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Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed of
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Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed of

4.18  ·  Rating details ·  2,519 ratings  ·  192 reviews
What the Eldredge bestsellers "Wild at Heart" did for men, and "Captivating "did for women, LOVE & WAR will do for married couples everywhere. John and Stasi Eldredge have contributed the quintessential works on Christian spirituality through the experience of men and the experience of women and now they turn their focus to the incredible dynamic between those two forc ...more
Hardcover, 222 pages
Published December 15th 2009 by Doubleday Religion (first published December 9th 2009)
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Kay Oswin
May 10, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
After leaving my marriage of 30 years this book tore my heart. You may question why I'd be crazy enough to read it. I still believe in fabulous marriages as I've seen too many not to believe. I am hopeful that one day I may have a marriage that allows vulnerability, passion and openness like the one explored in this book, even the doing the work to get a marriage this sounds good to me.

This book is a powerful tool to open the creaky doors, for those brave enough to go to the vulnerable places an
Nov 17, 2010 rated it liked it
We read this book for our home group (bible study).
Because I generally despise John Eldredge's stuff, I probably never ever would have read this on my own, so I started off w/MAJOR reservations, including: the crap crap crap writing (think of how many incomplete sentences are acceptable for a book written in a candid manner -- then add about a bazillion & you've got this book; potentially shaky theology thanks to more movie illustrations than biblical illustrations; overuse & abuse of ce
Feb 20, 2012 rated it really liked it
Love and War: Finding the Marriage you’ve Dreamed Of
John and Stasi Eldredge
Book Notes

1. Asking for your marriage to flourish without God is like asking a tree to blossom without sun and water.
2. In marriage, you have been entrusted with the heart of another human being: loving and defending this heart next to you is part of your great quest.
3. Marriage is going to ask everything of you for:
a. Marriage is hard work; and
b. We are a royal mess
4. We all have a way that we do life: the way we handle
Amanda Jones
May 17, 2017 rated it it was ok
Reading this book for the most part was a great experience. It gave me a lot of great perspective on my upcoming marriage. I took it with a grain of salt like I do with any Christian literature because it is not scripture, it is man's personal interpretation mixed with today's culture. The principles were mostly fantastic, though I would occasionally get uncomfortable with the weight he seemed to place on married life which I thought undermined the worth of single life, not just before marriage ...more
Feb 05, 2011 rated it it was amazing
This is the most honest book on marriage that I've ever read, and the one that has the most promise to be truly helpful.

I've read marriage books that basically say follow these principles, or just learn these handy techniques, and all your troubles will melt away. And I've read other well-meaning books that are some variation of a Bible lesson: here's what God intends for you to be as a godly husband and wife, so just obey all these verses to guarantee you a picture-perfect relationship.

John &
Neil Geisel
Jun 12, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This marriage book is unique and holds a different light on marriage than a lot of books I've read. I do like John Eldridge's style and relate well to his life experiences. This book is compounded with Stasi's points of view and we are given a glimpse into their marriage, life struggles, and relationship with God. I learned some important attitude adjustments and have been convicted through this reading to pursue God intentionally through our marriage with prayer and learning to love.
Feb 27, 2010 rated it really liked it
Don’t be scared off by the title!

Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge is out just in time for Valentine’s Day. And what else could Love and War be about other than marriage! I mean where else do the terms love and war work so well together? lol. I love my marriage, but sometimes you want to call war because of disagreements.

I’ll admit I wasn’t expecting to get much out of this book. We’ve (Mr. C & I) been together for a long time, so I’ve read a lot of marriage counselling books over the
Daniel Butcher
May 11, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Love & War: Find Your Way to Something Beautiful in Your Marriage by John & Stasi Eldredge
John and Stasi Eldredge in Love & War let their readers into a secret. Marriage is a battle, it’s more than a battle it’s a war and failure would be devastating. The Eldredges use their own marriage and those they have counseled to detail how this war for your marriage is taking place and strategies in order to win the day. The key principal that they teach is that a couple should include God
Dave Johnson
Dec 27, 2009 rated it liked it
First let me say that this wasn't necessarily a bad book. It just wasn't that transcendent book I hoped for. There are definitely some good nuggets of wisdom in here for married couples, particularly the bits about prayer and listening to God were mostly good. I thought that they were brutally honest about their own lives and experiences and really drove home that marriage is about two imperfect people living together, so expect some problems to arise. All that was fine.

My issues were that, over
Sep 03, 2011 rated it it was amazing

My husband and I were on day 3 of silence when Love & War arrived, and despite my initial excitement when I ordered the book, I was so stubborn in our nasty fight that I refused to pick it up and start reading it. In fact, it wasn't until after 5 days of silence that we somehow recovered, and only then did I reluctantly pick up the book. How foolish was I to be so utterly stubborn. Why in the world would I actually live through 5 days of silence in my
Rachel M
Mar 22, 2011 rated it really liked it
Although I'm not married, I was interested to see what John and Stasi Eldredge would write about marriage after reading Captivating and Wild at Heart. I was continually impressed by the honesty and courage of this couple in exposing the highs and lows of their marriage. I think whenever people have enough bravery to own up to something difficult, it frees those around them to do the same, which leads to more honest communication and greater communities.
I was also impressed by the amount of se
Jul 14, 2010 rated it really liked it
I am not a fan of self-help or how-to books, and I haven't cared much for the Eldredge style. I began reading this book because I value my relationship with my husband. I struggled through the first 3 or 4 chapters. There are comments and stereotypical assumptions about men and women that don't really work well for either me or my husband. But by about the 4th chapter, the authors began developing some very pertinent ideas, looking at relationships and their contexts past and present. I learned ...more
Jul 20, 2010 rated it it was amazing
We live in a world where most people don't want to admit that their marriage isn't all "happily ever after" and they wait until it is too late to start talking about it. Love and War was a refreshing breath of reality where even though John and Stasi Eldredge are running a wonderful Christian ministry they let us know that they are just like the rest of us. They don't have a perfect marriage (because, honestly, perfect marriages don't exist), they struggle with many of the same things you and I ...more
Aug 09, 2010 rated it it was amazing
My fiancé and I went through this book together as a weekly devotional. We both found it to be very challenging and a great filter to sift our relationship through. In doing so we have found areas of weakness, great strength, as well as many areas of common ground, all of which have helped us grow and gain a deeper knowledge about each others' heart and soul. It became an excellent tool to find out what the honest condition of each others' spiritual life really is.

I find the book to be very real
I did think that this book is better than the other two I've read by them (Wild at Heart and Captivating). I find them overly dependent on emotion and personal revelation and under-committed to the Bible and what God has actually said about things. Strong exhortation for married couples to be praying together was a high point of the book.
Sep 19, 2013 rated it it was amazing
My husband & I read this together & both loved it! Stark realism, humility, and a wonderful perspective about the war that all marriages face as we glorify God through our relationships! Highly recommend! Greg & I will be doing a bible study for couples based on this series. We are going to read it again...chapter by chapter to discuss more in depth together! Fight for your marriage!
Laura Nichole
Dec 15, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: marriage
This was a great, great book for the season of marriage in which I find myself! Very encouraging & insightful! I loved every chapter. There is so much in this book, I think I would benefit from reading it again!
Lisa Cross
Jan 17, 2013 rated it it was amazing
I have read many books on marriage and this one is by far, hands down, THE BEST.
Justin Camp
Aug 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing
John and Stasi share tons of Biblical wisdom about relationships. The best book of its kind, I think.
Jul 09, 2011 rated it really liked it
See my review here.
Eric Reidsma
Jul 31, 2017 rated it really liked it
Love and War: Find your way to Something Beautiful in Your Marriage by John and Stasi Eldredge is a great book and I think a must read for anyone from engaged to 25+ years of marriage. I wish that I could have read it 10 or 20 years ago. I’ve been a fan of John’s for years (Wild at Heart) and I can easily relate with him. I don’t normally ready much by women authors, but I really appreciated getting Stasi’s perspective and found that I could relate with some of her personality traits.
They provid
Jeff Wayman
Jun 12, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Marriage is hard

It's fair to say the idea that marriage is hard is common sense. We go into it fully expecting it to work, and if it doesn't, we accept it's simply that we're with the wrong people. Sometimes we may even believe we are the wrong people ourselves, and dive into to a solo quest to change, finding only that we are in a worse state than we started.

This book aims to provide a biblical view on why marriage is hard and why those feeling that way, might just be in he situation God plann
Cassian Lynne
Jul 18, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This is, to date, the best book on marriage I have ever read. If you're looking for "to do lists" and "10 steps to a better marriage," you won't find it here. What you'll find it better. John and Stasi dive to the heart of the matter in each and every chapter. They are vulnerable about their own marriage, speak God's heart in what He has taught them experientially and what Scripture shares with us, and humbly invite the reader to take up the same set of choices. I had checked this out from the l ...more
Dai Adler
Oct 10, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Me puse como meta leerlo antes de casarme, y lo logré. Lo compré en 2014 y lo guardé hasta que tuve cercana la fecha del matrimonio, 2018. Y logré terminarlo una semana antes, lo leí en el momento preciso. Ministraron mi vida con sus experiencias y fe incondicional en Dios.
¿Con qué me quedo? Con que nunca dejaré de aprender a amar, cada día más y mejor, primero a Dios y, en segundo lugar, a mi esposo 💖
Heather Martinez
Aug 20, 2018 rated it really liked it
Overall this book was very good. This is a good book for pre-marital counseling or for anyone married for awhile. As the title says, it covers love in regards to marriage and war in marriage. The ups and downs of married life and how it relates to God's plan of marriage and salvation. I would definitely recommend this book to someone who may be struggling to find love and peace in their marriage.
Jul 03, 2018 rated it really liked it
I listened to this book but want to read it. I think then I can take away something a little more practical. Our marriage is a love story in the middle of a war. Great insight on how to be aware of the things that affect our marriage and grow spiritually as a couple.
Joshua Allman
Sep 10, 2017 rated it really liked it
Let me begin by saying I'm a fan of Ransomed Heart Ministries. This book did not disappoint. For me, as a single man, this book made me reflect a great deal on the convenant of marriage and all the risks that we take when we pledge ourselves to another. Recommended.
Marie Emmendorfer
Feb 13, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Honest and Encouraging

The book's insights into struggling marriages and a theme that all couples battle was an encouragement for me. I read many parts, that I felt pertained to my marriage, to my husband and it opened a path for needed discussions.
Dec 04, 2017 rated it really liked it
Awesome. I love John’s poetic style of writing. Great marriage principles.
Nov 18, 2017 rated it really liked it
every married or newly engaged couple should read this and discuss it. it was great!
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John Eldredge is an author (you probably figured that out), a counselor, and teacher. He is also president of Ransomed Heart, a ministry devoted to helping people discover the heart of God, recover their own heart in his love, and learn to live in his Kingdom. John grew up in the suburbs of Los Angeles (which he hated), and spent his boyhood summers on his grandfather’s cattle ranch in eastern Ore ...more
“You would not ask someone with a broken arm to swim the English Channel, so you cannot demand that the broken to live as if they were whole.” 22 likes
“You live in a world at war. Spiritual attack must be a category you think in or you will misunderstand more than half of what happens in your marriage.” 13 likes
More quotes…