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How to Love a Difficult Man
Sensible advice.Publishers WeeklyThis good sensible advice will help any woman find happiness even though the man in her life is difficult. The problems he presents may be annoying, infuriating, or even dangerous, but you can learn when to take an emotional risk, when to take a stand, when to say no, when to leave. Nancy Goods book will help you avoid getting trapped by guilt, powerlessness, and depression so that you can get the love you need from a difficult man."Good's book is better than most,"The Kirkus Review
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1987
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
February 28, 2018
Profound in its simplicity--practical psychology for typical male-female dynamics. Although this is a relief from the emphasis on diagnoses and labeling of much more up to date books (this is from the 80s), it mostly just corroborates what I already know. That it is important for women to take the charge in relationship communication and to understand the male mind so to speak. I would add that a great relationship is not a given. It is the result of a lot of attention, like tending to a garden it takes effort and love to make it work.
April 24, 2022
This book took me a lot longer to finish than it should have, even considering overlooking that it is dated, and even if I would have read it during the time period it was published, it is flawed.
A few of the points it makes that are useful, are common sense, and you go oh yeah I recognize that as soon as you read it; basically validating stuff you already know, but not really giving new information.. I purchased this a long time ago and it ended up on a shelf and never read. I'm finally getting around to cleaning up my books and decided to read it. I wish I would have lost it.
The title is a misnomer. It's less about how to love a difficult man and more about how to change him or change your way of viewing that he is difficult. Actually if you read through the entirety of the book you find that the author suggests that all men are difficult men and that women should accommodate that, and that women are responsible for correcting all their flaws (both his and hers) by either pointing them out to the man in a nice way or by recognizing that all of his flaws and your reactions to them are inspired because of each of your parents. His parents ruined him and your parents ruined you. Nothing is as ever as simple as that. The more you accommodate him, the more he will expect it. Saying something nice doesn't mean he'll accept it, it truly depends on the person. And if you're looking for this book because you feel like you're in a difficult situation he's not that person.
The front of the book says a practical step by step program, actually it's not practical at all - it is all theory. It's like one of those classes you take and you learn all this theory, but then when it comes to real life it's nothing like real life. It will not work the way it claims. If you believe it will you will be disappointed.
The author uses way too many quotes from books and movies which are completely irrelevant to proving her authority, and have no reason or business being noted in the first place. It is rare when she actually quotes from someone that has any authority on the subject. I'm not sure how pulling quotes from fictitious novels is supposed to be relevant in any way to a self-help book. It's like fillers and nothing more.
Grammar and spelling errors ignored for poor editing, does not justify her suggestions and assumptions about someone being violent or not violent. Just because you say it multiple times doesn't change it. If you are in a violent situation get out of it and get somewhere safe. End of story. Even suggesting that two people who have left previous relationships for an infatuation with each other should work harder to make their relationship work makes no sense. They were willing to leave previous relationships with the belief that grass was greener because they just fell from one infatuation to the next. That is not a foundation to build a relationship on at any level.
Not being happy that someone is always late does not mean that it's because your father abandoned you. Someone being late is being disrespectful of your time and it has nothing to do with your past as much as their own inability to recognize the selfishness of making someone else wait for them all the time. Ignoring it doesn't mean it will go away. Good luck with that one! Saying that what appears as selfish isn't really and you need to look deeper and realize that they're not being selfish that it's the way you're responding to it this whole book blames the woman and puts all of the burden of making the relationship work on the woman. The burden of the relationship is on both people.
I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone, the best thing you can do with it is use it for a book folding and find a better book to help you with your relationship.
A few of the points it makes that are useful, are common sense, and you go oh yeah I recognize that as soon as you read it; basically validating stuff you already know, but not really giving new information.. I purchased this a long time ago and it ended up on a shelf and never read. I'm finally getting around to cleaning up my books and decided to read it. I wish I would have lost it.
The title is a misnomer. It's less about how to love a difficult man and more about how to change him or change your way of viewing that he is difficult. Actually if you read through the entirety of the book you find that the author suggests that all men are difficult men and that women should accommodate that, and that women are responsible for correcting all their flaws (both his and hers) by either pointing them out to the man in a nice way or by recognizing that all of his flaws and your reactions to them are inspired because of each of your parents. His parents ruined him and your parents ruined you. Nothing is as ever as simple as that. The more you accommodate him, the more he will expect it. Saying something nice doesn't mean he'll accept it, it truly depends on the person. And if you're looking for this book because you feel like you're in a difficult situation he's not that person.
The front of the book says a practical step by step program, actually it's not practical at all - it is all theory. It's like one of those classes you take and you learn all this theory, but then when it comes to real life it's nothing like real life. It will not work the way it claims. If you believe it will you will be disappointed.
The author uses way too many quotes from books and movies which are completely irrelevant to proving her authority, and have no reason or business being noted in the first place. It is rare when she actually quotes from someone that has any authority on the subject. I'm not sure how pulling quotes from fictitious novels is supposed to be relevant in any way to a self-help book. It's like fillers and nothing more.
Grammar and spelling errors ignored for poor editing, does not justify her suggestions and assumptions about someone being violent or not violent. Just because you say it multiple times doesn't change it. If you are in a violent situation get out of it and get somewhere safe. End of story. Even suggesting that two people who have left previous relationships for an infatuation with each other should work harder to make their relationship work makes no sense. They were willing to leave previous relationships with the belief that grass was greener because they just fell from one infatuation to the next. That is not a foundation to build a relationship on at any level.
Not being happy that someone is always late does not mean that it's because your father abandoned you. Someone being late is being disrespectful of your time and it has nothing to do with your past as much as their own inability to recognize the selfishness of making someone else wait for them all the time. Ignoring it doesn't mean it will go away. Good luck with that one! Saying that what appears as selfish isn't really and you need to look deeper and realize that they're not being selfish that it's the way you're responding to it this whole book blames the woman and puts all of the burden of making the relationship work on the woman. The burden of the relationship is on both people.
I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone, the best thing you can do with it is use it for a book folding and find a better book to help you with your relationship.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews