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From Beer to Maternity

3.73  ·  Rating details ·  30 ratings  ·  11 reviews
For Maggie Lamond Simone, sarcasm was always a means of survival and words her weapon of choice. Her second-grade teacher worried about a child so flippant at such a tender age. Twenty years later, as a police officer escorted a drunken Simone away from the car she had just wrecked, she asked him to drop her not at home but at the bar where her friends waited. He didn't ...more
Paperback, 268 pages
Published November 1st 2009 by Brodman Publishing (first published January 1st 2009)
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Feb 03, 2010 rated it it was amazing
This book is a fast paced, quirky, hysterical account of adulthood and parenting. As I read this book I consistently laughed out loud at Ms. Simone’s portrayal of these sometimes stressful moments in our lives. Ms. Simone’s story begins where she feels her life began—in sobriety. Ms. Simone doesn’t remember most of her youth as it was clouded by alcoholism. Simple things that we take for granted—laundry, cooking and cleaning—were challenges for Ms. Simone as she never had done them before.

Sep 28, 2016 rated it really liked it
Shelves: giveaways
Oh, I came so close to dropping this book about 50 pages in. I'm so glad I didn't, but yeesh.

Confession: I have a small (okay, huge) bug up my ass. When I dig into a book that starts off quickly with "[insert gender] is ignorant but [insert another gender] is magical and enlightened," I want to poke my eyes out with a fat, unsharpened construction pencil. More often than not, nowadays it's a female author lauding the mysticism of being female while portraying men as addled and inferior. I'm so
Mar 09, 2017 rated it liked it
I received a free copy of this book in a Goodreads Giveaway. A collection of the author's columns spanning single life to menopause, this was an amusing read. I liked it just fine. It was nothing particularly earth-shattering, but if you're looking for some quick laughs and "oh my god me too!" moments, here you go.
Lenore Webb
Mar 17, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Are you a reader of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books? Well, I am and love the lil gems. They are what my grandpa called bathroom readers. Why? Well, you get it. They are short lil stories that you can read in a jiffy. Anyway, I have often wondered where they manage to get all of these stories. And I have an answer. Maggie Lamond Simone is a contributor to the Chicken Soup for the Soul books along with being a successful columnist.

Maggie has a new book out titled "From Beer to Maternity". This
Jun 16, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I really loved this book. I had no background with the author and wasn't sure what to expect- however, it was fantastic! Witty, funny, and smart, this all about how the author encounters adulthood and her thoughts on each step of the process. It's messy and awkward and absolutely incredible! I was laughing out loud at parts and wanting to scream "YES!" to others. Simone is a woman after my own heart. The book's prologue is her narrowly avoiding a DUI and realizing she needed help. She begins ...more
Feb 26, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: read-2010
Ms. Simone went through a rough beginning being an alcoholic, but proved that she could not only overcome that addiction and learn how to grow up to be a regular adult, but she also managed to get married, have kids and survive menopause. Her tale is hilarious, gritty and poignant; readers will appreciate her memoirs and will easily relate to many events she describes. Great for laughs, reminiscing and even tips for those who haven't crossed those life paths (marriage, kids, menopause) yet.
Sep 09, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Absolutely love this book, I plan on reading it over and over again. I laughed and cried.
Apr 14, 2010 rated it it was ok
Not as funny or as good as you think it will be, but the writer has a good voice.
May 20, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: book-giveaways
I received this book as a Goodreads First Reads.

Loved the book! Hilarious and quirky! The author has a great sense of humor and can't wait to read more of her books!
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May 19, 2016 rated it really liked it
Loved Ms. Simone'so candid sense of humor.
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Allison Doran
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Jun 16, 2016
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Feb 24, 2010
May 19, 2016 rated it it was ok
Ok...easy read. Sort of bland.
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MAGGIE LAMOND SIMONE is a national award-winning columnist and author. Her memoir, “Body Punishment: OCD, Addiction and Finding the Courage to Heal,” was released in April 2015 (Central Recovery Press), earning her a spot at the 2015 BEA in New York City. Her essay collection, “From Beer to Maternity,” was a 2010 USA Book News Finalist for humor, and her columns can also be found in “The Zen of ...more
“In the 15 years since its inception, the column has documented my days of being single and alone for the first time, reentering the dating world as a sober person, dating, getting engaged, getting married, getting pregnant, having kids, and finding my life again after all of that. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes not. Sometimes the not-so-funny things are important too.
What it is, though, is honest. My column has allowed me to show people – at whatever stage they’re at in life – that they don’t have to be perfect to be OK. There are no books on “What to Expect When Your Boyfriend Leaves You For His High School Crush,” or “What to Expect When Your Child Takes a Year to Potty Train.” But that doesn’t mean people don’t need to know that this stuff happens.
And more importantly, that they can survive when it does. Sometimes even laughing.”
“I was going through The Box the other day, the one that's moved with me since college containing all of my important stuff, and I found some old letters and cards from relationships gone by. As I read them I got all misty and nostalgic, and suddenly I realized something for the first time in the month I've been married.
I can no longer date.
I shared this revelation with my husband, asking, "Did you know this? That you can't date anyone else? Ever? For the rest of your life?" He laughed and replied, "Well, yes, I did." He paused. "You didn't?"
"Of course I did . . . theoretically," I said, " but I guess the reality didn't hit me until now. I mean, our vows didn't specifically say 'No More Dating Other People.'"
He kind of glared at me this time. "It's implied."
OK, fine. I don't want to date anyone else anyway. It's just hard sometimes to let go of the past, and the older I get, the more past I have to let go of. But since I've always found it helpful to bare my soul to complete strangers, I will take this opportunity to give my deceased dating life a decent burial.”
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