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Nightlight: A Parody (Lampoon Parodies)

3.08  ·  Rating details ·  9,120 Ratings  ·  1,618 Reviews
About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love w
...more
ebook, 206 pages
Published November 3rd 2009 by Vintage (first published 2009)
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Gril No. "Twilight" and "good" cannot be used in the same scentence unless its "Twilight is not good at all."

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30)
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Sarah705
Mar 02, 2010 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Creative Response

Belle is my name
I've never wanted fame
I'm a little different, it's true
But so are you!

Edwart you are
Into your eyes I can see far
Your eyes changed to green
By me you can be seen

You're a vampire, I know
Even if it doesn't show
You may say you're not
But that's not what I thought

Until I met Josh
Whose windows my dad does wash
In the cemetery that day
He gave it away

A vampire you're not
And that means a lot
Coming from him
Maybe it'll convince Jim

Jim is my dad
Vampires make him mad
He likes to
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Alli
Dec 26, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Manny
Not quite as terrible as I first thought, but still pretty bad. To give you some idea of what it's like, here's one of the passages I most enjoyed. Belle Goose is talking to her father:
"So, Belle, what's new today?"

"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."

"Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off fr
...more
chucklesthescot
Jun 01, 2010 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: not a soul on this earth
Recommended to chucklesthescot by: somebody who is now dead
Utter shite to put it bluntly. I could write something funnier. Here is an example of the side-splitting humour...

She had brown bushy hair in a ponytail that was more like a squirrel tail in the context of her beady squirrel eyes.I thought I recognised her from somewhere, but I couldn't place it.
'Hi.' she said. 'I think I'm in all your classes.'
So that's why I recognised her. She reminded me of a squirrel I hung out with in Phoenix.'

Well har de har, excuse me while I piss myself with laughter.
...more
Vinaya
I wiped the chemical dust off my clothes and sat down. Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad. Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr. Franklin had written. I don’t think other people in my situation could do quite so many things without looking at Edwart.

When the bell rang I stole another glance at him and shrank into a deeper sense of worthlessness. He was now staring furiously up at the bell, shaking all the muscles in his f
...more
Miffy
Feb 26, 2010 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I love how people try to justify their bad reviews for this book by continuously stating that they do not like Twilight and that they are in fact true lovers of a parody.
I really liked this book. But anything that takes piss out of this universal tragedy is a win. Some of the reviews here stated that the parody was 'too exaggerated,' 'overly obvious' etc. but I found it to be delightfully subtle; where minor details or single words effectively pinpoint the craptastic wonder of smeyer.

There wer
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Gemma
Nov 28, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: reviewed
It's hardly ground-breaking, but I'm giving it four stars on the sheer enjoyment factor. I'm actually a fan of the Twilight books, but I get that Stephenie Meyer is no Shakespeare and this series is hardly world class literature.

Twilight's gotten so huge it was only a matter of time before someone sent it up, so I was eager to see what a bunch of nerds from Harvard did to it.

Belle Goose is an exaggerated piss take of Bella. She's self obsessed, and believes everyone else to be obsessed with her
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Reading Teen
Apr 19, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Okay, so let me start with the fact that, yes, as shocking as it may be, I have read Twilight. So, after reading my review of this awesomely genius book, you can't use the excuse of, "You haven't read it, you don't understand!" I have read it. So, to all you Twilight fans, (And possible Harry Potter haters) I mean no disrespect in the following review. Your opinion is your own, and you are entitled to it.

TWILIGHT IS A HORRIBLE SERIES OF BOOKS.

Sorry. I had to let it out. So, now that you know my
...more
Tatiana
This was a Christmas gift from my brother. He bought it for me because he “couldn’t remember which of those Twilight books you had already.” So sweet. And it’s a fitting gift from someone who only watches comedy and whose favorite TV show is “SNL.”

Nightlight is a parody—you guessed it— of the first book in the Twilight series. It stars Belle Goose, who wants to be ‘turned’ and convinces herself that Edwart Mullen is actually a vampire who is thirsting for her blood and refuses to believe him wh
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Heather
Feb 02, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book was probably written by a bunch of drunk Lampoon employees at 2am. Then again, the book it's parodying reads like it was written in about 45 minutes by an unpopular 16-year-old girl who is dying to be part of the 'cool' crowd, so I suppose the authors got it bang-on with Nightlight.

The reviews here panning this book make me laugh. Well, Twitheads in general make me laugh. Anyway, this book is suppose to be bad. It's suppose to make you groan and roll your eyes as you read it. You know
...more
Julia
Jun 26, 2010 rated it it was ok
Shelves: for-the-eyes, ebook, 2011
It was bad and hilarious.
Here a few examples:
1. "I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked , "Did you mean "vampire"?" I said "yes"."
2. "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soulmate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him (which I assumed was wildly out of his control) that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, whished he had kissed me."
3. "I should have known he wasn't a
...more
Cyna
Sep 07, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
By far the more popular and more widely-available Twilight parody novel on the market, Nightlight was a huge disappointment. For a book written by the Harvard Lampoon - you know, IVY LEAGUE HUMOR PEOPLE - it's painfully dumb. Painfully. Perhaps it was my mistake for expecting something, I dunnno, more from them, but I went in to Nightlight hoping for some kind of relevant, witty commentary on Twilight's failures as a book. You know, jokes about the faults of its characters, the absurdities of th ...more
Laura
Mar 14, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2010
"It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all? Even odder, he hadn't noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner."

As a recovering Twilighter- wait, scratch that- as someone who can now see the Twilight series for what it really is- A very badly written hodge-podge of everything an
...more
Savannah (Books With Bite)
Now this book had me in laughing fits!

"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him-- which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me."


I picked up this book looking for a great laugh and boy did I get it. We meet Belle Goose, who leaves her mother and her ne
...more
Ashley
Dec 17, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
If you are a true "Twilight Saga" fan, then this book you will definitely add to your personal bookshelf.

Pros: With my weird sense of humor, I found this book to be absolutely comical. I laughed practically every other line, due to it's non-sensical-ness of the whole thing. This book displays some pretty funny truths of the "Twilight Saga", and in such a manner you can't do anything but agree. Fortunately, there IS some character development later in the book, and in the last chapter or so it br
...more
Fangirl Musings
Dec 07, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Any and all Twilight lovers - It's pro-Twilight, I promise :|
Recommended to Fangirl Musings by: My inner hatred
Kick ass to the extreme! The Twilight "saga" sucks...and here's proof!

By far, this parody was the single most comical, entertaining novella I've read in ages. In addition to the fact that it was written by the Harvard Lampoon, and is thus a tiny bit of demonstrative proof that smart people realize Meyer's Twilight book series is wretched literature, the comedy was very well done. Every negative aspect to the original series was addressed; the plot holes the size of China, the vomit inducing emo
...more
Christina
Nov 28, 2009 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor, 2009-reads
"You seem exhausted," Edwart said as we got in in the car.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep that well last night."

"Neither could I," he said as we sped off.

"Yeah, those night leeches are becoming a major concern, aren't they."

"Oh, Belle," he laughed softly, "When you talk like that, I become afraid, and if you continue to do so, I will feel compelled to tell the authorities." His laugh was like the jingle of a thousand many sirens.


It's around this moment (60 pages in) that Nightlight first made me laugh,
...more
Beaulah Pragg
Apr 19, 2012 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Humm.... this parody has the distinct flavour of one who was trying too hard. I found myself giggling at a rare moment of accidental humor, but the rest of the way was pretty hard going. Honestly, I think the authors sacrificed all attempts at coherence and plot for bizzare and often nonsensical gags. Edwart was probably the cutest character, with his nervous, geeky attempts at fulfilling Belle's yearning for a domineering 'dangerous' boyfriend. He honestly tried so hard... Which inevitably led ...more
ⓢ✯ⓘ✯ⓔ✯ⓡ✯ⓡ✯ⓐ
1.5 stars

I am a fan of Twilight(by the way, I'm a fan of the books, not the movies). So you may be wondering why a Twilight fan would be reading a book that is picking on Twilight? Well, I'll tell you why. "Nightlight" was a revenge book, I read this book for revenge. You see, a friend of mine bought a book that I want to read really really badly, and this friend is a Twilight fan. Soooo....I read this book to get back at them. Friend, if you're reading this, please don't get mad at me.

As I pr
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Jesse
Despite the hype and the ever-presence of this book, I was unimpressed and disappointed. Parodies are supposed to poke fun at flaws but I think this book has more flaws than the original Twilight saga. While it's calling Twilight on its flaws, it has so many jokes and nonsequiters from left field that it stops being funny and starts being confusing. It wasn’t all that clever or original or even that well written. I honestly spent more time trying to ignore the distracting and unoriginal ‘humor’ ...more
Katsudon3DMG0910RE:
My gods . . . what can I even say about this book?!?
Rhonda
Nov 20, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
*giggles*

This is the tale of Belle Goose, a clumsy, self-important, day-dreaming girl from Arizona who moves to Switchblade, Oregon and falls for a brooding loner named Edwart Mullen. A vampire. Or is he?!

There were several times that this book made me laugh out loud. The endless description of how clumsy Belle is. The extremely negligent parenting. But her inner-monologue was my favorite. She constantly assumed that every boy wanted her, that everyone was talking about her or wanting to be her
...more
Mary Stevens
Feb 08, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Twilight-haters
Shelves: misc
To all you Twilight-haters out there, get ready for the best parody since "Epic Movie."

When Belle Goose moves to Switchblade, Oregon, she only expects one thing: to fall in love with a vampire and have him turn her into his immortal bride. So it's no surprise that, on her first day of school, she automatically suspects nonother than a Mr. Edwart Mullen to be her perfect match. After several incidents where Belle supposedly "roleplays," she finally realizes that he is not indeed a vampire... Wit
...more
Erin
Dec 19, 2009 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
So, a Twilight parody? Should be funny, right? And it was funny...just not as funny as I thought it would be. A good parody is supposed to be ridiculous, and this certainly was, but at times I just didn't get the stupidity. Still, worth reading if you are a Twilight fan who is willing to laugh a little at the series.

Some of my favorite quotes:

"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him -- which I assumed
...more
Raeleen Lemay
This book started out REALLY funny (very stupid but also hilarious), but as it went along it just became all stupid and I found it harder to get through.
H.P. Holo
I sit on the fence when it comes to 'Twilight' fandom; while there's a part of me that detests the series, there's another part of me that can read 200 pages of a 'Twilight' book in a single sitting, so I suppose there's a part of me that likes it, too. I'm also a lover of well-done parody, even of works that I legitimately do love, so I was rather excited to discover this book. However, while it is certainly a well-written parody, it is just as certainly not a well-done one. Let me clarify: The ...more
Milena March
Aug 17, 2010 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Readers of Twilight, people looking for a light, quick read.
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Romane
Oct 12, 2014 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: parody
Some remarks are brilliant and some are funny, but Belle's self-conceited thoughts are just downright annoying.

There was a time that I just laughed out loud while reading this because of a smart talk, but some of the scenes were so absurd that it made me think; "Is this supposed to be funny? Well, it is not."

I liked some of the remarks pertaining to the original book, like this one stating the obvious;

"Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides,
...more
Colleen Graves
Nov 29, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: great-ya-books
Well, it has finally arrived! The book you've all been waiting for! An entire book devoted to making fun of Twilight! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and giggling at Belle's clumsiness, self-centeredness, and over the top obsession with Edwart and vampires. If you enjoyed the Twilight series, but wanted to strangle Bella, if you read it, but you thought the puppy love was sickening, or if you just read it because you're friends told you to, you'll love this spoof by Harvard Lampoon. If yo ...more
Sophia Musgrave
Feb 08, 2010 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shouldn't parodies be funny?
I mean it is like a group of preteen girls got together and made a mad libs version of twilight. I guess I expected a little more humor, and less, let's just change stationary objects in the story and names, and a little of the plot----now we've made fun of twilight.
Not very funny, but rather stupid, I suppose if you are fan of the series, or not and would like to read crap about it, than you could read this book. Honestly I feel like it would be a huge waste of you
...more
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Share This Book

“So, Belle, what's new today?"

Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."

Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the months on them.”
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“I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, 'Did you mean vampire?' I said, 'Yes.” 83 likes
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