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ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
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ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

4.10  ·  Rating details ·  301 ratings  ·  16 reviews
Popular myths about love set us up for a struggle with real life. The inconvenient truth is there's no such thing as a perfect partner, all couples fight, and feelings of love come and go like the weather. But that doesn't mean you can't have a joyful and romantic relationship. Through a simple program based on the revolutionary new mindfulness-based acceptance and commitm ...more
Paperback, 224 pages
Published June 1st 2009 by New Harbinger Publications (first published 2009)
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Yorgo Definitely ! I'm single and I read out of curiosity (and because I'm a future therapist) and I think it's one of the best books out there. It has…moreDefinitely ! I'm single and I read out of curiosity (and because I'm a future therapist) and I think it's one of the best books out there. It has great advice and exercice to follow along during the whole book : exercices you can do alone, or that you can do as a couple.
So don't hesitate to read, even if you're single (even more so!)(less)

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4.10  · 
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 ·  301 ratings  ·  16 reviews

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Jan 22, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: clinical-work
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is my primary modality for treating folks in individual therapy, and the kind of couples therapy I do (Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy) has a high degree of overlap with ACT. I was excited to read an explicitly ACT-oriented self-help approach for couples, and was impressed with Harris' book. It's a good length, written accessibly without being cheesy, and has a lot of wisdom. I think some people chafe against the idea of acceptance (e.g., "I just ha ...more
Nov 12, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2017
Good advice for any relationship, whether the struggles are serious or run of the mill, though the writing was distractingly normative in every way and pretty cliched.
Jun 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This book is definitely a must-read to anyone who feels they struggle in relationships or feel they could do better, or e.g. wanna improve their current relationship or wanna be better prepared for a new relationship.

As a psychology student, it's been a few years since I got interest in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, and I was really curious how this could apply to couples & relationships. Of course I was curious whether it would be helpful for my own relationships or not.

Great quotes
"Mindfulness helps you separate the person from the painting. You realize there's far more depth to this human being than any static portrait could ever capture. You realize the painting is a caricature: a few symbolic elements of this person, thrown together in a crude, cartoonish image. Look at the painting close up and you see it's nothing but a layer of paint on a bit of canvas. But look at the real person and discover just the opposite: there you'll find depth, life, and meaning."

"[I]f two
Apr 26, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I'm only in chapter 2 so far, but I just have a feeling this book will be amazing for me after a very good therapist friend recommended I read it and work honestly through the worksheets found on the author's website in order to reflect upon my failed marriages and other past relationships. I love the idea of doing something pro-active to learn how to improve my future relationship.

Chapter 6: everyone's a control freak! (yes, even me, although I am still considering how I am controlling, while s
Cadmium Candy
Sep 22, 2011 rated it did not like it
I found this book quite disappointing, not nearly as well thought out as his preceding books. To me it seemed like he'd based his advice on some kind of sit com stereotype of a dysfunctional couple. It's focus is quite narrow, it's not nearly as broadly applicable as his blurbs and introduction make out, it's only really suitable for people in a committed romantic relationship (not any other type of close relationship) and it's only useful for couples who have quite typical problems.
Aug 09, 2012 rated it it was amazing
OMG! After reading the first 3 chapters, I bought the ebook. It is helping me to think outside the box and to open my eyes to reality. So far, its a good book. I hope it helps.
Oct 03, 2010 rated it it was amazing
This is the new book I'm giving to all my couples clients. A GREAT book about helping your relationship!! Read it and see!!!
L'efficace e sintetico titolo originale di questo libro è ACT with LOVE.
È composto da due acronimi: ACT sta per Acceptance and commitment therapy; una forma di psicoterapia che presenta una strategia per riparare, approfondire e rendere vitale un rapporto amoroso seguendo e incrementando LOVE, ovvero le nostre capacità di lasciar andare i pensieri inutili (letting go), di aprirsi e fare spazio ai sentimenti negativi (opening up), di riconoscere e affermare i propri valori (valuing), e di impegna
Bruno Arine
Mar 19, 2019 rated it really liked it
As with all other self-help books I've read, I grabbed this one in a moment of intense distress—who read that stuff for fun anyway? I hoped it would point me where's north, and as such, it worked brilliantly. I read about the ACT approach before, so I knew what to expect. Even so I was quite surprised how Stoically the premise was laid in this book: mind what is under your control. You can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions, which should be value oriented. You can't contro ...more
Daniel Taylor
The irony of the two and a half years I've spent working through this book is that I started reading it while in one long-term relationship, and I've finished reading it while in another. What makes this book helpful is that it's not about the theory of what makes relationships work. 'ACT with Love' starts with the premise that the best thing in a relationship is to do what's helpful for the relationship, rather than who is right or wrong. It's filled with lots of helpful worksheets to make it e ...more
Laurence Brockman
Jul 22, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Excellent book! ACT has a solid foundation in research and the way this book is presented has helped me really look at how I approach my own relationships. The exercises in this book are great and I can see myself coming back to this book over and over each year as a refresher.

I'm not a big fan of self help books, but the research behind ACT convinced me to give this book a shot and it was well worth it.
Jan 24, 2019 rated it liked it
I really love ACT as a therapeutic framework. This book was a little too self-helpy for me, but did include a few different exercises that seem worth trying. My main takeaways are that I am *extremely* fused to a few thoughts and rules. I suppose step 1 is to defuse, but I'm so fused that it's hard to imagine that actually working because the thoughts are *true*.

Maybe I just need therapy!
Manabu Yoshimoto
May 27, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This book was the easiest to read I’ve ever met! I’m sure it contains some unique and useful ACT skills. I’ve seen the light with them indeed. I highly would like all couples to recommend this. Amazing!
Nov 16, 2016 rated it really liked it
A good book for therapists as well as couples with difficulties. The central premise here is not to change your partner but get a fundamental shift at how you look at people in general and your partner in particular. Once you accept people for who they are and still make room for them, that's when relationships become enjoyable and fulfilling.
Gemille Cribb
Jan 12, 2013 rated it it was amazing
A must read for all committed couples and even singles who are wondering what it takes to make a relationship work. Acceptance in an under-utilised skill in the distressed couples I see, they put owness on their partners to 'make them happy' rather then seeing their own happiness as a choice that they make. Great practical tools to help you achieve the relationship you want.
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Jul 07, 2018
Chris Alvino
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Jul 27, 2016
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Jun 04, 2013
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Nick Lascelles
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Feb 15, 2014
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Dec 29, 2016
Sean Swaby
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Sep 21, 2017
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Is This Book great for a single, why not ? 2 3 Aug 09, 2016 10:08AM  
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Dr Russ Harris is a medically-qualified doctor, stress consultant, executive coach, trainer, author, and a leading authority in the powerful new paradigm of Psychological Flexibility. (This is a revolutionary new development in human psychology that enhances performance, reduces stress, and improves health and wellbeing.) Dr Russ regularly presents workshops on Psychological Flexibility at both na ...more
“The feeling of love comes and goes on a whim; you can't control it. But the action of love is something you can do, regardless of how you are feeling.” 27 likes
“Stop trying to control how you feel, and instead take control of what you do.” 5 likes
More quotes…