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DEAD[ish]

(Deadish #1)

Naomi Kramer (Goodreads Author)

2.98 · Rating details · 3,886 ratings · 554 reviews

Linda's had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won't tell her what he did with her body, and she can't find the stupid thing herself. There's only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the information.

This is a very short work - ...more

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ebook, 104 pages

Published June 2009 by self published

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2.98 ·

Rating details

· 3,886 ratings · 554 reviews

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Mar 20, 2012 Shovelmonkey1 rated it it was ok

Recommends it for: people with short attention spans and new kindles

Recommended to Shovelmonkey1 by: kindle cyber world invisible list makers

I got me a kindle. Oh yes.

Dbolden has already pointed out that they are the work of the devil. I am starting to think that there might be some truth in that already and it has only been four days since I burned all my books and armed myself with a Kindle and a utility belt replete with Kindle accessories; chargers, differently textured and self-illuminating covers, screen stickers... truly it is endless. Kidding. I have burned no books and no books were molested during the acquisition of my e-re I got me a kindle. Oh yes.

Dbolden has already pointed out that they are the work of the devil. I am starting to think that there might be some truth in that already and it has only been four days since I burned all my books and armed myself with a Kindle and a utility belt replete with Kindle accessories; chargers, differently textured and self-illuminating covers, screen stickers... truly it is endless. Kidding. I have burned no books and no books were molested during the acquisition of my e-reader.

Dead(ish) was my first complete e-read and looking down the list it seems I am not alone in popping my Kindle-cherry on this one. Sloppy seconds e-reader-style, how lovely. I chose this based on the title alone, figuring that I could download some free zombie action to read on the train. The obvious Kindle benefit is the lack of a cover thus not providing the world with a clear view of secret shame reading.

This wasn't a horrible read. But it was not the best of all reads either. To be honest, the blizzard of swears was what instantly turned me off. I work in a construction led environment and am no stranger to the multiple and many faceted expletive. I can extol, conjugate and commingle swear words into combinations, variations and exhortations that leave most 50 year old digger drivers weeping into their mugs of overly sweetened tea. But here, in this book, it all just seemed forced and unnecessary. Lack of further character development and background mean that we never get to understand why these characters all swear so much. Are they ex marine staff sergeants? Navy lifers? Ex dockers? Dunno. Not going to know either.

What you do know is that Linda is dead and she is surrounded by four useless men, three of whom contributed directly to her demise. Well them, a bottle of baby oil, some overly precipitous stilleto heels, a jealous lover and a bit of improbable afternoon delight with the neighbourly homosexuals, Geordie and Lazarus. Trent is the alleged non useless one who fulfils the dual role of PI and exorcist while doggedly searching for Linda's missing corpse. He is Whoopi Goldberg to Linda's Patrick Swayze. Is this book Ghost for Gen Y? Maybe. Cut out the swears and flesh out the living and the dead with a bit more of a back story and it would be heading in the right direction.

...more

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Jun 18, 2012 Allana Kephart rated it did not like it

...wha...?

Okay. I recently got a Kindle and I've been downloading the free books like a mad-woman. Which is how I stumbled across this. DEAD(ish) got my attention because of the summary- which made me snicker and I thought it would be a funny murder-mystery from Linda's perspective.

I...was wrong.

Now, maybe I shouldn't talk about it, because I am such a picky person, but this book made zerooooooo sense to me. If I hadn't read the summary I would've had no idea what was going on. Mike is crude and ...more

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Apr 30, 2012 Anzu The Great Destroyer rated it did not like it

Recommends it for: baby oil lovers

Shelves: freebiez, stabby-stabby, cheesetacular, dafuq-did-i-just-read, good-guy-greg, kill-it-with-fire, paranormal-fix, reviewed-2012, wtf-am-i-doing, the-hate-it-burns

DEAD[ish] is another one of my brilliant ideas. Why the hell did I order it? Why?? Not all freebies are good. I need to get this phrase in my mind. Hammer it in there and hope that I won’t make mistakes like this again.

You know what my problem is? Every time I see a freebie, I tend to click the “order” button. Every. Single. Time. It’s instinct. I don’t even bother reading the description. And then I find myself reading junk and wonder “Oh nooo why did I get the book?”. Well, boo-hoo dumbass bec ...more

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Mar 04, 2013 Becky rated it did not like it

Shelves: 2013, mystery-and-thrillers, ebook_nook, reviewed, disappointing, made-my-eyes-bleed

Errr... Right. Where to even start?

I picked this up for free a while back for my Nook, because, come on - that cover is cute! I just now got around to reading it, though, and, well, it wasn't the best.

This whole story, novella, whatever, just felt unfinished. Starting from a whole chapter of Mike's monologue to someone about how his wife/girlfriend (I think gf, though) died, and then another chapter from Trent's perspective with his own monologue... and I started to wonder that each section wo Errr... Right. Where to even start?

I picked this up for free a while back for my Nook, because, come on - that cover is cute! I just now got around to reading it, though, and, well, it wasn't the best.

This whole story, novella, whatever, just felt unfinished. Starting from a whole chapter of Mike's monologue to someone about how his wife/girlfriend (I think gf, though) died, and then another chapter from Trent's perspective with his own monologue... and I started to wonder that each section would be that kind of story-progressing-dialogue-I-hate - only with a twist of not actually being dialogue at all, but just one person talking to themselves...

Oh yes, quite. I agree. Juvenile and awkward. Quite right.

(Yeah, like that.)

So then things move along, shifting around from perspective to perspective, and in the end I just found myself wondering what the actual story was. There were a lot of Things That Happened, but there seemed to be missing one of those plot thingies.

The Quick Rundown, and there will be spoilers: Mike's girlfriend/maybe-wife is dead and haunting him because she thinks he killed her. He claims it was an accident, and that they argued after she cheated on him with the flamboyantly-gay-no-only-mostly-gay neighbors, and he slapped her, she fell and hit her head and died. Only, there's no body. And the girlfriend/maybe-wife is haunting him until she gets it back. Only to find out that, uhh, it's not available. Because... Mike barbequed her and fed her to the very same flamboyantly-gay-no-only-mostly-gay neighbors she was supposed to have cheated on him with - or did he ask her to do it? Nobody seems to really know.

But, gaping plot-(haha what plot?)-holes... If Genius Mike claimed that the death was an accident, how, exactly, did he plan to make that stick when there's no body? Even if he wasn't being haunted and harassed by his murder victim? I mean, logistically, there's got to be blood evidence out the wazoo to have cut her up into cookable and eatable pieces. Hair, bones, bloody clothes... all things that would leave lots of mess and wouldn't have been served at the neighborhood cook-out.

But to add insult to injury and hobble this "story" a little more, Mike then goes ahead and tells the neighbors what they just ate, so that they'd have to, I dunno, cover for him. I dunno about you, but I don't get it.. It's not like they were in on the murder, so why tell them? Because he's clearly not the brightest bulb on the tree (one), and because Trent wouldn't have his deus ex machina drunken flamboyantly-gay-no-only-mostly-gay neighbor spill the beans and wrap up the story (two).

The characters were one dimensional, lifeless (ha-ha, see what I did there?), and moronic caricatures in the extreme.

Don't waste your time on this one. The only good thing I can say about it is that reading it on the smallest font size on my nook apparently counted as two pages each, so it was over really fast.

One star for my nook's awesomeness. ...more

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Dec 22, 2011 Yvensong rated it liked it

Shelves: mysteries-and-thrillers, ebook, free-from-pub-or-author

I have a mixed reaction to this story. I think it would have been more intriguing if it had been fleshed out a little more, with some more clues leading to the revelation of what had happened to the ghost's body. The characters were interesting enough and the premise was fun, with a bit of humor thrown in. Sometimes, the abrupt leap from one character's narrative to another was distracting, and I believe if the story was longer that form would have worked a whole lot better.

I would enjoy seeing ...more

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Sep 04, 2016 Sophia Triad rated it it was ok

Shelves: 2contemporary-lovestories, crime-mafia

Linda is a ghost who wants revenge and her body back.
Mike is her boyfriend who killed her and now he is tortured by her ghost.
Geordie and Lazarus are their two hottie bisexual neighbours who seem to know a lot about what happened.
Trent is an exorcist and private investigator who talks to both Linda and Mike and is trying to understand what is going on, where is Linda body, what is the truth and not to be killed in the process.
It was not a bad read. It was short (I finished it in less than half ...more

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Oct 12, 2010 VLynch rated it really liked it

Shelves: humor, mystery

I read this while recovering from the stomach flu, and let me tell you I felt awful. I needed something light and funny. This was just perfect. My husband was sleeping next to me while I was reading this book, and I have to tell you there were a few times I was laughing so much I was afraid I was going to wake him up. It's a short story but well worth it. It was a wonderful pick me up, and great belly laughs. I have never read a book by Naomi Kramer, but this book has made me a fan!

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Aug 27, 2012 Zep rated it did not like it

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I really can't understand any rating above ... say a 2 for this book. this is the only 'thriller/horror/mystery' thing I've ever encountered where the answers provided in the story raise far more questions than were answered. *additional spoiler warning* for example:

where's her body?
a. oh, we ate it.
you ate it? her entire body? does this author have any notion at all
of how difficult such a thing is? what would they have done with organs? ate them too, I suppose? bones? washed it down with a he ...more

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May 13, 2011 Neil Schiller rated it liked it

I have real mixed feelings about this book. Where do I start? Ok, let's look at the positives. At the heart of DEAD(ish) is a great idea. It's quirky and it's different and it's quite original. I wasn't 100% convinced of the narrative twist where the ghost of Linda finds out what happened to her body, but I was convinced enough. It just about worked in an offbeat, Chuck Palahniuk kind of way. And it's fair to say that Naomi Kramer can write. She has a great style which flows well and has an edge ...more

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Jan 10, 2012 Julianne Snow rated it really liked it

Recently I picked up this little gem for free from Amazon. Here’s the synopsis exactly as I first read it…

Linda’s had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won’t tell her what he did with her body, and she can’t find the stupid thing herself. There’s only one thing she can do – torment the bastard until he coughs up the information.

So you can see why I was intrigued!

Normally I d ...more

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Mar 19, 2011 Trisha rated it it was ok

The Professional Description
Linda’s had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won’t tell her what he did with her body and she can’t find the stupid thing herself. There’s only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the information.

A Bit of a Ramble
I read this quickly and probably a bit hazily on the plane ride back from Vegas. Five days of partying with m ...more

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Nov 29, 2010 Penelope Fletcher rated it liked it

Short, vulgar and funny as hell. This book's saving grace is how honest it is. Because at times my language is just as foul as Linda's. I started reading this, not taking it too seriously (the cover hinted at its quirkiness), and it didn't lie. I read it on my way into work. Don't take it too seriously and you'll have a blast.

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Jun 10, 2018 Penny Raspenny rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: chick-lit, let-me-slap-her

WHAT DID I JUST READ?

Scrolling through iBooks on you iPhone when you're bored, is not a good idea.

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Mar 22, 2013 Tara Lee rated it did not like it

I got this book, I believe, because it was free on Amazon and initially the premise was interesting. At first. The description for Dead(ish) by Naomi Kramer on Goodreads had a disclaimer that there was foul language but really... dropping the F-bomb 5 times on the first page and throwing in who knows how many other curse words is necessary?

Linda wants to find her body. So she's hired a PI to try and weasel out of her ex boyfriend where it is. How can a ghost hire a PI, you may ask. I don't know I got this book, I believe, because it was free on Amazon and initially the premise was interesting. At first. The description for Dead(ish) by Naomi Kramer on Goodreads had a disclaimer that there was foul language but really... dropping the F-bomb 5 times on the first page and throwing in who knows how many other curse words is necessary?

Linda wants to find her body. So she's hired a PI to try and weasel out of her ex boyfriend where it is. How can a ghost hire a PI, you may ask. I don't know. And it isn't explained.

I understand that the story is only 45 pages long but the entire thing skipped back and forth between so many different perspectives and it just felt disjointed and forced. I don't have a problem with cursing in stories.... unfortunately I do it in real life. But honestly, where is the line drawn between cursing and completely taking away from the story itself?

It wasn't long enough to do the story it COULD have been any justice.

Trent was supposed to be a detective or a PI or something... but was completely clueless and had no idea what he was doing it seemed. He complained most of the time that Linda was getting on his nerves and he wished she'd go bother Mike... and then all of the sudden at the end of the story had some weird sympathy for her that came out of nowhere and made no sense.

Mike was a crude and vulgar jerk (maybe the only person in the entire story that was portrayed the way he should have been). He never showed any remorse or compassion or even disgust for the fact that he (spoiler alert) ATE HER. He was completely one dimensional but it didn't feel like that was done on purpose.

Geordi and Laz were their gay (but only most of the time) next door neighbors who liked to have "party time" outside where everyone could see. Their relationship and attitude seemed completely forced (like the story) and fake and I had a hard time believing any of the dialogue between the two of them, or them and anyone else. It just didn't seem like the way two people (gay or not) would actually speak.

I didn't like the story. I don't think that's a surprise or a big shocker. It made no sense. Nothing popped out at me to say "Look at that! Keep reading!" I was more reading just so I could get to the end and get it over with. Apparently there are more books that follow this, but I won't be reading them.

It's not a book I would recommend to anyone (especially anyone under the age of 18). The description is misleading in that it makes it wound like an interesting story to read. And it just isn't. Man I hate reading books I don't like. Bums me out. ...more

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Feb 28, 2011 Nathan rated it did not like it

Shelves: horror, read-2011

Considering I got this for free, I can't say I paid too much for it, however the half hour it took to read could have been spent doing so many other things.

I was going to write horrible mean things because I felt it was appropriate since I only gave it one star, but it wasn't a complete and total waste of digital paper.

The story actually had a decent base. The murdered girlfriend haunting her murderous boyfriend trying to find her body. That's got funny potential. Private eyes and gay neighbor ...more

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Sep 21, 2013 Lila Lockhart rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: aussie-readers, patriotism-much, funny, ghosts, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, anyone-for-vomit, paranormal, mystery, short-stories, horror

WARNING: This review is going to contain bitching. A lot of bitching. While I like to be fairly positive with my reviews, sadly folks, this is not going to be one of them. Sorry!

I was absolutely appalled by this book. I didn't have high expectations to being with, yet they still managed to be pulverized to a paste. Thank the heavens that this was a short and free book.

Never have I seen such a clusterfuck of morally deprived, uncultured and plain eye-roll-worthy characters in once place. They we ...more

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Mar 09, 2011 Indigo rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: girl-power

In the urban fantasy/supernatural detective genre it is nice to see someone branching out a bit with feminist and GBLT issues.

DEAD(ish) is only 100 pages long, and it gives you the characters, sitch, plot, conflict, and resolution. But at onlt 100 pages, it gives them to you with very little else.

I would never have known Linda was a blonde if I hadn't seen the first dew pages of the next book.

I would've loved to know more about Trent and how Linda came to choose him. And while we do get told w ...more

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Dec 11, 2011 Brian Fatah Steele rated it really liked it

Shelves: bizarre-fiction, dark-fantasy, horror, humor

To be blunt, Naomi Kramer's humor is not for those who may find their delicate sensibilities easily offended. There's sex, death, LOTS of swearing - and that's just in the first few pages. It's darkly delicious, meant for only those who truly appreciate a more brutal type of laughs. If one can imagine the depraved horror of Edward Lee crossed with the absurdity of Christopher Moore, you might end up with the sharp silliness presented by Kramer. Personally, I laughed out loud a handful of times, ...more

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May 12, 2011 Marvin rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: humor, short-fiction

This is a short novelette and it was free so I can't complain too much about it. Cute idea but falters on the execution. Got quite a few laughs out of it but it still felt like a rough draft. Two mehs.

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Dec 30, 2013 SpookySoto rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: scifi-fantasy

This book is supposed to be funny, but it's not.
I got it for free and only read it because of my reading challenge: "a book with bad reviews", and this had a lower rating in my TBR.
I don't recommend it

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Feb 16, 2017 Tiffany Turner rated it really liked it · review of another edition

This book was very cute. I quite enjoyed it.

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May 08, 2018 DoodlePanda rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: shorties-under-100-pages, murderers-and-psycopaths, ghosts

The idea behind the books showed some promise, but I feel it didn't deliver.
I think that the characters weren't well constructed and there are some plot holes.
And a lot of swearing just thrown in everywhere. Now I have been known to use a swear word or two myself when the situation calls for it, but there is so much here it gets a little silly.

At least I got it for free on the Kindle :)

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Dec 23, 2012 LG (A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions) rated it did not like it

Shelves: read-2011, mystery-or-thriller, 1-star, format-ebook, acquired-free

I downloaded this because the cute, visually appealing cover art led me to believe it would be a funny book in the same vein as Christopher Moore's A Dirty Job, or possibly even MaryJanice Davidson's Undead and Unwed or Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys. Yeah, I read a lot more into that cover image than I should have. It really is a nice-looking cover, though.

I'll get this next part out of the way quickly: If you're easily offended by swear words, don't even touch this. I think there are maybe 1-4 per ...more

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Oct 06, 2010 Craig Hansen rated it really liked it

After reading DEAD(ish), which I got for free thanks to an Amazon-initiated sale, I felt I should give Naomi something back, so here's a review. DEAD(ish) is a longish short story or maybe a shortish short novel. Whatever you want to call it, it piqued my curiosity with its concept: a dead girl bugging a private eye to find her body so she can rest in peace.

Somehow, Naomi Kramer managed to juggle five main characters and tell the story from (if I counted right) three narrative voices and yet nev ...more

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May 11, 2011 Literary Ames {Against GR Censorship} rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: kindle, free-read, read-in-2011, paranormal, short-story, 1st-in-series, series-continue

A quirky and humorous story that although may seem stupid to some, I found quite entertaining. The language, especially Mike's, had me thinking this was a short story set in Britain but was confused by the use of the $ sign. It's Australian.

Linda's methods of revenge as a ghost on her still living ex, whom she suspects killed her and has hidden her body, are ingenious and hilariously funny though as a person she's incredibly annoying, at least from Trent's, the paranormal private investigator sh ...more

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Jan 02, 2012 Nona rated it liked it · review of another edition

"Dead(ish)" was the very first book I read on my Kindle device. It is a short and fairly fast paced read, so I finished it in less than one day.

I'll start by saying there is a lot of talent to be seen in this work.

Naomi Kramer did a fine job outlining a story here, but it does feel like its only an outline. It was good enough to keep me reading long enough to finish it instead of just moving on to my next title, but not quite good enough to make me want to immediately buy the next one.

The thing ...more

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Dec 25, 2011 Amanda rated it it was ok

Shelves: free-kindle-books, 2012-reads

If I had known that 93% was technically 100% of this book I could have finished this last night. I should have stuck with it even though I was ready for bed. Either way I'm done and I'm so glad I didn't pay anything for this book. I don't think I've read a book that uses the "F" word as frequently as this book. And I know I've read alot of books that don't refrain from using it or other choice words.

Anyways the idea of the story isn't terrible but I didn't like any of the characters all that mu ...more

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May 21, 2013 Selina rated it liked it

Shelves: fantasy, short-stories, ghosts, kindle, weird-writing-style, read-in-2013

Pretty funny story. A lot of swearing in it, I think you can read 'fuck' on every single page. Also 'arse' is really common. And it keeps jumping from one person and his situation to another on every half page. Since the point of view keeps jumping from one character to another, I didn't think that there was a real protagonist. So I couldn't really empathize with someone. (Which I think is important.) It makes the story chaotic and it kind of looks like a mess. So it's clearly not the best writi ...more

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Sep 01, 2013 Nicole rated it did not like it

I downloaded this for free on my Nook because the synopsis sounded interesting. HUGE MISTAKE! In the first two pages the f bomb is dropped over fifteen times, three times in one sentence alone. There was no plot, no cohesiveness, absolutely nothing to keep me turning the page. The author lacks creativity and just seemed to not have a decent grasp of a vocabulary beyond that of a thirteen year old trying to shock their peers by using vulgarity. I wish I could give it a zero star rating, it was TH ...more

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Jun 03, 2013 Charity Parkerson rated it liked it

It was okay. I'm not sure I understand how this is going to be a whole series but for a short story is was enjoyable. I say, give it a shot. It took me a few minutes of reading to get used to the odd way Mike spoke and I kept having to flip back in the story because I would forget who POV I was in, but other than that it was good.
Linda has been murdered and on the hunt for her body so she hired PI, Trent, to find it. In the meantime, she's spending all her free time tormenting her boyfriend Mike ...more

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About Naomi Kramer

Naomi Kramer

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I grew up in a little country town called Walla Walla. A tiny place - about 600 people and a Lutheran church that, ironically, could seat all of them. Walla Walla had one big thing going for it - a lack of FUN trouble to get into. So when I was a kid, I spent most of my leisure time reading. And writing. And imagining weird stuff. I come by that talent naturally, you know - my mother has a nutty i ...more