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Dealing with People You Can't Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst
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Dealing with People You Can't Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst

3.65  ·  Rating details ·  1,213 ratings  ·  144 reviews
With their 1994 international bestseller, Dealing with People You Can't Stand, Drs. Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner armed a civility-starved world with no-nonsense strategies for dealing with difficult people with tact and skill. Since then, cell phones, the Internet, voice mail, and other technological wonders designed to bring people closer together have only made it th ...more
Paperback, 226 pages
Published February 27th 2002 by McGraw-Hill (first published 1994)
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3.65  · 
Rating details
 ·  1,213 ratings  ·  144 reviews

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May 16, 2010 rated it really liked it
This book is a Manager Tools recommendation.

The concept of this book is pretty simple and straightforward: choose a person you can't stand, identify which of the 10 personality types mentioned in the book they most closely match, and follow the specific recommendations to immunize yourself against further annoyance. The 10 types listed in the book are:

1. The Tank
2. The Sniper
3. The Grenade
4. The Know-It-All
5. The Think-They-Know-It-All
6. The Yes Person
7. The Maybe Person
8. The Nothing Person
Academic Eric
This book might tend to solidify perceptions of people and thereby keep people in boxes. However, I found some of the communication tips to be helpful. We must be careful, though, I think, to not get stuck in perceiving someone as a tank or a sniper or other type. People change. Some mental constructs make it hard to change with them.
Huda AbuKhoti
أتعلم أيها الكاتب ما لا أحتمله حقًّا؟؟ تصنيف الناس إلى مجموعات و التعامل معهم بأسلوب ميكانيكي كالذي تنصح به في الكتاب. البشر كائنات معقدة و تتحكم بتصرفاتهم الكثير من العوامل و الأسباب التي من المستحيل أن تختزلها في كلمة واحدة... لذلك لا أجدني أنجذب لكتب الـ
فهي في أغلب الأحيان تقوم بعملية الفرز هذه التي أبغضها للغاية
Areej M.
Dec 20, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-trans
كتاب مهم ... تدور فكرته على التالي:
حتى تستطيع ان تتعامل مع اؤلئك الذين لا تتطيق التعامل معهم لأنهم (أشخاص لا يطاقون) عليك أن تعرف المصدر الذي يحولهم الى (أشخاص لا يطاقون) ...
التعامل معهم بناءً على هذه المعلومة الإضافية يسهل مهمة تجاوز الصراع معهم ...الـ(أشخاص لا يطاقون)حسب الكتاب اما يسعون لانجاز المهمة او اتقانها، واما يحاولون الانسجام مع الناس او التألق بينهم واصابتهم بالخيبة من عدم القدرة على تحقيق ذلك يحولهم الى 10 نماذج من الاشخاص المملين.

الكتاب جميل وممتع ويعطيك اضاءات متعددة وستصادف نفسك
Sep 01, 2015 rated it did not like it
Couldn't do it. Life is too short and this book is too stupid.
Jan 02, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: favorites
I originally picked this book up cheaply just because the title made me giggle, and I was curious. Little did I realise that this book is actually a hive of really genuinely helpful information!

My predominant use of the techniques described in this book was in running my World of Warcraft guild - what can essentially be thought of as a voluntary team of 25 people. If it's any testement to what I learned in this book, the guild became the most successful on our server, ran for several years, and
Khadijeh Za
Sep 20, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
ربما يتعين عليك ان تصل الى اعماق قلبك لتجد ذلك المكان الذي يهتم بالآخرين بصدق و اخلاص
كل الاشياء تمر واذا افسحت لها مجالاً فإنها ستزول دون أن تأخذك معها
Motaz Nachwati
كتاب جيد ..
يتحدث عن نماذج من الناس موجودة بالحياة الواقعية ، و يعلمك كيف تتعامل مع كل منها على حدة
بل و ينظر أيضا من الجانب الآخر .. أي عندما أكون أنا أحد هذه النماذج الصعبة السلوك
و لو لفترات محدودة , كيف أساعد نفسي للتخلص من السلوك الصعب .

الشيء المشترك بين جميع الشخصيات .. تقريباً .. هو إيجاد الأرضية المشتركة
بيني و بين الطرف الآخر.

بالمختصر .. من الجيد الحصول عليه.
هالكتاب يعجبني .. كل ما طفشت من المديرة اقراه P:
Kevin Hogan
Nov 15, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Got this book as part of a class on the subject. It's well-written and the ideas are worthwhile.

I have found it useful, and believe I will continue to find it useful.

It will go on my shelf of business books that I keep at work.
Nov 10, 2014 rated it liked it
Tank (confrontational) - hold ground, interrupt attack, backtrack to main point, aim for bottom line; if you are wrong: admit mistake, state briefly what you've learned, and what you'll do to prevent from happening again

Sniper (hidden shots) - look at situation and backtrack, use a searching questions to probe what other is trying to say (insinuate), use tank strategy if necessary, bring up past grievances

Know it all (and you're to blame) - be prepared and knowledgeable, backtrack, meet their d
Cleo Bannister
Aug 17, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
How to deal with people you can't stand is something that we all have to do at some time. Usually we resort to the same old strategies which have worked in the past, albeit on a different person who annoys in a different way. I had gone through my set responses to someone I have to work closely with, I was just becoming more annoyed so I opened this book and read.

This book puts people into groups allowing you to categorise the source of your annoyance and giving you tips on how to handle them. I
ضهرا درعلی
خب این میتونه کتاب خیلی مفیدی باشه اما نه برای من!
این کتاب واسه عده ای میتونه فوق العاده موثر باشه!افرادی که حوصله دارن برای سروکله زدن با بقیه,افرادی که حوصله وقت گذاشتن برای دیگران رو دارن!
واسه عده ای مثل من که تحمل سروکله زدن با افراد ناهنجار رو ندارن و کلا افرادی که مزاحمشون هستن رو از زندگیشون حذف میکنن نمیتونه مفید باشه!
خیلی جاهاتو کتاب میگفتم یعنی اینقدر وقت بزارم واسه یک آدم؟خب میزارمش کنار ,راحت تره که:-؟
ولی همه جا هم نمیشه افراد ناهنجار رو کنار گذاشتاون موقع که برسه دوباره این کتاب رو
Mar 06, 2016 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
There are only 2 things I liked about this book. The description of 10 difficult characters, aka "People You Can't Stand": the Tank, Sniper, etc. the second was the coordinate compass of people's behaviors (passive - aggressive, task focus - people focus) and how it translates to their intent. The difficult characters embody the combination of the behavior and the unfulfilled.

I found the advice for dealing with some of the characters questionable
Marwa Ebeed
Nov 09, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
It is a wonderful book, talking about different types of people .. Explain the way their behavior and reasons and how they think and how to deal with them, and it tries to help you according to your personality. The book has a lot of details that are very important and really influential in life.
Bashayer AbdulAziz
أضاف لي الكثير هذا الكتاب
يتكلم عن ٩ أصناف -تقريبا - مزعجة من بني البشر نقابلهم من حولنا في حياتنا
وماهي هي دوافعهم واستراتيجيات التعامل معهم
وفي النهاية يتعرض فيه إلى ماذا لو كنت أنت أحد هذه الاصناف ؟
Jonas Wouters
Mar 29, 2018 rated it really liked it
Good insights and useful information. Will definitely use this in the future if I struggle with dealing with certain people.
Jul 31, 2009 rated it liked it
One of the best book I read for work.
Tona Bantan
Sep 30, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
مع اني ما خلصت الكتاب لكن انواع الناس اللي يتكلم عنهم موجودين بكثرة من حولي وان شاء الله اتعلم الطريقة للتعامل معاهم
Nathan Albright
Jun 21, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: challenge2017
In reading this book I was struck by a very powerful set of mixed feelings.  On the one hand, I could read in these pages plenty of commentary and tactical advice on how to deal with people who drive me to distraction, and it was without question a useful book on communication [1].  On the other hand, reading this book was painful in a sense, because it brought forcefully and unpleasantly humorous to light the fact that I am almost certainly to many people the sort of person who they cannot stan ...more
May 31, 2017 rated it really liked it
I read this book years ago as part of my professional development in conflict management. I didn't realize at the time how much I would need this book to help me understand the types of behavior in people I respected around me when conflict would arise. The book was fun and informative, and I learned a few things about my own communication style as well as how to communicate with some really unintelligent arguments that always seemed to turn personal. When I was done, I handed the book off to my ...more
Cyndi Scheuher
Feb 11, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book describes 10 different types of behaviors that people go to when they are pushed into a corner. The ten behaviors are described in detail and allows the reader to find their “difficult person“ with in one of these 10. It also allows the reader to find their own behavior when they are pushed into a corner. The book then describes skills for the reader to use when dealing with a difficult person. I Found this book to be interesting. I have not tried to use any of the skills described yet ...more
Sandy Samy
Unexpected book , little disappointing . It need someone who have alot of time n perfectly mature n willing to listen n solve all humans problem .
When u meet someone annoying in your work , u want him/her to do their job .. which might take a month n u will never see them again , u wouldnt want to spend a year to treat someone u wont interact or need them again anyway
Beside , in everyday life it is hard to have patience n perfection mentioned in that book
It isnt bad , it just need alot of hard
Robert Hernandez
Simple is good, simple and accurate is better. So accurate that shortly after starting I couldn't believe they were describing my boss behavior with such proximity, I felt like they knew her personally or worked with her. Amazed, I kept listening with interest and really got very good information, some of which I knew already, but it gave me confirmation.

Very practical, accurate and fairly simple. Really got many helpul gems out of this audiobook.
Jun 14, 2017 rated it liked it
I enjoyed this book for the description of the personalities of awful people, most of them your supervisors at work, because I love to read about personality pathology. But the advice was a bit too wimpy for my tastes. He always advocated passive or non-aggressive solutions to everything. No doubt that makes more sense, but I am a pretty aggressive guy, even as I had towards old age. I never did calm down.
Nov 23, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I love this Book. Its not just for people who work in business, it's for people who breath, and have to deal with others, either co-workers, the public, or even family members. I plan on keeping this book close to me at work. Great tips and help for dealing with difficult situations, and for identifying behaviors I myself have exhibited and experienced.
Erik Talboom
Sep 21, 2017 rated it really liked it
I liked the methodical approach of the different types of behaviour and how to address each in evolutionary steps. This has helped me to learn more about my own behaviour and how I can change from the inside-out perspective. I can totally recommend the audio book, nice reading and fun to listen to while driving through traffic.
Jan 15, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: abc-titles
This book has great information about communicating with people in their many varied moods. I highly recommend it for anyone who deals with people - parents, children, spouses, co-workers, bosses, clients, etc.
Maro Ahmed
Mar 04, 2019 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
انا بقيت لا احتمل الكتاب مش الناس كنت متحمسه جدا للكتاب وكنت متخيله انه حيفدنى بشكل كبير لكن لقيت احبط امالى الكتاب كانت بدايته كويسه لكن بعد كده بقى ممل بشكل غير معقول وهو من الاخر عاوز يقول استعمل مع الناس اسلوب ريح الزبون وخد كل واحد على اد عقله فكل الناس حتحبك
John Foukaih
Oct 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
كتاب رائع و مفيد جدا فى التعامل مع اشخاص نقابلهم يوميا
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