Who Is It That Can Tell Me Who I Am?

by Jane Haynes, Hilary Mantel (Foreword)

In this searingly honest memoir, Jane Haynes recalls to her psychotherapist her extraordinary story. Having overcome a strange childhood overshadowed by her mother's absence and father's descent into madness, the real diagnosis of which her family concealed, she attempts, vividly but without sentimentality, to understand the construction of her own life.

Now a psychotherapist in her own right, Haynes opens up her case files, which include a gifted young man on the cusp of a nervous breakdown; a middle-aged woman tormented by suicidal thoughts; a pornography addict, unable to connect emotionally with his girlfriend. Tragedy is brought home to her when her son-in-law is murdered. Her account powerfully demonstrates the resilience and life force of human nature.

Genres: Psychology, Memoir, Mental Health, Biography

Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

Reviews

[Ted Feder]

Briiliant, Brilliant, Brilliant, touching - a must-read for pscyhologists, psychiatrists and for anyone who is interested in the vulnerability and at the same time the resilience of the human being.

[Kirsten]

Jane Haynes erzählt ihrem Psychotherapeuten ihre ungewöhnliche Lebensgeschichte. Ein intaktes Elternhaus hat sie nicht kennen gelernt. Ihre Mutter war nicht da und der Vater verlor langsam aber sicher den Verstand. Jane schaffte es, diesen Kreis zu durchbrechen und arbeitet heute selbst als Therapeutin.

Das Buch wurde im Vorwort von Hillary Mantel sehr gelobt, deshalb waren meine Erwartungen hoch. Die konnte das Buch leider nicht erfüllen. Janes Geschichte ist sicherlich berührend, aber sie konnte sie mir nicht nahe bringen. Es kam mir so vor, als ob sie von jemand anderen erzählte und nicht ihre eigene Geschichte.

Im ersten Teil wußte ich lange nicht, über wem oder zu wem sie spricht. Das habe ich erst beim Lesen nach und nach herausgefunden. Es hätte mir besser gefallen, wenn von Anfang an klar gewesen wäre, dass sie zu ihrem Therapeuten spricht und aus welchem Grund. So kam es mir manchmal vor, als ob sie ins Leere reden würde.

Später erzählt sie von ihren Patienten. Diese Geschichten konnte ich besser nachvollziehen als ihre eigene, allerdings erschienen mir die zusammenhanglos und ich konnte nicht erkennen, warum sie sie für ihr Buch ausgesucht hatte. Wenn es gewesen ist, weil diese Geschichten ihrer eigenen ähnelten, war es nicht zu erkennen.

Hätte mir das Buch besser gefallen, wenn es im Vorfeld nicht so gelobt worden wäre? Ich glaube es nicht. Auf mich hinterläßt es ist nur einen durchschnittlichen Eindruck.

[Colin]

Disappointing.

The first and last chapters are worth reading as well as the guest chapter written by one of her patients; its a little embarrassing how much better a writer he is than his therapist.

The rest is a muddle and surprisingly lacking in self-awareness.

[Sanet Van]

An interesting (though difficult) read.

[Laura Lucas]

Couldn't get into it. Read 114 pages and still wasn't gripping me. In the end decided to give up trying.

[Liv]

dnf

[Shawna Sparrow]

I would have likely given this book 3 stars if the whole thing had been like the second half, in which Jane Haynes discusses various experiences with her therapy patients. The first half of the book is basically a letter to her deceased analyst. I felt like first half was too personal for an outsider to read about. Although Haynes' describes herself as a "wounded healer", her obsessive attachment to her analyst also made me question her professionalism as a therapist. When discussing her own patients, Haynes seems like an intuitive, compassionate and wise therapist, yet when talking about her own analyst, she seems insecure and slightly paranoid. Yet in the second half of the book, she offers sensitive insights into identity and the human condition. She is a skilled writer; her description of a picture of her granddaughter and son-in-law is breathtaking. I wish that the whole book had been about her work as a therapist, as I'm sure she has many other life-affirming stories to tell.

[Sarahc Caflisch]

I got this sent to me used, from a bookseller in Florida, who acquired it from the UK. The pages are pretty dingy and the book smells very strongly of incense or patchouli oil. Inside the book was a lovely hand printed greeting card that said, I think, in very messy writing, "Wishing you a Happy Birthday. Love, Ma X."

All of this is adding considerably to the enjoyment and mystery of reading this book. All the sights, smells, and maternal communications add to the feeling of being in another's subconscious, and seeing all the symbols present in his or her dreams. They, as all symbols probably are, feel universal and primitive and powerful (foreign land, travel over water, dirt, earth smells, mother, birth, hand-made offerings).

I now hold clues about two people's inner lives and how they are manifested in the external world: the author's and the previous owner's. All and all, a very heady and trippy way to read a memoir, man.

[Sue]

Fascinating book, with true accounts of psychotherapy sessions set in the UK. Starts with some of the author's own therapy, and her relationship with her therapist. The second half describes some of her own clients, once she herself had become a qualified psychotherapist.

Gives a good insight into how the therapeutic process can work over many sessions. Also questions some of the traditional principles and taboos. Fairly complex in places - I couldn't read a lot at one sitting, so it's taken a couple of weeks to finish. I'm glad I knew at least a little bit about psychological terminology and Jungian archetypes or it would have been quite confusing at times.

Thought-provoking and honest. I shall probably re-read this in a few years.

Recommended to anyone wanting to know more about therapy, from the perspective of both the client and the therapist.

[Anna Sternberg]

simply loved it. Really fascinating read with an interesting forward by Hilary Mantell. I am particularly interested in writers who are also psychotherapists and this book satisfies my interest. highly recommend it.

[Athena]

This book needs a lot of editing.

[Jen]

Couldn't even finish it. Bored me to tears.

[Joe Wright]

This book goes over the career of the author. There's some interesting stories and she goes into her opinion on therapy.

Not bad either if you are looking to get some background on Jung and Freud.