You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes: And Other Great Advice from an Unlikely Preacher's Wife

by Lisa McKay

An utterly honest, charmingly-witty, and biblically insightful guide for every minister’s wife who wants to serve the church and support her husband without losing herself along the way.

When most women think of a “pastor’s wife,” certain images come to mind: either a woman who’s so holy she doesn’t seem human, or someone sentenced to a life without fun, fashion, or friends. You will feel an instant sisterhood with Lisa, a senior pastor’s wife happily serving in the trenches. She understands the challenges of a life lived before a congregation, from finding friends and coping with criticism to saying goodbye and starting all over again.

Through Lisa’s engaging style and fresh perspective, you’ll be encouraged to fully embrace being “married to the ministry”!

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Christian Living, Christianity, Religion, Christian Non Fiction, Ebooks

208 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2010

About the author

Lisa McKay has followed God’s call and husband Luke’s U-Haul across five states for fifteen years. They serve at a thriving church in Alabama, where they are raising their four children.

Reviews

[Shaun Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

McKay writes in a highly engaging manner such that it was a breeze to keep reading on and on and on! I sensed her larger than life personality and great passion for the topic jumping out the pages. I thoroughly enjoyed her authenticity and wisdom; her frank and insightful sharing has opened my eyes to the scary reality of the unrealistic expectations of a pastor's wife (and children). It has also encouraged me to face these challenges head-on, because at least now I am aware and can take pre-emptive action, for example, preparing my family for what is to come by assuring them they can be whoever God wants them to be and not pretend to be somebody that they think they are expected to be.

McKay's strength is not in theology -there were several questionable sections where she dived into the meaning of biblical terms in their original languages and engaged in putting her own interpretation into Scripture. While her target audience would not be too bothered by these, and should enjoy the insight and advice from this battle-hardened preacher's wife. I'd nevertheless have to subtract a star from an otherwise 5-star book until these issues are ironed out.

I read this book in 2015 and wrote the following: "While I am no preacher's wife, I am a male seminary student. I recommended it to my girlfriend, and she thoroughly enjoyed the read. That says alot, because she absolutely not a book person (she claims that reading books hypnotise her to sleep). It generated a couple of things to deliberate and discuss about, as I prepare to enter into my beloved Christ's service!"

Now I am re-reading it in 2018 as a married man with graduation from bible school in a couple of weeks. Whereas the 2015 me came away with a positive and can-do attitude, I am ashamed to admit that I was rather angered by the audacious demands that some congregations made of ministers' wives. The 2018 me is more pragmatic and realistic, knowing that I have to firmly establish the expectations and limits of my family's involvement before accepting any ministerial position.

All things considered, I'd think that this is still a rather good gift especially for women dating or engaged to men about to enter into pastoral ministry.

[Sharon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fairly niche in some ways, in that McKay is writing about her experiences as a pastor's wife in the South (and in relatively conservative communities, I think?) A lot of the experiences she's had and expectations that have been placed on her are pretty foreign to me (thankfully, in most cases!), but I was still encouraged and found her writing to be honest and humorous (but not overly twee, the way Christian-lite books can often be). To me, the best and most applicable aspects of the book are the parts where she'd talk about the interpersonal dynamic between her and her husband, and how his vocation affects their marriage and family life. The thoughts and struggles she shared in that arena really resonated with me. I also appreciated that she both included voices/lessons from laypeople as well as suggestions to laypeople regarding how to encourage and support their ministers/ministers' wives. I thought that touch broadened the potential audience for the book really well.

[Amydeanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Lisa’s humor. She had me laughing and smiling when she talked about her loud mouth and sighing when she explained about some of the inappropriate expectations placed on her and other wives.

I don’t think you have to be married to the ministry to appreciate Lisa’s plight. Any woman who wants to represent Christ better, and be a godly wife to her husband will benefit from this book. I found myself jotting down notes and appreciating her “bloggy friends” who she shared their comments at the end of some of the chapters. I even found myself snorting and holding my breath because she had discussed something that I had been contemplating only a few moments before picking up the book.

***Special thanks to Audra Jennings of The B&B Media Group for sending me a review copy.***

[John Yelverton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lisa McKay does a fantastic job addressing both perceived and actual issues pastors' wives will face, and does it in a way that is both humorous and rich in Scripture.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars, better than just ok, but not quite good. I think I have a major departure from McKay because I have a very different understanding of what a pastor does, the qualifications and specific calling he must have, and what a pastor's wife is supposed to "do" or "be". But I did appreciate her candor and occasional humor (sometimes over the top though), and she had some practical insights that were encouraging and helpful to think outside myself/my experiences. I would recommend "Letters to Pastors' Wives" compiled by Catherine Stewart much more highly (except for 2 letters which I've expanded on in my review on that book).

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good points to ponder for the layperson as well.

[Deserthomemaker]

I’m not really comfortable rating this, as I’m definitely not the target audience.

[Mandy J. Hoffman · Rating 4 out of 5]

BOOK OVERVIEW:

When most women think of a “pastor’s wife,” certain images come to mind: either a woman who is so holy she doesn’t seem human or someone sentenced to a life without fun, fashion, or friends. The sad truth is that pastor’s wives often walk a lonely road littered with impossible expectations and inconceivable identity crises. They’re the object of hallway conversations and sermon illustrations, but they rarely have the opportunity to be fully and freely transparent and unique.

Lisa McKay’s You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes is an utterly honest, charmingly witty, and biblically insightful guide for every minister’s wife who wants to serve the church and support her husband¾without losing herself along the way. You will feel an instant sisterhood with Lisa, a senior pastor’s wife happily serving in the trenches. She understands the challenges of a life lived before a congregation, from finding friends and coping with criticism to saying goodbye and starting all over again.

Through Lisa’s engaging style and fresh perspective, you’ll be encouraged to fully embrace being “married to the ministry”! In this book you’ll find answers to questions like:

* How can I effectively support my husband?
* What are my responsibilities within the church?
* Will ministry destroy my family? Am I doomed to a life of solitude?

The questions haven’t changed much over the years but the answers certainly have. Twenty-first century technology has introduced avenues to connect ministry wives in ways never before possible. Among other things, You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes demonstrates how to use online connectivity as a lifeline when isolation threatens to take over.

You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes is a must-have guide for every woman who wants to do the ministry wife “thing” well. Dealing with relationships between ministry wives, ministry families, and church congregations can be rewarding, confusing, and painful. With that in mind, Lisa uncovers insights from pastor’s wives and lay people as to how we can serve one another and Christ with faithfulness and humility.

MY REVIEW:

After reading this book I am nominating Lisa McKay to be the official BFF for every pastor's wife!

Lisa's book is beyond encouraging - it's real, fresh, practical, and like having a heart-to-heart chat with someone who really understands what life is like as a pastor's wife. It's not just another guide to being a pastor's wife, it's a friend for a pastor's wife.

While I can not say that I agree 100% with every last word Lisa says in this book, I can say that this book is finding a permanent home on my bookshelf! Lisa addresses topics such as being appropriate, how to leave a church, what expectations you should have for your PK's, how to NOT be your husband's worst enemy, and a whole lot more. I appreciate the vulnerability with which she wrote and the Biblical basis for what she wrote.

For a a new Pastor's Wife, this book will provide an honest approach to living out her new role. The older Pastor's Wife may be challenged to think through her previously formed convictions and for the hurting Pastor's Wife this book will be a balm of compassion and encouragement.

AUTHOR BIO:

Lisa McKay and her husband, Luke, serve at a thriving church in Alabama. Together they are happily – if not always properly—raising three rowdy boys and one dramatic girl. In addition to being a wife and mom, Lisa is also a popular conference speaker. Visit Lisa online at www.apreacherswife.com.

* * * * *

This review copy was provided courtesy of David C Cook and The B&B Media Group.

[Sunflower · Rating 5 out of 5]

"You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes" is a humorous and yet deeply encouraging book, written by Lisa McKay.

Don't let the title mislead you into thinking that you have to be a Pastor's wife to enjoy it. With a very humorous and deeply human touch, Lisa McKay, shares a witty look at the behind the scences experience of being a Pastor's wife.

Bringing a human look at an oft not thought about position in the church, it was both touching and engaging how Lisa McKay, explore the trials, tribulations and joys of being a Pastor's wife and not only provide sound advice for both those who are involved in the ministry and those who are not, but "You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes" also addresses issues that the "non-pastor" wife may experience, including issues such as a church that hurts.

The ancedotes that she shared from her beginnings prior to being a Pastor wife, to deep observations of interactions from before and behind the pulpit, I finished "You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes" not only chuckling and being reminded that Pastor Wives are human beings too, but also a look at my own preconceptions of Pastor Wives and also how, in the long run, we are all fellow believers, both with like and different opinions, in this awesome journey with our Heavenly Father.

Each chapter ends with not only insights to think about, but challenging questions as well, that is applicable to anyone whose involved in any level of ministry and a great reminder that we don't become any more of a "Super Being" but are still human beings.

I was pleasantly surprised as well, in Lisas' insight about blogging that I felt for many of us who blog for various reasons, could benefit from as well as encouraged in our blogging experiences.

A light and fun read, "You can Still Wear Cute Shoes" reminds all of us, that if we choose to go into ministry, be it through our spouses or personal decisions, that it's about who we are and yes, cute shoes are still applicable!

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title: YOU CAN STILL WEAR CUTE SHOES
Author: Lisa McKay
Publisher: David C. Cook
February 2010
ISBN: 978-1-4347-6726-4
Genre: Inspirational/ministry

YOU CAN STILL WEAR CUTE SHOES is a book to help women who’s husbands are planning on going into the ministry. Or, perhaps he’s already in it, and you just aren’t sure what your duties are when you are married to the pastor. Suddenly, you’re living in the fishbowl and struggling to survive.

Lisa McKay is a pastor’s wife and in honest terms described how she and her husband were close to divorce when he started going to church. He found the Lord and was called into the ministry, and she tried to copy a stern-faced old lady by dressing in old-person clothes, taming her hair and baking casseroles for everyone.

Most of us weren’t that extreme when our spouse announced his call to the ministry. But we all were a little lost. Are the churches going to get a “Two for the price of one” couple, or will she be able to stay home and raise her children while supporting her husband?

In a witty manner, you will be able to relate to Lisa McKay as she shares the challenges of a life lived before a congregation. She’ll walk you through finding friends to coping with criticism, to saying good-bye to a church family and starting over again.

YOU CAN STILL WEAR CUTE SHOES is a must read for every woman who is doing the ministry wife “thing.” If your husband is a pastor, or is in school to become a pastor, then YOU CAN STILL WEAR CUTE SHOES is a book you must read. $12.99. 208 pages.

[Sylvia · Rating 5 out of 5]

To all who may be wondering, no, I haven't gotten married, and no, I don't have any prospects of getting married, let alone getting married to a pastor. Despite my current state of single affairs, I found this book to be both informative and entertaining. Not only does the author present the information in this book in a clear and entertaining way, the information shared, I believe, is valuable to those in ministry circles. Although, the main target of this book is pastor's wives, I believe it is a useful book for anyone in ministry to read. Indeed, those not serving in ministry can benefit from the advice and encouragement the author shares in each chapter. For pastors wives, this book serves as a reminder that they are not alone and needn't feel for struggling through various seasons of ministry life. For those who are not pastors wives, this book provides a glimpse into the struggles, joys, pains, and triumphs inherent with being the wife of a pastor. The author humanizes a group of individuals who are oftentimes lifted to impossible expectations, illustrating, that pastors wives are just like the rest of the brethren- flawed, sometimes overextended, who possess a zeal and love for the God and people they serve for His glory.

The authors frank and humorous style of writing made this an easy and enjoyable read. Moreover, the resources shared throughout the book (and in a resources section at the end of the book) are helpful and I'm sure appreciated by many who've read the book, myself definitely included.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Who is a pastor's wife? What does she do? How should she dress? Believe me all of these questions will run through your head once you find out your husband is called to be a pastor. Lisa McKay faced each of these questions. Lisa and her husband were not even saved when they married, but came to find the Lord right before their divorce was final, they were on the brink of divorce and found the Lord. Imagine though if you will a young couple who really were not familar with church and "churchese" finding themselves facing the call into ministry.

Lisa's book will address her journey of learning to live in that calling. A humorous yet serious look at the expectations pastor's wives face and often put on themselves. She will show how to find that happy medium, when to say yes and when to say no to the requests made on a family. A valuable tool for all pastor's wives!What sets this book apart from all other books about being a pastor's wife? For me it is the sections in the back of the book, the section for lay people to understand more about their pastor and his wife. The section for the pastors to understand and minister to their wives. Definitely a tool that all lay members should have in their hands. 206 pages 4 stars



Learn more about Lisa at her website A Preacher's Wife

This book was provided for review by B & B Media group for review purposes only, no payment was received for this review.

[Abbie Riddle · Rating 4 out of 5]

You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes by Lisa McKay
With openness that I did not fully expect Lisa McKay puts into words the very things that most pastor’s wives never speak out loud! This was a great an easy read. Her down-to-earth style was refreshing and enjoyable. Lisa explores the unspoken fears and concerns facing most wives of men in ministry. With encouragement to be who we are created to be – individuals. Too often a Pastor’s wife feels pressure to fit a certain mold – you must be able to sing in the choir, play the piano, visit the shut-ins, be a good cook, and have children that are so perfect they seem fake. I haven’t met too many Pastor’s wives that haven’t felt this way. I applaud Lisa’s ability to encourage wives of ministers to be who God created them to be – to hold God as our highest standard and allow him to guide us in our unique talents to best serve in the ministry. If you want to gift your Pastor’s wife and encourage her by acknowledging her as an individual this is a great book to give.
Thank you B&B Media Group, Inc. and Cook Communications for providing this book for review.
For author interviews contact B&B Media Group. 1-800-927-0517 EXT. 104, 106, or 109

[Wyndy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this book is written primarily for pastor wives I gleaned a lot from it and recommend it to everyone involved in the church. Lisa, who is also the author of a blog and messageboard for pastors' wives gives advice that is ground in reality and in scripture. She tells it like it is through humour, personal experience, and information from the members of her site. She acknowledges something that most church members don't, pastors'wives are all at different points in their lives and need to have different priorities. Sometimes they are young and need to look after their family, sometimes they are working out of the home, and sometimes they have the experience and time to help with different church ministries but, they can't do it all. This book is written in a manner that everyone can understand, there is lots of humour, advice that makes sense, and a look inside the workings of a pastor's family life. Definitely a good read.

[Chickadee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally! A book written for pastors wives by a pastor’s wife that is funny, insightful and REAL!

Lisa McKay wrote this book to share the wisdom and insights that she wishes someone would’ve been able to give her. I really like the fact that she not only shares her experiences and perspective on ministry, but that she also includes the advice and wisdom of other pastors wives who participated in Lisa’s blog surveys.

Unlike other books geared towards ministry wives that can leave the reader feeling condemned and under-equipped, Lisa’s book is encouraging! From ministry friendships and parenting PK’s (pastor’s kids) to how to find your “niche” and serve in the church, this book covers it all. A must read for every pastor’s wife – especially those embarking into ministry for the first time.

[Sandy Mckenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes by Lisa McKay is not just for pastor's wives. Quite the contrary, I believe anyone will love this book. I LOVED, Loved, Loved it and can't wait to read it again. Growing up in church, our pastor's wife (Mrs. Jones) was like the queen to us children. I never saw things from her point of view until now. Lisa explores the unspoken fears and concerns facing most wives of men in ministry. provides practical and specific counsel for real-life situations. While she shares plenty of wisdom from her own experiences, the feet inside her cute shoes are firmly grounded in Scripture for guidance and perspective. It's an easy read and I think you will enjoy it as much as I did.
*****5 out of 5 stars

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was an encouragement and also a resource on how I can better serve in my role as a pastor's wife. Some of the situations didn't apply because our church is small but I appreciated Lisa's heart and the examples she gave.
I found the information on blogging at the end very interesting. None of the blogs she mentioned were familiar to me but I feel like I have a starting place for more resources and encouragement.
The main takeaway for me was have a heart to serve others, even those critical of you. If God has called you to fill this role, He's going to provide the strength and wisdom to do it. And He gets all the glory.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I took my time reading this book. It was chockfull of wisdom and insight!Though primarily written for the pastor's wife.I believe it can help any wife and mother. I especially liked the section in the back for the pastor(again this could be a helpful source for any husband).If you are in search of a book that will encourage you to improve and grow. This one would be a great tool of encouragement to do so.

[Meagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this book, even if you're not a pastor's wife (or a pastor's wife to be). Very eye opening and encouraging. She's real and reminds everyone to treat pastor's wives like they're real too. I'm so happy I've read this book. It's totally changed my outlook. I've even been emailing with the author, Lisa McKay, and she's a wonderful person who has assured me that she's praying for me! God is good. Read it! You won't regret it...

[L.G. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finished this in two days but only because I reread some sections. There's lots of wisdom to be found here and even more encouragement. As a relatively new pastor's wife I appreciate the insights. It can be complicated to figure out how God wants to use you in your husband's ministry, and this book focuses on the practical and biblical steps to getting there.

[Barbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book and would recommend this to anyone I know who would like to understand the pressure leaders and pastors in the church go through and how we can help be more supportive of them and less judging or expecting them to be perfect...

The author refers to a lot of books and blogs I'm looking forward to checking out in the near future. :)

[Chanover55 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was not thrilled with most of this book. The author is passionate about her subject but has not served where most of us find ourselves. She really likes to go off on word studies which may put off her "younger spouse" audience, whether young in age or experience; this makes it appear as if she sat in on seminary classes. Glad this was a freebie....

[Shola · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great and well written book for ministres wife. No stone let unturn.I was able to relate to the book from my past experiences and present situation. Must read from every minister wife, you'd be surprise, you are not alone

[Nelson125 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been absolutely life changing!!! I appreciated Lisa's candid and transparent approach as a First Lady--this is very rare. This book is a keeper, not a loaner; however, I will buy for friends. Just as someone did for me. Thank you, Elder Christy!

[Emily Copeland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book! Whether your husband has served in ministry for years and years or you're starting your journey in ministry, this has tons of perspective and encouragement. Definitely recommending to my friends in ministry.

[Tracy Mcvicker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, a book with resources, for the pastor's wife. Lisa speaks the truth with humor and love. She is encouraging and helpful for any woman working in ministry. This is one I will go back to and share with others.

[Connie · Rating 5 out of 5]

You don't have to be a preacher's wife to get some fantastic advice and wisdom from this book. Lots of life lessons you can apply no matter what your situation is, and you may get a much better understanding of your own preacher's wife.

[Patriciaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be required reading for every new minister's wife. Tremendous book of encouragement, a great resource to wives of influential men, in or out of the pulpit.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great encouragement for pastor's wives. While everything has to be examined in one's own context, it's a good place to start.

[Callie · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were definitely pearls of wisdom and some familiar stories to which I could relate. However, overall it felt a little disingenuous.