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NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children

Po Bronson,

Ashley Merryman

4.05 · Rating details · 21,631 ratings · 2,902 reviews

In a world of modern, involved, caring parents, why are so many kids aggressive and cruel? Where is intelligence hidden in the brain, and why does that matter? Why do cross-racial friendships decrease in schools that are more integrated? If 98% of kids think lying is morally wrong, then why do 98% of kids lie? What's the single most important thing that helps infants l ...more

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Hardcover, 336 pages

Published September 3rd 2009 by Twelve (first published September 3rd 2008)

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Sep 20, 2009 Christine Cavalier rated it it was ok

Shelves: non-fiction, parenting, psychology

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
NurtureShock: New Thinking about Children
Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman 2009

New York Magazine journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman team up to add commentary and more information to their articles in this new book published by Twelve, a division of the Hachette Book Group.

The last page of the book has this blurb about Twelve:

“TWELVE was established in August 2005 with the objective of publishing no more than one book per month. We strive to publish the singular book, by authors who have a ...more

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Oct 03, 2009 Kristine rated it it was amazing

Shelves: self-help-type, book-club, parenting, i-own, non-fic, favorites

So far is one of my top 3 parenting books I've ever read. Scientifically backed studies on child development that go against everything you thought you knew was best, well not all of it was new -- but it was all still good.

FYI - this book was not written by child psychology experts, but by two journalists in the child psychology field whose "niche" is to report on studies that have gone unheeded.

There are ten chapters, each reading like its own essay:

1. The Inverse Power of Praise
2. The Lost H ...more

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May 06, 2011 Amanda rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2011, popular-non-fiction

Things I have changed about my parenting after reading this book:

I have my daughter "read" books back to me after I read them to her.

We make a plan for the day complete with drawings and handwriting practice.

I tell my kids that I can tell they worked really hard on something, instead of just telling them that they are great.

I try to respond more often when my 10 month-old son makes a voiced noise.

I have stopped letting my kids watch Arthur or Clifford.

I had a conversation with my 4-year old abou ...more

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Jan 27, 2010 Breck rated it liked it

Interesting book. There were a lot of interesting ideas, however, I feel more confused about children than I did before. I guess the point is to open your eyes. One theme throughout is that kids are different than adults and need to be understood differently. A few interesting points:

1. Praise specific achievements and praise effort
2. Regular lack of sleep is damaging to children's health
3. Naturally, we tend to racially segregated, so it's wise to take steps to help your kids learn not to be ra ...more

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Dec 09, 2009 Paul Eckert rated it it was ok

Since I'm now a parent, I've been looking for parenting books that would interest me, something that was more than repackaged conventional wisdom and phoned-in encouragement. I wanted something scientific, not the new pop-psychology of the week.

Nutureshock met my expectations with its science, but that's also where it seemed to lose itself. There are some interesting bits early on in the book regarding praising children (e.g. studies show that telling kids they are smart, as opposed to praising Since I'm now a parent, I've been looking for parenting books that would interest me, something that was more than repackaged conventional wisdom and phoned-in encouragement. I wanted something scientific, not the new pop-psychology of the week.

Nutureshock met my expectations with its science, but that's also where it seemed to lose itself. There are some interesting bits early on in the book regarding praising children (e.g. studies show that telling kids they are smart, as opposed to praising their effort, leads to kids not trying as hard) and the psychology of why children lie (and how parents react to lying), but most chapters afterward seemed to flounder in the details. For instance, one of the last chapters is about how kids learn to speak. Though it was interesting to find out why the Baby Einstein merchandise is ineffective and based on incorrect interpretations of research, the chapter then carries on about how babies learn to talk and ways that babies can learn to speak faster, and it spent a great deal of time on this subject whenever it presented no evidence that there was any great benefit to having a child learn language a few months sooner. At one point, it even says that the methods that best work for teaching babies to speak shouldn't be attempted consciously because it might be used incorrectly and actually hinder a child's language abilities. Which brings a parent back to doing what they would have done anyway...

The same thing happens in a chapter about a kindergarten program that works so well called "Tools". Instead of telling more about why the program works so well, the reader is barraged with regurgitated statistics on how much better the "Tools" program is than regular curriculum, and at the end left me rewinding to figure out what was so great about the program anyway.

In one instance, the authors spend a whole chapter championing the virtues of kids getting more sleep (duh?). But their answer to the problem is making schools start later. They pose one line of opposition, the fact that, despite the positive statistics from other school districts that started their schools one hour earlier, many school districts are hesitant to implement the policy because the district would have to buy more buses since junior high and high school would start so close together. But then they never pose an answer to this opposition, which is a damn good reason not to implement this "one hour earlier" policy. It's not cheap to have to order a whole fleet of new buses, not to mention a whole fleet of new bus drivers as well, and the stress on parents to try to schedule kids that are different ages and whose schools start at different times. Why don't the kids just go to bed an hour earlier?

The chapter on teen rebellion was fairly interesting, but also seemed to confirm some conventional beliefs. The most interesting thing was that while the majority of adults felt that arguing with their teenager was detrimental to their relationship, the kids actually felt it strengthened their relationship because they felt they were being listened to. The kids who had constructive arguments with their parents, and even were conceded to time and time again, were also the kids that were more truthful, honest, and respectful of their parents.

There was one line in this book that really pissed me off, and I don't mind ranting about it. It was in the chapter about race relations. The authors talk about how minorities are often taught to embrace and celebrate their heritage and ethnicity to cultivate pride. But then the author says that white children are not taught so because it "would be abhorrent" (author's words) since white people hold the majority of the power in the world. First of all, that is some serious PC hyperbole. Power is relative. No one has any inherent "power" over anyone because of their race. Second, what is the alternative? Should white kids be ashamed because they're white? And what if the tables were turned, if what we consider minority race suddenly had 'a majority of power'? Should we then teach 'white' kids to be proud of their heritage and 'minorities' to be ashamed? To be sure, this was just one line in the book, but it was a little upsetting.

I think the disappointing thing about books like this is that you expect to learn really exciting new things, and by the end you only remember a few good points.

Kind of interesting if you have kids, but there's not a whole lot in this book that one can apply to one's parenting. The conclusions reached are often weak and seem to result from bombarding the reader with dubious statistics like "students' happiness increased 25% after the initial study..." Some things I believe you can objectively test, but measuring happiness in percentages seems a bit ludicrous. ...more

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Apr 04, 2011 Brett rated it liked it

Shelves: education, marriage-and-family, culture-studies

Fantastic at times and awful the rest of the time. Bronson and Merryman do a great job getting back to the "basics" in many areas. Noticing the inverse power of praise, the need to discuss race and the idea that self-control can be taught can't be mentioned enough in our culture. Yet, the authors completely avoid the heart of the matter. Child rearing, in their view, can be perfected if we are willing to do enough scientific studies and research to determine what is most effective. The studies i ...more

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Nov 04, 2009 Elizabeth rated it really liked it

Shelves: education, mamalove

Originally a magazine article focusing on the science of parenting, this engaging (and highly readable) book looks at parenting from the realm of science.

Most important research findings:
Things do not work the same for children as they do in adults (and) positive traits do not ward off negative behavior in kids (a good kid still can be dishonest or engage in relational aggression).

In short:
A child who is dishonest is (also) showing signs of intelligence and social savvy. And, while praise wor ...more

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Mar 13, 2013 K rated it liked it

Shelves: readablenonfiction, thought-provoking, we-re-all-going-to-hell

It was hard to decide on a rating for this book. NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children reminded me of a Malcolm Gladwell book in both good and bad ways. Surprising and fascinating information on the one hand; on the other hand, overstated conclusions with inadequate support. The word "shock" in the title is appropriate -- shock value appeared to be more of a concern than hard evidence.

I'm more forgiving of Malcolm Gladwell because although his information may change the way you look at thing It was hard to decide on a rating for this book. NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children reminded me of a Malcolm Gladwell book in both good and bad ways. Surprising and fascinating information on the one hand; on the other hand, overstated conclusions with inadequate support. The word "shock" in the title is appropriate -- shock value appeared to be more of a concern than hard evidence.

I'm more forgiving of Malcolm Gladwell because although his information may change the way you look at things, it probably won't change your life. Good science, bad science, it doesn't much matter. But if people are viewing this as a parenting book, that's a bit more of a concern (although truthfully, there's not a lot of parenting advice to be had here).

I guess what bothered me most is that the author's statements rely a great deal on correlational evidence. So yes, a connection has been established between two variables, e.g., praise and performance, sleep deprivation and obesity, etc. But correlation is not causation. Statements like "children who sleep less are fatter than children who sleep more" fail to take into account the possibility of other variables, or the possibility that the causality may actually work in the other direction. The limits of this type of research remain unacknowledged, as correlational studies are cited again and again. In general, I often felt that the authors were oversimplifying things and presenting only one side of the story.

Admittedly, not all the information in the book came across to me as pseudoscientific. But the mixture of stronger and weaker evidence leading to well-supported and not-so-well-supported statements, all expressed in an equally confident manner, made me a bit skeptical.

There's no question that NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children is an entertaining and provocative book, with stand-alone chapters allowing for it to be picked up and put down for brief train rides, bathroom visits, etc. I just think it's important to read it critically. A knowledge of statistics helps. If you don't have that, be aware of the limits of the authors' evidence and enjoy their information without swallowing it whole. ...more

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Feb 19, 2012 Helen rated it it was amazing

Shelves: adult-non-fiction, favorites

So, you had your 2.2 kids and read all the right books, listened to all the right experts, and now you’re an expert too, right? Think again. After raising four children (only one left to put through college) and sitting down to read an adult book or two, I thought there would be nothing new for me to learn about the joys and tortures of parenthood. And then I read NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman.
This book will challenge everything you thought you knew about raising children. This ...more

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Feb 13, 2010 Wealhtheow rated it it was ok

Shelves: non-fiction, race

A pair of journalists sum up recent research on childrearing. Some is seemingly obvious:
Praise efforts, not intrinsic qualities.
Make sure children get enough sleep, in a consistent pattern.
Talk about race with children, because they're noticing on their own and they may come to erroneous conclusions. (I actually really liked part of this section, because it talks about how children watch their parents for how to respond to others--and if white kids see that their white parents only have white A pair of journalists sum up recent research on childrearing. Some is seemingly obvious:
Praise efforts, not intrinsic qualities.
Make sure children get enough sleep, in a consistent pattern.
Talk about race with children, because they're noticing on their own and they may come to erroneous conclusions. (I actually really liked part of this section, because it talks about how children watch their parents for how to respond to others--and if white kids see that their white parents only have white friends, or are uncomfortable around people of color, they'll mirror that.)
Adults are bad at telling when a child is lying, and need to respond when their children lie.
Siblings fight, but this isn't necessarily harmful or the sign of a bad relationship, and they rarely fight over parental love or attention.
Having conversations with babies helps them learn language.

I was surprised by the research into teen arguments with their parents: apparently its often motivated by a desire to connect and find agreement. It's not necessarily a sign that they're trying to destroy the relationship or that they don't respect the parent (if they truly don't respect their parent, they'll ignore them and do what they please).
And I hadn't heard that no early test for intelligence (emotional, physical, or whatever) is particularly good at predicting later intelligence or achievement; kids' intelligence scores aren't reliable until 11 or 12, because neurons, the cerebral cortex, and connections between nerve capsules are still developing, often very rapidly in short periods of time during childhood. Too, children use different clusters of their brain to think. "Smart" kids are the ones who have shifted processing to the same network as adults. The authors make a compelling argument that testing for "gifted" programs should take place later in childhood; testing preschoolers miscategorizes well over half (the authors say 73%) of children.

The ideas are interesting, but I was annoyed at the tendentious, breezy way the authors talked about the included studies. They flit from one to the next, proclaiming a single interpretation as the One Truth and then hustling along to the next topic. The lack of critical thought frustrated me and made me doubt their conclusions. ...more

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Mar 02, 2010 Michelle Cristiani rated it did not like it

Shelves: nonfiction

Sigh. I really wanted to like this book. But the authors, who clearly were not trained in scientific research, confuse a lot of basic principles that those who practice research clearly see. Anecdotes make for great storytelling, but poor science. Studies aren't actually 'replicated' just because they're done by the same researcher over and over again. And results of any study are open to interpretation - the authors take only one line of interpretation (of course, the one that suits them) and r ...more

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Jan 10, 2011 Winddancer rated it liked it

Shelves: adult

This book made me reconsider reasons why my son or students do certain things, such as lying, cheating, and reckless behavior. But to be quite honest, it didn't wow me like I had hoped it would. I found the reporting of the research lackluster at best, and from the limited information about the studies cited, I came up with more questions than answers. For example, one study cited the importance of sleep in boosting SAT scores by about 100 points. Data was collected on the same group of students ...more

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Nov 28, 2009 Natalie added it

This book is a well-researched freakonomics of parenting, upending the prevailing myths of childrearing. I'm only two chapters in and am hooked. It's good for starting conversations and makes me rethink my childhood and little things I could now to improve my life.

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Feb 26, 2011 switterbug (Betsey) rated it it was amazing

Parenting books are ubiquitous. How to sift through and determine which are worthy? I have a teenage daughter and have read quite a few. Even when I thought I was impressed, there was always something nagging at me about them. I determined that many of the books had an outside or hidden agenda, which was to socialize parents according to a specific sheep-herding mentality. Often, a social consciousness or a reaction to a negative social consciousness about raising children informed these "manual Parenting books are ubiquitous. How to sift through and determine which are worthy? I have a teenage daughter and have read quite a few. Even when I thought I was impressed, there was always something nagging at me about them. I determined that many of the books had an outside or hidden agenda, which was to socialize parents according to a specific sheep-herding mentality. Often, a social consciousness or a reaction to a negative social consciousness about raising children informed these "manuals." In other words, the science behind the thinking was weak--they were often politically charged or reactionary.

The blurbs about this book intrigued me, but I was also skeptical--until I read the first chapter on the inverse power of praise. Parents and guardians--just get ye to a bookstore and read the first chapter. I think you will be galvanized by its immediacy and logic (as well as back-up data) and it will inspire you to continue. It all clicked when I read about our praise-junkie tendencies, and how it has a paradoxical effect. The authors never condescend to us; they maintain that all of us want to make the best and most informed decisions. For instance, most of us start telling our babies, from the cradle "You are so smart" as almost a mantra of parenting. The authors do not criticize positive praise--they are revealing the data for specific types of praise. Telling a kid he or she is smart rather than specifically praising them for their efforts will eventually backfire. The child will have a tendency to not put out a lot of effort when they are challenged because they are stymied by the feeling that they have to stay smart, or that they must be NOT smart if they can't solve a problem or puzzle. Telling a kid (s)he is smart is praising an innate feature that is out of the child's control. Praising them for each genuine effort (whether they solved a problem or not) will have a better outcome. I cannot convey to readers the way that these authors channel and support this information--the statistical data and the entire beautiful logic of it--you must read it for yourselves.

The chapter on race relations also woke me out of a deep slumber of complacency. Too often, parents try to teach their kids equality just by placing them in diverse environments or showing them videos of multicultural friendships and cooperation. The book explicated a longitudinal study done by Dr. Bigler in Austin, Texas that revealed the lack of actual parent/child discussion on racial equality. That is the key ingredient to integration. Silence is not golden--(silence is black and white, and never the twain shall meet)--it is the wrong kind of colorblind. Just read this chapter and it will open your eyes.

Each section is such a wake-up call to parenting that I found myself reflecting on the blind spots in my own methods--not in an immolating way, but rather in an "aha!" manner. It isn't guesswork or just someone's opinion. The longitudinal studies, ongoing tests, data compilation, and control studies are explicit. But, more than that, you will feel a light bulb go off--it is seriously the most intrepid book I have ever read on parenting. No exaggeration. I can apply the book's information to my own parenting experiences and trials and realize how on the mark these studies are.

There is a chapter on sleep--its bearing and consequences on child performance, on obesity, and on mood. This section alone is worth the price of the book. I learned which parts of the sleep cycle are integral to the storage of which information. They describe the parts of the brain being affected when information is received and when sleep is disrupted. But, more importantly, the authors lay out the pitfalls of losing just 15 minutes or an hour of sleep--so many teenage problems are associated with this that some trailblazing schools are finally arranging the hours of education based on these studies. But more schools need this call to action. And we need to encourage a positive sleep pattern with our children. I know this sounds de rigueur and obvious. But this chapter on sleep is way more comprehensive than anything I have read before, and profound. Almost everything in the quality of your children's lives depends on it.

One of my favorite sections was the one that is like a riptide into everything you thought you knew about your child's language acquisition. Baby Einstein? Fuhgettaboutit. And don't try teaching your children a foreign language by popping in a Spanish DVD and parking them in front of the TV. Not going to happen. As a matter of fact, it will have a deleterious effect. A child needs a "live" person to learn. Additionally, it is the call and response between parent and baby that is the key to increasing their vocabulary and comprehension. Baby Einstein videos are like disembodied voices that do absolutely zip for their education. Sesame Street in Spanish is just as ineffective. Please read the chapter--the whole controversy is revealed when the studies proved that these baby videos are empty and hollow forms of education.

Perhaps my personal favorite is the chapter on teen rebellion. I recognize the arguing and lying of children in a whole new way now. How and why children cultivate what we think of as egregious behaviors usually stems from a psychologically astute and desirable place in their hearts and growth. It is the same with arguing. We need to shed our preconceptions and outmoded concerns about teen compliance, obedience, and integrity and understand the necessary steps in their development. There is a paradox about child/teen lying--it is expected, but it still must be dealt with.

And there is more--sibling rivalry, IQ testing, testing for elite schools at an early age, self-control, and playing well with others are covered immaculately.

Yes, it will blow the lid off, turn upside down just about everything previously advocated in parenting books. But not in a confounding way. That is an important ingredient to consider. This book, the way I perceive it, is not intended to upset or horrify you or derail your parenting experience. (Although, by its very nature it does derail previous long-held concepts, but in a compassionate way.) As a matter of fact, it provided clarity into numerous bogus concepts and the pious conditioning that we have been hanging onto for years. Additionally, it offers specific practices and interventions that can be measured rather swiftly in your own home with these changes to your personal parenting skills. As much as this book "shocks," it is not intimidating or finger-pointing at parents (although it does point a finger into disingenuous studies). The accessible and engaging flow of narrative is dotted with levity, lightness, and always benevolence. I read this book in just a few sittings and I retained the information well. It is easy to go back and reference what you read, as the chapters are laid out in an explicit, user-friendly manner.

Slide your other parenting books to the side of the shelf and place this one squarely in the middle. I acknowledge this book as a parenting imperative. Read it and leap.

...more

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Aug 19, 2009 Rachel John rated it it was amazing

Shelves: first-reads

I really loved this book. I won it as a giveaway. I tend to avoid non-fiction because its so hard to get through, but this should be required reading for all parents, teachers and anyone interested in child psychology. Each chapter covers a different study of children which often caused unexpected results. In many instances, parents, teachers, government or scientists are putting a lot of well-meaning time, money, effort, and emotional deposits into ideas or programs which studies show do not pr I really loved this book. I won it as a giveaway. I tend to avoid non-fiction because its so hard to get through, but this should be required reading for all parents, teachers and anyone interested in child psychology. Each chapter covers a different study of children which often caused unexpected results. In many instances, parents, teachers, government or scientists are putting a lot of well-meaning time, money, effort, and emotional deposits into ideas or programs which studies show do not produce the expected results. The authors tell you in detail why this happened, and what studies were done to discover why. The detail on the studies is almost tedious, yet neccessary. They tell you how each study was done, for how long, if there was a similar study done elsewhere, follow up studies, how many children were involved, how cooperative the parents and teachers were, where the study took place, socioeconomic backgrounds, race, etc etc etc.

The chapters almost always start with an intersting anecdote that seems unrelated to the topic, but explains things perfectly as you read through the chapter. Some of the topics covered are, lying, praise, self-esteem, teen rebellion, sibling relationships, how kids view race and much more.

The authors found that there are two biases that had to be overcome before these studies could be done properly, understood clearly and implemented in the lives of children:

1. Things work in children the same way they work in adults (The Fallacy of Similar Effect)
(It shouldn't be hard to see this is false, and yet the studies get overlooked in favor of what is best for adults - such as when school starts, zero-tolerance policies, discipline and praise, diversity training and the list goes on.)

2. Positive traits in children oppose or ward off negative behavior (The Fallacy of the Good/Bad Dichotomy)
A few examples would be assuming children with good self-esteem are less agressive than kids with bad self-esteem - its the opposite, assuming that children who clearly understand what lies are and why they are bad lie less. (They lie more convincingly and more often.) Cause and effect are tricky things.

It is a really long read (as is this review - I apologize) but is jam packed with so many goodies that I'll be referring back to it for a long time. I'm afraid to lend it out. I wish I had a few more copies!

...more

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Nov 08, 2014 Adam Crossley rated it really liked it

"When they get going, it's like a freight train. It's paralyzing." This from a frustrated mother in regards to her children fighting.

Why do children fight, lie, rebel, get along or learn self control? In Nuture Shock these topics are expounded upon, with each chapter having a specific focus.

Some of the chapter succeed admirably. The chapter titled "The Sibling Effect" is a fascinating explanation of how having a brother or sister can be make children better at playing with others but only if the ...more

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May 03, 2010 unknown rated it it was ok

Recommends it for: new parents and know-it-all friends of new parents

Recommended to unknown by: Donna

Shelves: 2010, audiobooks, non-fiction, library-books

This book is clearly going for a Freakonomics vibe, in that it reads like a chapter from Freakonomics extended to book length. One of the less interesting chapters, too.

There's a lot of good, meaningful data, but it just isn't presented in a very interesting way. I need more colorful anecdotes in my pop psych books.

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Nov 12, 2009 sleeps9hours rated it really liked it

Great book exploring the newest research on children and adolescents. I love Po.

Chapters and summaries:
1. The inverse power of praise—praise for effort, not ability. Be specific. Teach them their brain is a muscle, if they use it on hard problems they’ll make it stronger. Don’t let them believe that being smart means they shouldn’t have to exert effort. Be willing to talk about failure. Failure shouldn’t be taboo. Mistakes are part of how we learn and test theories. Give intermittent reinforceme ...more

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Nov 13, 2010 Lars Guthrie rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

‘Nuture Shock’ is a wonderful collection of essays on child development that carries more weight than you might think. On an initial glance, it appears to be another example of what Adam Hanft, in a review of Steven Johnson’s ‘Where Good Ideas Come From’ (http://bnreview.barnesandnoble.com/t5...), called ‘pattern porn’.

Hanft defines the genre as ‘non-fiction characterized by a seductive thesis that is supported by an ingenious arrangement of scientific support—manipulatively cherry-picked, in th ...more

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May 06, 2010 Melissa rated it it was amazing

Shelves: books-for-the-nightstand, relational, parenthood, books-to-make-you-think

Whenever I read a non-fiction book that I give 5 stars I like to read through the reviews of those who give the book 1 or 2 stars to discover why they didn't like it. In this instance I'm dumbfounded by what they say because I just keep thinking, "did you not read the paragraph where they addressed that very issue?"

For instance in one review a complaint is made about the chapter on children needing more sleep. A solution mentioned in the book is that high schools start an hour later. Many school Whenever I read a non-fiction book that I give 5 stars I like to read through the reviews of those who give the book 1 or 2 stars to discover why they didn't like it. In this instance I'm dumbfounded by what they say because I just keep thinking, "did you not read the paragraph where they addressed that very issue?"

For instance in one review a complaint is made about the chapter on children needing more sleep. A solution mentioned in the book is that high schools start an hour later. Many school districts do not want to do this as it would mean having more buses. This reviewer remarked, "why don't they just go to bed an hour earlier?" Well the answer to that is on page 36, "In prepubescents and grownups, when it gets dark outside, the brain produces melatonin, which makes us sleepy. But adolescent brains don't release melatonin for another 90 minutes. So even if teenagers are in bed at ten p.m. (which they aren't), they lie awake, staring at the ceiling." (emphasis added) Or in other words going to bed earlier wouldn't get the teenagers the additional sleep they need - instead their wake time needs to be later.

A number of other reviews also complained that the authors say you'll ruin your children. The only (mild) instance I read of that is in the language acquisition chapter (10). The scientists involved have realized that when adults respond--either verbally or with physical affection--to a new (more advanced) sound in babies' babbling the child will notice and try to attract further attention by making the new sound more often. The warning was that adults learning about this might respond to any and all babbling in an effort to encourage the child and this would result in the baby making more sounds but not necessarily more examples of the advanced sound. There were several additional warnings in the chapter about overdoing efforts to improve a child's language acquisition. Basically, a child will acquire language as you interact with them. There were two other warnings in that chapter along the same lines--too much of a good thing is a bad thing--which boiled down to:

- Respond instead of initiating. Instead of "Hey, see this phone" respond when child reaches for, points at, toy phone by remarking, "Phone. Do you want the phone?" Or if a child is engrossed in staring at the shadows the leaves are making, "Do you see the shadow of the leaves?"

- Let the language learning ebb and flow. Essentially you don't have to be interacting with your child or responding to them all the time. Let the child have quiet time to practice sounds. Realize it's normal to be distracted while making dinner, thus not responding as frequently as when changing a diaper or playing with the child.

To be fair, there was one review that posited, "[the authors:] presented no evidence that there was any great benefit to having a child learn language a few months sooner," and there isn't any; aside from the realities of better communication with a child and relieving of the stress that your child might be backward. I suppose just gives the recommendation to let the learning ebb and flow more credence.

I could go through each claim that the reviews I read made but I'll spare you.

The other overall complaints about the book are that the authors went looking for experiments that backed their claims and thus don't present opposing viewpoints or only present the science; and that the book is dry.

Concerning the first, the opposing viewpoints are presented as the ones currently inherent in our culture (such as children are naturally race blind); also the authors point out when the cited experiments either don't have corroborating evidence or a sufficient body of data. For those who say, "just give me the science without your opinions" I wonder that they don't read scientific journals, even just the articles that the authors are basing their opinions off.

For the last, if someone thinks the writing is dry that's how they feel. Though I was thoroughly engrossed. ...more

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Mar 27, 2016 Casey rated it really liked it

Shelves: knowledge-is-good, cognitive-scientists-do-it-in-lab, relevant-for-teachers

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you."

-Philip Larkin, from This Be The Verse

A few years back, I caught an informercial for a product called "Your Baby Can Read.” Supposedly, the program can teach babies to read before they’re even able to talk, despite the fact that scientific evidence strongly suggests that babies can’t learn language from television. The product seems to have been pulled by "They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you."

-Philip Larkin, from This Be The Verse

A few years back, I caught an informercial for a product called "Your Baby Can Read.” Supposedly, the program can teach babies to read before they’re even able to talk, despite the fact that scientific evidence strongly suggests that babies can’t learn language from television. The product seems to have been pulled by the producer, but that hasn’t stopped me from using the hilarious infomercial when teaching psychology. It’s just another example of the flawed idea that children need to be doing everything faster and earlier, with no regard to whether reading Harry Potter is developmentally appropriate at age two.

I was not an early reader. I wasn’t a particularly late reader either, but I certainly wasn’t reading before kindergarten, or even much in kindergarten. My parents read to me, and sometimes I memorized books so that I could parrot them back to my parents, but that was pretty much it. Around first grade I had some sort of a-ha moment, and, after that, I read voraciously. Still do. This was a pretty normal developmental trajectory. Now, with increased pressure on parents to put their kids on the Harvard track by preschool, my reading would probably be a huge cause for concern.

Developmental Psychology is one of the most relevant classes that most people skip in college. College students spent so much of of their time trying to figure out how to not accidentally create a human fetus that they seem to forget that this might be something they’ll want to do on purpose later in life. One great opportunity offered by Developmental Psychology classes is understanding exactly what your own parents did wrong while raising you; this is not because it comes in handy during Thanksgiving arguments, but because it helps to humanize your parents. They were just doing the best they could, but they didn’t know what they were doing. No one does.

More importantly, though, Developmental Psychology clarifies some of the bizarre processes by which children learn and grow. It can help future parents realize that it’s better to provide clear rules instead of trying to be your kid’s friend, although it’s best to keep these rules reasonable and open to negotiation. It can help people understand what so-called normal development really looks like, so that they’ll be able to tell when there’s actually a problem. Hopefully, it can help quell the crazy over-scheduling of kids, which I have to believe wouldn’t be happening if parents understood how important sleep actually is.

Anyway, this book is not as good as a Developmental Psychology class, and there were a few points where I didn’t feel like they explained the research literature as well as I would have liked, but it’s still a good resource for anyone who has to deal with kids. Of course, my boyfriend was very happy to hear that I was only reading this for teaching purposes. Not surprising, really. Parenting sounds terrifying. ...more

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Oct 03, 2010 Lucy rated it it was amazing

I think it'd be safe to say that I tend to believe things written in parenting books I read when they "ring true." In other words, I like reading books that confirm what I already believe, whether or not I already know it.

Nurtureshock is not that kind of book. In almost every chapter, there is a finding that doesn't make sense until the authors break down the data that shows that it does. It's a troubling book because it makes a very good case against "instinctive" parenting. Instead, what Po B I think it'd be safe to say that I tend to believe things written in parenting books I read when they "ring true." In other words, I like reading books that confirm what I already believe, whether or not I already know it.

Nurtureshock is not that kind of book. In almost every chapter, there is a finding that doesn't make sense until the authors break down the data that shows that it does. It's a troubling book because it makes a very good case against "instinctive" parenting. Instead, what Po Bronson and Ashely Merryman state is that some of our best intentions produce the worst results in our kids due to our wishful thinking, bias, fads, our own personal history and old psychology.

For instance, showing your kids episodes of Arthur and Clifford can increase cruel behavior and aggression. Praising your child for being smart may be harmful to his academic performance (even if he is really smart). Assuming children are "color-blind" and not talking about race may cause children to become racist. DVDs like Baby Einstein and other videos that claim to speed up language development or produce multi-lingualism can actually delay normal speech skills. Other chapters cover why less sleep is a significant contributor to childhood obesity and ADHD, why kids lie, why gifted and talented programs are flawed, why siblings really fight, why teen rebellion is a sign of respect (gah!) and why I wish there was a Tools preschool program in my area.

I enjoyed reading this because it was eye-opening, relevant and also because whatever parenting myth was being challenged, the data supporting any new claim was thoroughly explained. It helps that Bronson and Merryman didn't back away from using all of the scientific jargon that usually causes my eyes to glaze over. Most of the time, the opposite happened and the empirical evidence presented was surprisingly accessible while the flow between narrative and research was smooth and convincing.

It isn't often that I claim that something or someone changed the way I think. But Nurtureshock did just that. The "shock" in the title is no lie. This shocked me. In a really good and, I hope, empowering way. ...more

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Sep 14, 2009 Nicholas Karpuk rated it really liked it

It's kind of disconcerting to read a book that feels like it's talking directly to my childhood issues.

The first two chapters of "Nurture Shock" touch directly on issues I dealt with a lot as a kid. The first is all about how constantly commenting on a child's intelligence, even praising it, can often sabotage that child's ability to put forth effort. Essentially, if they're told that it's all about intelligence, then failure means they're not smart enough.

The second deals with just how badly s ...more

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May 17, 2012 Julia rated it it was amazing

My principal at my school suggested that I look into this book, knowing my super-nerdy, knowledge cravings in the basic science of raising kids. I liked this book so much, I just might have to buy it. It confounded everything I thought about praise--now I tell Phineas and my students that they are hard workers, not that they're the best. It's more motivating to them. I learned about teenage rebellion which will help me understand the needs of my mia maids. It taught me about how language is deve ...more

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Jan 28, 2019 Charlie Miller rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction-informative

Superb, everything I hoped it would be. A calm and collected walk through the stand-out findings in clinical studies on children in recent times. And, crucially, how these findings contrast with previous conventional wisdoms and scientific proclamations

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Jun 25, 2010 Kami rated it it was ok

I didn't really like this book overall, I mean some of the things were interesting, but it felt like the book was geared to parents at a certain socio-economic level, which I'm not at. I guess I mostly just felt that way because of the chapter on childhood intelligence, I definitely am not a parent that can afford to have my 3 yr. old's IQ tested for some ritzy preschool. Give me a break. And the chapter on worrying whether your child learns five words sooner or later is ridiculous--he had just I didn't really like this book overall, I mean some of the things were interesting, but it felt like the book was geared to parents at a certain socio-economic level, which I'm not at. I guess I mostly just felt that way because of the chapter on childhood intelligence, I definitely am not a parent that can afford to have my 3 yr. old's IQ tested for some ritzy preschool. Give me a break. And the chapter on worrying whether your child learns five words sooner or later is ridiculous--he had just gone through an entire chapter before that on how intelligence is so flexible and how it's silly to classify according to a kid's ability at that young of an age. Also the whole discussion on a "progressive" parent. It just made me want to laugh. I'm glad I have my Latino "traditional" husband.

The author writes, "Today, with three years of investigation behind us, Ashley and I now see that what we imagined were our "instincts" were instead just intelligent, informed reactions. Things we had figured out. Along the way, we also discovered that those reactions were polluted by a hodgepodge of wishful thinking, moralistic biases, contagious fads, personal history, and old (disproven) psychology--all at the expense of common sense." pg. 6.

Well, I think this book continues to promote contagious fads, wishful thinking, and is still based on moralistic biases and personal history--at the expense of common sense. Don't get me wrong, I agree with some things whole-heartedly, like kids need more sleep, zero-tolerance policies are overkill, and that praise is used way too much. But in other things he completely undermines himself. For instance in discussing the negative influence of educational television, he then quotes Spongebob. Not even the dumbest kindergartener thinks Spongebob is educational. Why not quote an actual "educational" show? Or in reporting about spanking he says how spanking has been shown not to be as horrible as we thought, but yet it still is the worst thing possible. At least that's the mixed message I came away with. And as far as the Tools program? Ummm...the word contagious fad comes to mind really quick. Not saying it's not beneficial, it just reminds me an awful lot of the sudden popularity of Baby Einstein videos too.

My father used to quote to my siblings and I (all nine of us), "Studies have shown that with each additional child, the IQ of the siblings drop." An absolutely ridiculous statement if you think about it. That claim is based solely on socio-economic factors, nothing at all with the number of children. Another of my father's favorite sayings was, "Statistics will say anything when tortured long enough." The writing in this book reminded me of both of those statements. It wasn't a pleasant association. ...more

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Nov 27, 2010 Michelle rated it really liked it

Shelves: 2010

I am definitely not the kind of person who reads parenting books. Maybe because I had a terrific childhood and my parents produced three successful, “nice” people I guess I’ve assumed I learned (subconsciously) by example. Isn’t that what they say? Parents are models for behavior? Anyway, I’ve heard a lot of buzz about this book from multiple people so decided to pick it up. There are definitely some new revelations here. I’d heard before that too much praise can actually hurt self-esteem but th I am definitely not the kind of person who reads parenting books. Maybe because I had a terrific childhood and my parents produced three successful, “nice” people I guess I’ve assumed I learned (subconsciously) by example. Isn’t that what they say? Parents are models for behavior? Anyway, I’ve heard a lot of buzz about this book from multiple people so decided to pick it up. There are definitely some new revelations here. I’d heard before that too much praise can actually hurt self-esteem but the studies and results that back this up are amazing. I also found the chapter on race surprising, everything from whether you should make a “big deal” about skin color (you should) and the fact a diverse area has more segregation. Also, the bit about Progressive Husbands was a little unsettling because I myself have a Progressive Husband. Apparently they have less marital satisfaction and think their households are lower functioning than in traditional households. I’m sure it’s because the husband is out of the loop in the “traditional” household so doesn’t get how stressful things can be on a day to day basis. And if my husband wasn’t a big contributor to the household let me tell you he’d be getting no “marital satisfaction” at all. He’d be getting no “marital” anything! Also while such situation might be less stressful for the husband it'd be more stressful for the mom. I guess that's neither here nor there... it was part of a bigger discussion on aggression, something not applicable to our kids thus far. (Also the authors made Progessive Dad seem wishy-washy and insecure - not the case in my house).

There were a few chapters I found somewhat dull and drawn-out and that felt more like book filler than important research (the sleep one in particular – don’t most people know this? Also the chapter on gifted programs). Overall, though, this is a must-read for every parent. I’m even having my husband read it. Hopefully he will not demand a more “traditional” role. ...more

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Aug 30, 2011 Stephanie rated it liked it

I am giving this three stars because it was a well-written and provocative book with some (perhaps) useful takeaways to use with my kids. But! Sometimes I wanted to throw it across the room. Because it's like a Freakonomics or maybe Malcolm Gladwell for kid-issues, it's constantly turning common assumptions upside down, often based on the results of A Study. I am never sure how much weight to give A Study, so ultimately I feel more confused than ever about things I should be doing/saying to my c ...more

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Jan 15, 2010 Anne rated it it was amazing

This was one of the most provocative pieces of non-fiction i've read, one I can relate to as a parent. It's not full of parenting advice, but rather studies and stats about child development and child psychology, which actually disprove a lot of accepted, or knee jerk parenting approaches. I have found myself relating tidbits from it to other parents, to teachers, to parents-to-be, and to friends of parents! Anyone who has wondered what makes a toddler lie, why siblings fight, how to strategize ...more

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Oct 13, 2009 Kelly Mogilefsky rated it really liked it

NurtureShock is Freakonomics for parents. It's data-rich but reader-friendly, the kind of book you want to take notes about while you read because there is just so much to process. I find myself trying to remember: Don't praise. Ignore IQ tests until at least the 3rd grade. Teach racial tolerance explicitly, not generically. Punishing lying results in better liars. Get rid of Clifford episodes and all Bernstein Bears books. Never should have had that second kid--it makes kids worse playmates rat ...more

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What's the Name o...: SOLVED. Nonfiction M Gladwell type book, egg or white ball on cover. [s]	3	25	Oct 15, 2018 01:13AM

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About Po Bronson

Po Bronson

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Po Bronson has built a career both as a successful novelist and as a prominent writer of narrative nonfiction. He has published five books, and he has written for television, magazines, and newspapers, including Time, The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, and for National Public Radio's Morning Edition. Currently he is writing regularly for New York magazine in the United States and for ...more