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The Loving Dominant

3.88  ·  Rating details ·  406 ratings  ·  25 reviews
John Warren, known as "Mentor" to the many who have read his books or hearkened to his sage advice at his workshops and gatherings, brought his decades of BDSM experience to his classic manual "The Loving Dominant". Out of print for several years, this classic is now available once again, now in a revised and updated second edition in a quality trade binding.From its advic ...more
Paperback, 240 pages
Published May 1st 2000 by Greenery Press (CA) (first published 1994)
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3.88  · 
Rating details
 ·  406 ratings  ·  25 reviews

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Feb 26, 2015 rated it did not like it
I was interested in reading this and getting some kind of psychological or emotional ideas about the relationships between dominants and submissives. The book started out not bad, but then devolved into a weird and borderline creepy "How To Land a Submissive Partner." Instead of encouraging his audience to do crazy things like have communications with the people they want to have sex with, Warren recommends incorporating mild bondage and domination techniques into your relationship... without an ...more
Mrs. Missive
Okay...this book turned out to be very not what I was looking for. This book is written for a Dominant...not a sub. There was maybe one page that was useful for a sub looking to introduce his/her S/O into dominance. And the author actually made the comment that it was only in there to increase book sales.

There were sections that included how to find a sub, the club scene, and a lot of S/M stuff that I frankly skipped over because it's not my kink.

There were some basic rope tying tips, and some
Stephanie "Jedigal"
May 28, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Stephanie "Jedigal" by: Dinie
Not a thorough overview, more of a discussion on starting out and how to learn and move from beginner to more experienced, more specific on scene creation and ideas. This author canNOT spell, but the information seems sound. His bias is towards very SLOW increases in intensity, and introducing only one element per scene that is new to the players. (New to these players means new to them as a unit, even if they have experience with that element with other players.) I really appreciate the caution ...more
Jason Pettus
Jun 22, 2007 rated it really liked it
the classic beginner's guide to the sexual practice of bdsm (bondage, domination, sadism and masochism), this book reinforces throughout how the "dominant" position in such a relationship is actually a caring, loving one towards the submissive partner in question. if you've ever needed to understand what "safe words" are, or how one goes about having a "consensual master/slave relationship," this is the book for you.
Violet Gregory
Aug 07, 2013 rated it it was amazing
I bought this as a Kindle book while I was doing research for my Butterfly series. I wanted to explore the possibility of someone being dominant or submissive, without it necessarily involving sadistic or masochistic behaviour. I found this book really helpful and discovered to my delight that relationships involving dominance and submission do not need to involve pain and hurting.
Alex Lowe
Oct 19, 2012 rated it liked it
This is a nice book. It's well-written, and has a balanced viewpoint from both sides of the fence. It seems at first like it might be closed-minded (see reference above to heterosexual, male-dominance), but any intelligent person can quickly recognise that the only reason this is so is because this is only viewpoint from which the authors have any authority to write. After all, they are in a heterosexual, male-dominant partnership!

I enjoyed reading this for the insights it provided into the "lo
May 29, 2016 rated it liked it
Shelves: kinky
Otherthan the spelling and grammar errors that are throughout the book, I did enjoy reading this book. It offers great insight into the lifestyle and what goes on with the dominant side of things. It also gives ideas and educates those who are studying the submissive side as well, so I would recommend that everyone reads this who has an interest into the Bdsm kink.

There were a few things that I wish that this book has (no idea if the newer edition would have it though, I borrowed this from a fri
I read this because I was convinced that the central character in most romance novels is this ultra dominant heterosexual guy in various guises dependent on the specific genre.

Within it I found the following quote to support that theory: ""Before I got into a relationship with a romance author I had always dismissed romance novels as chaste escapism. They may be escapism, but they are not chaste. A husband who discovers dominant tendencies and whose wife reads authors like Rosemary Rogers, Jayn
Aug 04, 2013 rated it really liked it
This is NOT a fictional book; it is a manual. I'm a switch, but in my current relationship, I generally take the Domme role. My sub asked me to read this book when we got together and am I ever glad I did! It has some great tips for Doms/Dommes, including explanations on how to make the relationship work safely both emotionally and physically for both the Dominant and the submissive. A lot of FICTION today skips over the emotional well-being and it frightens me that people may think that's how t ...more
Paul Hampson
Jan 16, 2014 rated it really liked it
Shelves: sexuality
Fantastic! Its a great introduction for those wanting to take the dominant role in any BDSM relationship. I would go so far as to say that its essential. Everything from finding partners, exploring one's motives and expectations, to making toys. The only other book that compares to it for the dominant / top role is 'The Topping Book'. If you're interested in this role in this kind of relationship, its well worth the price.
Jade Cary
Feb 05, 2013 rated it really liked it
Very informative. I learned a lot, mostly to quash my assumptions about BDSM, D/s relationships. John did a great job of explaining not only the psychological aspect of the lifestyle, but the physical--most important, for me, being the safety and respect aspect. Not being in the lifestyle, nor remotely interested in being in the lifestyle, this was nevertheless a great and informative read.
Jul 08, 2013 rated it it was ok
Meh. I'm kinda ambivalent about kink books. Love kink. Love books. But the two together seem to suck the life out of the scene. Not authors' fault. Just somehow the scene collectively decided to drink it straight. Even with 'your mileage may vary' disclaimers. Grateful for the info. Miss the mystery.
Lyn Armstrong
Jul 11, 2011 rated it it was amazing
I'm currently reading this book and it is very, very good for anyone who is researching or looking into the BDSM lifestyle. I found the authors funny and easy to follow. I recommend this book.
Lyn Armstrong
Jul 20, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: BDSMers
Shelves: sexuality
Very accessible - romantic and readable. Will foster great ideas for your sex life. This is a very likeable book that I would even recommend to those not into BDSM per ce, but open to expaning their sex files.
Rachael Davis
May 07, 2013 rated it liked it
The only reason this one doesn't get a higher rating is because the editor clearly didn't do their job on the first edition of this book (which is the one I have and read). I really need to buy the updated edition. Other than the editing's a pretty good book.
Jessie B.
This book had a fair bit of practical knowledge but it was fairly hetro focused.
Feb 01, 2013 rated it really liked it
Some interesting thoughts and perspectives, but all in all your basic BDSM primer. Solid tome.
Mar 08, 2014 rated it liked it
Difficult to get started with this book at first. Learned a considerable amount from the Dominants perspective.
Linus Thomas
May 19, 2007 rated it liked it
Recommends it for: New Hetreo Dominants
The first few chapters are not bad but it drags and the New Topping book is far better, IMO. It's also very hetreo in narrative. Not bad but very drab.
Ivars Svekris
May 29, 2016 rated it really liked it
Red Phoenix
This book gives you a different side to BDSM. Even though it is a really OLD book, I still found useful information.
Oct 05, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
Wow. Excellent book that describes BDSM and all of its facets. I love how he discusses safety and consent while not shying away from some of the kinkier sides of this type of sex. SO interesting and intelligently written!
Sep 18, 2013 rated it really liked it
What a great book with lots of details. I had no idea about BDSM until I read this primer
Nicole Ackerman
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Mar 11, 2013
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Dec 27, 2013
T Martin
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Sep 09, 2016
Maryline Decarie
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Sep 10, 2018
Paeta Parsons
rated it it was amazing
Jun 17, 2014
Lynne Maisel
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Dec 20, 2012
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May 13, 2014
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This is John Warren (aka Mentor), author of several books on BDSM topics, inc. The Loving Dominant.