When I First Held You Lib/E: 22 Critically Acclaimed Writers Talk about the Triumphs, Challenges, and Transformative Experience of Fatherhood

by Various

MP3 CD Format From some of today’s most critically acclaimed writers comes a rich collection of essays on what it means to be a dad. Becoming a father can be one of the most profoundly terrifying, exhilarating, life-changing occasions in a man’s life. Now 22 of today’s masterful writers get straight to the heart of modern fatherhood in this incomparable collection of thought-provoking essays. From making that ultimate decision to have a kid to making it through the birth to tangling with a toddler mid-tantrum, and eventually letting a teen loose in the world, these fathers explore every facet of fatherhood and show how being a father changed the way they saw the world—and themselves.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Essays, Anthologies

Audio CD

First published May 6, 2014

About the author

Various is the correct author for any book with multiple unknown authors, and is acceptable for books with multiple known authors, especially if not all are known or the list is very long (over 50).

If an editor is known, however, Various is not necessary. List the name of the editor as the primary author (with role "editor"). Contributing authors' names follow it.

Note: WorldCat is an excellent resource for finding author information and contents of anthologies.

Reviews

[Marley Jay]

I have no idea how to give this a star-based rating, so I won’t. Many of the essays in this volume are sweet, including Dennis Lehane’s and Lev Grossman’s. Several are very moving, including the entries by Andre Dubus and Justin Cronin. Bob Smith’s piece about his ALS diagnosis and his children is very funny. And then there’s Garth Stein’s piece, which is about how vaccinating your children is bad and stupid. I’m boiling this down, but not exaggerating: he compares vaccinations to believing the world is flat and says his first two children became sickly and possibly autistic after getting their shots - don’t worry, his wife cured it by detoxing and changing their diets - and his third is healthy as a horse because he wasn’t vaccinated.
It’s not just that this comes out of nowhere in the book, although it absolutely does. It’s that Brian Gresko and Berkeley Books published a book about fathers loving their children and included an essay that could contribute to children dying of preventable diseases. I’m expecting a baby any day and there is a major measles outbreak nearby. Children are getting sick because of these beliefs today, and if there’s a book that shouldn’t contribute to that problem, it’s this one.

[Ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good writing is good writing is good writing.

More - http://bentanzer.blogspot.com/2014/04...

[ester · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really well-curated and well-written essays by many very different kinds of dads = an excellent nightstand book. My husband and I read some of them aloud to each other, occasionally gasping for breath because we were laughing so hard or getting a bit wet around the eyes. One I disagreed with so passionately I wanted to track down the author and get in a fight, but "wrong" is better than "boring," and there's no boring here. Exactly what you want out of an essay collection.

[Nancy Freund · Rating 5 out of 5]

A full spectrum of fatherhood from 22 outstanding writers who generously share their most intimate experiences of parenting, from terrifying new baby days to the entree into the new role as father-of-adult-child. It's a beautiful book, and it's a true privilege to meet some of these writers again in this new and revealing light, and to meet others here for the first time. Hats off, Editor Brian Gresko, and thank you for one of my top reading highlights of the summer.

[Evan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this. I'm a new dad, and it really spoke to me and was damn entertaining.

Longer (more helpful) review on my blog: http://www.stayathomedadaism.com/2014...

[Celia Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A perfect gift book!

[The Tick · Rating 1 out of 5]

I mostly picked this up because I'm a big Lev Grossman fan (to be fair, his essay was pretty good, just not good enough to save this for me) and just read the others because, well, I already had the book, so why not? Some of it, I'm sure, is just that I'm not that interested in kids/parenting. But I also found most of the essays to be pretty unmemorable, and the anti-vaccine essay made me cringe.

[Quinton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest and wide ranging. Of course I did not like some stories (the anti-vax one was cringeworthy) but overall I felt it captured my feelings on fatherhood and exposed me to other's experiences.

[Travis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Being the father of a two year old son makes me contemplative about life. All fathers worry if they are doing something wrong. Modern life especially makes parents feel guilty, overwhelmed, and inadequate. The essays in this book share 22 different fathers' experiences. They cover the good times and bad times, the triumphs and challenges, of raising children. People who aren't parents, however, will likely find nothing of interest.

Each father is a contemporary acclaimed writer. I personally was only familiar with a handful of the authors, and most of that exposure was unfortunately not favorable. Lev Grossman comes off just as crass as his novels. Justin Cronin has the longest essay, not surprising given how wordy his novel The Passage was. Since all the authors are "literary" authors the essays tend to be a bit esoteric at points, feeling as if they are trying too hard to sound important when the topic itself is important enough.

The essays cover a wide range of families, even including a gay man acting as a sperm donor for a lesbian couple. Sadly most of the fathers either come from broken homes or broke their own homes. That leads to a lot of anguish and anger and angst and shows how immature too many people are when they first have children. Two essays in particular are extremely vitriolic. One father with ALS is very bitter about his condition robbing him of his interaction with his children; he goes so far as to outright curse God which is a 180 degree view from most of the other essays (see below). Another father uses his essay as an anti-vaccine soapbox, deriding those who oppose his viewpoint as simpletons who think the world is flat. While this essay has an uplifting closing the anti-vaccine slant put me off from the beginning. This was the only truly political essay and felt out of place amongst all the other personal stories.

Many of the fathers reference spirituality or straight-up religion. Justin Cronin in particular focuses on he and his wife rediscovering their faith in God. While I personally am not religious, this aspect of the essays was uplifting and counteracted some of the negativity from the broken home discussions. No one tries to convert anyone and it's mostly concerned with a greater power at work and continuing the great chain of life and humanity.

I would recommend reading one essay at a time to break them up. I read about half the essays in one sitting and by the end they started to run together. There are some I would revisit but I don't feel compelled to do so.

[Richard Knight · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having never read a collection of essays from different authors before (I know. What have I been doing all my life?), I have to admit that it was a welcome experience and one I would like to embark on again. That is, of course, if I ever have the time to read since my daughter is coming very, very soon. Like, within five weeks soon. So I'm trying to get as much reading in as possible before the due date. Thankfully, I'm happy I took the time with this book, which speaks about the "Transformative experience of Fatherhood," as it's good. Really good.

Initially, I thought this book would be pretty lame (It was recommended to me at a book store when I asked if they had any books on parenting) because I was certain every piece from the 22 authors here would sound pretty much the same. Fatherhood is hard but rewarding, yada yada yada, that sort of thing. But I was surprised to see the honesty and variety in this book. There are passages about being surrogate fathers, being divorced fathers, being broken fathers, being sick fathers, etc, and in doing so, it provides a very diverse and interesting viewpoint on fatherhood. Like children, no two fathers are alike. For that reason, I took great enjoyment out of reading this book.

That said, some of the writers seemed much better than others. Benjamin Percy, who I now want to read every book he's ever written, has, in my mind, the best piece in this book, and mostly because it's about himself. I think what a lot of what was missing in this book is just how much the father themselves is affected as a human being, and his piece, "Your Own Worst Enemy," felt the realest to me. I may just be saying that since I'm not technically a father yet, and I still cling to the notion that being a father doesn't mean you lose being an individual, but the writing for that piece felt the cleanest and the best-written, while some other pieces in this book don't feel as interesting or honest.

Overall, I highly recommend this book for any man who is about to become a father. There is much to learn here, as well as to enjoy.

[Literary Mama]

I’ll be the first to admit, as a dad myself, I approach all reading and watching on the subject of fatherhood with some trepidation. We occupy a moment in the American zeitgeist when the examination of dads sets a pretty low conversational bar. From television and film depictions of fathers, to popular "Dads-for-Dummies"-type parenting manuals, we see fathers as little other than reluctant and inept, if well-meaning, buffoons. Juxtaposed with the way in which, story after story, we laud the most mediocre attempts at successful fathering while belittling even the most herculean efforts of mothers, and we aren’t really left with much wiggle room for a serious discussion on the subject. So, cautiously, I approached When I First Held You, published by Berkley Publications and edited by Brian Gresko, wherein nearly two dozen literary dads wax poetic on the trials, tribulations, and gratifications of being a dad.

Anthony Doerr's essay on impermanence in parenting, Stephen O’Connor’s sweetly gushing love letter to wanting to be and remain a dad, and Benjamin Percy’s meditation on life and death were among the high points. But I’d recommend starting with Dennis Lehane’s essay about shedding his delusions regarding adulthood and fatherhood, or Lev Grossman’s lamentation on his brief and painful inability to write in the wake of becoming a dad – two standouts for this particular reader. Other contributors include André Aciman, Rick Moody, Marco Roth, Justin Cronin, David Bezmogis, and Karl Taro Greenfeld, each with their own peculiar and introspective glimpse into fatherhood’s sometimes humorous, sometimes despairing vicissitudes.

Read Literary Mama's full review here: http://www.literarymama.com/reviews/a...

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brian Gresko, my go-to dad on the front lines of parenting, whose own essays I always anticipate for the signature blend of honesty and humility he brings to the page, has compiled a smart, thoughtful and compelling anthology of esteemed voices on Fatherhood. Start with his stellar introduction, then read in order. Or bounce around, from Benjamin Percy to Steve Edwards, Peter Ho Davies to Karl Taro Greenfeld: lots of perspectives here. Whatever you do, don't miss Zombie Father by Bob Smith. That one alone, that one will make you laugh and cry and ache all in the same sentence.

[Amanda · Rating 1 out of 5]

This collection of essays sounded like a very interesting and eye-opening look into what it's like to become a father -the effects it has on your life, your perception, and your personality. However, the first four authors (intro, foreword, two essays) all dropped the f-word into their pieces, a word I have little patience for.

[Deb Moehrke · Rating 3 out of 5]

A series of essays written by fathers about their children and the changes to their life the child(ren) brought. There are many books out there about the bond between mother and baby but this is the first I've read about fathers and their infants. As with any collection of essays some resonated more than others. An interesting perspective.

[Derek Runyan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read. I can't say I liked every essay, but some of them really moved me. Particularly Mathew Specktor's essay on the loneliness and isolation of being a single dad. A good read for fathers of all ages and stages.

[Tasha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this for a postal book group otherwise I would probably never have picked this one up. Some interesting stories, some not so much. I did enjoy the glimpse into fatherhood though of some of the 'popular' authors out there.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

Uneven, not particularly diverse, a few great essays (Lev Grossman's, for example), one weird anti-vaccine essay.

[Nick · Rating 2 out of 5]

A bit dull

[Frank · Rating 2 out of 5]

Depressing essays.

[Jason · Rating 3 out of 5]

Almost none of the essays in this collection are bad, per se, but some of these authors lean heavy into the cliches. There are a lot of bursting hearts, sleepless nights, and feeling like a failure. And a few of the stories/essays fall into the trap of portraying parenthood as martyrdom, which can be tiresome.

But at least three of these essays are astonishing: Justin Cronin's "My Daughter and God," Andre Dubus III's "The Door," and (best of the bunch) Steve Edwards' "To Tell a Happy Story."