When You Lose Someone You Love

by Richard Exley

            There is nothing more devastating than the death of a loved one. And whether it comes suddenly and unexpectedly, or at the end of a long and painful illness, every death is experienced anew, a shocking loss that takes our breath away and leaves us disoriented and lost.             Grief is mysterious, misunderstood, and experienced differently from individual to individual, yet there are certain universal elements. In this compassionate epistolary handbook on grief, a pastor offers comfort and understanding to a man suffering a profound loss, showing grief as a healthy process that God can use to mend broken hearts.             Revised and updated, this twentieth-anniversary edition features prayers and scripture meditation, as well as a new introduction and epilogue. Simple, profound, personal, compassionate … When You Lose Someone You Love tenderly walks the grief-stricken through sorrow to peace and, eventually, renewed joy.

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Christian, Ebooks, Death

128 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1991

About the author

Richard Exley is a man with a rich diversity of experiences. He has been a pastor, conference and retreat speaker, as well as a radio broadcaster. In addition he has written more than 30 books including The Rhythm of Life, Man of Valor, When You Lose Someone You Love, and The Alabaster Cross. The Making of a Man was one of five finalists for the Gold Medallion Devotional Book of the Year. The Methodist Episcopal Church USA and the National Clergy Council Board of Scholars awarded him the Doctorate of Divinity honoris causa for his life's work in ministry and writing.
As a boy, Richard lived part-time with his widowed grandmother. Her home had electricity but she didn't trust it, so she only used it to power her refrigerator. When darkness fell she lit the kerosene lamps, casting the tiny living room with its braided rag rugs and coal oil stove in its ambient light. During those long winter evenings she spun out the story of her life. It was there Richard learned the art of storytelling, a craft that enables him to touch the heart through both his writing and speaking.
He loves spending time with his wife, Brenda Starr, in their secluded cabin overlooking picturesque Beaver Lake. He enjoys quiet talks with old friends, kerosene lamps, good books, a warm fire when it's cold, and a good cup of coffee anytime. He's an avid Denver Broncos fan, an aspiring bass fisherman, and an amateur photographer. And he hopes to become one of your favorite authors.

Reviews

[Margaret · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is by far the very best book about grief that I have read. The author is a pastor who speaks to the experience of losing a loved one from a compassionate, experienced, and loving point of view. Best of all, he uses biblical references to assure the reader of the promises of God. This book is not "about" grief...rather about comforting the grief-stricken. I would highly recommend it to anyone who has lost somebody they love.

[Christy Trever · Rating 5 out of 5]

When You Lose Someone You Love by Richard Exley is a short, perfect book for those grieving from a loss. Exley wrote this book eighteen years ago, and it has lost none of its impact or import. Framed as a series of letters to a man named David who has recently lost his beloved spouse, Exley addresses the different stages of grief, from numbness and shock to anger at God to the waves of grief that occur even two years after a loss. He encourages the reader not to ignore the more difficult questions that the death brings: why did God let it happen? how can a good God allow suffering? The book is thin, because what person grieving wants to read a long book, but it packs a powerful punch by focusing on what matters most and always inspiring the reader to turn to God, no matter what the emotion. There are short prayers at the end of each chapter that may help to soothe the soul as well. I know just who I will pass this book on to; it's the kind of book that will be passed from wounded soul to wounded soul, offering healing to each as it travels.

[Brian Virtue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was quite good, compassionate shepherding through the grief journey. loved the prayers at the end of each chapter. But shorter and I found it to be more of a resource on the longer journey, not something as helpful in the immediate aftermath. But i will come back to it at points I'm sure and have found it helpful, authentic, and a comfort.

[Frans Kempe · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that touches on grief, God, doubt and comfort all through a couple of letters. Each chapter consist of a letter to the made up person called David.

[Valdemar Noah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This little Book is a great to read And I recommend to check out
From Grief to Gratefulness: A Journey of Hope and The Gift of Gratitud and Have Nice Day !

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently reviewed a book by a different author (Thomas O. Mason) on my blog on the grieving process from a man’s perspective and directed specifically to men. It mentioned practical ways for a man in grieving to take care of himself. I found it to be very informative and helpful to learn about and to help men cope with grieving in a healthy way. Being a woman, it took on even more importance.

Richard Exley’s book, “When You Lose Someone You Love” is, to me, a deeper continuance of the previous book. It, too, is a man’s perspective and directed to men, although this one could definitely be helpful for women as well.

Richard’s book is written in letter form so he can “speak to you directly and in a very personal manner.” His letters are in response to letters written to him. He claims, “Nothing I have written will take your pain away—only God can do that—but it will help you understand what you are experiencing, and how to get through it.”

Chapters include (italics are my descriptions):

1. When Death Comes–initial moments to days after the funeral

2. Without Warning–unspeakable pain to tragic truth

3. The Truth About Grief–emptiness to encouragement

4. The Tides of Grief–unimaginable tidal waves to redemptive work of grief

5. The Pitfalls of Grief–temptation to pretend to wallowing in grief

6. The Promise of His Presence–questioning God’s presence to Godly comfort

7. The Depth of His Love–can you trust God to God’s love

8. If God Is for Us–senseless tragedy to redemption

9. In My Father’s House–is there life after death to new life

Richard goes into great personal detail on each chapter subject, ministering, encouraging and empathizing. Each chapter also includes a prayer and Scripture reference pertinent to the subject handled. The prayers are so heartfelt that they minister straight to your heart. This is a very personal and intimate resource of great value for someone who has never been through the grieving process, bringing them back to a state of joy, or for someone who wants to minister to the grieving.

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this to give to a Chinese friend. A pretty good book, especially for Christians who lost someone they love. It would be best if the one who passed away was also a Christian, but still has things to offer if not. Short, easy to read, and not overwhelming. It's not really for someone who just want to study theology, but someone who needs comfort.

[Bobby Baden · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good book for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, or helping those who are. Most of the book focuses on the one grieving, and only at the very end does it take up the one lost as the main subject. There it offers great comfort for those who have lost a believing loved one, but does not address or offer any sympathy for those who mourn an unbelieving loved one.

[Kathy Fish · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many thanks to my professor, Barbar Clemson, for recommending this book to me!

Revised and updated, this twentieth-anniversary edition features prayers and scripture meditation, as well as a new introduction and epilogue. Simple, profound, personal, compassionate … When You Lose Someone You Love tenderly walks the grief-stricken through sorrow to peace and, eventually, renewed joy.

[Wilma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent!

This book is written in letter form from a counselor/pastor to a grieving widower. This makes it real and easy to apply for anyone grieving after a loved ones death. It most certainly ministered to me!

[JSL · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book. Some touching and poignant moments, especially the Epilogue about the death of the author's father. Biblio at end.