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Nightlight: A Parody

(Lampoon Parodies)

3.08  ·  Rating details ·  9,602 ratings  ·  1,645 reviews
About three things I was absolutely certain.
First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with t
Paperback, 154 pages
Published November 3rd 2009 by Vintage (first published 2009)
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Gril No. "Twilight" and "good" cannot be used in the same scentence unless its "Twilight is not good at all."
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Community Reviews

Showing 1-30
3.08  · 
Rating details
 ·  9,602 ratings  ·  1,645 reviews

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Dec 26, 2009 rated it it was amazing
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Mar 02, 2010 rated it did not like it
Creative Response

Belle is my name
I've never wanted fame
I'm a little different, it's true
But so are you!

Edwart you are
Into your eyes I can see far
Your eyes changed to green
By me you can be seen

You're a vampire, I know
Even if it doesn't show
You may say you're not
But that's not what I thought

Until I met Josh
Whose windows my dad does wash
In the cemetery that day
He gave it away

A vampire you're not
And that means a lot
Coming from him
Maybe it'll convince Jim

Jim is my dad
Vampires make him mad
He likes to
Not quite as terrible as I first thought, but still pretty bad. To give you some idea of what it's like, here's one of the passages I most enjoyed. Belle Goose is talking to her father:
"So, Belle, what's new today?"

"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."

"Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off fr
Jun 01, 2010 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: not a soul on this earth
Recommended to chucklesthescot by: somebody who is now dead
Utter shite to put it bluntly. I could write something funnier. Here is an example of the side-splitting humour...

She had brown bushy hair in a ponytail that was more like a squirrel tail in the context of her beady squirrel eyes.I thought I recognised her from somewhere, but I couldn't place it.
'Hi.' she said. 'I think I'm in all your classes.'
So that's why I recognised her. She reminded me of a squirrel I hung out with in Phoenix.'

Well har de har, excuse me while I piss myself with laughter.
I wiped the chemical dust off my clothes and sat down. Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad. Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr. Franklin had written. I don’t think other people in my situation could do quite so many things without looking at Edwart.

When the bell rang I stole another glance at him and shrank into a deeper sense of worthlessness. He was now staring furiously up at the bell, shaking all the muscles in his f
Feb 26, 2010 rated it it was ok
I love how people try to justify their bad reviews for this book by continuously stating that they do not like Twilight and that they are in fact true lovers of a parody.
I really liked this book. But anything that takes piss out of this universal tragedy is a win. Some of the reviews here stated that the parody was 'too exaggerated,' 'overly obvious' etc. but I found it to be delightfully subtle; where minor details or single words effectively pinpoint the craptastic wonder of smeyer.

There wer
Nov 28, 2009 rated it really liked it
Shelves: reviewed
It's hardly ground-breaking, but I'm giving it four stars on the sheer enjoyment factor. I'm actually a fan of the Twilight books, but I get that Stephenie Meyer is no Shakespeare and this series is hardly world class literature.

Twilight's gotten so huge it was only a matter of time before someone sent it up, so I was eager to see what a bunch of nerds from Harvard did to it.

Belle Goose is an exaggerated piss take of Bella. She's self obsessed, and believes everyone else to be obsessed with her
Jan 18, 2018 rated it it was ok
A little too slapstick for my tastes and some jokes didn't make much sense to me
Reading Teen
Apr 19, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Okay, so let me start with the fact that, yes, as shocking as it may be, I have read Twilight. So, after reading my review of this awesomely genius book, you can't use the excuse of, "You haven't read it, you don't understand!" I have read it. So, to all you Twilight fans, (And possible Harry Potter haters) I mean no disrespect in the following review. Your opinion is your own, and you are entitled to it.


Sorry. I had to let it out. So, now that you know my
Dec 25, 2010 rated it liked it
This was a Christmas gift from my brother. He bought it for me because he “couldn’t remember which of those Twilight books you had already.” So sweet. And it’s a fitting gift from someone who only watches comedy and whose favorite TV show is “SNL.”

Nightlight is a parody—you guessed it— of the first book in the Twilight series. It stars Belle Goose, who wants to be ‘turned’ and convinces herself that Edwart Mullen is actually a vampire who is thirsting for her blood and refuses to believe him wh
Mar 14, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2010
"It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all? Even odder, he hadn't noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner."

As a recovering Twilighter- wait, scratch that- as someone who can now see the Twilight series for what it really is- A very badly written hodge-podge of everything an
Feb 02, 2011 rated it it was amazing
This book was probably written by a bunch of drunk Lampoon employees at 2am. Then again, the book it's parodying reads like it was written in about 45 minutes by an unpopular 16-year-old girl who is dying to be part of the 'cool' crowd, so I suppose the authors got it bang-on with Nightlight.

The reviews here panning this book make me laugh. Well, Twitheads in general make me laugh. Anyway, this book is suppose to be bad. It's suppose to make you groan and roll your eyes as you read it. You know
Jun 26, 2010 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2011, ebook, for-the-eyes
It was bad and hilarious.
Here a few examples:
1. "I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked , "Did you mean "vampire"?" I said "yes"."
2. "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soulmate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him (which I assumed was wildly out of his control) that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, whished he had kissed me."
3. "I should have known he wasn't a
Sep 07, 2011 rated it did not like it
By far the more popular and more widely-available Twilight parody novel on the market, Nightlight was a huge disappointment. For a book written by the Harvard Lampoon - you know, IVY LEAGUE HUMOR PEOPLE - it's painfully dumb. Painfully. Perhaps it was my mistake for expecting something, I dunnno, more from them, but I went in to Nightlight hoping for some kind of relevant, witty commentary on Twilight's failures as a book. You know, jokes about the faults of its characters, the absurdities of th ...more
Savannah (Books With Bite)
Mar 04, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Now this book had me in laughing fits!

"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him-- which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me."

I picked up this book looking for a great laugh and boy did I get it. We meet Belle Goose, who leaves her mother and her ne
Dec 17, 2009 rated it really liked it
If you are a true "Twilight Saga" fan, then this book you will definitely add to your personal bookshelf.

Pros: With my weird sense of humor, I found this book to be absolutely comical. I laughed practically every other line, due to it's non-sensical-ness of the whole thing. This book displays some pretty funny truths of the "Twilight Saga", and in such a manner you can't do anything but agree. Fortunately, there IS some character development later in the book, and in the last chapter or so it br
Fangirl Musings
Dec 07, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Any and all Twilight lovers - It's pro-Twilight, I promise :|
Recommended to Fangirl Musings by: My inner hatred
Kick ass to the extreme! The Twilight "saga" sucks...and here's proof!

By far, this parody was the single most comical, entertaining novella I've read in ages. In addition to the fact that it was written by the Harvard Lampoon, and is thus a tiny bit of demonstrative proof that smart people realize Meyer's Twilight book series is wretched literature, the comedy was very well done. Every negative aspect to the original series was addressed; the plot holes the size of China, the vomit inducing emo
Nov 28, 2009 rated it did not like it
Shelves: 2009-reads, humor
"You seem exhausted," Edwart said as we got in in the car.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep that well last night."

"Neither could I," he said as we sped off.

"Yeah, those night leeches are becoming a major concern, aren't they."

"Oh, Belle," he laughed softly, "When you talk like that, I become afraid, and if you continue to do so, I will feel compelled to tell the authorities." His laugh was like the jingle of a thousand many sirens.

It's around this moment (60 pages in) that Nightlight first made me laugh,
Beaulah Pragg
Apr 19, 2012 rated it did not like it
Humm.... this parody has the distinct flavour of one who was trying too hard. I found myself giggling at a rare moment of accidental humor, but the rest of the way was pretty hard going. Honestly, I think the authors sacrificed all attempts at coherence and plot for bizzare and often nonsensical gags. Edwart was probably the cutest character, with his nervous, geeky attempts at fulfilling Belle's yearning for a domineering 'dangerous' boyfriend. He honestly tried so hard... Which inevitably led ...more
Adarlan's Assassin
My gods . . . what can I even say about this book?!?
Canis Minor Art
Jul 17, 2018 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Ernsthaft... selten so ein schlechtes Buch in der Hand gehabt...
Anfangs fand ich das Ganze ja noch zum Schmunzeln, aber nach der Hälfte hab ich es dann beiseite gelegt.
Brainf*ck und Verdummung auf höchsten Niveau!
Feb 09, 2018 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2018-reads, 3-5-stars
Silly and ridiculous? Check
Preposterous? Yes
An exaggerated mockery on one of my fave reads? Of course
I spend every minute laughing. . Sometimes you have to throw away some seriousness and enjoy things that seems nonsensical to others and just be free and crazy once in a while. For me, it was kind of relaxing in a way, And I think PARODIES are meant to be like this, ludicrous and outrageous as it is, but for me, it has served it's purpose, it definitely entertained me.
n ❀
Jul 07, 2018 rated it did not like it
there's "parody" and then there's "a waste of paper." i'd rather take twilight over this and i HATE twilight. give us something so we know you put in even a little effort in. i didn’t laugh once & im really fucking disappointed you guys
Nov 20, 2009 rated it really liked it

This is the tale of Belle Goose, a clumsy, self-important, day-dreaming girl from Arizona who moves to Switchblade, Oregon and falls for a brooding loner named Edwart Mullen. A vampire. Or is he?!

There were several times that this book made me laugh out loud. The endless description of how clumsy Belle is. The extremely negligent parenting. But her inner-monologue was my favorite. She constantly assumed that every boy wanted her, that everyone was talking about her or wanting to be her
Mary Stevens
Feb 08, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Twilight-haters
Shelves: misc
To all you Twilight-haters out there, get ready for the best parody since "Epic Movie."

When Belle Goose moves to Switchblade, Oregon, she only expects one thing: to fall in love with a vampire and have him turn her into his immortal bride. So it's no surprise that, on her first day of school, she automatically suspects nonother than a Mr. Edwart Mullen to be her perfect match. After several incidents where Belle supposedly "roleplays," she finally realizes that he is not indeed a vampire... Wit
Jan 11, 2010 rated it it was ok
Despite the hype and the ever-presence of this book, I was unimpressed and disappointed. Parodies are supposed to poke fun at flaws but I think this book has more flaws than the original Twilight saga. While it's calling Twilight on its flaws, it has so many jokes and nonsequiters from left field that it stops being funny and starts being confusing. It wasn’t all that clever or original or even that well written. I honestly spent more time trying to ignore the distracting and unoriginal ‘humor’ ...more
Dec 19, 2009 rated it it was ok
So, a Twilight parody? Should be funny, right? And it was funny...just not as funny as I thought it would be. A good parody is supposed to be ridiculous, and this certainly was, but at times I just didn't get the stupidity. Still, worth reading if you are a Twilight fan who is willing to laugh a little at the series.

Some of my favorite quotes:

"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him -- which I assumed
Raeleen Lemay
Dec 30, 2011 rated it liked it
This book started out REALLY funny (very stupid but also hilarious), but as it went along it just became all stupid and I found it harder to get through.
Jenn *loves dragons and wolves*
Not as funny as I thought it would be. I guess I can only read so many parodies about Twilight before I've had enough. There were a few really funny ones though
H.P. Holo
Apr 25, 2011 rated it liked it
I sit on the fence when it comes to 'Twilight' fandom; while there's a part of me that detests the series, there's another part of me that can read 200 pages of a 'Twilight' book in a single sitting, so I suppose there's a part of me that likes it, too. I'm also a lover of well-done parody, even of works that I legitimately do love, so I was rather excited to discover this book. However, while it is certainly a well-written parody, it is just as certainly not a well-done one. Let me clarify: The ...more
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Did you like this? 16 49 Jul 03, 2014 02:28PM  
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“So, Belle, what's new today?"

Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."

Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the months on them.”
“I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, 'Did you mean vampire?' I said, 'Yes.” 83 likes
More quotes…