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Homes and Other Black Holes
"Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him."
--The New York Times Book Review
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER'S MARKET
At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they've never been answered
What's the best way to determine a realistic price range?
Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six.
Can you recommend a good mortgage?
There are several Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank's secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead.
How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner's projects?
Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too.
Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn?
Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.
--The New York Times Book Review
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER'S MARKET
At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they've never been answered
What's the best way to determine a realistic price range?
Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six.
Can you recommend a good mortgage?
There are several Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank's secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead.
How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner's projects?
Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too.
Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn?
Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.
196 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published August 12, 1988
About the author
Dave Barry
139 books2,285 followersDave Barry is a humor writer. For 25 years he was a syndicated columnist whose work appeared in more than 500 newspapers in the United States and abroad. In 1988 he won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary. Many people are still trying to figure out how this happened.
Dave has also written many books, virtually none of which contain useful information. Two of his books were used as the basis for the CBS TV sitcom "Dave's World," in which Harry Anderson played a much taller version of Dave.
Dave plays lead guitar in a literary rock band called the Rock Bottom Remainders, whose other members include Stephen King, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson and Mitch Albom. They are not musically skilled, but they are extremely loud. Dave has also made many TV appearances, including one on the David Letterman show where he proved that it is possible to set fire to a pair of men's underpants with a Barbie doll.
In his spare time, Dave is a candidate for president of the United States. If elected, his highest priority will be to seek the death penalty for whoever is responsible for making Americans install low-flow toilets.
Dave lives in Miami, Florida, with his wife, Michelle, a sportswriter. He has a son, Rob, and a daughter, Sophie, neither of whom thinks he's funny.
Dave has also written many books, virtually none of which contain useful information. Two of his books were used as the basis for the CBS TV sitcom "Dave's World," in which Harry Anderson played a much taller version of Dave.
Dave plays lead guitar in a literary rock band called the Rock Bottom Remainders, whose other members include Stephen King, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson and Mitch Albom. They are not musically skilled, but they are extremely loud. Dave has also made many TV appearances, including one on the David Letterman show where he proved that it is possible to set fire to a pair of men's underpants with a Barbie doll.
In his spare time, Dave is a candidate for president of the United States. If elected, his highest priority will be to seek the death penalty for whoever is responsible for making Americans install low-flow toilets.
Dave lives in Miami, Florida, with his wife, Michelle, a sportswriter. He has a son, Rob, and a daughter, Sophie, neither of whom thinks he's funny.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews
January 31, 2022
Why I chose to read this book:
Some of my Goodreads' friends and followers might be thinking, "Debbie, what's up with all the Dave Barry books?"
1. I was fortuitous to find several of his books at my local library's annual book sale, so I bought the lot of them;
2, Erma Bombeck and Barry are my favorite humorists; and,
3. I wanted to officially end my Humor Month with a bang!
Positives:
1. once again, Barry uses his classic "humor, sarcasm and wiseassery" (his words) to share the trials and tribulations of buying, selling and owning your own home. Some hilarious topics include: his home inspection checklist; how to get into major debt; why moving is a common mistake; why DIY projects only make your home worse; renovating and/or redecorating for under $650,000.00; tips for curb appeal; and so much more; and,
2. some of my favorite gut-splitting parts focused on: his old "German" expression for roof inspection; his do-it-yourself concrete lump in his backyard; reading interior design magazines; his "Midnight Dance of the Bozo Father" after stepping on small children's toys in the middle of the night (I remember this happening to my dad!); his references to "Lassie"; and finally, the Index, which is not in the least bit helpful, but sure is funny!
I recommend this handy-dandy read for home owners, buyers and/or sellers, or if you just like watching shows like "House Hunters" or "Love It or List It"!
A great end to Humor Month! Now onto February - Classics Month!
Some of my Goodreads' friends and followers might be thinking, "Debbie, what's up with all the Dave Barry books?"
1. I was fortuitous to find several of his books at my local library's annual book sale, so I bought the lot of them;
2, Erma Bombeck and Barry are my favorite humorists; and,
3. I wanted to officially end my Humor Month with a bang!
Positives:
1. once again, Barry uses his classic "humor, sarcasm and wiseassery" (his words) to share the trials and tribulations of buying, selling and owning your own home. Some hilarious topics include: his home inspection checklist; how to get into major debt; why moving is a common mistake; why DIY projects only make your home worse; renovating and/or redecorating for under $650,000.00; tips for curb appeal; and so much more; and,
2. some of my favorite gut-splitting parts focused on: his old "German" expression for roof inspection; his do-it-yourself concrete lump in his backyard; reading interior design magazines; his "Midnight Dance of the Bozo Father" after stepping on small children's toys in the middle of the night (I remember this happening to my dad!); his references to "Lassie"; and finally, the Index, which is not in the least bit helpful, but sure is funny!
I recommend this handy-dandy read for home owners, buyers and/or sellers, or if you just like watching shows like "House Hunters" or "Love It or List It"!
A great end to Humor Month! Now onto February - Classics Month!
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May 26, 2022
I'm sorry, I just find this guy HILARIOUS. As does most of America, I guess.
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[Blog] - [Bookstagram]
March 9, 2026
Possibly my favorite Dave Barry. He is especially hilarious on the topic of homeownership and home-improvement projects.
Reread aloud with my wife in March 2026, as we are in the midst of remodeling, listing, and home buying. Even more hilarious in that context - even if his gags are only too true!
Reread aloud with my wife in March 2026, as we are in the midst of remodeling, listing, and home buying. Even more hilarious in that context - even if his gags are only too true!
December 12, 2014
Honestly, it is almost like shooting fish in a barrel to write a humor book about the process of selling your home, buying a new one, and moving. It's a process rife with annoyances and such annoyances are a great basis for humor.
That said, this book is very brief. It has some funny, laugh out loud moments. Not that many, but some. It's not especially original or creative or anything, but if you like Dave Barry it's a fun little read. He's written better.
One of my favorite passages is one where Barry makes fun of Architectural Digest where he claims a typical article reads as follows:
"The owners - he, a prominent industrialist neurosurgeon and president of four major investment firms: she, a bestselling novelist and Queen of Belgium - knew exactly what they wanted when they decided to build the Villa de Mucho Simoleons. "We wanted," they said, in unison, "the kind of informal and inviting home where we could entertain our friends, and if we felt like it, play polo in the foyer."
And on moving being harder than bearing children:
"You take Couple A, who just had a baby, and Couple B, who just moved their household, and if you keep track of them, you'll find that years from now, when Couple A's baby has grown up, left home, and started a family, Couple B will still be rooting through boxes full of wadded-up newspaper, looking for the lid to their Mr. Coffee. Also, during childbirth, when things go wrong, trained professionals give you powerful drugs. Nobody is ever this thoughtful during a move."
So amusing (to me and probably anyone who has actually moved a household).
That said, this book is very brief. It has some funny, laugh out loud moments. Not that many, but some. It's not especially original or creative or anything, but if you like Dave Barry it's a fun little read. He's written better.
One of my favorite passages is one where Barry makes fun of Architectural Digest where he claims a typical article reads as follows:
"The owners - he, a prominent industrialist neurosurgeon and president of four major investment firms: she, a bestselling novelist and Queen of Belgium - knew exactly what they wanted when they decided to build the Villa de Mucho Simoleons. "We wanted," they said, in unison, "the kind of informal and inviting home where we could entertain our friends, and if we felt like it, play polo in the foyer."
And on moving being harder than bearing children:
"You take Couple A, who just had a baby, and Couple B, who just moved their household, and if you keep track of them, you'll find that years from now, when Couple A's baby has grown up, left home, and started a family, Couple B will still be rooting through boxes full of wadded-up newspaper, looking for the lid to their Mr. Coffee. Also, during childbirth, when things go wrong, trained professionals give you powerful drugs. Nobody is ever this thoughtful during a move."
So amusing (to me and probably anyone who has actually moved a household).
August 11, 2012
There are laughs aplenty in this book. Among his insights:
Home Inspection Checklist:
The Roof:
"This is a "must." There is an old German expression that goes: "A house without a roof is like a machterstrassefurtermorgennachtdankeschoen without a gutsprechenbuhlungwiegehtvolksagenporsche." If anything, this is an understatement. So the first thing you should do is go up and crouch in the attic and see if you get bit by a bat. This is usually an indication that the house contains bats, which, depending on your lifestyle, could be a negative factor..."
Home Inspection Checklist:
The Roof:
"This is a "must." There is an old German expression that goes: "A house without a roof is like a machterstrassefurtermorgennachtdankeschoen without a gutsprechenbuhlungwiegehtvolksagenporsche." If anything, this is an understatement. So the first thing you should do is go up and crouch in the attic and see if you get bit by a bat. This is usually an indication that the house contains bats, which, depending on your lifestyle, could be a negative factor..."
July 2, 2016
Dave Barry was born with five stars! If you've had a home, even considered buying or selling a home, lived in a home or even mowed a lawn--this book will have you in hysterics from Page One! It rings so true, but you will suddenly see the whole experience for the hilarious series of misadventures it actually is! Suggestion: read while the repair guy is fixing the water heater.
May 6, 2010
Most read for anyone who has ever bought or sold a home its gut splitting hilarious I laughed til I cried. No joke!
July 12, 2012
This book got me through a very difficult home purchase. Laughter really is the best medicine, and Dave Barry knows how to make people laugh.
January 15, 2015
An old favorite that reminds me why I loved reading Dave Barry's column every Sunday. Everything you ever go through with your home and moving in a way that makes you laugh out loud.
September 8, 2013
Dave Barry cracks me up. This book had me laughing, snorting, and crying so hard I sounded like I was sobbing. I could barely breathe. Hilarious!
February 5, 2014
The first Dave Barry book I ever read, and the one that convinced me to try to write humor, in some way, to earn a living.
June 8, 2023
This book is 28 years old and still makes sense. That's the sign of a great humorist. And Dave Barry is the best.
March 14, 2023
Your Dad will LOVE it.
January 20, 2022
The line between reality and overblown joke is blurred in this book. After recently going through the home-buying process, Barry's writing on the various subjects involved is spot on. Homeowners should greatly enjoy this book.
April 7, 2016
In the wake of the 2008 bursting of the housing bubble came 'the guy who saw it coming.' There were actually several such 'guy's, and together they made the rounds on the network news shows saying things like 'I got suspicious when real estate prices rose 1 billion percent in the span of 20 minutes' and 'when I tried to warn people, they would cackle maniacally and throw a wad of $1000 bills in the air.'
But while the portentous market-watchers saw the collapse coming months or years in advance, Dave Barry predicted the bubble 20 years before it happened. At least, he wrote a book called Homes and Other Black Holes, which sounds like it could be an eerily accurate prediction of real-estate doom and not just a hilarious send-up of 80s American home-ownership that's aged reasonably well.
But not everything is rosy for Mr. Barry despite his skills as a humorist and doomsayer. I picked his book up at a yard-sale for twenty-five cents; how's that for market-failure?
But while the portentous market-watchers saw the collapse coming months or years in advance, Dave Barry predicted the bubble 20 years before it happened. At least, he wrote a book called Homes and Other Black Holes, which sounds like it could be an eerily accurate prediction of real-estate doom and not just a hilarious send-up of 80s American home-ownership that's aged reasonably well.
But not everything is rosy for Mr. Barry despite his skills as a humorist and doomsayer. I picked his book up at a yard-sale for twenty-five cents; how's that for market-failure?
September 24, 2017
23 Sept. 2017
Just finished Dave Barry's "Best.State.Ever." and loved it so much I am going back to add all the Dave Barry books I have read to my Goodreads list. This was the 2nd I read.
It was written in 1988, almost 30 years ago, so I don't remember too much about it, but that I loved the humor and how he made fun of some important and minor aspects of life. He has such a great way of turning a fairly simple and common real-life experience into something so much more melodramatic (and humorous) with just the slightest bit (well, maybe sometimes more than that) of exaggeration.
Highly recommended.
Just finished Dave Barry's "Best.State.Ever." and loved it so much I am going back to add all the Dave Barry books I have read to my Goodreads list. This was the 2nd I read.
It was written in 1988, almost 30 years ago, so I don't remember too much about it, but that I loved the humor and how he made fun of some important and minor aspects of life. He has such a great way of turning a fairly simple and common real-life experience into something so much more melodramatic (and humorous) with just the slightest bit (well, maybe sometimes more than that) of exaggeration.
Highly recommended.
January 16, 2017
I really enjoy reading Dave Barry's books. I like his snarky sense of humor and the topics he covers. They are quick, fun reads and help to make light of often frustrating events (like buying or selling a home and moving, in this case.)
I will certainly look for more of his books at my local library and I expect that I'll read his collaborations with Ridley Pearson with our girls.
I will certainly look for more of his books at my local library and I expect that I'll read his collaborations with Ridley Pearson with our girls.
August 9, 2014
Published in 1988, this book was the first thing I ever read, at approximately age 8, about home-buying and home maintenance, and it still represents much of my knowledge base.
"The BANK is going to make SOMEBODY wish he was naked and tied down spread-eagle on an anthill with ants eating his EYEBALLS because that would be a lot more pleasant than what the BANK has in my mind IF THE MONEY IS NOT THERE."
July 27, 2013
Not my favorite Dave Barry but it would probably help if I'd have bought or rented a home before. Still it brought some laughs and chuckles so I'll hand him a 4. I love Dave Barry and in my opinion he's the best satirist out there.
July 31, 2012
Since I have moved like a million times, this book was a riot to me...had me in tears!
March 18, 2013
Hysterically funny, as usual.
May 18, 2017
As with all books by Dave Barry...for best results, read in a place where it's safe to laugh out loud.
August 28, 2025
My parents were obsessed with Dave Barry when I was growing up so I decided I liked him too. 15 years later read this one for fun and I’m like what is this guy 😂😂
May 26, 2009
It often happens that there are pop culture things that I miss out on for years and years and years, either through obsession with other things, or lack of caring, or just... I'll get around to it someday.
Finally got around to Dave Barry this weekend, and I gotta say: this guy gets PAID to write this shit? Like, he's famous for doing this? He's a best selling author? He's though of as a HUMORIST? REALLY?!?!?!?
I wouldn't even describe his 'observations' as low-hanging fruit; these jokes were picked up off the ground. Bill Hicks knocked some of these jokes down 20 years ago while climbing the comedy tree, reaching for a much better joke that he still deemed not good enough for his act. That last sentence was funnier than anything in the book. This book is devoid of anything approaching cleverness.
I mean:
"There are many different types of gardens to choose from, such as the flower garden which consists of flowers, the vegetable garden, which consists of vegetables, and the Japanese garden, which consists of Japanese."
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Really, you can FEEL Barry's elbow poking you in the ribs: Isn't that FUNNY? Aren't I FUNNY????
No, not really.
The best thing that can be said about this book is that it didn't take more than an hour of my time, including this rant.
So; Dave Barry. No, thanks. Clearly he has plenty of fans for whatever reason and I don't need to be one of them.
Finally got around to Dave Barry this weekend, and I gotta say: this guy gets PAID to write this shit? Like, he's famous for doing this? He's a best selling author? He's though of as a HUMORIST? REALLY?!?!?!?
I wouldn't even describe his 'observations' as low-hanging fruit; these jokes were picked up off the ground. Bill Hicks knocked some of these jokes down 20 years ago while climbing the comedy tree, reaching for a much better joke that he still deemed not good enough for his act. That last sentence was funnier than anything in the book. This book is devoid of anything approaching cleverness.
I mean:
"There are many different types of gardens to choose from, such as the flower garden which consists of flowers, the vegetable garden, which consists of vegetables, and the Japanese garden, which consists of Japanese."
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Really, you can FEEL Barry's elbow poking you in the ribs: Isn't that FUNNY? Aren't I FUNNY????
No, not really.
The best thing that can be said about this book is that it didn't take more than an hour of my time, including this rant.
So; Dave Barry. No, thanks. Clearly he has plenty of fans for whatever reason and I don't need to be one of them.
October 7, 2013
I don't own a home but figure I'll be buying one in the next few years and would appreciate the humor. I've read Barry's columns and maybe one or two of his books years ago, so I knew it wouldn't be hysterically funny, and thus was not disappointed when my laughs were minimal. I could see where most of what he was saying was probably based on real life, as even looking for a vacation rental, looks can be very deceiving. What looked like a mansion compared to the tiny place we rented for 15 summers ended up being 3x as much money and somehow even smaller (but did have air conditioning). Barry's book was written in the late 80s, long before real estate listings were available online at the click of a mouse, so I'd be interested to read a re-write of the book, as the dated nature of it might be why I didn't find it terribly funny.
May 6, 2008
puts the "funn" in "funny!"
March 19, 2010
The best section was on Refinishing Furniture (pages 69-70 in 1988 version). Priceless.
December 11, 2011
Didn't like this as much as some of his other books, but I definitely appreciated the humour since I got to sit through my parents' recent house purchase over the summer.
August 10, 2013
"Vintage" Dave Barry? Not quite old enough yet, perhaps. From '88, it's not exactly fresh, either. Not bad, as far as it goes.
December 19, 2016
863 - 2016
Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews