If I Were You

Fantasy Short Stories Collection #1

by L. Ron Hubbard

This book tells the story of the sinister, mysterious ""professor"" of the circus, who has alway been playing with witchcraft and who calls little Tom to his bed while he is dying and insists on imparting what he has learned about witchcraft throughout his whole life to little Tom, who has always been at odds with him in daily life. The witchcraft of the ""professor"" can help little Tom to realize his dream to transfer his own soul into a tall and strong body by the trick of exchanging bodies of the two persons. In this way, little Tom can get rid of the trouble of being so small and being laughed at by others.

Genres: Fantasy, Fiction, Science Fiction, Pulp, Adventure, Mystery, Audiobook

111 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 2008

About the author

With 19 New York Times bestsellers and more than 350 million copies of his works in circulation, L. Ron Hubbard is among the most enduring and widely read authors of our time. As a leading light of American Pulp Fiction through the 1930s and '40s, he is further among the most influential authors of the modern age. Indeed, from Ray Bradbury to Stephen King, there is scarcely a master of imaginative tales who has not paid tribute to L. Ron Hubbard. Then too, of course, there is all L. Ron Hubbard represents as the Founder of Dianetics and Scientology and thus the only major religion born in the 20th century.

source: Amazon

Reviews

[Zaghol]

Dalam ni ada dua cerita, dan satu previu cerita akan datang yang tak diterbitkan, yang aku rasa lagi menarik!

1. Seandainya Aku Kamu

Kisah Tom Little, orang kerdil sarkas yang bosan menjadi bahan ketawa orang2 normal walaupun itu adalah "tugasnya", bertindak menggunakan ilmu hitam untuk meminjam tubuh orang lain. Aku suka cerita ni, tak boleh berhenti baca. Penulis gambarkan dengan baik kesusahan Tom dalam menyesuaikan diri dengan badan baru, dan cabaran yang perlu dia hadapi. Pengajaran sangat jelas, bersyukurlah dengan kurniaan Allah.

2. Titisan Terakhir

Untuk orang dewasa sahaja pasal berkisarkan arak, kisah seorang pembancuh arak yang suka main campur2 arak (macam dalam filem). Tiba2 menghasilkan satu arak yang boleh mengecilkan dan membesarkan badan. Menarik bila seorang ketua gangster terminum arak tu dan menjadi kecil. Kekecohan berlaku dan memang seronok diikuti perjalanan ceritanya. Yang memang tak terjangka.

3.Bahaya Dalam Kesamaran (Previu)

Menarik cerita ni tapi sayang sebab cuma previu dan cerita penuhnya tidak pernah diterbitkan (kena cari versi inggerislah nampaknya).Buat aku teringat kisah Saidina Umar dan rakyat Mesir yang ingin melakukan upacara korban gadis sunti ke sungai Nil. Cuma kisah kali ni menggunakan mubaligh kristian yang berdepan dengan mualaf kristian yang masih mahu mengamalkan upacara korban anak dara bila musibah melanda pulau mereka. Teringin sangat nak tau apa solusi mubaligh ni. Adakah menggunakan cara Saidina Umar? Hehe

[Craig]

This is a quirky little volume containing two stories from the pulps. The title story is, of all things, a wacky trading-bodies-at-the-circus tale, funny in spots, completely creaky and crazy, but with a kind of cute charm nonetheless. The other, "The Last Drop" which was written in collaboration with L. Sprague DeCamp, is a typical pulp romp in which laughs abound. It was a quick, light diversion. By the way, I suspect that the long biography of Hubbard that's at the end of all of these Galaxy volumes is more imaginative than most of the stories they collect.

[Shayan Foroozesh]

A poor story BUT a great performance by Galaxy Audio team. All these three stars go to Galaxy Audio which by their theatrical performance kept me company in bloody traffic of Tehran. Next one is: Spy Killer by Hubbard. I wish I had bought more of their audio books from Tehran National Book Fair.

[Confuzzled Shannon]

This book has two pulp stories by L. Ron Hubbard first published in magazines years ago.
The first one:

If I Were You -
This a fantasy stories about a little person, named Little Tom, and a black magic magician at a circus. The magic dies but Little Tom inherits his books even though the magician hated him.
Thing of course go awry and body switching ensues.

I enjoyed this one a little. I do like Hubbard’s fantasy more than sci fi.

The second story is :

The Last Drop-

A bartender drinks adds a strange syrup to his drink and his head inflates and mob boss comes in. The Mob Boss whole body begins to shrink after he drinks the syrup.

This one was strange and remind me of the scene in Alice in Wonderland. I do not remember how it ends but I am sure it was strange because that is what Hubbard does well strangeness.

If you think of it these two stories are centered around plots that we have had in movies before and get redone after time. Like the first story we would probably think of Freaky Friday and the second story as I said Alice in Wonderland. Of course the ending is different for each. Decent stories but stuff I have seen before.

[Rebecca]

I went into this book expecting to put it down and never look at it again. However, once I got into it it wasn’t that bad. Not my favorite, but it was nice to read a short story and just enjoy an adventure without having to overly think. For the time it was written in it wasn’t too hard to understand, but at times it was slow going. Probably more of a 3.5 stars for me. I really wish goodreads would let us have half stars to rate with.

[Lewis Corbett]

I feel I set my hopes too high for this. It's not a bad story, I just expected more.

[Samichtime]

I gotta applaud Nancy Cartwright for taking a vocal role so out of her depth, and completely bombing at it! 🐐 Like there comes a point when you’re an hour in and she’s been using the Bart Simpson voice the whole time, casting director just says “nah, fuck it. Leave it in so I can make it home in time for the Dodgers game.” ⚾️

[Lyssa]

Very suspenseful story. Wasn’t sure I would enjoy because I’m not a big circus fan, but Hubbard made the characters all come alive and the sound effects and music definitely held my attention!



My mom listened with me and she said as a retired school librarian, I think this would be a good story to share with middle school students because of the moral of the story….the size of your character is way more important than your actual physical size.



I enjoyed the short story, The Last Drop, better. It was hilarious!

[Anthony]

This is an odd little fantasy story. A cadaverous fortune-teller leaves all of his books of arcane lore to the circus' midget, who discovers the ability to "transsubstantiate" his consciousness into other people's bodies. Many many complications arise, as he discovers that being someone else is not so much better than being himself. This one actually tries to impart a moral of sorts. I liked the concept, but would rank this third out of four if I had to put these books in order of enjoyment.

[Amy A]

I'm not sure how to begin this review other than to say Hubbard's writing is absolutely terrible. Never have I read anything worse, published or not. At first I thought the writer sounded like a high school student trying too hard to sound smart by breaking open the thesaurus every few minutes. When the glossary takes up a large chunk of the novel, something's wrong. Circus jargon I can live with and even appreciate (after all, reading should increase one's vocabulary), however the convoluted, ridiculous sentences are too much. Plus, silly character names, Little Tom Little, and brothers Aristotle and Euclid, detracted from the story's flow.

For those of you who do not know, L. Ron Hubbard is the founder of Scientology and Galaxy Press only publishes Hubbard's fiction. Galaxy Press did a wonderful job marketing the book by providing an attractive cover, a good audio version (according to other reviewers), and appeal towards unsuspecting teachers and students. Teachers, DO NOT have your students read this book. Somehow class sets of Hubbard's books have found their way into public schools. Not only is having students read fiction by the founder of a religion questionable, but the grammar and sentences are horrid. Besides confusing sentence structure, several paragraphs begin with "and." Not only is the book a poor example of writing, it is inappropriate for students below high school. Adultery is quite evident in the first story and the second is gross. At one point someone's arm gets stabbed to the table during a bar fight.

I cannot understand why there are so many 3, 4, and 5 star reviews of this novel. I suspect many are from Scientologists. One reviewer said they were given books for free and asked to wright Goodreads reviews on them. Bribery and marketing schemes keep these books in people's hands.

[Truly]

Menemukan (lagi) buku ini di salah satu gudang toko buku.
Sebenarnya ada 2 kisah dalam buku ini. Pertama, sesuai dengan judul If I Were You. Sedangkan kisah kedua berjudul Tetes Terakhir. Benang merah kedua kisah adalah tentang kondisi tubuh seseorang yang mengalami perubahan. Pada ksiah pertama, seorang pemain sirkus yang memiliki tubuh mungil selalu berharap memiliki tubuh yang lebih besar sehingga bisa menjadi pemadu acara. Sedangkan pada kisah kedua, seorang bartender yang tak sengaja meramu minuman yang mampu membuat tubuhnya berubah ukuran. Persis kisah Alice in Wonderland.

[J.S. Bratton]

This seems more of an advertisement for LRH than a short story collection. Let's take a look at the numbers:

5 pages of a foreword
2 short stories (54 pages, 2 illustrations; 22 pages, 1 illustration)
1 preview 5 pages
7 page glossary
10 page biography
6 pictures of the author
5 pages listing more pulp stories from LRH
1 page of selected fiction works
2 ads for golden age stories
1 perforated cardboard order form for Golden age stories book club
9 title pages
2 LRH quotes
124 pages

[Andrea Grant-Webb]

Two fascinating and enjoyable stories. L. Ron Hubbard is a great storyteller, without doubt. I found that both “If I Were You” and “The Last Drop” had intriguing story lines and I couldn’t quite predict where they would go.

[Jordi Pujola]

Bueno, pero solo 2 relatos entre tanta paja (bío, fotos…)

[Amanda Hill]

Easy to read, very nostalgic. This was my first L. Ron Hubbard read and I found it enjoyable in its simplicity.

[Arthur]

Astonishing to read such masterpieces from the golden age in pulp fiction sci fantasy etc. This tale was published in 1936 and remains timeless for all the right reasons. There's delightful action, heroic themes downplayed as the story unfolds with just a tiny twist in unexpected fate via mans own decisions become a storyline of suspense, with a unique byline from mysticism, becoming an all preserving essence in funny irony that keeps me interested all the while.

[Lance]

In the book “If I were you” you really become interested in the circus business. I never knew that there were honors in becoming say the lion tamer. I thought every part was just as important, but in this book you really get into depth on how important someone really is. Little Tom little is the king of the midgets and loved by everyone, but he doesn’t feel like he’s loved for his work but for just being a freak in his opinion. And with a little help from a professor this story takes off! This story was written by Lafayette Ronald Hubbard. He is an extremely interesting man and I want to talk about that.
He was the world’s youngest Eagle Scout just at the age 13. He is the founder of scientology. He liked to live his stories, and by that I mean he when he wanted to right about something he did it. That’s when he wrote this story he went out and joined the circus. He did this with many of these stories. Many people who have came to see him talk about his life and his stories have written he is a very interesting man and some say he’s just hilarious. Enough about him on to the story.
Now this story starts off with the professor inviting Little Tom Little to his room. He gives Tom credit for messing and making fun of him when no one else would do to fear of him. He told Tom that he was weak and his time in this world was done. He wanted Tom to have his books which were his greatest possessions. In one of those books was the magic to change into someone else’s body. And Tom has always thought of himself as a freak more than just a happy go lucky guy. He does all that’s required to change into someone else’s body and soon BOOM! He’s into the body of the great ring leader Jerry Jordan. But what he doesn’t realize is he has to do a show in 5 minutes after he has switched bodies. Tom wasn’t prepared for this. He is in the ring with over 40 deadly jungle cats who want to rip him in half! What will happen next, well you’ll just have to read the book yourself.

[Skjam!]

Before L. Ron Hubbard got involved in...you know, he was a middling-good and prolific pulp author. The Golden Age Stories line is reprinting many of his stories in attractively designed paperbacks. This volume contains two short stories, , a preview of another, a glossary (really needed this time because of heavy circus slang) and a hagiography of Hubbard that does not mention...you know by name, just calling it "serious research." Hee. It's double-spaced in a largish typeface for easy reading.

The title story concerns a little person, "Little" Tom Little, who works as a circus midget, and then discovers a mystical method for bodyswapping with other people. He promptly decides to use this to swap with the tall, imposing ringmaster Hermann Schmidt. But Schmidt has troubles of his own, which could get Tom killed regardless of which body he's in!

There's a nice bit of foreshadowing early in the story, with what seems like random cruelty to Tom, but is actually a hint of what Schmidt's issues are. The lion phobia, on the other hand, was a bit too telegraphed. The payoff to that is a very exciting scene, mitigating the obviousness. There's a nice bit of ambiguity, too, in the motives of the Professor, who leaves Tom his books of magic.

The second story, "The Last Drop" is co-authored by the much better L. Sprague de Camp. A bartender foolishly creates a cocktail with some untested syrup from Borneo; growth and shrinking hijinks ensue. A fun story that at least waves at scientific plausibility as it goes by, in the form of the square-cube law. (The glossary explains it for the benefit of anyone who might have forgotten.)

While it's a handsome package, and the stories are fun, the book is thin on content for the price. I'd recommend looking for used copies at a steep discount, or checking it out from the library.

See more pulp reviews at SKJAM! Reviews http://www.skjam.com/tag/pulp/

[Tom Johnson]

“A Fun Fantasy Romp.”

This book actually contains two stories: IF I WERE YOU, originally published in the February 1940 issue of FIVE NOVELS MONTHLY, and THE LAST DROP, co-written with L. Sprague de Camp.
IF I WERE YOU is a circus setting. Little Tom Little is only 30-inches tall, and wants to be bigger. Well, not just bigger, but he wants to also be the Ringmaster of the Johnson Super Shows circus, but standing in his way is Hermann Schmidt, a huge, powerful ruffian that currently holds that possession. Tom has made the Professor mad, because he won’t bend to his will. On his deathbed, the Professor call Tom to his bed, leaving his trunk of magic and books of evil knowledge to the little man, knowing that Tom will use the books to get into trouble. Which, indeed, he does. Learning the power of switching minds with anyone, Tom chooses Hermann Schmidt, and then everything starts going wrong for the diminutive fellow.
In THE LAST DROP begins in the Hole In The Wall bar, where bartender Euclid O’Brien has received another whiskey bottle from his brother in Borneo. Euclid’s assistant, Harry McLeod decides to make his own mix with the strange brew, but nobody will take a chance, so Harry swallows it down, then leaves the bar. He’s not gone long before a fly lands on the mixture, sips the nectar and instantly begins to swell to enormous size. They also learn that Harry is now the size of a building, and one of the wise men figures out an antidote – if that mixture makes them bigger, then his mixture will reduce them in size. Yes, it works, but the local mob enforcer gets shrunk instead, and now the mob is involved. It can only get worse from here.
The stories are definitely odd, but totally fun. I highly recommend the book for its fast-paced entertainment.

[Stewart]

The kind folks at Galaxy Press have given me a few copies of their audiobooks over the years at semiannual ALA conferences. I promised one of their booth reps this summer that I'd post reviews of them on Goodreads to repay their generosity.

"If I Were You" is one of L. Ron Hubbard's old pulp novels. It's a full-cast, two-disc audiobook with all the bells and whistles, including Bart Simpson himself (Nancy Cartwright) playing the lead role, a carny dwarf.

"If I Were You" is a mystical little tale reminiscent of a Twilight Zone story. Tom Little (the dwarf, or "midget" in the book's parlance) is a carnival performer who dreams to be the Ringmaster. Through a paranormal twist, he gets his wish, but things don't go quite as planned.

At first, I found the soprano voice of Bart Simpson a bit jarring, but I eventually settled into the story and now approve (I assume Nancy Cartwright's connection to the Church of Scientology played no small part in her casting). The story was predictable but entertaining. You can't expect too much plot and character development in less than two hours.

A coda to the main feature is "The Last Drop," a short story co-written by Hubbard and L. Sprague de Camp. It's a lighter cautionary tale to bartenders who are willing to throw practically anything into a cocktail.

If you like audio theatre, and, really, you should, "If I Were You" should be on your to-listen list.

[Andy Dill]

If I Were You by L. Ron Hubbard is another great multicast performance from Galaxy Press. In this story, circus midget Tom Little is bequeathed with the belongings of the circus gypsy who Tom thought hated him. He thought this proved the gypsy liked him. He finds out that he was right in the first place. When Tom learns the spell to switch his mind with that of the ringmaster, a position he coveted, he gets in way over his head, not knowing all the details he needed to know. The spell leads him in and out of trouble throughout the story. I enjoyed this performance, both because of the suspense of the story and the fact that Nancy Cartwright did the voice of Tom. It was entertaining because it was like Bart Simpson was playing Tom, which I found to be humorous but well acted. Overall, it was a well-done performance.

The 2 CD set included a second story entitled, "The Last Drop". In this story a potion was used that caused the person who drank to grow. One of the people in the bar came up with a plan that would make the potion work the opposite way, causing shrinkage. Because of his refusal to pay protection to the mob, the bar owner is forced to drink the shrink potion. He then has to go find his friend who has grown to immense proportions to give him the shrink potion. In the process he has to deal with the mob boss. I found this story to be funny and well performed.

I enjoyed both performances and recommend this audiobook set to all.

[Evelyn]

What an imagination!! L. Ron Hubbard has come up with some of the most fantastical, entertaining ideas I’ve had the privilege to enjoy! If I Were You was 1 1/2 hours of pure intrigue. There was also almost a moral to the story, and I’m a sucker for those. Little Tom Little discovers that his true strength lies within, and that size (on the outside) isn’t nearly as important as the size of your character. I loved every minute of it. The vocal performances were AWESOME! The talent used to portray the characters was so great that even my 10 and 6-year olds wanted to sit down and listen along with me. It was great!
I think the additional short story included on this audio CD, The Last Drop, was my favorite L. Ron Hubbard story yet. It was absolutely hilarious, and I literally laughed out loud! I had children asking me what was wrong with me as they heard me chuckling and/or giggling. If you have 30 spare minutes in your day (driving to work, taking a walk, or just relaxing at home), I’m telling you, this is a story you’ve got to listen to…I’m laughing right now just thinking about it!

[Jo Stallworth]

With the loss of the greatest generation author Ray Bradbury, there is a new spotlight on Sci-Fi's Golden Age. This particular audio set surprisingly combines the best of the written and the visual, the great sound effects calling to mind The Twilight Zone and The Outer Limits. The voicing is perfect also, with multicast performances, some discs featuring well-known Sci-Fi/Fantasy actors. Some younger readers who are used to the modern Space Opera with stellar effects and character development, may be surprised by this procedural, man vs. machine approach to storytelling, but it is representative of the Age. All-in-all, this is a very entertaining series and the beautiful packaging is a plus.

[Shawn]

The two stories (totaling only 83 pages) in this book were very good examples of speculative fantasy of the early 30s. The first, If I Were You, was both a fantasy adventure story and a morality tale. It has good characterization and is a fun story to boot. The second, The Last Drop, is more just light fantasy adventure with a few interesting ideas about what might happen if you change someone's size and weight but not the strength of the bones and muscle making the up. Pretty good stories.

The rest of the hook is a preview of some novel, a glossary, and an essay about L. Ron Hubbard writing in the Golden Age of pulp fiction.

[Nick]

The main story is good, but the backup story is one of my favorites of the pulp fantasy genre. The second story, entitled "The Last Drop" and co-authored with L. Sprague deCamp, is a goofy tall-tale fantasy about a bartender who experiments with the wrong ingredients, leading to a wild ride of a story.
The main story, "If I Were You," is a surprisingly clever wish-fulfillment story, about a circus midget who gets his wish to be big, but not in the way he wanted.
Neither one is great literature, but both are fun page-turners.

[Bruce Deming]

Oh man I loved these stories in this audiobook. Both If I Were You and The Last Drop are hilarious fun.

L Ron Hubbard's fantasies are some of the most fun because for me there are a lot more laughs and comical situations.

Nancy Cartwright is great as the Circus Midget in If I Were You.

The Last Drop has not failed to make anyone who I know who has heard it laugh and get that twinkle in their eye remembering Mr Hubbard's sense of Humor.

Great Audio book. If you don't laugh you should check your pulse because your might be dead.

[Abdulla]

If I were you, what a nice book. Talking about both stories If I were you and The Last Drop, they were awesome! L Ron Hubbard had an extraordinary imagination, which made his books unique, specially when they contain a lesson or a morale like in "If I were you". While " The last drop" had attractive parts of the story which made me end it in few minutes! Both stories were good and I advice everyone to have a go.

[Jon Shaw]

The ending of the laundry list of L. Ron Hubbard's "achievements" and his being "widely regarded" as the first to do this or that is quite laughable.

The writing is not too bad, but his mashing in of words supposedly widely used at the time is just confusing, and the glossary is in a strange location in the book, placed so that I couldn't even find it until I had gotten through both stories.

[Scott Whitney]

A good story that was very entertaining and which pulled me through the adventure from first page to last. I just wish it would have taken a little longer to get through it, but that is not the genra this book falls into. I would definately read it again. The book also contains a story I had read before and some great explinations about pulp fiction.

[Chelle Thompson]

This is a very captivating story of thrills and suspense throughout! I fully enjoyed listening to it. The audiobook has a full cast of different performers and voices for each of the characters, as well as awesome sound effects and music. It will definitely hold the attention of anyone who chooses to listen to it!