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You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up: A Love Story
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You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up: A Love Story

3.18  ·  Rating details ·  1,273 Ratings  ·  264 Reviews
In this hilarious and ultimately moving memoir, comedians and real-life married couple Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn prove that in marriage, all you need is love—and a healthy dose of complaining, codependence, and pinot noir.
After thirteen years of being married, Annabelle and Jeff have found “We’re just not that into us.” Instead of giving up, they’ve held their rela
Hardcover, 272 pages
Published February 23rd 2010 by Crown (first published January 1st 2010)
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Jun 12, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: memoir
Our engagement also proves the old adage that there's someone for everyone. The caveat is that the "someone" isn't necessarily someone who is perfect. It's someone whose eccentricities compliment your eccentricities and then, fingers crossed, over the years you don't outcrazy each other...

I can see why there are many negative reviews of this book. Neither author comes off as very likable. They are both vain, shallow, self-obsessed, whiny, emotionally-needy people...and you can TOTALLY see why th
I'm not sure if I can finish this book. I picked it up because it's got a clever title and I was wondering what advice a funny married couple might dish out about marriage. Obviously, they get the tone of mine with their title. But a few chapters into it, I'm feeling like I would not hit it off with this Jewish Hollywood couple. I find their self-deprecating remarks a little fake. It seems obvious to me that Annablle is a diva and Jeff wants her no matter how much crap she puts him through. In o ...more
Annabelle Gurwitch
Mar 09, 2010 added it  ·  (Review from the author)
This is my book, would love to discuss it with others!
Mar 10, 2010 rated it it was ok
For being comedy writers and actors, these guys weren't as funny in print as I was hoping. And I got really creeped out by the guy always talking about having sex with his wife in a crude, inappropriate way.
Oct 12, 2016 rated it liked it
I love looking inside other relationships and this love story is told honestly and entertainingly -warts and all. Very enjoyable read.
Jun 05, 2011 rated it it was ok
Shelves: non-fiction
Oh man, where to even start with this one....

In theory, this is supposed to be a funny book where two people examine their relationship by explaining the events of their courtship, eventual marriage, and parenthood from their respective points of view. I picked up the book because I like the concept. The problem is that it turns out it's not even remotely funny and the authors are only barely likable.

First off, let's start with the nearly constant name dropping. Okay, I get it: both Annabelle an
Apr 09, 2010 rated it it was ok
Shelves: own
The jacket flap quotes caused me to purchase this one - they were hilarious and sounded like they were straight from my own marriage. When it came in, I flipped through it and was especially intrigued by the way they dealt with their son's health issues at birth. In fact, knowing that touching part was coming up was all that kept me reading during the annoying lead up. There were few redeeming qualities to be found between either of these two. I was especially annoyed with the wedding chapter- A ...more
Jun 25, 2012 rated it liked it
Having abstained from marriage, it's a cute look at tangles I've avoided. That said, I do want to hear how some of my married friends see it. Probably pretty close to real life, but told through the voice of a couple of comedy writers it gets more chuckles.
Jun 26, 2016 rated it it was amazing
This book was funny and I enjoyed the different points of view. It was nice to hear the same story from two different sides of a marriage. Completely relatable and very entertaining!
Mar 12, 2011 rated it did not like it
Shelves: dwtd
I wanted to like this, despite the cumbersome and annoying title. But it's just not funny. It's cliche and formulaic and stale. They really ended up offering the same old jokes you hear on a canned laughter sitcom. But the authors appear to think they are original and clever.

I alternated between thinking Annabelle was the most arrogant person I've heard in awhile and wanting to kick Jeff in the nuts for trying too hard to be non-mainstream. Ultimately, I think both are arrogant and annoying and
Mar 10, 2010 rated it it was ok
Written in a He said/She said format, this books takes an intimate look at a volatile yet loving marriage. While it is funny, it offers too much information. Could definitely be offensive to some. The husband's use of porn and sophomoric terms for his wife's body parts were off-putting.
May 30, 2010 rated it did not like it
Sounds really funny and it's endorsed by Ben Stiller. But it's only mildly amusing. An essay/memoir on courtship, marriage, child-bearing/rearing. Been there, done that.
Jul 27, 2010 rated it it was ok
I learned that women are shrill, men only want to have sex, and most people should not get married/ have children.
Jun 09, 2010 rated it really liked it
Midway through comedic team and married couple Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn's book about marriage, I had to put the book down for a break. The book began easily enough; with a meeting, then a courtship (of sorts), a wedding some time later, and finally - a baby. There are books that pack an emotional punch you aren't prepared for; this was one of those.

Gurwitch and Kahn's writing is sardonic and witty. The title offers the first glimpse of the humor found throughout the book. Kahn is an acto
Mar 08, 2010 rated it it was ok
Recommends it for: fans of "the marriage ref"
Shelves: memoir-ish, 2010, marriage
this is a very honest marriage memoir that switches between the perspectives of annabelle & jeff, two comedy writers who have been married 13 years. it's intended to be funny, and a few parts definitely made me laugh out loud, but it just didn't live up to the side-splitting hilarity promised on the bookflap. honestly, i think it could have with some heavy editing. the writers were just trying way too hard. it's like when a cute old man is telling you jokes and you wish you could laugh but y ...more
Lee Anne
Feb 28, 2010 rated it liked it
Annabelle Gurwitch is a writer and actress you may best know from TBS' "Dinner and a Movie." Her husband, Jeff Kahn, is a writer and sometime actor you may know from "The Ben Stiller Show." They have been married for thirteen years, and this book is the "he says/she says" account of their marriage.

Anyone who's been married a while will find a lot to relate to here: funny stories of courtship, childbirth, and the inevitable buildup of annoyance with your spouse for the millions of little things h
Dec 29, 2011 rated it it was ok
I picked this one to read on the basis of the title alone and found myself reading a book on marriage. Not the 'follow these tips to a successful marriage' kind, more the 'these are all the things he/she does that irritate the living crap out of me' kind.

Intermittently amusing, anyone who's ever lived with anyone will find something familiar inside and it was refreshing to read something about the topic that wasn't promoting the idealised version where everything is sunshine and roses, with comm
Apr 16, 2014 rated it really liked it
I'm a believer in the "laughing is better than going to prison" approach to the tragedies and injustices we face in the world. Laughter through tears is a lot healthier than pent up anger or drowning in a pool of depression. These two show their true comedian colors as they tell the story of their life and love. Those critical reviews I read on Amazon saying the book was sad or bitter are really missing the point. Life throws sad and bitter at you whether you deserve it or not. Reading between t ...more
Ashley Eisworth
Apr 11, 2010 rated it liked it
This was really funny and entertaining most of the time. However, a warning to readers: there is some language that I think detracts from the book, and Annabelle and Jeff are so determined to win the competition for worst marriage that sometimes it gets tiresome. They seem to take pride in pointing out how miserable they are in their marriage, and eventually it's no longer funny; you're just wondering why they're still together. But thankfully, they brighten it up at the end, and the book ends o ...more
Mandie Kok
May 20, 2016 rated it liked it
These people are too much for me. Over the top and neurotic, reading about their life together caused me to feel anxious. They have a son with serious medical complications, which only serves to make them crazier.

The humour felt a bit forced, but appreciation of jokes is very culture based, so people in their neck of the woods might just love it. It didn't do much for me, but reading about their son's disabilities (he was born without an anus, for one) was very interesting to me.
Aug 12, 2010 rated it did not like it
Don't waste your time, I don't know who decided this book was funny...but I didn't laugh once. It's just two people complaining about how much they don't like each other. If I read anything about this book before I had started it, I would never have read it. Who cares about a hollywood couple, and how "hilariously" mundane their life is...
After reading this, I wonder why these people are still married, as they seem to do nothing but fight! But then I think that they are both very funny people exaggerating their conflicts for comic effect (I hope). The book isn't just funny, though, it contains a lot of thought-provoking stuff. It might be a very interesting book discussion title.
Sep 16, 2013 rated it it was ok
Shelves: own-it, nonfiction
I finished this book in a couple of sittings. It's a pretty breezy read. Uh, if you like books about two middle-aged Hollywood types who loathe being married to each other, I guess this is for you? It was funny at times, but mostly I just felt bad for them.
Apr 01, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Funniest book I've read in years, and on top of that, the ending is so heartwarming it got me teary-eyed. It gives me hope for my upcoming marriage--because apparently, we're going to argue sometimes.
Jun 09, 2010 rated it did not like it
Hate it - I cannot wait to be done with this book. I am compelled to finish it because my husband bought it home for me (he thought the title was clever) but it is awful - a terrible account of a terrible marriage.
Nov 17, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: listened-to, memoir
Laugh out loud funny with bite.
Oct 22, 2011 rated it did not like it
So pedestrian and utterly boring, I can't even muster enough enthusiasm to write a review about it.
Amber Ortman
Aug 27, 2010 rated it liked it
Funny, sharp, fresh perspective on marriage. Made me very thankful for my seemingly less disfunctional marriage!
Nov 20, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
"It's our belief that it's ultimately more cost-effective to complete the fondness and admiration exercise over tiramisu with candlelight instead of sitting on a sofa in front of a stranger trying not to make eye contact." - co-author Jeff Kahn on a pricey vacation vs. marriage counseling

Gurwitch hits another home run (although after reading that she's not a sports fan - according to said co-author in this work - I realize she'd probably wouldn't care for that analogy), this time working with hu
Deborah Malinoski
Oct 07, 2017 rated it really liked it
I was very entertained by this book, and I found it VERY relateable. It's about marriage, sex, love, parenthood, commitment, life, responsibilities.....written by husband and wife comedian-actor-writers in a he said, she said format, it kept me laughing and relating all the way thru!
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ANNABELLE GURWITCH grew up hoping that she was the long lost daughter of Joni Mitchell or the reincarnation of an Egyptian princess. Neither of those things turned out to be true. She is the author of The New York Times bestseller and Thurber Prize Finalist for Humor Writing 2015, I See You Made an Effort; You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up (co-written with husband Jeff Kahn); and Fired! which was also ...more
More about Annabelle Gurwitch...
“When I was twelve, my sixth-grade English class went on a field trip to see Franco Zeffirelli’s film adaptation of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. From that moment forward I dreamed that someday I’d meet my own Juliet. I’d marry her and I would love her with the same passion and intensity as Romeo. The fact
that their marriage lasted fewer than three days before they both were dead
didn’t seem to affect my fantasy. Even if they had lived, I don’t think their
relationship could have survived. Let’s face it, being that emotionally aflame, sexually charged, and transcendentally eloquent every single second can really start to grate on a person’s nerves. However, if I could find someone to love just a fraction of the way that Montague loved his Capulet, then marrying her would be worth it.”
“Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.” —RENE YASENEK” 2 likes
More quotes…