The Rituals of Dinner: The Origins, Evolution, Eccentricities and Meaning of Table Manners

by Margaret Visser

With an acute eye and an irrepressible wit, Margaret Visser takes a fascinating look at the way we eat our meals. From the ancient Greeks to modern yuppies, from cannibalism and the taking of the Eucharist to formal dinners and picnics, she thoroughly defines the eating ritual. "Read this book. You'll never look at a table knife the same way again."— The New York Times .

Genres: Food, Nonfiction, History, Anthropology, Sociology, Food History, Cooking

448 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1991

About the author

Margaret Visser writes on the history, anthropology, and mythology of
everyday life. Her most recent book is The Gift of Thanks, published by HarperCollins. Her previous books, Much Depends on Dinner, The Rituals of Dinner, The Way We Are, and The Geometry of Love, have all been best sellers and have won major international awards, including the Glenfiddich Award for Foodbook of the Year in Britain in 1989, the International Association of Culinary Professionals' Literary Food Writing Award, and the Jane Grigson Award. In 2002 she gave the Massey Lectures on CBC radio, subsequently published as the best-selling book, Beyond Fate. Her books have been translated into French, German, Dutch, Spanish, Italian and Portuguese. She appears frequently on radio and television, and has lectured extensively in Canada, the United States, Europe, and Australia. She divides her time between Toronto, Paris, and South West France.

Reviews

[Rachel Smalter Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is where I found out about exo- and endo- cannibals (one kind eats his enemies, the other kind eats his friends), and the French Fourteenths (did a dinner guest cancel leaving you with an unlucky thirteen guests? Call up a Fourteenth!), and so much more great cocktail party fodder. One of the more fascinating books I think I've ever read, backed by a convincing argument that we'd all eat each other given the chance.

[Celine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating survey of manners, etiquette, and polite behavior from across the globe. More of an anthropological venture than a straight history. If you're not exceedingly interested in the query of why we do the things that we do, this probably isn't the book for you.

[Scot · Rating 4 out of 5]

Perhaps a bit dated (first published in 1991), this sweeping overview of the history of table manners, across cultures and across time, nevertheless retains charm and insight. It catches your attention with an opening chapter on the cultural rules of cannibalism in the different societies that practiced it. This is followed by a chapter on how children and novitiates are socialized into correct etiquette in all cultures, and then the basic steps of all feasting or dinner gatherings are overviewed in turn: the invitation process, the presentation and serving of the meal, the appropriate way to consume it, the manner of formally finishing the procedure and bidding the hosts adieu.

The Canadian author draws heavily on Classical and European history with a target focus on late 20th century North American dinner manners, but certainly brings in many examples and anecdotes from the Near East, the Far East, Africa, and Oceania as well. She has a tendency to often show how the etymological origin of words and terms associated with food and dining are related to archetypes, myths, and earlier traditions, and she seems fluent and knowledgable in many different languages past and present, so those interested in linguistics or cultural anthropology will especially enjoy this book. As the postscript reveals and her very diverse collection of evidence substantiates, a driving component of so much of dining etiquette in all cultures is related to perceptions of gender role distinctions, binary duality fundamentals of belief systems, and basic fears of loneliness and death being assuaged by the ceremony of civilization.

You probably won't retain all the bits of knowledge here--but you're bound to find some intriguing explanations for many things you have taken for granted in your own code of etiquette or have wondered about in the behaviors of other cultures you have experienced. Plus, you'll be well armed with all kinds of small talk trivia from history and anthropology the next time you find yourself seated across from a dining companion and struggling to come up with a conversation starter. So, Cheers...and bon appetit!

[Tracey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Visser starts with cannibalism, and from there, follows the development of meals and their accoutrements, as well as the social behaviours that allow us to eat together. Visser writes with both detail and touches of humour, providing a very sound basis for exploring the topic further. An extensive notes & bibliography section is provided, as well as an index.

Overall, a wonderfully detailed look at how and why we eat, in terms of sociology & human relationships.

I read the majority of this in a medical facility waiting room (nothing too serious) & it kept my attention in a distracting environment; despite the fussy grandchildren and the socially backwards guy who kept trying to engage anyone & everyone in conversation, Visser led me thru medieval feasting halls, Greek symposia and Japanese tea ceremonies with grace and wit.

[Lisa Kelsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating look at an endlessly fascinating subject (to me at least!): the origins of dinner table manners. One thing that I found particularly interesting as a mother is the comparison between etiquette and healthy eating. Here, Visser compared the French family table with the American: the American family will pressure kids to eat their vegetables "because it's healthy." French children are taught to sample a little bit of everything simply because that is what is polite. It seems to be more attainable to learn to be polite than to learn something as vague as to "eat healthy." French kids end up sampling a wider variety of foods which in turn is a healthy way to eat. And it all starts with table manners.

There is so much more I learned from this book I'll have to revisit this review later.

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up at the library book sale, knowing nothing about it, and I am so glad I did. Margaret Visser, a professor at the University of Toronto, provides a delightful tour through the history of table manners, from ancient Greece to 20th-century North America. I especially loved her meaningful reflections on culture and how we form it and how it forms us. Her style is meandering, and she seems to find it difficult to focus on one topic, but I liked her vast, wandering approach, and it seemed fitting for the subject matter. Recommended for casual history buffs and students of human culture.

[Jaynie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is such a great read with Visser drawing heavily, if not entirely, from anthropological work around table rituals and manners. My favorite chapter was actually the postscript which briefly delved into what all of this means for us modern Westerners and whether or not we're rather rude. I would read an entire book based on her thoughts on that topic alone.

I very much recommend.

[Netts · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is a wonderful wealth of information here about the evolution and rationale of table manners throughout history. For that I definitely recommend it. One particularly neat aspect being the frequent tidbits about the parallel evolution of linguistics, and idioms in particular. Though it offers a bit less on contemporary table manners and current differences around the world than one might expect.

But the book has some notable problems. I found the constant use of first person pronouns to make vast generalizations ("we choose", "our disgust", etc.) quite alienating and kept wondering who she was talking to/about, as it was never clarified. Is this "we" representative of all humans? That's fairly easily contradicted, especially within a book focusing on the different ways in which cultures approach food. If the "we" refers solely to Western audiences, it seems rather condescending ("we" versus "them"). And even that would make no sense when, again, even in the "Western world" differences abound between countries and regions and social groups.

The other issue with her writing is a penchant for repetition that makes the first and last few chapters particularly tedious. In those she introduces and concludes the themes of the book but without really synthesizing and could have really used the help of an editor to cut out at least 50 pages.

Finally, there is an attempt to make it seem as if this is an exhaustive look at global rituals around food but more than once subjects are introduced and then dropped with no explanation, with paragraphs like these serving as placeholders: "Toothpicks, fairly successfully banished in England and America, have never been entirely rejected from the European Continent; it would be interesting to know just who uses them today, when, and what the strictures are." Well, yes, now that you bring it up, it WOULD be interesting! But immediately after that sentence she segues into other subjects leaving that ridiculous "wouldn't it be great if someone actually looked into this" dangling there with no further follow-up. No book can cover every detail and this one goes into interesting depth on a lot of topics but this kind of writing makes it feel incomplete despite the huge amount of information it DOES contain.

It is still worth reading despite the stylistic flaws. It's just not as enjoyable as it could have been. My final impression was that if a better author had taken this exact information and done a better job of actually writing it, I could have given this book an enthusiastic five stars.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Visser's The Rituals of Dinner is definitely one of the most scholarly works I've read on food and eating. It is, quite simply, a sweeping survey of the rules and customs that govern our behaviour at the table - from why we have rituals and customs in the first place, the different rules that govern what we eat, when we eat, how we eat, with whom we eat, etc. It's challenging to give a sense of how broad the scope of Visser's book is; it's all in here - from cannibalism to chopsticks, carving (that section was a great deal of fun to read) to vomiting, the dinner service to the dinner sequence.

At 357 pages, it took me a while to make it through the book. The scholarly approach makes it heavy going in some parts but the book is scattered with interesting nuggets that make the journey worthwhile. Like: "for much of history, scent was thought essential to festivity (partly but by no means entirely because crowds of people quickly smell rank), and incense and perfume were especially appreciated at dinner. Ancient Egyptian frescoes show us dinner guests with large cones of scented fat fixed to the tops of their heads; these were designed to melt during the feast, and drizzle deliciously down over the diners' faces and bodies" (!!)

Or: "Confusing as it seems to us at first sight, the words "host" and "guest" originally mean the same thing. They both derive from Indo-European ghosts, "stranger". This is the origin of the Latin hosts, which meant "stranger" and therefore "enemy"; from it English derives the word "hostile"...What this single term refers to is not so much the individual people, the host and the guest, as the bond that unites them"

Or: "The phrase "pot luck" was originally used when inviting someone to a very informal family dinner, on the spur of the moment. The visitor was to expect nothing specially prepared, but only what the family would have eaten that day in any case. The guest's "luck" lay in what day he or she happened to arrive and what meal had been prepared for the family. The phrase has changed its meaning with the increasing popularity of meals or parties where the guests come with contributions of food: the "luck" now lies in the uncertainty about what everyone will bring"

For anyone who's interested in a more substantive look at the food we eat and the culture surrounding it.

[MargaretDH · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love cooking, and love cooking for others. This is a fascinating exploration of how and why we share food with one another. Visser digs into many of the rituals, traditions and taboos we take for granted and examines their underpinnings and development. It made me think a lot of about why I like sharing food with others, and how we divide people based on food choice and table manners.

I also love gathering trivia, and this book is EXCELLENT for that. Do you know the difference between meals served a la francaise and a la russe? Did you know that people used to keep dogs for the purpose of eating the bones and waste food thrown on the floor? Did you know that one culture used to irrevocably divorce by breaking the family cooking pots? Did you know the difference between endo and ex0-cannibalism?

I’m giving this four stars because I might have wished for a slightly stronger through line argument or conclusion, but this was fascinating and I’d recommend it to anyone who likes to cook and eat in groups, or is interested in why we do the things we take for granted at the table.

[Linda Gaines · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by a friend, and it looked like it covered an interesting topic. It does. I felt like I learned quite a bit from it. The only problem is that it was just written so boringly, maybe academic, I don't know. I slogged through it. I wanted to learn more, but I just had the worst time getting through it. It could have used a better editor because there were several tidbits in it that while interesting just increased the length of an already really long book.

[Ruth · Rating 1 out of 5]

Didn't make it past page 30 of this dull repetitive book.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm one of those people who likes collecting random historical information, so this book is definitely for me. I love all the random information surrounding the social process of eating which this book explores. I think I would have preferred it if had been organized differently (for example, exploring one culture at a time), but I enjoyed how Visser mentions so many different societies around the world, instead of just focusing on Europe. If you enjoy learning about etiquette history, I highly recommend this book.

[Heather WG · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took me a while, but I finished! Quirky book literally about all the rituals and rules about eating in variety of cultures at a variety of times. I found the commentary on ritual sacrifice anciently practiced interesting (ie biblical people seem less weird now). Little tidbits funny/interesting. Probably a lot more detailed study than the average person wants.

[Becca · Rating 2 out of 5]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz … sorry, I think I fell asleep again trying to write about this book that it took me over a year to finish.

Honestly it’s full of some lovely facts and tidbits, and I recall really enjoying some sections… but I can’t remember a single fact from the book. Not a one. It was just SO dry and textbook-like. I really did keep falling asleep trying to read it, which I never do.
It made way too many assumptions about the reader also being a middle-class American or European, and near the end, came off as super judgmental about modern fast food (not that I don’t disagree, but that’s not what this book was about). Not sure I recommend this one to most people, unless you’re about to host or attend a food-themed trivia night.

[Center For Study Indonesian Food Anthropology · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buku ini ditulis oleh Margaret Visser yang merupakan antropolog yang konsentrasinya pada studi makanan dan budaya, Ia fokus meneliti dan menulis tentang hubungan antara makanan, adat istiadat makan, dan budaya manusia. Terkenal dengan pendekatan antropologisnya, karena mempelajari pengaruh makanan dalam kehidupan sehari-hari.

Karyanya yang terkenal untuk kelompok antropologi pangan adalah "The Rituals of Dinner: The Origins, Evolution, Eccentricities and Meaning of Table Manners," dimana secara singkat akan mengajak pembaca menjelajahi etiket makan malam dari berbagai budaya. Kelebihan kemampuan Visser adalah ia memiliki pemahaman mendalam tentang : sejarah, linguistik, dan antropologi budaya yang tertuang pada karya-karya Visser yang mendominasi kontribusi pengetahuannya dalam memahami peran makanan dalam kehidupan manusia.

Intisari dari buku ini lebih menjelaskan eksplorasi menarik tentang etiket makan malam. Visser mengungkap asal-usul, perkembangan, eksentrisitas, dan makna tata krama meja makan, ia menjelaskan bagaimana adat istiadat dan aturan di sekitar meja makan telah berkembang sepanjang sejarah, mencerminkan kebiasaan dan norma budaya serta mengungkap latar belakang sejarah, politik, sosial, dan psikologis dari masyarakat tertentu dikarenakan bahasan ini merupakan sebuah survei menarik yang menjelajahi etiket dan perilaku sopan santun dari berbagai budaya di seluruh dunia.

Dengan pendekatan antropologis, buku ini mengajak pembaca terlibat dan menggambarkan dengan mahir sejarah dan evolusi etiket makan dari berbagai budaya dan zaman, memberikan wawasan yang menarik. Bab pembuka yang membahas aturan budaya masyarakat kanibalistik langsung menarik perhatian pembaca. Ada satu hal yang menjadi catatan bahwa dalam temuannya Visser menuliskan tentang bagaimana anak-anak dan orang dewasa diperkenalkan pada etiket yang benar di semua budaya, serta memberikan gambaran umum langkah-langkah dasar pertemuan makan atau jamuan, termasuk proses undangan, penyajian makanan, konsumsi, dan konklusi formal dengan mengucapkan selamat tinggal kepada tuan rumah.

Visser banyak mengambil inspirasi dari sejarah klasik dan Eropa, terutama pada etiket makan malam Amerika Utara pada akhir abad ke-20. Namun, ia juga menyertakan contoh dan anekdot dari Timur Tengah, Timur Jauh, Afrika, dan Oseania.

Visser mendefinisikan bahwa asal-usul etimologi kata-kata terkait dengan makanan terhubung dengan arketipe, mitos, dan tradisi sebelumnya. Keahliannya dalam berbagai bahasa membuat buku ini menarik bagi mereka yang tertarik pada linguistik atau antropologi budaya untuk menunjukkan bahwa etiket makan di semua budaya erat terkait dengan persepsi peran gender, dualitas biner dalam sistem kepercayaan, serta rasa takut dasar akan kesepian dan kematian, yang diredakan melalui upacara peradaban.

Secara keseluruhan buku ini akan memberikan inspirasi dari sejarah klasik dan Eropa, fokus pada etiket makan malam di Amerika Utara. Namun, juga mencakup contoh dari Timur Tengah, Timur Jauh, Afrika, dan Oseania. Penulis mengungkap asal-usul kata-kata makanan terkait dengan mitos dan tradisi.

Visser mewakili keahliannya dalam bahasa dalam mendefinisikan secara linguistik dan antropologi budaya. Etiket makan di semua budaya terkait dengan gender, dualitas dalam kepercayaan, dan rasa takut akan kesepian dan kematian yang diredakan melalui upacara. Meskipun tidak semua detail dapat diingat, pembaca akan menemukan penjelasan menarik mengenai perilaku budaya yang mereka temui.

Buku ini memanglah bukan yang menyajikan secara lengkap untuk seluruh informasi sesuai judulnya, ada beberapa hal yang tidak ditemukan seperti : representasi geografis, kedalaman teoretis (hal ini wajar karena Visser menggunakan pendekatan sejarah secara deskriptif, evolusi etiket makan karena ini adalah catatan hasil survei maka wajar saja tidak akan ditemukan debat dialektis dalam kedalaman pembahasannya).

Pembelajaran dari buku ini adalah perilaku sekecil apapun dipengaruhi oleh darimana seseorang berasal dan akar budaya serta tradisi apa yang melekat pada etiketnya selama menjadi manusia sosial karena hal ini akan terus dinamis dengan zaman yang berubah-ubah bahkan sopan-santun dalam budaya yang menyoroti etiket makan seiring waktu akan berganti.

[Nicole C. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read a good portion of this book whilst eating - either a snack later in the evening or during lunchtime at work. It occasionally led to moment of internal hilarity, due to the juxtaposition of my current mannerisms and the book's text on what was not "done." For a particular example, I was reading a section on the evolution of napkins, and how polite society today deems an extremely soiled napkin as something rather revolting . . . while enjoying that day's work café special, a meatball sub, liberally coated with marinara sauce. Dabbing at the lips and perhaps the fingertips is the limit of a napkin's function, supposedly; by meal's end, I had no less than three, spotted all over with orange-y leavings.

This book was a fascinating look into table manners throughout the ages. Rather than a chronological book, Visser takes the reader through the various aspects of a meal, from invitation through taking one's leave at the end. She has an engaging writing style and a copious source list should you wish to read more. Her earlier book, Much Depends on Dinner, is on my to-read list as well, and I am definitely interested in checking it out.

[Katedurie50 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like any book by Margaret Visser, this is comprehensively researched. I admire the breadth of her reading and knowledge; the book covers societies ranging in time from the cannibalistic to ancient Greece to the politesse of France and the laxer modern day, and it ranges geographically from China to Inuit or Nigerian society. It's full of recondite and fascinating details; the amount one drinks in some contexts might be determined by the number of buttons on a waistcoat. Or an Elizabethan practical joke for after dinner is described. Alternatively the reader learns about the origin of the word ‘soppy’, which is related to the word ‘soup’ and thus the soggy bread that is put in the bottom of the bowl.The rules about what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour change all the time, and indeed since this book was written I would suspect that the tendency towards informality has become much more marked. We understand a culture largely through how it eats and therefore this has to be a study that is about much more than superficial patterns of eating.

[Navya · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting and thorough read about table manners, and other rituals surrounding food and eating. Visser's expertise on the subject really shines through, as she compares eating rituals across time and locations and draws valuable insights from both what is common and what is different among them.

There was a bunch of interesting stuff here - including information of different type of cannibalism that exist - but I was most impressed by Visser's analysis of what we see as mundane - our own modern habits, manners of fast-food, the assumptions underlying our conception of 'casual' among many others. I would be very happy to see an updated version of this book (or related) where she shares her thought on the last decade.

I was recommended this book saying that it would change the way I look at my own table and palate. Happy to say, it was highly successful.

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Visser presents a remarkably comprehensive account of table manners. The research was impressive, incorporating both time and space, from ancient Greece to modern Japan and everywhere and time in between. By organizing her chapters around a typical dinner party she was able to discuss many topics without losing sight of the overarching theme of the book.
My only criticism is that some sections were long-winded, such that examples from various cultures seemed almost like lists that continued on long after she had made her point, as if to demonstrate how much research had been done. Additionally, a few chapters (including, unfortunately, the last chapter and postscript) ended very abruptly without any strong conclusion.
Overall, an interesting book about what we do, why we do it, and how we differ from those who came before us.

[Diana Sandberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

I very much enjoyed Visser's previous book, "Much Depends on Dinner". This one is similar in its anecdotal delving into the minutiae of ordinary human preoccupations and behaviour. I heard Visser speak on the radio a few times, some years ago, and she was a charming and enthusiastic speaker; some of that infused the first book, somewhat less in this longer tome.

I found this one a bit overlong and somewhat disorganized. The latter chapters in particular gave something of an impression of having been hurried along - perhaps the publisher was getting impatient?

The book is so packed with tidbits of historical/anthropological interest that one cannot hope to retain most of them, at least not without re-reading the book, probably repeatedly. But I do enjoy such tidbits and, overall, found the book rewarding.

[Allison Hammerly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tons and tons of interesting factoids, but overall it was a bit drier than I expected. And I think it would have made more sense to organize it in chronological order of history, rather than by theme. It was hard to really grasp all the facts being presented when you are jumping from the Greeks to the Victorians from Togo to Canada in the span of a few short paragraphs.

This book is also pretty dated in some ways, some of the ideas about gender roles and the progress society has made seem pretty naive. The author presents things as being pretty darn good at the time of publication. The book was published in the early 1990s, and almost 30 years later I think we still have a long way to go in freeing people from traditional gender roles.

[Fraser Sherman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Despite some occasional missteps (no, pulling out chairs for women did not show they had a higher status than men), this is an excellent look at the big questions eating together raises: how do you invite people? Is it acceptable to refuse? How do you dress? Sit or stand? Where do you sit? Who gets the best cuts of meat? Plus little details that are considered good manners in some societies, e.g. a culture where even a small amount of food is accepted with both hands, because taking it in one implies "not enough."
Something about Visser's style made it feel like she was droning, though. That made it a surprising slog to finish.

[Rachele Rosi-Kessel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not a book about where the forks and spoons go (though there is some of that, too). It's a grand overview of how we treat people in our lives and how the evolution of how we eat at table reflects the changing view of our neighbors, friends, enemies, children, women, animals and ourselves. I highly recommend it, especially if you think having a sit-down dinner with family and friends is just too difficult for your schedule. You might find a new appreciation for manners and what they can teach us about being human.

[Patrick Lum (Jintor) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite being a book entirely about etiquette, and very specific food-related etiquette at that, this book manages to be a scintillating wander through etymology, ritual and meanings across a variety of areas only slightly soiled by its predisposition to a hugely anglo-centric lens and a correspondingly noticeable amount of Orientalism when it comes to talking about people who use chopsticks and other related matters. (Excusable since it was originally published in '91, I suppose, but still a mite disquieting)

[Margie Dorn · Rating 5 out of 5]

One sometimes takes for granted how central and necessary food is to our lives, and how that leads to ritualistic behavior plus linguistic and cultural connections of which we are often unaware. This particular book covers just about every food behavior you can think of, from table manners around the world through history to a brief but amazingly perceptive description of the depths of Eucharistic purpose and behavior, and similar ceremonies in some religious practices originating from a distance in space and time.

[David Szatkowski · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a worthy book, but 3 stars due to age (the book was published nearly 30 years ago). However, the history is quite readable and interesting. There is something here for you if you like history, history of eating/food, cultural comparisons, and even theology (the section on the importance of meals in different cultures). This is a great read if you find it in the library or second hand store to take on a flight, or read over a lazy weekend.

[David Pearce · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was fascinated throughout this book which I appropriately digested in bite size pieces every evening. Every page contained at least one piece of information that surprised me and the writing was engaging making dining and food a subject that constantly interested me even as the information became more and more in depth. I would wholeheartedly recommend this book but don't wolf it down in one sitting as it may give you mental indigestion!!

[Damien Rappuhn · Rating 3 out of 5]

An enjoyable book, except for the somewhat graphic descriptions of cannibalism and ritual sacrifice of humans at the beginning of the book. An updated edition of this book would be welcome (not to edit that out, but to expand how the world has changed in the past twenty years). For example, at the time of publication, the author pointed out how, in the West, mealtime shared among families was on the decline. Trends like this would be more interesting today, both pre-pandemic and current.

[Crystal · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this more than I did. This was a book that I really wanted to like. The information was interesting, I love food culture and yet the book left me... bored. Topics were often redundant in various sections, writing was incredibly dry at times. I learned a lot and I liked that, but I wish the book was better written and more engaging.