I'm keeping the kink out of this review.
I think there were other things that took away from the story a little.
1. The author could have chosen a bit more clever name for Constantine and his brothers. I get Ferrari is an actual last name, but there's also how many other other Italian names?
2. Constantine tells Arlo he had a concussion after watching Arlo trip. I've had one; you need to knock your head a bit harder than that and you can't tell just by looking at someone. AND THEN
Constantine takes Arlo to his brother Gianluca, who is a doctor. He says, 'He'll take your temperature and make sure you're all right." ???? What does his temperature have to do with anything and that still won't say if he has a concussion or not.
3. Constantine calls Arlo the love of his life within five minutes of knowing him. Now, I don't really mind an insta-love story, but I need it to be at least mildly realistic.
4. There's a lot of weird contradictions or characters just not knowing basic facts that detracted from the story for me. For example,
Arlo says he has never seen a skyscraper before. Already, I'm trying to figure out how considering he lives in Harlem, New York City. However, Arlo then says a page later that he has been to Chelsea to see the Christmas Parade. Chelsea is in Manhattan. Obviously this man has seen skyscrapers then.
Also, Arlo asks what Constantine's foreskin is called. What 21 year old man doesn't know what foreskin is? It's like one of the main debates around dicks. Circumcised or no circumcised? And speaking of circumcision, Arlo then informs Constantine that circumcision is common amongst the Jewish population and even Muslims. Constantine's response is, "Wow, I didn't even know that. Arlo is so smart." ?????????? Maybe people don't know that about Muslims, but it's common knowledge that the Jewish practice circumcision. What 38 year old wouldn't know that?
5. The whole mafia angle was entirely unnecessary. Besides it being mentioned that they are a mafia family, not once do any of the characters do anything remotely mafia related. Why add it to the story? It did not add anything of worth. And not only that, Constantine is upset that Arlo grew up in a tough neighborhood, showing sympathy at Arlo having a mother addicted to drugs when his own uncle was an addict.
Constantine literally says, "Queens? I've heard of that section of New York. It's where hoodlums engage in criminal activity." One, Queens is a huge section; it's the largest borough in New York. I'm sure he's more than heard of it. Even I know it and I don't live there. And two, engage in criminal activity? He's the head of an organized crime family. He should know of at least some of the criminal activity happening. In fact, it is quite normal for mob families to be in drugs, so I don't understand why Constantine is acting so pure around drugs and criminal activity. In reality, he would probably have a hand in something whether that be drugs, trafficking, prostitution, guns, etc.
The only mention of mafia activity is them needing to fight their 'mortal enemies.' I don't know anyone who says this unironically, but it felt like a really juvenile take on what the mafia does.
6. In regards to Queens being labelled as an area for criminal activity (which is a crazy stereotype to make considering every area has crime and Queens is such a large area to stereotype), Harlem is labelled as a pretty rough area too. Arlo says, "There were no gangsters outside my bedroom window firing bullets at each other, or whack jobs screaming bloody Mary."
Now, I could be reading into this but why put such harsh stereotypes on Harlem, which is commonly known as a black community. Why not pick a different suburb?
7. Now, about this whole fake relationship angle. THIS WASN'T A FAKE RELATIONSHIP!!! A fake relationship implies they do 'couply' thing out in public in front of people they know to sell the idea that they are in a relationship and then have no connection outside of that. They acted like a couple from literally the first moment they saw each other. They were in way too deep. I don't quite understand why Constantine put this weird time limit on a 'fake' relationship when he let Arlo live with him, took Arlo to the doctor, went on dates with Arlo, and then proceeded to fuck Arlo. That ain't fake babe. You just haven't labelled it yet.
And the amount of pressure he put on Arlo to earn his way out of being in a fake relationship was honestly a little gross. Constantine pretty much says that if you don't impress my family then we can't be a couple; if that's your thing then think it in your head, but DON'T FUCKING TELL ME AND THEN ADD TO MY STRESS!
And then the family constantly mentions Carlos, Constantine's ex, to Arlo's face. That is just fucking tacky and honestly a big red flag.
8. This family is too sexually comfortable with each other for my taste. If that didn't bother you, cool, but I don't need to know my brother's kink. And I ESPECIALLY don't need to know my grandmother and mother are dominatrixes (which yes, Constantine knows that about his family).
And then Arlo just casually calls Constantine his daddy to Constantine's whole family. And honestly literally anyone that listens actually. Some things don't need to be shared with everyone, and I say this as someone who likes kink.
9. I'm trying to be cautious around my confusion for this point because I know the author says they went through Arlo's condition, but as a reader, I could not understand Arlo's reluctance to share his medical condition with Constantine. If you look it up, it's considered a chronic form of acid reflux, just not always accompanied with the burning sensation like heart burn. So many people experience acid reflux so I was confused as to why Arlo would be embarrassed to share.
10. There was a lot of recapping that was very unnecessary. Let me explain. A sexual encounter would be in one POV, and then when the POV switched, the other person would then recap what just happened in the sexual encounter. That doesn't need to be done. We just read it; we know what happened.
11. I wanted to pass on a lot of the dirty talk. Willy, wee, weiner, rod, cummies, water gun (use your imagination) and berry were all immediate no's for me.
12. Constantine tells Arlo, "My dick has been inside countless assholes." Now, I don't know about you, but that would be an instant mood killer for me. Knowing your partners sexual history is one thing, but to be told this IN THE MIDDLE OF SEX, is a bit too far in my opinion. Have some respect.
13. Is this alien museum supposed to be the paranormal museum in Pine Bush, New York because otherwise there is no alien museum.
Though I did like a gay couple finally using a douche. Why don't more gay novels talk about dudes douching their asses? Seems like an important step.