A Memoir of Love and Madness: Living with Bipolar Disorder

by Rahla Xenopoulos

In 1997, Rahla Xenopoulos was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. As a result of this devastating diagnosis, she sought education on her affliction. Although she found an abundance of literature on various mental illnesses, none of it seemed applicable to her. This situation inspired her to write a book chronicling her ongoing efforts to come to terms with a disease that is, in effect, a life sentence: from her upbringing in an eccentric, loving Jewish family to her struggle with bulimia, anorexia and self-mutilation, her attempts at suicide, finding true love and, finally, the ‘crazy, utterly unpredictable experience of giving birth to triplets’.

This is not a self-help book, or a medical guide. Reading this book will not cure anyone; bipolar disorder is a chronic illness. But it did help Rahla – as it will countless others – ‘to understand the rhythm in the cacophony of this condition’.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Mental Health

200 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Rahla Xenopoulos is the author of A Memoir of Love and Madness, and the novels Bubbles and Tribe. Many of her short stories have been published in magazines and in Women Flashing, Twist and Just Keep Breathing. She is the mother of triplets and lives in Cape Town.

Reviews

[Paula Gruben · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny how you expect to take away from a particular book something synopsis-specific, but end up being treated to something SO much more.

Although Rahla and my stories are incredibly similar, physical circumstance and anecdotal evidence make them equally distinct. While her spirit is innately free, galloping through life with gay abandon, mine is several shades darker, more tightly coiled. And I have come to the realisation that between bipolar sufferers, the way in which our angels and demons manifest during episodes is quite unique.

Over and above the sense of solidarity and kinship I found with a fellow 'crazy', the most poignant part of this book, for me, was her exquisitely eloquent explanation of a shared spirituality. Through her unborn daughter 'Tallulah', Rahla manages to express in words what Dr Michael Newton's 'Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives' never quite managed to do. And I cannot thank her enough for FINALLY verbalising the way I feel about the miracle of life, death, and everything in between.

[Paige Nick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this really slowly and carefully, because I want to 'get' every word. It's the strangest series of feelings when you read a memoir written by someone you know.
You realise how layered we all are. This memoir of love and madness is out of print and hard to find, and I've been wanting to read it for years. Someone special tracked a copy down on Abe Books for me and gave it to me as a gift, so it's special on top of special.
It's a magical, sad-happy, revealing glimpse into a beautiful, brave mind - living with bipolar disorder, depression, eating disorders, and magical thinking. And even though I already know that it ends happily ever after, I'm loving the journey.
I think these are really important words. (The ones in this book, not the ones in this review.)

[Sierra Higgins 🧸💋 · Rating 4 out of 5]

It always feel weird to write a review on someone's tragic life story. It also feels weird to give this book a star rating, but I think it defiantly deserves a star rating and a review. I suffer from bipolar disorder myself, and it was so spot on to how I feel with my own diagnosis. The writing was amazing! I feel like to each person, including myself, we all each have a story to tell that is somewhat different from one another. It's so odd how I could relate so much to what she had to say about her diagnosis, and then still not completely understand her story completely. This is such an eye opening read! I would totally recommend it to all! Especially to those who suffer from bipolar disorder, and even to those who would like to understand more about this diagnosis. I enjoyed this read. I think I might reread it one day. Such a good read! I enjoyed what she had to say and what she had learned!

[Lindaz · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author who suffers the disease has described with colour and nuance the symptoms of depression and mania which runs rife through my family . My particular illness is depression , my late beloved sister was bipolar which was mostly uncontrolled because of her denial and resistance to treatment . This book might be the most visceral description tinged with a funny yet tragic edge. Congratulations to Rahla on her brilliant writing . Highly recommended.
I would advise anyone who has lived with someone with bipolar disorder peer into the coalface of this mental disease which never leaves one . Thanks Rahla for sharing your experiences so beautifully and honestly .

[Gail · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreak and Happiness

A rollercoaster ride in the unknown world of a bipolar woman. Rahla’s generous writing helped me to understand a daughter I never knew. She suffers from similar ailments that have never been diagnosed. All she has wanted from me is support and now I can give her a new understanding. She has genius capabilities but doesn’t believe it, seems better having heard it’s true. Discovering this book she’s able to read her own journey. Thank you to Rahla for sharing hers.

[Zaheera Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

It takes courage and confidence to write about real life situation. I mean most will shy away from talking about the bad stuff but here is an author who shares what it is like living with an illness many of us know little about. I didn't know what to expect when I picked up this book but boy was I mesmerised...the writing style, the innocence, funny outlook on life and then so much love. Thank you for sharing this story Rahla. I wish you enough!

[Caroline Igra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adored Rahla Xenopoulos' "A Memoir of Love and Madness." Full disclosure: She’s my writing teacher and fabulous on all counts, personal and professional. But this record of her battle with bipolar disorder is a home run. It should be required reading for those interested in learning how the disorder manifests. But it also works as high literature. Her language leaps and flies off the page. Her sentences, each and every one, describe an entire world, taking the reader on one hell of a ride.

[Kevin Christie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this memoir completely by mistake and it ended up showing me who the real heroes in life are. Everyday people who struggle with the simplest of tasks and trying their utmost just to make it through the day/month. Rahla you are my hero for seizing life when you can and living it in bursts understanding. This is so well articulated. It's a 100 % MUST read
Kevin

[Jo · Rating 2 out of 5]

To be fair it is a memoir so the self indulgence is fine. Not having any really relatable context the book was flat for me.
What needed more focus was the unifying human experience, but this book was not really intended for everyone.
It highlighted the alienation of mental illnesses, but didn't connect the suffer to the people around them.

[chantel nouseforaname · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this was a great look into a singular woman's experience with Bipolar Disorder. I enjoyed learning about Rahla's family and exploring the different levels to the disorder. It provided a lot of insights.

[Chabi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Her experience and my experience were somewhat similar.Although what set me apart from her was being aware of the chemical illnesses that were present in their home. I was diagnosed first and this paved the way to my mom getting my sister properly diagnosed with ADHD. Great insight!

[Monica Perestrelo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bringing humanity into the condition

I loved reading this book in it's personable style and I found it greatly relatable and inspiring. With the author's honesty, good and bad, I am offered hope.

[Iris Rosen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite an expose on a bipolar mind. I can’t even imagine the horrible life, the ups & downs, the effect on your family & friends that this terrible condition imposes. A sad story of a very difficult life for the author & everyone around her.

[Anneke Leffel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fabulous! What an amazingly honest and raw account of living with Bipolar Disorder. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story Rahla xxx

[Susan Ecker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved the writing, the humor, the story.

[Kevix Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

Song lyrics, a middle class jewish life in south africa and bipolar ups and downs and a dream of being a parent

[Tiah]

- One day my boss explained to me that my practice of sweeping dust under the sofa along with a pile of dirty clothes didn't really work for him. -

- The role of artists is to move us from feeling here to feeling there. To do this, painters add colour, musicians add melody, writers words. But filmmakers, well, they add the whole bloody catastrophe - lights, camera, action! -

- When I first tried to write about my self-mutilation, the narrative didn't come across in my own voice. Instead, I wrote in a detached, journalist tone. That's not really surprising. These things happen to me as if in a dream, without conscious volition or decision. I no longer inhabited my own body. My frightened spirit had stepped outside of it in revulsion and now looked down from a giddy height. -

- Life conspires to heal me. -

- Often, in misguided attempts to make me feel better, people would say things like, 'You alone have the power to make yourself better.' That frightened me more than anything else. I had been waging war in solitude for months. If I could have done it alone, I sure as hell would have kept the battle to myself. -

- Writing is all fine and well, but what are you writing towards? It doesn't matter, just write yourself out of it, and write yourself out of the funk, out from the inertia, away from the pink palace, down the yellow brick road and home to never-never land. Rahla, go home and write. -

- People get made if you laze about crying when you don't actually have anything physically wrong with you. I've been told that manic depression has a higher fatality rate than cancer. -

[Kathe Coleman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Memoir of Love and Madness: Living with Bi-Polar Disease by Rahla Xenopoulos
Mental illness is a disease that still carries a harsh stigma. Rahla Xenopoulos was diagnosed with bipolar disease when she was in her twenties. Her father was a psychiatrist but also had a form of bipolar. Unable to find helpful literature she decided to write her own book beginning with her close Jewish family, outlining her many attempts and failures along with the loving support of her family, husband and friends she was able to live her best life. This is a must read for those who want to understand the ups and downs of people who suffer from bipolar disease. Short read and when I finally got time to read it, could not put it down.

[Leigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! Apart from what I learnt about bipolar disorder, I found the way Rahla writes about her tightly knit and supportive Jewish family very touching. She writes so beautifully - poetically, almost. I found this book profound and deeply moving. The old adage, that love conquers all, is absolutely true in Rahla's story. I would imagine that this is a rare insight into what is obviously an extremely frightening and traumatic mental illness. I cannot recommend it highly enough! A must-read!

[Karina Szczurek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, honest, inspiring. Moved me deeply.