather freer style. Rohlheiser has a tendency to default to grace which makes him a gentle read. His insights are generally good, although any collection will have elements which are not necessarily the strongest. On the whole, a good collection and worth reading.

[Erica]

This was a wonderfully insightful book. I really enjoyed how many topics were explored in regards to love. I feel it is a book I could read over and over again and truly gain new insights each time. It is something that you could choose a specific topic to look at and use as a meditation or part of prayer.

[Bernice · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is written topically, so you can just flip to certain writings and receive his insights. I liked some of his writings and I didn't like others. Sorry I can't be more specific. But, I read a chapter of this book during breakfast for months, so I can't remember a lot of it.

[Theresa Noble · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoy Rolheiser's books, they are very insightful. However, I found this book a bit disjointed and hard to get through. I felt like some of the chapters were homilies he had given at funerals thrown in as chapters and that was a bit disappointing to me. The book did not seem unified.

[Sarah Gifford · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful read about connecting to faith and Christ and being able to let go of our fears to live life more fully. One to savor and read slowly. I didn't relate fully to all of the Roman Catholic thinking, but I appreciated the universal Christian truths and reminders of love and grace.

[Charlotte Woosley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fantastic book filled with practical and necessary truths. It is a collection of smaller essays and is easily read in a short span of time. There were a few sections I read 4 times because they were just so great.