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The Paradox of Success: When Winning at Work Means Losing at Life
The bestselling book for leaders looking for renewal. In all fields, many leaders feel that the costs of their professional victories outweigh the rewards. With nearly 30,000 copies sold, The Paradox of Success has helped leaders achieve balance in their lives. John O'Neil, a well-known consultant to top business executives, draws on his fascinating studies of long- distance winners' psychological and business strategies to show the way out of this dilemma, and help readers find steadiness, renew their lives, and reinvigorate their organizations in the process.
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 6, 1993
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
July 13, 2021
2021 reads, #42. I picked this book up in my ongoing attempts these days to finally come to a resolution regarding the small press I used to run back in the day, and which failed in a spectacularly public way and ended up closing back in 2017. I've never really processed my emotions over it all in the four years since, and I've recently found myself starting to have the urge to start up yet another small press, under the belief that I "still have something to prove," although I can immediately recognize that this is about the worst possible thing I could do in my life right now, not only because I'm still paying off the thousands and thousands of dollars in debt I went into with the first one, but because ultimately one of the big reasons I failed in the first place (I came to learn after the fact) is that I neither particularly like running a business, nor is a small press something that can feasibly be done for a living anymore. (It's no coincidence, I think, that the small presses around me that seem to thrive the best are the ones being run as fun weekend hobbies, in the same way that a middle-ager might make beer in their garage on the weekends, with no other goal than to break even and have some fun along the way.)
I thought, then, that this would make John R. O'Neil's famous book on the subject a particularly insightful read; for the "paradox" of the book's title is that by the time so many people put in the grueling hours and endless ethical compromises to reach "success" in the first place, they've become a miserable, burned-out asshole who can't actually enjoy any of that success they worked so hard to achieve. So in this, then, O'Neil actually has some really astute and interesting things to say; although the main problem here is that he seems to be a victim of his own success, for the futuristic perfect society he's envisioning here in his 1993 book, in which everyone has finally found a great work/life balance for themselves, sounds essentially like the exact tenets of the now mainstream "wellness movement" of the 2020s, which has been embraced now by everyone from the President of the United States to every smartphone platform that exists.
That makes O'Neil impressively prophetic, and he should be applauded for that, which is why I'm giving the book such a high score; but unfortunately for us contemporary readers, his prophecies have largely come true by now, which makes his book not really worth reading anymore, which is why it's not getting a fifth star from me despite it being a really well-done manuscript. You should keep it in mind when deciding whether to read it yourself.
I thought, then, that this would make John R. O'Neil's famous book on the subject a particularly insightful read; for the "paradox" of the book's title is that by the time so many people put in the grueling hours and endless ethical compromises to reach "success" in the first place, they've become a miserable, burned-out asshole who can't actually enjoy any of that success they worked so hard to achieve. So in this, then, O'Neil actually has some really astute and interesting things to say; although the main problem here is that he seems to be a victim of his own success, for the futuristic perfect society he's envisioning here in his 1993 book, in which everyone has finally found a great work/life balance for themselves, sounds essentially like the exact tenets of the now mainstream "wellness movement" of the 2020s, which has been embraced now by everyone from the President of the United States to every smartphone platform that exists.
That makes O'Neil impressively prophetic, and he should be applauded for that, which is why I'm giving the book such a high score; but unfortunately for us contemporary readers, his prophecies have largely come true by now, which makes his book not really worth reading anymore, which is why it's not getting a fifth star from me despite it being a really well-done manuscript. You should keep it in mind when deciding whether to read it yourself.
September 15, 2026
A review of the acknowledgements, table of contents, index, selected passages, and final chapter for the 1994 edition.
Not an intuitive read and many terms used have aged poorly or are not/no-longer in standard use.
The author appears to have had their insights stitched together by a team, and the seams seem apparent.
The gist:
As we achieve and succeed, there is a risk of tipping and failing. Sounds familiar; similar to Aristotle's treatise on moderation and the Golden Mean.
Positive traits taken too far are "shadow traits".
Lots of case studies are referenced, and fictional/non-fictional characters as "role models".
1/3rd of the book is geared towards "retreating" to "restore", it's giving heteronormative c-suite privilege.
Developing/using/attempting to make the author's personal lexicon a thing did not age well and makes this book unnecessarily confusing.
The verdict:
Skip in favor of more modern case study collections or works on philosophy/ethics.
If you want to have more meaning in your life or are struggling to balance professional growth and success with authenticity, author David Brooks would be a better place to spend your time.
Not an intuitive read and many terms used have aged poorly or are not/no-longer in standard use.
The author appears to have had their insights stitched together by a team, and the seams seem apparent.
The gist:
As we achieve and succeed, there is a risk of tipping and failing. Sounds familiar; similar to Aristotle's treatise on moderation and the Golden Mean.
Positive traits taken too far are "shadow traits".
Lots of case studies are referenced, and fictional/non-fictional characters as "role models".
1/3rd of the book is geared towards "retreating" to "restore", it's giving heteronormative c-suite privilege.
Developing/using/attempting to make the author's personal lexicon a thing did not age well and makes this book unnecessarily confusing.
The verdict:
Skip in favor of more modern case study collections or works on philosophy/ethics.
If you want to have more meaning in your life or are struggling to balance professional growth and success with authenticity, author David Brooks would be a better place to spend your time.
October 6, 2022
Reading this book has been a labor of love because I have been reading it for months. I'm so glad I did because it validated my own personal feelings of life being out of balance, and offered hints about how to find a healthier and happier outlook in life.
Some of the examples in the book are a little out of date, but the main messages are still pertinent today.
If you are someone who feels discontented with life, work, etc. This is a great book to read!
Some of the examples in the book are a little out of date, but the main messages are still pertinent today.
If you are someone who feels discontented with life, work, etc. This is a great book to read!
October 25, 2023
A "heavy" read but so much worthwhile material. At times it confronts and unsettles, as the book should but gives guidance to move forward. Over 30 years old now, and very relevant, because the corporate world and behaviours have, in many cases, gone backwards. Would have liked more worked examples, rather than anecdotes.
November 9, 2025
Focus on what makes you happy and do what gives meaning to your life. Often professional or business success can often come with hidden personal costs
February 20, 2017
timely reminder personals development book for any stage in life
June 2, 2008
This is a book I read with a small group of guys - it is oriented around the idea of being pro-active about personal renewal. Great diagnosis of the challenge of sustaining "true" success, and one of the best elaborations on the need for and benefit of personal retreats...
August 9, 2011
"That which is most personal is most general." ~ Carl Rogers
Read this book if you're interested in how one leader stays fresh. I don't use many of his techniques, but it gave me a frame of reference to examine my own habits.
Read this book if you're interested in how one leader stays fresh. I don't use many of his techniques, but it gave me a frame of reference to examine my own habits.
November 8, 2010
Becoming a long distance leader requires a commitment to a process of probing self-examination, which will lead to renewal.
January 23, 2016
Good book. Makes you think.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews