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Nightlight: A Parody

(Lampoon Parodies)

The Harvard Lampoon

3.09 · Rating details · 10,347 ratings · 1,688 reviews

About three things I was absolutely certain.
First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with t ...more

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Paperback, 154 pages

Published November 3rd 2009 by Vintage (first published 2009)

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Average rating 3.09 ·

Rating details

· 10,347 ratings · 1,688 reviews

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Mar 02, 2010 Sarah705 rated it did not like it

Creative Response

Belle is my name
I've never wanted fame
I'm a little different, it's true
But so are you!

Edwart you are
Into your eyes I can see far
Your eyes changed to green
By me you can be seen

You're a vampire, I know
Even if it doesn't show
You may say you're not
But that's not what I thought

Until I met Josh
Whose windows my dad does wash
In the cemetery that day
He gave it away

A vampire you're not
And that means a lot
Coming from him
Maybe it'll convince Jim

Jim is my dad
Vampires make him mad
He likes to ...more

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Dec 26, 2009 Alli rated it it was amazing

Shelves: books-2009, books-2010, books-2012

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. This was ABSOLUTELY hilarious. This is what everyone was (or should have been) thinking while reading the Twilight books.

There are conversations such as this:

Belle and her dad before Edwart picks her up: "So, Belle, what's new today?"

"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."

"Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you, 'what's new?' the correct answer is, 'not much.' Besides, isn't it a little soon t ...more

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Nov 18, 2009 Manny rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: mentions-twilight, trash

Not quite as terrible as I first thought, but still pretty bad. To give you some idea of what it's like, here's one of the passages I most enjoyed. Belle Goose is talking to her father:

"So, Belle, what's new today?"

"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."

"Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off fr

...more

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Jun 01, 2010 chucklesthescot rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Recommends it for: not a soul on this earth

Recommended to chucklesthescot by: somebody who is now dead

Shelves: abandoned, fiction, worst-ever-books

Utter shite to put it bluntly. I could write something funnier. Here is an example of the side-splitting humour...

She had brown bushy hair in a ponytail that was more like a squirrel tail in the context of her beady squirrel eyes.I thought I recognised her from somewhere, but I couldn't place it.
'Hi.' she said. 'I think I'm in all your classes.'
So that's why I recognised her. She reminded me of a squirrel I hung out with in Phoenix.'

Well har de har, excuse me while I piss myself with laughter. ...more

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May 06, 2011 Vinaya rated it liked it

Shelves: books-i-liked, ya-fantasy, twilight-spoof

I wiped the chemical dust off my clothes and sat down. Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad. Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr. Franklin had written. I don’t think other people in my situation could do quite so many things without looking at Edwart.

When the bell rang I stole another glance at him and shrank into a deeper sense of worthlessness. He was now staring furiously up at the bell, shaking all the muscles in his f I wiped the chemical dust off my clothes and sat down. Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad. Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr. Franklin had written. I don’t think other people in my situation could do quite so many things without looking at Edwart.

When the bell rang I stole another glance at him and shrank into a deeper sense of worthlessness. He was now staring furiously up at the bell, shaking all the muscles in his fist at it, glowering at it with his dark, heated eyes and loathing lashes. He clenched his hair in exasperation, clinging to the tussled tufts as he raised his head to the ceiling. Then he slowly turned to me. Looking into his eyes I felt waves of electricity, currents of electrons charging towards me. Was this how it felt to be in love, I wondered, for robots? Caught in his ionized hypnosis, the old adage came to mind:Beautiful enough to kill, gut, stuff, and frame above your fireplace.

Belle Goose is a catastrophically clumsy, scarily narcissistic teenager who has just moved to Switchblade to live with her father, a window-wiper, since her stepfather is going on tour with his street hockey team around Phoenix, and there may be no space for Belle to live in his car.

Belle has a fascination with vampires, she believes her true love is destined to be one. When she spots the strange, lonely, barely-coherent Edwart Mullen in her new high school's cafeteria, she knows she's found her soul mate.

Nightlight is funny, mostly. From the cover to the last page, this book is one large fart joke aimed at Twilight, and you can't help but find it hilarious. However, it gets a little old after a while. This is not a very long book, but after the first fifty pages of taking digs at Meyer's masterpiece, it begins to get repetitive. This is one of the main reasons I like satires better than spoofs. At least satires have a plot and actual characters. This is like a joke book - after the first fifty jokes, you want a break.

There are some parts where the jokes are really funny, even subtle, and those made me laugh. However, you can pretty much tell from the preponderance of snot and body odor jokes that this was written by a bunch of smart-but-nerdy undergrads.

Of course the end message, about judging by appearances, about building relationships on false illusions, about learning to love a person instead of an ideal, is one that every YA author ought to take home-

"We looked at each other and laughed a little because, hey, relationships take work, and communication."

All in all, it's a quick entertaining read, but if you're expecting subtlety, class or major wit in your spoof, you're likely to be disappointed.

...more

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Feb 26, 2010 Miffy rated it it was ok

I love how people try to justify their bad reviews for this book by continuously stating that they do not like Twilight and that they are in fact true lovers of a parody.
I really liked this book. But anything that takes piss out of this universal tragedy is a win. Some of the reviews here stated that the parody was 'too exaggerated,' 'overly obvious' etc. but I found it to be delightfully subtle; where minor details or single words effectively pinpoint the craptastic wonder of smeyer.

There wer ...more

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Nov 28, 2009 Gemma rated it really liked it

Shelves: reviewed

It's hardly ground-breaking, but I'm giving it four stars on the sheer enjoyment factor. I'm actually a fan of the Twilight books, but I get that Stephenie Meyer is no Shakespeare and this series is hardly world class literature.

Twilight's gotten so huge it was only a matter of time before someone sent it up, so I was eager to see what a bunch of nerds from Harvard did to it.

Belle Goose is an exaggerated piss take of Bella. She's self obsessed, and believes everyone else to be obsessed with her ...more

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Jan 18, 2018 Crystal rated it it was ok

A little too slapstick for my tastes and some jokes didn't make much sense to me ...more

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Apr 19, 2011 Reading Teen rated it it was amazing

Okay, so let me start with the fact that, yes, as shocking as it may be, I have read Twilight. So, after reading my review of this awesomely genius book, you can't use the excuse of, "You haven't read it, you don't understand!" I have read it. So, to all you Twilight fans, (And possible Harry Potter haters) I mean no disrespect in the following review. Your opinion is your own, and you are entitled to it.

TWILIGHT IS A HORRIBLE SERIES OF BOOKS.

Sorry. I had to let it out. So, now that you know my Okay, so let me start with the fact that, yes, as shocking as it may be, I have read Twilight. So, after reading my review of this awesomely genius book, you can't use the excuse of, "You haven't read it, you don't understand!" I have read it. So, to all you Twilight fans, (And possible Harry Potter haters) I mean no disrespect in the following review. Your opinion is your own, and you are entitled to it.

TWILIGHT IS A HORRIBLE SERIES OF BOOKS.

Sorry. I had to let it out. So, now that you know my opinion of these books, you will understand my excitement when I discovered this book. There I was, rifling through a pile of books at a second hand book sale, and I stumbled across this wonderfully cool book. And let me tell you, it is... wonderfully cool.

Alright, confession time. This isn't exactly my book. Abigaile, my sister, is the one who found and bought this book. So, my above statement is quite false. One day, I successfully stole it from her bedroom and, when she asked about it, convinced her that she had simply misplaced it. And, she believed me. Which was pretty surprising.

Nightlight was an excellent parody to a not-so-awesome book. Belle Goose is actually really similar to the character Bella Swan. Pretty much everything Belle says in the book is just what Bella says at that moment in different words. It's completly hilarious to read and realize that this author is trying to make fun of this book when in reality he's just putting this book into different words, changing some plot details, and there you have it. A friggen' funny book.

If you have read Twilight, watched the movies or know any thing at all about this sparkly-phenomanon, you will most likely love this book. Now, for you Twilight lovers out there, I honestly can't say. If you are the laid-back type of fan, it's a possibility that you will find this quite humorous. If you are a hard-core, Team-Edward/Team-Jacob kill-a-member-of-team-that-isn't-the-one-you-like type of fan (who is also easily offended) there might be a possible chance that you might not like this book, maybe. So... if you are one of those fans and you read this book and you hate it, I, Austin, am not responsible for this. So, you cannot do horribly awful things to me. Because Twilight may have sparkly vampiers, shirtless werewolves, and creepy human-vampier hybrids who age insanely fast, but us non-Muggles have wands, man-horses, cloaks that make you invisible, and Emma Watson.

Edwart is right. Nintendo is better then Atari.

Austin
http://ReadingTeen.net/ ...more

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Jul 03, 2020 Darce rated it really liked it

Shelves: retellings, 4-stars, romance, love-triangle, paranormal

hilarious, makes fun of Twilight every two sentences (a.k.a. the book version of me and my friends) and just outright ridiculous. was it good writing? nope. it also wasn't that interesting or captivating. but it was HELLA funny. legitimately laugh out loud material (i refuse to write LOL in a review). great fun! ...more

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Dec 25, 2010 Tatiana rated it liked it

This was a Christmas gift from my brother. He bought it for me because he “couldn’t remember which of those Twilight books you had already.” So sweet. And it’s a fitting gift from someone who only watches comedy and whose favorite TV show is “SNL.”

Nightlight is a parody—you guessed it— of the first book in the Twilight series. It stars Belle Goose, who wants to be ‘turned’ and convinces herself that Edwart Mullen is actually a vampire who is thirsting for her blood and refuses to believe him wh ...more

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Sep 07, 2011 Cyna rated it did not like it

By far the more popular and more widely-available Twilight parody novel on the market, Nightlight was a huge disappointment. For a book written by the Harvard Lampoon - you know, IVY LEAGUE HUMOR PEOPLE - it's painfully dumb. Painfully. Perhaps it was my mistake for expecting something, I dunnno, more from them, but I went in to Nightlight hoping for some kind of relevant, witty commentary on Twilight's failures as a book. You know, jokes about the faults of its characters, the absurdities of th By far the more popular and more widely-available Twilight parody novel on the market, Nightlight was a huge disappointment. For a book written by the Harvard Lampoon - you know, IVY LEAGUE HUMOR PEOPLE - it's painfully dumb. Painfully. Perhaps it was my mistake for expecting something, I dunnno, more from them, but I went in to Nightlight hoping for some kind of relevant, witty commentary on Twilight's failures as a book. You know, jokes about the faults of its characters, the absurdities of the storyline, or lack there of. I expected something smart. In reality, the level of humor here can be accurately surmised by the monikers the Lampoon has bestowed on its lead characters. If you think Belle Goose and Edwart Mullen are downright HILARIOUS variations of Edward and Bella's names, then you may possibly find Nightlight funny. If, however, your reaction was closer to "Really? Is that the best you could come up with? Was that like...funny to you guys?" then you'd probably be better off avoiding it.

It's a shame, too, because there were some amusing concepts and ideas presented in Nightlight that suffered terribly from skewed development. The idea is that Belle is delusional - she convinces herself that Edwart, your everyday unremarkable nerd, is a vampire because she wants him to be. Vampire boyfriends are cool, man, so she actively shoehorns him into that mold. Belle sees supernatural attributes where there clearly are none, and at points goes so far as to instruct Edwart in how to behave more like a vampire would. For example, she orders him to be more possessive and controlling of her - despite Edwart's obvious discomfort with it - because that's how vampires treat their girlfriends in the movies, hurhur. It's more a parody of the fangirl mentality than of Twilight itself, which could have worked fine, if more effort and intelligence had been put into it. Instead, aside from one or two amusing bits in the beginning re: Bella's mom, the Lampoon settles for nerd jokes and pratfalls rather than any meaningful satire.

It's mind-boggling as to why, with a series as rife for parody as Twilight, the writers chose to take the delusional fangirl schtick and run it into the ground. If it weren't for the way the book mocks Stephenie Meyer's writing style, I'd wonder if the writers had even read Twilight at all, or if they'd simply settled for gathering their material from what they'd seen on tv and heard from their girlfriends and younger sisters. We get no kind of love triangle parody at all, which is absolutely absurd to me considering how much of Twilight, as a series, is devoted to that triangle, but how could we when there's not even a Jacob-equivalent character, if you can believe that. We really get no commentary on Bella's characterization except for her clumsiness, which is played often and loudly like she's a lost member of the Three Stooges, nor do we get any real parody of the increasingly ridiculous plot points throughout the Twilight series.

Instead, at the last minute we get a random twist that involves Belle dating an actual vampire for a chapter or two, where she discovers the moral of the story: that dating an immortal asshole probably isn't all it's cracked up to be. Again, it's a nice idea, but aside from presenting said thesis in the most obvious way possible, that twist completely fizzles out and goes nowhere. Hell, even the Vampire Prom at the end - literally, a separate prom for vampires, probably the only joke that does garner a chuckle simply by existing - is wasted because they do nothing with it. It's just there. And for some reason, the authors have decided that things just being there is enough of a reason to laugh. And it's really not.

Nightlight's saving grace is its brevity. At 150 pages, it's something you can breeze through in an hour, if you really feel like sticking with it that long. Personally, I'd say don't even bother with it at all. ...more

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Mar 14, 2010 Laura rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2010

"It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all? Even odder, he hadn't noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner."

As a recovering Twilighter- wait, scratch that- as someone who can now see the Twilight series for what it really is- A very badly written hodge-podge of everything an ...more

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Feb 02, 2011 Heather rated it it was amazing

This book was probably written by a bunch of drunk Lampoon employees at 2am. Then again, the book it's parodying reads like it was written in about 45 minutes by an unpopular 16-year-old girl who is dying to be part of the 'cool' crowd, so I suppose the authors got it bang-on with Nightlight.

The reviews here panning this book make me laugh. Well, Twitheads in general make me laugh. Anyway, this book is suppose to be bad. It's suppose to make you groan and roll your eyes as you read it. You know ...more

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Jun 26, 2010 Julia rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: for-the-eyes, ebook, 2011

It was bad and hilarious.
Here a few examples:
1. "I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked , "Did you mean "vampire"?" I said "yes"."
2. "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soulmate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him (which I assumed was wildly out of his control) that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, whished he had kissed me."
3. "I should have known he wasn't a ...more

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Mar 04, 2010 Savannah (Books With Bite) rated it it was amazing

Now this book had me in laughing fits!

"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him-- which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me."

I picked up this book looking for a great laugh and boy did I get it. We meet Belle Goose, who leaves her mother and her ne ...more

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Dec 17, 2009 Ashley rated it really liked it

If you are a true "Twilight Saga" fan, then this book you will definitely add to your personal bookshelf.

Pros: With my weird sense of humor, I found this book to be absolutely comical. I laughed practically every other line, due to it's non-sensical-ness of the whole thing. This book displays some pretty funny truths of the "Twilight Saga", and in such a manner you can't do anything but agree. Fortunately, there IS some character development later in the book, and in the last chapter or so it br ...more

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Dec 07, 2010 Fangirl Musings rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: Any and all Twilight lovers - It's pro-Twilight, I promise :|

Recommended to Fangirl Musings by: My inner hatred

Shelves: classified-five-stars

Kick ass to the extreme! The Twilight "saga" sucks...and here's proof!

By far, this parody was the single most comical, entertaining novella I've read in ages. In addition to the fact that it was written by the Harvard Lampoon, and is thus a tiny bit of demonstrative proof that smart people realize Meyer's Twilight book series is wretched literature, the comedy was very well done. Every negative aspect to the original series was addressed; the plot holes the size of China, the vomit inducing emo ...more

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Nov 28, 2009 Christina rated it did not like it

Shelves: 2009-reads, humor

"You seem exhausted," Edwart said as we got in in the car.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep that well last night."

"Neither could I," he said as we sped off.

"Yeah, those night leeches are becoming a major concern, aren't they."

"Oh, Belle," he laughed softly, "When you talk like that, I become afraid, and if you continue to do so, I will feel compelled to tell the authorities." His laugh was like the jingle of a thousand many sirens.

It's around this moment (60 pages in) that Nightlight first made me laugh, ...more

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Dec 09, 2020 Rosalie Lightwood rated it really liked it

So obscurely funny. It just made all the jokes about twilight that I had thought and then exaggerated them and it was very enjoyable. I think this would be a good book for twilight fans (as long as they can handle the saga being made fun of 😂) and haters. There were many times where I would just chuckle at the weirdness and others where it was genuinely funny. Really enjoyed it!

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Apr 19, 2012 Beaulah Pragg rated it did not like it

Humm.... this parody has the distinct flavour of one who was trying too hard. I found myself giggling at a rare moment of accidental humor, but the rest of the way was pretty hard going. Honestly, I think the authors sacrificed all attempts at coherence and plot for bizzare and often nonsensical gags. Edwart was probably the cutest character, with his nervous, geeky attempts at fulfilling Belle's yearning for a domineering 'dangerous' boyfriend. He honestly tried so hard... Which inevitably led ...more

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Dec 14, 2016 Adarlan's Assassin rated it liked it

My gods . . . what can I even say about this book?!?

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Feb 09, 2018 Jocelyn rated it liked it

Shelves: 3-5-stars, 2018-reads

Silly and ridiculous? Check
Preposterous? Yes
An exaggerated mockery on one of my fave reads? Of course
WHO CARES?
I spend every minute laughing. . Sometimes you have to throw away some seriousness and enjoy things that seems nonsensical to others and just be free and crazy once in a while. For me, it was kind of relaxing in a way, And I think PARODIES are meant to be like this, ludicrous and outrageous as it is, but for me, it has served it's purpose, it definitely entertained me. ...more

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Jul 07, 2018 n ❀ rated it did not like it

there's "parody" and then there's "a waste of paper." i'd rather take twilight over this and i HATE twilight. give us something so we know you put in even a little effort in. i didn’t laugh once & im really fucking disappointed you guys ...more

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Nov 20, 2009 Rhonda rated it really liked it

*giggles*

This is the tale of Belle Goose, a clumsy, self-important, day-dreaming girl from Arizona who moves to Switchblade, Oregon and falls for a brooding loner named Edwart Mullen. A vampire. Or is he?!

There were several times that this book made me laugh out loud. The endless description of how clumsy Belle is. The extremely negligent parenting. But her inner-monologue was my favorite. She constantly assumed that every boy wanted her, that everyone was talking about her or wanting to be her ...more

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Feb 08, 2011 Mary Stevens rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: Twilight-haters

Shelves: misc

To all you Twilight-haters out there, get ready for the best parody since "Epic Movie."

When Belle Goose moves to Switchblade, Oregon, she only expects one thing: to fall in love with a vampire and have him turn her into his immortal bride. So it's no surprise that, on her first day of school, she automatically suspects nonother than a Mr. Edwart Mullen to be her perfect match. After several incidents where Belle supposedly "roleplays," she finally realizes that he is not indeed a vampire... Wit ...more

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Dec 19, 2009 Erin rated it it was ok

So, a Twilight parody? Should be funny, right? And it was funny...just not as funny as I thought it would be. A good parody is supposed to be ridiculous, and this certainly was, but at times I just didn't get the stupidity. Still, worth reading if you are a Twilight fan who is willing to laugh a little at the series.

Some of my favorite quotes:

"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him -- which I assumed ...more

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Oct 20, 2020 Mrs. Allen 107 (The Kansan Reader) marked it as dnf

Okay, I should have known what I have gotten into when I saw the words parody and lampoon. But wow. If any of you have seen parody movies, guess what? This book is like those. Just cringe. I feel like it was the Wayans brothers wrote this.

I thought to give it the benefit of the doubt but I was wrong. I can’t get past page 9. If you made it through this book, kudos to you. I felt all my brain cells cringe just reading this.

It looked familiar. Four walls and a ceiling, just like my old room in Pho ...more

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Feb 28, 2018 Jenn rated it it was ok

Not as funny as I thought it would be. I guess I can only read so many parodies about Twilight before I've had enough. There were a few really funny ones though ...more

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Apr 25, 2011 H.P. Holo rated it liked it

I sit on the fence when it comes to 'Twilight' fandom; while there's a part of me that detests the series, there's another part of me that can read 200 pages of a 'Twilight' book in a single sitting, so I suppose there's a part of me that likes it, too. I'm also a lover of well-done parody, even of works that I legitimately do love, so I was rather excited to discover this book. However, while it is certainly a well-written parody, it is just as certainly not a well-done one. Let me clarify: The I sit on the fence when it comes to 'Twilight' fandom; while there's a part of me that detests the series, there's another part of me that can read 200 pages of a 'Twilight' book in a single sitting, so I suppose there's a part of me that likes it, too. I'm also a lover of well-done parody, even of works that I legitimately do love, so I was rather excited to discover this book. However, while it is certainly a well-written parody, it is just as certainly not a well-done one. Let me clarify: The writing style in this book is hilarious, and had it not been associated with 'Twilight,' it might have ended up being among my favorite works of recreationally witty literature. Its attempts to parody the 'Twilight' series are pointed but misguided.

Bella in 'Twilight' is generally famous for being a romantic idiot; seeing that, the authors of 'Nightlight' opted to make their equivalent, Belle Goose, ridiculously and arrogantly intelligent--which might have worked, except that Belle Goose ends up being so different from Bella that she's hardly recognizable as a parody of said character. (The only way in which she is remotely similar is that, despite her brilliance, she does jump to some rather stupid conclusions about the parody's Edward, but even these are misguided.) The same goes for Edward--that is, Edwart--who, instead of being a vampire is, well, a gamer nerd who tires rather quickly of Belle assuming that he is a vampire.

Story-wise, the book's one redeeming element is the end, in which Belle encounters some actual vampires who exist solely to satisfy all the readers exasperated with Bella's seeming love of being dominated by Edward; they show the dark side of that interest, something that 'Twilight' avoids in the name of romance. Despite its flaws, however, the novel does make for an entertaining read. It also possesses one benefit that 'Twilight' does not in that it's accessibly short, so even though I reached the end in indifference, I didn't feel as if I'd wasted much of my life. Read it if you need a distraction. Otherwise, make fun of 'Twilight' on your own; it may not sound as pretty, but it will probably be truer to the source material. ...more

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About The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon

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Quotes from Nightlight: A Parody

“So, Belle, what's new today?"

Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."

Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the months on them.” — 144 likes

“I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, 'Did you mean vampire?' I said, 'Yes.” — 80 likes

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