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Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited

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4.18  ·  Rating details ·  691 ratings  ·  67 reviews
You are not alone!

Are YOU Abused? Stalked? Harassed? Victimized? Confused and Frightened? Were you brought up by a Narcissistic or Psychopathic Parent? Married to a Narcissist or a Psychopath - or Divorcing One? Afraid your children will turn out to be narcissists or psychopaths? Want to cope with this pernicious, baffling condition?

OR: Are You a Narcissist or a Psychopath
...more
Paperback, 9th revised impression, 680 pages
Published June 13th 2013 by Narcissus Publications,Czech Republic (first published February 1st 1999)
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Average rating 4.18  · 
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BlackOxford
Feb 06, 2022 rated it liked it
Shelves: israeli, psychology
Present Without Conviction

According to Sam Vaknin, Narcissism is sort of PTSD resulting from either an extreme overvaluation or undervaluation of a person in infancy. It is an habitual adaptation that defends against the fear of emotional and physical abandonment by the parents, especially the mother. The most self-destructive and socially manifest form of Narcissism is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) which is defined officially by the AMA as a mental disease. Vaknin interprets the offic
...more
Pearlyn Lim
Nov 29, 2012 rated it liked it
Shelves: pearlyn-s-reads
The best and worst aspect of this book is that it is written by someone suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD. As a result, while it is honest and illuminating, the writing is unnecessarily bombastic, repetitive with pages devoted to Sam's self-proclaimed achievements. This book itself, its convoluted organization, its pages dedicated to the author's resume, its choice of jargon and big words sheds more light into what NPD is all about than the content of the writing. An intere ...more
Linda
Aug 20, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Sam did a magnificent job writing Malignant Self Love. To be honest the pages will mean very little to you: if you have never encountered such a personality. When you have been close to a NPD and have been touched by it. The are more than words and observations of a personality/behaviors. I recommend this book to everyone. There are more than one type of NPD and they can be quite successful. I do recommend this book to all especially late teens it can only do them good to learn of constructive b ...more
Heather Fowler
Aug 03, 2013 rated it it was amazing
This text, as a book, is not nearly as compelling in its structure as it is in its contents. That said, as a psychological primer, a study of certain personality types, it has a lot to add and some very interesting views. Personally, I find the YouTube videos by Vaknin to be fascinating and would recommend watching them if this interests you. The videos add a layer of interpretive sensitivity that the book sometimes misses representing. If women are attracted to narcissists and Vaknin offers hel ...more
Andrew
Jan 02, 2009 rated it it was ok
While this lengthy (600-odd pages) and expensive (this paperback retailed for around fifty bucks, and that was ten years ago) tome contains some interesting and useful info, it is buried in a book that is a pretty tough slog (due to issues of format and editing, rather than content). Vaknin writes a blog, from which much of this is compiled (I first heard about this book, in fact, on the internet, where Vaknin has a disturbingly vociferous cult). It's not actually a coherently written book, but ...more
Kerry
Jul 31, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
Wow, did this book hit a nerve! This is the climate of my youth, although I didn't recognize it until much later. Now I'm finding that recovering from a childhood with the parent(s) described in this book is not as easy as one might think. I keep discovering sides of myself that I never really knew how to explain. Now it all makes sense! It doesn't solve the problem, but it makes sense! ...more
Margaret
Jan 27, 2009 rated it it was amazing
The unique aspect about this book is that it is written by someone with Narcissism. There are quite a few books about Narcissism but this one really helps you understand this disorder inside and out, probably because it is written by someone who experiences it personally. If you are involved with people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, this is a must-read to be able to get into their mind and know how to think. Especially if you do not have NPD, this is a must read because you will get hu ...more
Vanessa
Aug 03, 2009 rated it liked it
definitely illuminating and disconcerting...in order to heal and move on i would recommend more constructive and positive reads, like The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, The Road Less Traveled, and Eckhart Tolle's works, and a lot of self-love. ...more
Farah
Jul 07, 2012 rated it really liked it
When dealing with a narcissist never think in a human way because he is not
Every one has a normal range of self confident but when it is too high it will be a malignant narcissist.
Relationship with a narcissist is toxic, and you should run away from him.
A narcissist has a revenge in his heart and hates every body even him self
This is why he acts so weird, and when he wants something he will be too sweet until take it then will get rid of you if he feel you are not as a supply for him
He can't fin
...more
Kendra
Aug 30, 2011 rated it it was amazing
If you can tolerate the thick accent...the author has a fantastic Youtube channel which consists of him basically just reading excerpts from the book. If you have a narcissist in your life(and you do), especially a family member, I highly recommend his book AND the Youtube site...I found myself staring at the screen with my mouth open: http://www.youtube.com/user/narcissis... ...more
Melissa Jones
Aug 10, 2012 rated it really liked it
I considered this book a self-help for me. I found myself in a work-situation, or one might say culture, that I often would refer to as a "Narcissistic Camp" This book helped me understand the pathological thinking of the brutality I was undergoing. My mind did not think in that capacity, so reading this aided me to self-defense. Highly recommended for anyone in a narcissistic situation. ...more
Louise Allana
Mar 13, 2014 rated it did not like it
What a disturbed person this author is. Steer clear. There are other books about this subject that are easier to read and much better for you.
Bogdan Purcareata
Dec 20, 2016 rated it liked it
"Malignant Self-Love" is a detailed and all-encompassing portrait of an almost invisible disorder - at least at a superficial level. It depicts narcissism when it's already reached the state of personality disorder, the tricky thing being that narcissistic tendencies and responses are visible in each healthy individual, manifested in milder forms - self-worth, self-appreciation, self-respect. When these feelings go rampant, over extended periods of time, or used abusively as coping mechanisms, t ...more
Fallen
Jan 01, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Regretfully, I have to say it wasn’t by choice I came across this book. How it came to be in my reader marked a dark time in my life not too long ago: I was abandoned by advisory staff, stalked at my college campus, and ultimately left to my own devices with no aid or recourse. This ensued early on in my degree programme amidst countless postponements or no-replies from my supervisor which substantially delayed my project and resulted in my paying out of pocket for an extra term to consolidate t ...more
Anastasia
Mar 08, 2021 rated it it was amazing
Sam Vaknin is an invaluable living phenomenon for the psychological community. His profound knowledge of the subject matter and highly developed self-awareness for a person with the NPD combined with extreme honesty and courage to share his conditions and experiences allow clinical psychologists and healthy people living with narcissists to understand the nature of NPD people.

We can see their wounded children peeking from behind their False-Selves, their destructive hate, envy and aggression th
...more
Connie Ferrell
Mar 10, 2015 rated it it was amazing

An entire world of understanding is offered by this unique book.
It not only speaks with authority and knowledge about the challenge and
heartbreak of Narcissistic Personality Disorder but to the narcissism inherent in the human personality itself.
How do we live and hold our own reality against the powerful invasion and
control of the dangerous Narcissists in our path while understanding the selfishness in our own minds?
Armed with this book one can understand and protect oneself. Groundbreaking
...more
Walter Sylesh
Apr 16, 2020 rated it really liked it
Very interesting read. A pompous one too, written by a self-professed narcissist who feeds his ego by seemingly helping victims of abuse. Could personally relate to a lot of the things he describes but I rather not be too verbose here lest I be guilty of the same things I accuse him of. Abuse survivors, who plan on reading this: Make sure you know your language or you'd just be subjected to another form of what narcissists are extremely good at- asserting their superiority. ...more
Cynthia Santiglia
May 04, 2013 rated it it was amazing
I try to avoid labels, deferring to psychiatric generalizations or compartmentalizing personalities casually. BUT- that said, Vaknin's observations and insights are bone-chillingly,heart-breakingly, and remarkably accurate. Impossible to ignore. ...more
George
Sep 17, 2020 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Do not waste your time reading this book. The author:
- Consistently confuses the general case with his own specific case.
- Employs a dizzying array of technical and pseudo-technical terms, including invention of a large number of acronyms, where none are required.
- Mixes his own poor and incomplete 'summaries' of psychological theory with his own musings of alternatives, which he blends in and presents as if they were equally credible.
- Changes category orders and makes incomplete and varying re
...more
Barbara Spurll
Jan 01, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Written by an extremely self aware narcissist and renowned expert on narcissism, Malignant Self Love author Sam Vaknin helps you understand narcissism from the inside out. How to tell if you're a narcissist, what caused it, how to tell if you're the victim of a narcissist and what in you allowed that to happen and perpetuate, how to cope with a narcissist if you absolutely have to, and how curable is narcissism are all questions well addressed in the book. He also touches on paedophilia and ofte ...more
Theresa Perfetto
Jan 21, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: psych
Very well written book on a topic that is popular on bookshelves but not nearly as well organized, clear and comprehensive as this one. Very well written & articulated. Discussed origin of narcissism, developmentally and other personality disorders are compared. Best book I have read on this topic, ever. I recommend to patients frequently when teaching them about the various levels of Narcissism.. I would most def recommend. Excellent writer.
Lynn Tait
Sep 29, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Outstanding book on Narcissism. The inner workings and many layers, and thorough system breakdown describing types and sub-types of Narcissist personalities. Is not a short read, but worth it if your are interested in Social and Personality Psychology, or dealing with a Narcissist on some level.
My only complaint which the author addresses and explains is sticking with a male models as examples and saying little directly about females with NPD.
Kelly Mayfield
Nov 09, 2010 rated it really liked it
Wow! Excellent information for anyone who has one of these in their lives--in their family, at work, etc. I was amazed at how many personality traits and behaviors I recognized in those I know who suffer with this (more than I'd like). It is helpful to understand what their motivations are rather than just being hurt or angry with them all the time. ...more
Terrance
Aug 01, 2008 rated it it was amazing
This is an excellent book to read regarding psychopathic narcissists, or malignant narcissism. A very difficult read for many, but if you understand the subject matter well, you'll understand this book. Not for the layman. ...more
Richard Fartswell
May 28, 2015 rated it did not like it
I noticed in the online versions, the author keeps referring to narcissists as "he" or "himself" and whatnot.

This book is either gynocentric, or misandrist.

I won't waste my time or money until the author revamps it to read "them" or "themself".
...more
Melissa
Dec 02, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: anyone who has to deal with someone with narcisisstic personality disorder
this book made me feel so sad. i don't want to get into the details, but i highly recommend it to anyone who wants to better understand narcissistic personality disorder. ...more
Sirmai1975
Feb 21, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Very popular book never knew such person existed
Faith
Sep 09, 2012 rated it really liked it
Snippets from this book helped me immensely.
Jean Gonnella
Very helpful only because I had to end a relationship with a narcissistic person and unfortunately it was the only book that existed at the time in which I was dealing leaving a very narcissistic man. This book is really repetitive but maybe it needed to be so I got the point. Many other books have come out now but I have not read them so I can not speak to them. The most valuable thing I learned from this book is that I could not continue to be just be friends with the narcissistic person becau ...more
John Doyle
Jun 09, 2021 rated it liked it
In all honesty, this was one of the hardest books I have ever read. In general, Narcissism is not a pleasant reality as anyone who has dealt with full-fledged cases of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) knows only too well, and I would not say that Sam Vaknin has sugarcoated the reality. The book is not without its merits, however. Mr. Vaknin does a superb job describing the symptoms, origins, and minutest details of the complex phenomenon; if anything, this book is extremely helpful as a f ...more
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Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East, as well as many other books and ebooks about topics in psychology, relationships, philosophy, economics, international affairs, and award-winning short fiction.

He is the Editor-in-Chief of Global Politician and served as a columnist for Central Europe
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135 likes · 50 comments
“Hate is the complement of fear and narcissists like being feared. It imbues them with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence.” 103 likes
“Often the narcissist believes that other people are "faking it", leveraging emotional displays to achieve a goal. He is convinced that their ostensible "feelings" are grounded in ulterior, non-emotional motives. Faced with other people's genuine emotions, the narcissist becomes suspicious and embarrassed. He feels compelled to avoid emotion-tinged situations, or worse, experiences surges of almost uncontrollable aggression in the presence of expressed sentiments. They remind him how imperfect he is and how poorly equipped.” 46 likes
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