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Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love
Hermione straddles the magical and non-magical worlds as a medical researcher and Healer about to make a Big Discovery. Draco is an Auror assigned to protect her from forces unknown -- to both of their displeasure.
Features hypercompetent, fiery Hermione and lazy, yet dangerous, Draco. Slow burn.
Features hypercompetent, fiery Hermione and lazy, yet dangerous, Draco. Slow burn.
700 pages, Hardcover
First published October 14, 2021
1898 people are currently reading
31510 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 7,069 reviews
June 3, 2022
This made me laugh out loud several times. For that alone, it gets five stars.
Favorite part: My. Hair.
Favorite part: My. Hair.
July 28, 2025
my favorite draco to read about is goofy draco. he’s falling so hard but is denying it in every way possible. he’s a secret cinnamon roll under all that brooding. SMASH!!! 😤
this was comedic gold. being in draco’s pov entirely was surprisingly the best thing ever. this man is funny, compassionate, gentleman, smart, witty, banter, love, yearning, longing all wrapped up in a pink bow. the title of this fic really holds truth. liiike is he for sale? 😛
every adventure hermione and draco took felt like an episode of scooby doo. draco in this is the blueprint for the reformed bad boy who still hates everyone except her. and hermione? and her many titles is saving the world while lowkey fixing him with nothing but logic, wit, and casual hotness. like she doesn’t even know the extent of which she has him wrapped around her finger??? he was literally a dog for her. iykyk
also the slow burn?? it’s 200k words of longing, subtle touches, and “we can’t do this” right before they absolutely do. and i respect that. i fear them. i love them. i want them. i was yelling “kiss/fuck already” every 100 words.
they go from trading insults to trading secrets to trading soft glances across the room and i scream into my pillow. 😖
“they were two souls who had come near enough to feel the other’s glow, but now, at last, they met, touched, tangled.” need that. crave that.🫠
if i had the chance to be with this version of draco malfoy…schools will be closed on monday🫢
this was comedic gold. being in draco’s pov entirely was surprisingly the best thing ever. this man is funny, compassionate, gentleman, smart, witty, banter, love, yearning, longing all wrapped up in a pink bow. the title of this fic really holds truth. liiike is he for sale? 😛
every adventure hermione and draco took felt like an episode of scooby doo. draco in this is the blueprint for the reformed bad boy who still hates everyone except her. and hermione? and her many titles is saving the world while lowkey fixing him with nothing but logic, wit, and casual hotness. like she doesn’t even know the extent of which she has him wrapped around her finger??? he was literally a dog for her. iykyk
also the slow burn?? it’s 200k words of longing, subtle touches, and “we can’t do this” right before they absolutely do. and i respect that. i fear them. i love them. i want them. i was yelling “kiss/fuck already” every 100 words.
they go from trading insults to trading secrets to trading soft glances across the room and i scream into my pillow. 😖
“they were two souls who had come near enough to feel the other’s glow, but now, at last, they met, touched, tangled.” need that. crave that.🫠
if i had the chance to be with this version of draco malfoy…schools will be closed on monday🫢
March 7, 2023
4.5 ⭐️ Comedy gold. A new dramione classic!
Word Count: 199,699 | Chapters: 36
Summary:
Hermione straddles the Muggle and Magical worlds as a medical researcher and Healer about to make a big discovery. Due to the nature of her project, Minister Shackelbolt has assigned an Auror to protect Hermione from nefarious forces who wish to stop her research through sabotage or, possibly, murder.
Draco Malfoy is an excellent Auror (the best if you'd ask him) and is assigned to protect Hermione Granger from forces unknown - to both of their displeasure. While neither is keen on their current situation, they embark on many adventures that bring them closer than ever.
10+ Year Post War | Researcher Hermione | Auror Draco | Forced Collaboration | Action/Adventure | Slow-Burn | Hilarious Banter | Humor | Eventual Smut | HEA
My Thoughts:
This story is one of the most charming, hilarious, and smart Dramione fanfics I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Seriously, what a treat! An instant classic! Immediately download and read this fic!
I love the characterization of Draco and Hermione. They share a lot of traits with their canon selves, but the author took it up a knot and only embellished the good stuff. Draco is an arrogant, witty, suave, ruthless, attractive womanizer. Hermione is a caring, determined, selfless, overworked, beautiful genius. They're both incredibly stubborn and intelligent so it's a constant battle of wills and wits. I could actually see these two being canon and falling in love in this exact way.
This story had some of the best comedy in any fanfic. From start to finish, I was laughing my ass off. This story is written in 3rd person with a focus on Draco's POV, and Draco's perception of himself, Hermione, and their situation is hysterical! I love that he is in a perpetual state of denial about his growing feelings for Hermione. For example:
"His idiot brain took this image and immediately created several new neural pathways that had never existed previously, connecting the idea of Granger with the concept of sexy. It was an extremely unwelcome development and Draco wondered whether he should lobotomize himself on the spot."
He's also just so incredibly arrogant.
"Stop fishing about for compliments. You know you're terribly good looking."
Draco smirked. "I never tire of hearing it."
"You grew out of being a greasy little ferret. There: a compliment. Are you happy?"
"Yes. I'll have another, please."
"No. You're unbearable."
"Do my hair next."
"No."
"Yes."
Every chapter is riddled with this amazing humor and banter, so prepare to be entertained!
The slow burn romance is painful yet an absolute pleasure. When I say slow burn, I mean SLOW BURN. This is the slowest of all slow burns. There are 36 chapters total and there are only TWO chapters with smut - chapters 30 and 35 - but let me tell you, it's worth the wait! The rest of the story is simmering with incredible sexual tension.
There's also a freaking Pride and Prejudice moment, like when Mr. Darcy walks in a flowing white shirt at sunrise to confess his undying love for Elizabeth at sunrise. So freaking romantic!!!!
The adventures Draco and Hermione go off on are so thrilling and fun to read! There are magic wells, creepy crones, horny foxes, vengeful nuns, talking skulls, portkey mishaps, and polyjuice fun. This story really took me back to the original HP books but instead of Harry, Hermione, and Ron going on crazy adventures, it's Draco and Hermione. I absolutely loved seeing them work together!
So why didn't I give it 5-stars?
I loved the slow burn, but it was just a tad too slow for me. While reading, I'd get to a scene where I'd be holding my breath thinking "Finally! They're going to touch/kiss/get together" but it would never happen. I had to read 30 chapters for things to finally progress, but then they move backward and ignore what happened between them. This really was an idiot-to-lovers slow AF romance.
The lack of emotional stakes and drama made this all too easy to put down. Yes, I LOVE this fic and the humor is some of the best I've ever seen. But this is a novel-sized fic, and for something this long, I usually need to feel an emotional pull. The 3rd person narration, while done incredibly well, kept me entertained but at arm's length from connecting with the characters on a deep emotional level. The plot did have its moments of conflict, but overall, the tone was light, so I never felt any eagerness for the conflict to get resolved (I knew it would happen so there was no angsty buildup).
But overall, I'm truly blown away by the wonderful writing, plot, world-building, and comedic elements on DMATMOOBIL. This was such a well-done, entertaining fic, and would highly recommend it to anyone looking for something lighthearted and fun.
My Current Dramione Fanfic Rankings
⭐ = Must-Reads
🌶️ = Best Smut
Novels (150,000+ words):
1. Manacled - SenLinYu ⭐
2. Remain Nameless - HeyJude19 ⭐🌶️
3. Cruel and Beautiful World - Lena Phoria
4. The Disappearances of Draco Malfoy - Speechwriter ⭐
5. Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love - thisisselfcare ⭐
6. Various Storms and Saints - ViridianAtNight
7. Isolation - Bex-Chan ⭐
8. Bring Him To His Knees - Musyc 🌶️
9. The Auction - LovesBitca8 ⭐
10. All You Want - SenLinYu 🌶️
11. Breath Mints / Battle Scars - Onyx_and_Elm 🌶️
12. The Right Thing To Do - LovesBitca8
13. Beginning and End - MightBeWriting
14. The Gloriana Set - ThebeMoon
15. Love In A Time Of The Zombie Apocalypse - RizzleWrites
16. All The Wrong Things - LovesBitca8
17. Hunted - Bex-Chan
18. The Fallout - EveryThursday (DNF)
Novellas (less than 150,000 words):
1. Hot For Teacher - MotherOfBulls ⭐🌶️
2. Apple Pies and Other Amends - ToEatAPeach ⭐
3. Thirteenth Night - Nelpher ⭐
4. Sex Ed - MrBenzedrine89 🌶️
5. Still Life - monsterleadmehome
6. A Second Look - RiverWriter
7. The Best Of Me - MrsRen
8. Silencio - AkashaTheKitty
9. Wait and Hope - MightBeWriting
10. Between Certifiable and Bliss - HeyJude19
11.Atonement - Lunamionny
12. Incomplete - Niffizzle
13. Love and Other Misfortunes - SenLinYu
14. An Indefinite Amount of Forever - MotherOfBulls (sequel)
15. Making Amends - slytherin_prince27
16. Proximate - In_Dreams
17. The List - AureliaBlack90
18. The Cherry Pit - rubykrishna (DNF)
19. The Erised Effect - Ada_P_Rix
Short Stories (less than 50,000 words):
1. Movements, Contrived and Improvised - HeyJude19 ⭐
2. Best Shot - AccioMjolnir ⭐
3. The Library of Alexandria - SenLinYu ⭐
4. The First Rule of Fight Club… - LadyKenz347
5. Until The Ink Runs Dry & Indelible Ink - AccioMjolnir
6. Break For Me - Ada_P_Rix 🌶️
7. Call It What You Want - HawthorneWhisperer
8. Under The Wings of The Shadow - AccioMjolnir
9. The Watergaw - smokybaltic
10. Amends - thelashjedi
11. Write For Me - Ada_P_Rix
12. Ties That Bind - TattoosAndHighHeeledShoes
12. Amateur Cartography - worksofstone
13. Blood Rights - uselessenglishmajor
14. Big Dick Energy - louiseob
15. Jammed - Ada_P_Rix
16. One and Done - PacificRimbaud
One Shots (less than 15,000 words):
1. Your Lonely Calls To Me - SenLinYu ⭐
2. The Unbearable Tedium of Romance - smokybaltic
3. For Her - dirtymudblood
4. Because You’ll Like it - BedtimeFantasies 🌶️
5. Stupid Games - SenLinYu 🌶️
6. A Patient Man - LadyKenz347
7. Between Pages - DarkoftheMoon
8. An Unlikely Companion & An Unlikely Family - happy_valley
9. Potions, Perfume, and Apples - ellywolf111
10. Les Pelerins - PacificRumbaud
11. Like A Dagger To The Heart - hxllowsandhorcruxes
12. Fantasy - krissyxkat 🌶️
13. Head over Dragonhide Thigh High Heels - rubykrishna
14. Coming Down - nikitajobson and raven_maiden
15. A Matter of Practicality - OlivieBlake
16. Mistletoe - CatmintandThyme
17. Elevator - its_banannaz
18. Preface - ephemeraltoxic
19. Red or Green - SenLinYu
20. Friends - poppyclocks
21. Familiar Faces, Worn Out Places - LovesBitca8
22. The Art of Seating Etiquette - inadaze22
23. Self-Preservation - SenLinYu
24. Height - SenLinYu
25. Minimal Risk - Galfoy
26. The Seduction - SenLinYu
27. Chasing For Keeps - In_Dreams
28. The Labyrinth - AccioMjolnir
29. Who Am I To You? - ViridianAtNight
30. Knee Socks - trix_of_bella
31. Quiver - Keii_sha
Word Count: 199,699 | Chapters: 36
Summary:
Hermione straddles the Muggle and Magical worlds as a medical researcher and Healer about to make a big discovery. Due to the nature of her project, Minister Shackelbolt has assigned an Auror to protect Hermione from nefarious forces who wish to stop her research through sabotage or, possibly, murder.
Draco Malfoy is an excellent Auror (the best if you'd ask him) and is assigned to protect Hermione Granger from forces unknown - to both of their displeasure. While neither is keen on their current situation, they embark on many adventures that bring them closer than ever.
10+ Year Post War | Researcher Hermione | Auror Draco | Forced Collaboration | Action/Adventure | Slow-Burn | Hilarious Banter | Humor | Eventual Smut | HEA
My Thoughts:
This story is one of the most charming, hilarious, and smart Dramione fanfics I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Seriously, what a treat! An instant classic! Immediately download and read this fic!
I love the characterization of Draco and Hermione. They share a lot of traits with their canon selves, but the author took it up a knot and only embellished the good stuff. Draco is an arrogant, witty, suave, ruthless, attractive womanizer. Hermione is a caring, determined, selfless, overworked, beautiful genius. They're both incredibly stubborn and intelligent so it's a constant battle of wills and wits. I could actually see these two being canon and falling in love in this exact way.
This story had some of the best comedy in any fanfic. From start to finish, I was laughing my ass off. This story is written in 3rd person with a focus on Draco's POV, and Draco's perception of himself, Hermione, and their situation is hysterical! I love that he is in a perpetual state of denial about his growing feelings for Hermione. For example:
"His idiot brain took this image and immediately created several new neural pathways that had never existed previously, connecting the idea of Granger with the concept of sexy. It was an extremely unwelcome development and Draco wondered whether he should lobotomize himself on the spot."
He's also just so incredibly arrogant.
"Stop fishing about for compliments. You know you're terribly good looking."
Draco smirked. "I never tire of hearing it."
"You grew out of being a greasy little ferret. There: a compliment. Are you happy?"
"Yes. I'll have another, please."
"No. You're unbearable."
"Do my hair next."
"No."
"Yes."
Every chapter is riddled with this amazing humor and banter, so prepare to be entertained!
The slow burn romance is painful yet an absolute pleasure. When I say slow burn, I mean SLOW BURN. This is the slowest of all slow burns. There are 36 chapters total and there are only TWO chapters with smut - chapters 30 and 35 - but let me tell you, it's worth the wait! The rest of the story is simmering with incredible sexual tension.
There's also a freaking Pride and Prejudice moment, like when Mr. Darcy walks in a flowing white shirt at sunrise to confess his undying love for Elizabeth at sunrise. So freaking romantic!!!!
The adventures Draco and Hermione go off on are so thrilling and fun to read! There are magic wells, creepy crones, horny foxes, vengeful nuns, talking skulls, portkey mishaps, and polyjuice fun. This story really took me back to the original HP books but instead of Harry, Hermione, and Ron going on crazy adventures, it's Draco and Hermione. I absolutely loved seeing them work together!
So why didn't I give it 5-stars?
I loved the slow burn, but it was just a tad too slow for me. While reading, I'd get to a scene where I'd be holding my breath thinking "Finally! They're going to touch/kiss/get together" but it would never happen. I had to read 30 chapters for things to finally progress, but then they move backward and ignore what happened between them. This really was an idiot-to-lovers slow AF romance.
The lack of emotional stakes and drama made this all too easy to put down. Yes, I LOVE this fic and the humor is some of the best I've ever seen. But this is a novel-sized fic, and for something this long, I usually need to feel an emotional pull. The 3rd person narration, while done incredibly well, kept me entertained but at arm's length from connecting with the characters on a deep emotional level. The plot did have its moments of conflict, but overall, the tone was light, so I never felt any eagerness for the conflict to get resolved (I knew it would happen so there was no angsty buildup).
But overall, I'm truly blown away by the wonderful writing, plot, world-building, and comedic elements on DMATMOOBIL. This was such a well-done, entertaining fic, and would highly recommend it to anyone looking for something lighthearted and fun.
My Current Dramione Fanfic Rankings
⭐ = Must-Reads
🌶️ = Best Smut
Novels (150,000+ words):
1. Manacled - SenLinYu ⭐
2. Remain Nameless - HeyJude19 ⭐🌶️
3. Cruel and Beautiful World - Lena Phoria
4. The Disappearances of Draco Malfoy - Speechwriter ⭐
5. Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love - thisisselfcare ⭐
6. Various Storms and Saints - ViridianAtNight
7. Isolation - Bex-Chan ⭐
8. Bring Him To His Knees - Musyc 🌶️
9. The Auction - LovesBitca8 ⭐
10. All You Want - SenLinYu 🌶️
11. Breath Mints / Battle Scars - Onyx_and_Elm 🌶️
12. The Right Thing To Do - LovesBitca8
13. Beginning and End - MightBeWriting
14. The Gloriana Set - ThebeMoon
15. Love In A Time Of The Zombie Apocalypse - RizzleWrites
16. All The Wrong Things - LovesBitca8
17. Hunted - Bex-Chan
18. The Fallout - EveryThursday (DNF)
Novellas (less than 150,000 words):
1. Hot For Teacher - MotherOfBulls ⭐🌶️
2. Apple Pies and Other Amends - ToEatAPeach ⭐
3. Thirteenth Night - Nelpher ⭐
4. Sex Ed - MrBenzedrine89 🌶️
5. Still Life - monsterleadmehome
6. A Second Look - RiverWriter
7. The Best Of Me - MrsRen
8. Silencio - AkashaTheKitty
9. Wait and Hope - MightBeWriting
10. Between Certifiable and Bliss - HeyJude19
11.Atonement - Lunamionny
12. Incomplete - Niffizzle
13. Love and Other Misfortunes - SenLinYu
14. An Indefinite Amount of Forever - MotherOfBulls (sequel)
15. Making Amends - slytherin_prince27
16. Proximate - In_Dreams
17. The List - AureliaBlack90
18. The Cherry Pit - rubykrishna (DNF)
19. The Erised Effect - Ada_P_Rix
Short Stories (less than 50,000 words):
1. Movements, Contrived and Improvised - HeyJude19 ⭐
2. Best Shot - AccioMjolnir ⭐
3. The Library of Alexandria - SenLinYu ⭐
4. The First Rule of Fight Club… - LadyKenz347
5. Until The Ink Runs Dry & Indelible Ink - AccioMjolnir
6. Break For Me - Ada_P_Rix 🌶️
7. Call It What You Want - HawthorneWhisperer
8. Under The Wings of The Shadow - AccioMjolnir
9. The Watergaw - smokybaltic
10. Amends - thelashjedi
11. Write For Me - Ada_P_Rix
12. Ties That Bind - TattoosAndHighHeeledShoes
12. Amateur Cartography - worksofstone
13. Blood Rights - uselessenglishmajor
14. Big Dick Energy - louiseob
15. Jammed - Ada_P_Rix
16. One and Done - PacificRimbaud
One Shots (less than 15,000 words):
1. Your Lonely Calls To Me - SenLinYu ⭐
2. The Unbearable Tedium of Romance - smokybaltic
3. For Her - dirtymudblood
4. Because You’ll Like it - BedtimeFantasies 🌶️
5. Stupid Games - SenLinYu 🌶️
6. A Patient Man - LadyKenz347
7. Between Pages - DarkoftheMoon
8. An Unlikely Companion & An Unlikely Family - happy_valley
9. Potions, Perfume, and Apples - ellywolf111
10. Les Pelerins - PacificRumbaud
11. Like A Dagger To The Heart - hxllowsandhorcruxes
12. Fantasy - krissyxkat 🌶️
13. Head over Dragonhide Thigh High Heels - rubykrishna
14. Coming Down - nikitajobson and raven_maiden
15. A Matter of Practicality - OlivieBlake
16. Mistletoe - CatmintandThyme
17. Elevator - its_banannaz
18. Preface - ephemeraltoxic
19. Red or Green - SenLinYu
20. Friends - poppyclocks
21. Familiar Faces, Worn Out Places - LovesBitca8
22. The Art of Seating Etiquette - inadaze22
23. Self-Preservation - SenLinYu
24. Height - SenLinYu
25. Minimal Risk - Galfoy
26. The Seduction - SenLinYu
27. Chasing For Keeps - In_Dreams
28. The Labyrinth - AccioMjolnir
29. Who Am I To You? - ViridianAtNight
30. Knee Socks - trix_of_bella
31. Quiver - Keii_sha
December 8, 2023
Hilarious, sweet, clever and so skillfully written. Pure perfection when it comes to witty banters and slow-burns, and I absolutely love how the (light) angst is drawn out without resorting to misunderstandings or stupidities. The action scenes / heists are also intense and thoroughly entertaining at the same time. Probably the easiest five stars I've given a book so far, and now I can't stop wondering who the author is in the professional publishing world.
Update: after reading a few more romcoms (both fanfics and published "real books") after this and feeling generally unimpressed, I'm adding this book to my all-time-favorite shelf. Not that it is a masterpiece like Manacled with soul-touching emotions and literary depth, but once in a while I just need something fun to brighten up my mood, which this one did 100% right. I lost count of how many times it made me laugh, and it's so rare to find such mature, reasonable, capable characters worth swooning over (while not acting OOC at all). I'll most positively be rereading it in a few years.
Update: after reading a few more romcoms (both fanfics and published "real books") after this and feeling generally unimpressed, I'm adding this book to my all-time-favorite shelf. Not that it is a masterpiece like Manacled with soul-touching emotions and literary depth, but once in a while I just need something fun to brighten up my mood, which this one did 100% right. I lost count of how many times it made me laugh, and it's so rare to find such mature, reasonable, capable characters worth swooning over (while not acting OOC at all). I'll most positively be rereading it in a few years.
Currently reading
August 3, 2023no one judge me, i need this rn
May 1, 2022
If you were to tell me that one of my new favorite books of all time would a 200k word Draco-Hermione romance fanfic, I would tell you that you lost your mind. I have never, until this week, read a word of fanfiction. However, I am here to tell you that I have 100% never in my memory been so thoroughly entertained by a novel than I was with this one. It's hard to explain the million reasons I loved it so much but the novel is free and can be downloaded on a Kindle so I encourage y'all to read it yourself and be as thoroughly entertained as I was.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/345...
https://archiveofourown.org/works/345...
February 3, 2023
4.5⭐
Sweet as candy with a well-developed plot, heaps of laugh-out-loud moments, zingy banter, and some truly excellent heist/action-adventure scenes.
Sweet as candy with a well-developed plot, heaps of laugh-out-loud moments, zingy banter, and some truly excellent heist/action-adventure scenes.
July 18, 2024
This was the cheeky, romantic, nostalgia read I didn’t know I needed! I took my time and enjoyed every single page. This slow burn takes the cake….with whipped cream 😉
Want to read
October 17, 2022just writing a review so that if anyone likes then ill be reminded to read this
All because of this quote courtesy of marwah:
“I shan’t bollocks it up,” whispered Draco. “I can’t bollocks it. I care for her far too much – it’s a horrid feeling–”
The yellow eyes stared at him.
“What else do you want me to tell you? She has the entirety of my stupid heart – all right? I can’t hurt her – I’d sooner rip out my own soul–”
Still, the stare continued.
“I love her.”
SCREAMING CRYING I CANT READ BC OF EXAMS
All because of this quote courtesy of marwah:
“I shan’t bollocks it up,” whispered Draco. “I can’t bollocks it. I care for her far too much – it’s a horrid feeling–”
The yellow eyes stared at him.
“What else do you want me to tell you? She has the entirety of my stupid heart – all right? I can’t hurt her – I’d sooner rip out my own soul–”
Still, the stare continued.
“I love her.”
SCREAMING CRYING I CANT READ BC OF EXAMS
July 23, 2025
✩ 4 stars ✩
What to Expect:
➼ Slow Burn
➼ Enemies-to-Lovers
➼ Forced Proximity
➼ Auror Protection Duty
➼ Top Secret Reseach
➼ Dangerous Enemies
➼ Adventurous Side Quests
➼ Dramione Fan Fiction
➼ Traditionally Published as The Irresistible Urge to Fall for Your Enemy
➼ Avaialble on AO3 or as audio from ETL Echo
➼ Third Person POV (Centered on Draco)
The most unrealistic thing about this fanfic wasn’t the magic, but the idea that just 15 years later everything would be forgiven and people labeled as “mudbloods” would be rubbing elbows with former death eaters and their families. Fifteen years is NOTHING and Voldemort dying wouldn’t magical erase their hatred or the harm they caused. The tone of this one is much more light and fluffy compared to Manacled. Hermione’s character seemed pretty spot on, but this really didn’t feel like Draco to me. He needed to retain more of his hard edge or at least more assertiveness for this to feel believable. Whatever though… it’s fanfic, so she gets to share her take.
This is a slow burn that makes even a Mariana Zapata book look like insta love. 😆 I honestly really enjoyed about 90% of this, but when they finally confessed their feelings and did the deed, it was PAINFULLY awkward. After all that build up, I was so disappointed that the spice didn’t deliver. They literally talked the entire time, and by that I mean full pages and paragraphs of mundane chatter while they were being intimate.
One good thing about having to wait so long for the poorly executed spice was that it didn’t taint the majority of the“book.” The ETL Echo recording was actually amazing too! The narrator’s voice sounded almost exactly like Hermione. I was honestly expecting a really amateur recording, but I ended up being so impressed! I’m frankly a little nervous to read TIUTFFYE now though. I don’t think I would enjoy this much slow burn for characters I didn’t already feel connected to. I know the story will be different, but that does seem like one detail we can expect to stay considering the title. Only one way to find out! Interested to see what details she kept!
✼ ҉ ✼ ҉ ✼ ҉ ✼ ҉ ✼ ҉ ✼ ҉ ✼
Pre-read: Decided I want to read this before I read The Irresistible Urge to Fall for Your Enemy. Did you know that it’s available as audio?! 😱🤯
In case anyone is interested, I am listening to the audio recording by ETL Echo. You can find it through AO3 or by googling ETL Echo and the title. If it’s on Spotify, it wasn’t added by them and they prefer it not be uploaded there. She really sounds like Hermione!
≪ ◦ ❖ ◦ ≫
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What to Expect:
➼ Slow Burn
➼ Enemies-to-Lovers
➼ Forced Proximity
➼ Auror Protection Duty
➼ Top Secret Reseach
➼ Dangerous Enemies
➼ Adventurous Side Quests
➼ Dramione Fan Fiction
➼ Traditionally Published as The Irresistible Urge to Fall for Your Enemy
➼ Avaialble on AO3 or as audio from ETL Echo
➼ Third Person POV (Centered on Draco)
The most unrealistic thing about this fanfic wasn’t the magic, but the idea that just 15 years later everything would be forgiven and people labeled as “mudbloods” would be rubbing elbows with former death eaters and their families. Fifteen years is NOTHING and Voldemort dying wouldn’t magical erase their hatred or the harm they caused. The tone of this one is much more light and fluffy compared to Manacled. Hermione’s character seemed pretty spot on, but this really didn’t feel like Draco to me. He needed to retain more of his hard edge or at least more assertiveness for this to feel believable. Whatever though… it’s fanfic, so she gets to share her take.
This is a slow burn that makes even a Mariana Zapata book look like insta love. 😆 I honestly really enjoyed about 90% of this, but when they finally confessed their feelings and did the deed, it was PAINFULLY awkward. After all that build up, I was so disappointed that the spice didn’t deliver. They literally talked the entire time, and by that I mean full pages and paragraphs of mundane chatter while they were being intimate.
One good thing about having to wait so long for the poorly executed spice was that it didn’t taint the majority of the“book.” The ETL Echo recording was actually amazing too! The narrator’s voice sounded almost exactly like Hermione. I was honestly expecting a really amateur recording, but I ended up being so impressed! I’m frankly a little nervous to read TIUTFFYE now though. I don’t think I would enjoy this much slow burn for characters I didn’t already feel connected to. I know the story will be different, but that does seem like one detail we can expect to stay considering the title. Only one way to find out! Interested to see what details she kept!
✼ ҉ ✼ ҉ ✼ ҉ ✼ ҉ ✼ ҉ ✼ ҉ ✼
Pre-read: Decided I want to read this before I read The Irresistible Urge to Fall for Your Enemy. Did you know that it’s available as audio?! 😱🤯
In case anyone is interested, I am listening to the audio recording by ETL Echo. You can find it through AO3 or by googling ETL Echo and the title. If it’s on Spotify, it wasn’t added by them and they prefer it not be uploaded there. She really sounds like Hermione!
≪ ◦ ❖ ◦ ≫
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November 19, 2022
4.25 stars
“I feel as though I’ve given you a part of me that you could break,” said Granger. “Please don’t break it–”
THIS WAS SO CUTE IM DEADDDDDD. it gave me the same butterflies as an ali hazelwood book. the writing was so good, it was one of my fav hermoines ive ever read, and draco was so perfect im- 😭😭😭😭 deceased.
the title annoys me cause omg what a goddamn mouthful but its also TRUE OMG. what a perfect progression of draco malfoy slowly sweetly falling in love against his will
“I feel as though I’ve given you a part of me that you could break,” said Granger. “Please don’t break it–”
THIS WAS SO CUTE IM DEADDDDDD. it gave me the same butterflies as an ali hazelwood book. the writing was so good, it was one of my fav hermoines ive ever read, and draco was so perfect im- 😭😭😭😭 deceased.
the title annoys me cause omg what a goddamn mouthful but its also TRUE OMG. what a perfect progression of draco malfoy slowly sweetly falling in love against his will
Read
September 1, 2024I am not leaving a star rating, as this is a fan fiction. <3
What a lovely romantic comedy! This is a charming little enemies-to-lovers, forbidden love story about two characters I love with my whole heart. It was lovely seeing them reimagined in their thirties, with careers, living in a post-war magical London. The banter was delightful. The subplot mystery was engaging, and the slow burn paid off better than I could have ever hoped. This is spice at its finest—well-earned, well-paced, and full of love, lust, and friendship in the perfect ratio.
Had a great time with this.
What a lovely romantic comedy! This is a charming little enemies-to-lovers, forbidden love story about two characters I love with my whole heart. It was lovely seeing them reimagined in their thirties, with careers, living in a post-war magical London. The banter was delightful. The subplot mystery was engaging, and the slow burn paid off better than I could have ever hoped. This is spice at its finest—well-earned, well-paced, and full of love, lust, and friendship in the perfect ratio.
Had a great time with this.
April 24, 2025
Loved this! I would’ve read it in one sitting if it didn’t have a gazillion pages.
I didn’t know I needed Dramione fanfics in my life, but I very much do. I love that the author just ignored that effing killing spree J.K. Rowling went on in the last book, and kept all the nice people alive.
I also loved that Malfoy remained a douche till the end, it was hilarious.
I adore this author’s sense of humor and writing style and I hope she ditches whatever she does in life and starts writing books full time. For the good of humanity.
—-
I enjoyed The Irresistible Urge to Fall For Your Enemy so much, now I’m curious about this one.
I didn’t know I needed Dramione fanfics in my life, but I very much do. I love that the author just ignored that effing killing spree J.K. Rowling went on in the last book, and kept all the nice people alive.
I also loved that Malfoy remained a douche till the end, it was hilarious.
I adore this author’s sense of humor and writing style and I hope she ditches whatever she does in life and starts writing books full time. For the good of humanity.
—-
I enjoyed The Irresistible Urge to Fall For Your Enemy so much, now I’m curious about this one.
October 17, 2022
[ 4 stars ]
“I shan’t bollocks it up,” whispered Draco. “I can’t bollocks it. I care for her far too much – it’s a horrid feeling–”
The yellow eyes stared at him.
“What else do you want me to tell you? She has the entirety of my stupid heart – all right? I can’t hurt her – I’d sooner rip out my own soul–”
Still, the stare continued.
“I love her.”
the cat heard it first guys ���🚶♀️
I literally want to die still not over this entire interaction or this fic at all help
“I shan’t bollocks it up,” whispered Draco. “I can’t bollocks it. I care for her far too much – it’s a horrid feeling–”
The yellow eyes stared at him.
“What else do you want me to tell you? She has the entirety of my stupid heart – all right? I can’t hurt her – I’d sooner rip out my own soul–”
Still, the stare continued.
“I love her.”
the cat heard it first guys ���🚶♀️
July 31, 2024
✅✅ Witty banter
✅✅ Sexual tension
✅ Slow-burn (almost too slow even)
✅ Characters
✅ Plot
✅ Action and magic
✅🆗 Pace (but more ✅ than 🆗)
✅🆗 Emotional connection to the characters
This fiction happens over 10 years after the war, and I liked seeing “the gang” in their grown-up lives, with their grown-up aspirations and more mature emotions.
Hermione, a world-renowned medical researcher, as well as a university professor, and an exceptionally gifted healer, is working on a secret project that could very well change everything in the wizarding world, but there are always those who are not happy with change, and that is why Auror Draco Malfoy is tasked with protecting her and her research.
While they are both displeased at first with being forced to work closely with each other, they will go through many adventures together and will realize that they might not dislike each other as much as they previously thought. This story is full of action as Hermione and Draco have to search for (or steal) magical relics and ingredients. It’s also full of nosy friends, creepy and/or highly dangerous magical beasts, life-threatening situations, and hilarious moments. Their quest to find all those mysterious ingredients and artifacts reminded me a little of Hermione, Harry, and Ron’s quest to find the Horcruxes in the 7th book…
Hermione, as we know her, is nothing if not brilliant and driven. She has many doctorates and highly distinguished honors, and she juggles at least 3 different jobs at the same time, on top of her “personal projects” on the side. She is very similar to the Hermione we got to know in the series: a selfless and caring genius who will not hesitate to sacrifice her health and work way too many hours to achieve her goals and help others.
Draco is still a gorgeous and arrogant wizard, but he is also one of the best Aurors there is, he is ruthless when he is on a mission, and that makes him one of the best at protecting Hermione. I loved his womanizer and unashamed side that added so many funny moments in the story. Even his inner thoughts were hilarious.
Draco and Hermione are both highly intelligent, and we can appreciate it in this story. Their conversations are a delightful mix of witty banter, sarcasm, and very detailed theories and information exchange. They challenge and question each other, and it was clear after a few chapters that they had a lot in common.
The slow burn. OMG, the slow burn.
It killed me, but I loved it.
It was painful to see Draco and Hermione tiptoe around each other and try to smother their feelings, but at the same time, the sexual tension was of epic proportion. There is not much smut in this book, because it takes them FOREVER to finally get together, but it’s worth the wait because their few moments together are spicy and hot. That being said, it dragged a little too long near the end. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, but one of the reasons why I didn’t give this fiction 5 stars is that the slow burn was getting a little too slow to my taste.
The witty banter and sarcasm level were impressive. I laughed out loud so many times! It is seriously one of the funniest fanfiction I’ve read, but it also has a very intricate and detailed plot, with a more serious side. It’s not just mindless fun and sex jokes.
While the story is written in 3rd person, it gives us more intel on Draco’s thoughts and feelings, and his inner monologues are amazing. He was so arrogant, yet so helpless when it came to his feelings. He kept on talking about it as “Something” that was highly inconvenient, and that his traitorous brain or body were acting against his will (he was in denial, BIG TIME)... Many moments of this story were truly hysterical, thanks to him.
Draco pretending, and trying his best, to love cats. That gives him at least 1000 points in my book.
His interactions with Crookshanks were so funny! I love how he truly believed that the cat was able to understand everything that was happening, and how Draco tried to be nice to Crookshank just so he wouldn’t get mauled.
Draco’s witty and sexual jokes were a sure way to make me smile. I LOVED his characterization in this fiction. I have to say though, that while I loved the sexual tension and banter, it also felt as if I was not 100% emotionally involved in the story. I read it pretty quickly because I needed to get my mind off my job, but at the same time, I don’t think that I would have had a problem putting it down while being halfway through it and picking it back a few days later. It was a very entertaining fiction and that’s why I gave it 4 stars, but on the emotional side, I struggled to really connect with Draco, and even more with Hermione. Let’s just say that without the banter and sexual innuendos, this would have been more 3.5 stars than 4 stars.
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✅✅ Sexual tension
✅ Slow-burn (almost too slow even)
✅ Characters
✅ Plot
✅ Action and magic
✅🆗 Pace (but more ✅ than 🆗)
✅🆗 Emotional connection to the characters
I need you to understand that if anything happens to you, Shacklebolt will have my head, then Tonks will have my balls, then Potter and Weasley will scavenge the rest. My mother would bury me in a Marmite jar. Do you understand?”
This fiction happens over 10 years after the war, and I liked seeing “the gang” in their grown-up lives, with their grown-up aspirations and more mature emotions.
Hermione, a world-renowned medical researcher, as well as a university professor, and an exceptionally gifted healer, is working on a secret project that could very well change everything in the wizarding world, but there are always those who are not happy with change, and that is why Auror Draco Malfoy is tasked with protecting her and her research.
While they are both displeased at first with being forced to work closely with each other, they will go through many adventures together and will realize that they might not dislike each other as much as they previously thought. This story is full of action as Hermione and Draco have to search for (or steal) magical relics and ingredients. It’s also full of nosy friends, creepy and/or highly dangerous magical beasts, life-threatening situations, and hilarious moments. Their quest to find all those mysterious ingredients and artifacts reminded me a little of Hermione, Harry, and Ron’s quest to find the Horcruxes in the 7th book…
Was this woman a genius at Herbology, on top of everything else? Draco wondered how much of Potter and Weasley’s limited scholarly success was due to absorbing her knowledge by intellectual osmosis.
Hermione, as we know her, is nothing if not brilliant and driven. She has many doctorates and highly distinguished honors, and she juggles at least 3 different jobs at the same time, on top of her “personal projects” on the side. She is very similar to the Hermione we got to know in the series: a selfless and caring genius who will not hesitate to sacrifice her health and work way too many hours to achieve her goals and help others.
Draco had been strategic in his choice of career, of course: being an Auror offered just enough heroics for positive coverage in the news and just enough Ministry-sanctioned murders to keep him interested in the job.
Draco detested feelings. They were an irritation and a distraction at the best of times and a hideous vulnerability at the worst.
Draco is still a gorgeous and arrogant wizard, but he is also one of the best Aurors there is, he is ruthless when he is on a mission, and that makes him one of the best at protecting Hermione. I loved his womanizer and unashamed side that added so many funny moments in the story. Even his inner thoughts were hilarious.
Draco and Hermione are both highly intelligent, and we can appreciate it in this story. Their conversations are a delightful mix of witty banter, sarcasm, and very detailed theories and information exchange. They challenge and question each other, and it was clear after a few chapters that they had a lot in common.
His idiot brain took this image and immediately created several new neural pathways that had never existed previously, connecting the idea of Granger with the concept of sexy.
It was an extremely unwelcome development and Draco wondered whether he should lobotomise himself on the spot.
“You want to eat dinner with me? Tonight? On purpose?”
“No,” said Draco with a thick layer of sarcasm slathered across the top. “By accident. We’ll trip up to the table with our mouths open and mash in some hors d’oeuvres.”
The slow burn. OMG, the slow burn.
It killed me, but I loved it.
It was painful to see Draco and Hermione tiptoe around each other and try to smother their feelings, but at the same time, the sexual tension was of epic proportion. There is not much smut in this book, because it takes them FOREVER to finally get together, but it’s worth the wait because their few moments together are spicy and hot. That being said, it dragged a little too long near the end. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, but one of the reasons why I didn’t give this fiction 5 stars is that the slow burn was getting a little too slow to my taste.
Hi,” said Potter’s voice, making both Draco and Granger jump. A moment later, Potter’s dishevelled head was between the two of them. “Excuse me, but what the hell is going on here?”
Draco did not permit Granger time to answer. “Fuck off and let me do my job, Potter.”
Never one to fuck off on demand, Potter persisted. “Why are you keeping her so close? Did you see something?”
“It’s not–” began Granger.
“Exactly – it’s Nott,” said Draco, jutting his chin towards Theo. “Acting suspicious. Sniffing around.”
Potter turned to observe the wizard in question, whose face was somewhere in the red-haired witch’s neck. He frowned. “I’ll take care of him.”
“Harry, it’s not–” said Granger with fresh frustration.
“It’s Nott, yes,” interrupted Draco with benevolence.
“I’m on it, Hermione,” said Potter, retreating to take up what he no doubt considered an inconspicuous position near Theo.
Granger’s grasp on Draco’s shoulders now shifted towards his neck and suggested thoughts of strangulation. “You are the worst,” she said in an exasperated whisper.
“Be quiet – I want to watch this,” said Draco, angling them so that they could both see Potter.
“Why Nott?” asked Granger.
“Why not, indeed."
The witty banter and sarcasm level were impressive. I laughed out loud so many times! It is seriously one of the funniest fanfiction I’ve read, but it also has a very intricate and detailed plot, with a more serious side. It’s not just mindless fun and sex jokes.
While the story is written in 3rd person, it gives us more intel on Draco’s thoughts and feelings, and his inner monologues are amazing. He was so arrogant, yet so helpless when it came to his feelings. He kept on talking about it as “Something” that was highly inconvenient, and that his traitorous brain or body were acting against his will (he was in denial, BIG TIME)... Many moments of this story were truly hysterical, thanks to him.
Granger sighed. “All right. Goodbye, then.”
“Granger.”
“What?”
“Tell your cat I said pspsps.”
Her smile was brightness. She turned and disappeared into the fire.
Draco pretending, and trying his best, to love cats. That gives him at least 1000 points in my book.
His interactions with Crookshanks were so funny! I love how he truly believed that the cat was able to understand everything that was happening, and how Draco tried to be nice to Crookshank just so he wouldn’t get mauled.
When asked when he’d arrived in Oxford, Draco said, “This morning.” When asked what he was doing in Oxford, he said “Doctor Granger.”
Granger choked on her drink. More laughter. When Draco next stole a glance at her, Granger looked like she was going to lure him into a lonely alley and, there in the darkness, strangle him.
Who knew that teasing the swot of the century could be such a glee-filled activity.
Draco’s witty and sexual jokes were a sure way to make me smile. I LOVED his characterization in this fiction. I have to say though, that while I loved the sexual tension and banter, it also felt as if I was not 100% emotionally involved in the story. I read it pretty quickly because I needed to get my mind off my job, but at the same time, I don’t think that I would have had a problem putting it down while being halfway through it and picking it back a few days later. It was a very entertaining fiction and that’s why I gave it 4 stars, but on the emotional side, I struggled to really connect with Draco, and even more with Hermione. Let’s just say that without the banter and sexual innuendos, this would have been more 3.5 stars than 4 stars.
“...Likes me?”
“Genuinely,” said Weasley. “Thinks you’re enormously competent – eminently respectable – generally marvellous–” he took on a high, Grangery voice “–Rather brilliant, you know, Ron, you mustn’t tease him. Can’t even refer to you as ‘the Ferret’ without being corrected.”
This had an immense cheering effect on Draco, but he kept his face neutral. “She does like to take up unfortunate causes.”
“Yeah. She’ll bung together a Society for the Protection of Eminently Respectable Malfoy soon, I reckon. SPERM. Suits you.”
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May 15, 2022
if a fic has over 100k words it will be counting towards my reading goal sorry to u all
September 7, 2023
4.5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️🌟
Great in a rom-com (yes, I actually laughed) uber slow burn kind of way 🥹💕
~
Grinned like an idiot the entire time. This is literally pining central told from Draco's POV, I mean, is this not perfection already? 🫶🏽
So here's the jist...
Plot: It's been 10+ years since the Wizarding War, and Draco is now an Auror for the DMLE. His extremely proficient and devastating modest (HA.) Tonks, who is now the Head of the Auror Office (love this) gives him a choice between a rather gross Troll assignment or a protection order for a high-profile wizard/witch. Draco chooses the protection order, not realizing it is for Hermione Granger. He tries to get out of it but finally decides it is the lesser of two evils. Hermione is also not enthused. Both try to limit their interactions with one another, but while she is trying to complete her research Draco is forced to tag along, and as the months wear on, so do they on each other.
What I loved:
DRACO.This view of him was one of my favorites. It felt very canon in a light way. So you still have his cocky attitude, but he is not suffering from some deluded superiority complex. He thinks he's the best because he worked to be the best. He's filthy rich so he enjoys having the best of the best, but he's just posh and only a little of a tool. Dotes on his mum so that's always a plus. But he's still calculating and ruthless, so you know you never want to cross him in a dark alley. The story is written in the third person but from his POV, which gives us so much more insight on his personality and his views of Granger. His trying to control his feelings left me cackling left and right.
Also, Draco learning all the muggle things like computers. - Gold.
The UST. For those of you who also don't know what this is, it's unresolved sexual tension. This is a slow-burn for the slow-burners. There's a bunch of will they? won't they? I know they will, but when? WHEN?? Never thought this be a cup of tea for me, but this story had a whole kettle brewing for it. You get a taste, then a bite, then another taste. It was like waiting at a restaurant for your order, and everyone's order was coming out before your table. Bit of a masochist, I guess, for this, but after a really smutty story before this one, it was a great time.
The Pacing. This was excellent. The story takes its course over the span of a year so the relationship between the two of them is allowed to gradually build from tolerating each other to friendship (of course, they would never admit it) to their eventual relationship. You also have heists, scavenger hunts, lab sessions, parties, and missions all mixed about, so it's not boring even if it is not super suspenseful, but it allows all the tropes to come out.
As hinted above - The Relationship growth. While this story did not have everyone and their mamas hating the Malfoys to the umpteenth degree (appreciated this so much), the two of them did not necessarily like each other due more to their rivalry, which was easy to overcome together. Hermione gave as good as she got from Draco, and they really became besties in my eyes. This also drew out Draco's protective side (yum) whenever she was in danger.
Lastly, the meddling of Theo
While this story does not have filler of the entire HP ensemble cast (thank god), it does have appearances and interactions with more than just Draco and Hermione. Theo happens to be one of my favorites, to say the least, and I enjoyed all the pop-ins from the rest of their respective crews.
There were parts that discuss their differences and their hurts, and they were beautiful. Really a great story to read. Probably 4 stars, really, because of the plotholes that later arise, but because it put me in such a good mood and I want to reread it, I'm going to stick with 4.5. Someone make me an "I love Draco" shirt. plskthnx
Great in a rom-com (yes, I actually laughed) uber slow burn kind of way 🥹💕
~
Grinned like an idiot the entire time. This is literally pining central told from Draco's POV, I mean, is this not perfection already? 🫶🏽
So here's the jist...
Plot: It's been 10+ years since the Wizarding War, and Draco is now an Auror for the DMLE. His extremely proficient and devastating modest (HA.) Tonks, who is now the Head of the Auror Office (love this) gives him a choice between a rather gross Troll assignment or a protection order for a high-profile wizard/witch. Draco chooses the protection order, not realizing it is for Hermione Granger. He tries to get out of it but finally decides it is the lesser of two evils. Hermione is also not enthused. Both try to limit their interactions with one another, but while she is trying to complete her research Draco is forced to tag along, and as the months wear on, so do they on each other.
What I loved:
DRACO.This view of him was one of my favorites. It felt very canon in a light way. So you still have his cocky attitude, but he is not suffering from some deluded superiority complex. He thinks he's the best because he worked to be the best. He's filthy rich so he enjoys having the best of the best, but he's just posh and only a little of a tool. Dotes on his mum so that's always a plus. But he's still calculating and ruthless, so you know you never want to cross him in a dark alley. The story is written in the third person but from his POV, which gives us so much more insight on his personality and his views of Granger. His trying to control his feelings left me cackling left and right.
"Granger’s eye roll was magnificent. “Poor darling. It isn't that awful.”
“Vile, is what it is.” Draco sighed a dramatic sigh and sat limply in his chair. “I should’ve taken the troll porn.”
“The what?” asked Granger.
“Nothing. Never mind. Eat your tart.”
“Eat your tart.”
“I’d like nothing more.”
“Good.”
Draco ate the tart in front of him but he’d rather have been eating the one beside him. Yet another wearisome irony in the difficult life of Draco Malfoy.
Also, Draco learning all the muggle things like computers. - Gold.
The UST. For those of you who also don't know what this is, it's unresolved sexual tension. This is a slow-burn for the slow-burners. There's a bunch of will they? won't they? I know they will, but when? WHEN?? Never thought this be a cup of tea for me, but this story had a whole kettle brewing for it. You get a taste, then a bite, then another taste. It was like waiting at a restaurant for your order, and everyone's order was coming out before your table. Bit of a masochist, I guess, for this, but after a really smutty story before this one, it was a great time.
The Pacing. This was excellent. The story takes its course over the span of a year so the relationship between the two of them is allowed to gradually build from tolerating each other to friendship (of course, they would never admit it) to their eventual relationship. You also have heists, scavenger hunts, lab sessions, parties, and missions all mixed about, so it's not boring even if it is not super suspenseful, but it allows all the tropes to come out.
As hinted above - The Relationship growth. While this story did not have everyone and their mamas hating the Malfoys to the umpteenth degree (appreciated this so much), the two of them did not necessarily like each other due more to their rivalry, which was easy to overcome together. Hermione gave as good as she got from Draco, and they really became besties in my eyes. This also drew out Draco's protective side (yum) whenever she was in danger.
“Do not fight me,” said Larsen, raising his hands. “I will let you go. I only need her. She is not worth what I am going to do to you.”
“She is definitely worth what I’m going to do to you.”
Lastly, the meddling of Theo
“There will be no fucking poems,” said Draco. “I may have to brute force my way through this. When thoughts arise, simply quash them.”
“Quash them.”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t strike me as healthy, old boy,” said Theo, peeling a grape. “But what do I know.”
“Nothing, as this conversation has made amply clear. I’m going. I needn’t ask you to keep this to yourself.”
“Obviously.”
“I should Obliviate you, just in case.”
“But I won’t remember how to defend you against Luella’s aspersions.”
“Bah,” said Draco, stalking out of the salon.
“Give my regards to Hermione,” called Theo.
“Fuck you.”
While this story does not have filler of the entire HP ensemble cast (thank god), it does have appearances and interactions with more than just Draco and Hermione. Theo happens to be one of my favorites, to say the least, and I enjoyed all the pop-ins from the rest of their respective crews.
There were parts that discuss their differences and their hurts, and they were beautiful. Really a great story to read. Probably 4 stars, really, because of the plotholes that later arise, but because it put me in such a good mood and I want to reread it, I'm going to stick with 4.5. Someone make me an "I love Draco" shirt. plskthnx
November 5, 2024
5☆ Bloody brilliant author; I could read another 800 pages, easy.😍🖤👏👏👏👏 Never though a fanfic would become an all-time favorite, but it grabbed me and still hasn’t let me go 🫠
RTC
RTC
June 18, 2025
── .✦3 stars
This was so cute and fluffy and funny and cheeky and geeky and adorable and wholesome and ughhhhh 🤧
This fanfic is about two highly intelligent people making terrible romantic progress over 36 chapters. Draco is a self-absorbed arrogant menace with great hair (*important). Hermione is a hard-working genius who deserves a vacation 🙎🏻♀️💅🏻. Naturally, they fall in love through a series of magical disasters, unresolved tension, and increasingly questionable life choices.
The humor is sharp. The banter is relentless. The tension could power a small city, yet somehow nothing happens until chapter 30. Ugh 🤌🏻 And then they regress emotionally. As if nothing occurred. It's both frustrating and impressive. 🤸🏻♀️
There are cursed wells, talking skulls, vengeful French nuns, magical creatures with some issues, cute elves, and a pride and prejudice homage no one asked for but everyone needed.
But, even though the narration style kept me giggling, but also made it easy to put down.
Tl;DR: If you’re in the mood for a fanfic that’s clever, chaotic, and criminally charming, read this.
Au revoir 🫶🏻
⋆˙⟡🪶─ .✦📜⊹₊ ݁.୨୧‧₊˚ 🕯️𓍯.𖥔 ݁ ˖
── .Snippets 💚
⚡︎ “He loved her. It was in every embrace, in flights under stars, in the crossing of swords, in secret ballroom dances, in the giving of things, in the life-savings, in the passing of handkerchiefs, the accidental touchings, the arguing about hyphenated surnames, the drunken picnics, the shared cups of tea. He loved her. She made him understand the word.”
⚡︎ “I shan’t bollocks it up,” whispered Draco. “I can’t bollocks it. I care for her far too much – it’s a horrid feeling–”
The yellow eyes stared at him.
“What else do you want me to tell you? She has the entirety of my stupid heart – all right? I can’t hurt her – I’d sooner rip out my own soul–”
Still, the stare continued.
“I love her.”
Crookshanks heard it first y'all! noooo 🕳🚶🏻♀️
⚡︎ "Tell your cat I said pspsps. " 😙
⚡︎ "Granger took a deep breath and told herself loudly that Draco Malfoy's central ambition in life was to be a perfect nuisance, and she must stop encouraging him. Draco said that there was no encouragement needed — it was his natural state." LOL
⚡︎
BAHAHAHAHA
⚡︎ "That's yoga? What kind of self-inflicted martyrdom–?" Now that he had ascertained that there was no immediate threat, Draco could take in the scene. LMAOO 😂😭
⚡︎ "Word to the wise, Malfoy. Don't insult Hermione's cat."
"Too late"
disclaimer: all credits of fanart goes to owners 💌
⋆˙⟡🪶─ .✦📜⊹₊ ݁.୨୧‧₊˚ 🕯️𓍯.𖥔 ݁ ˖
Pre-read:
The COVER!!!!!
(i'd rather read this first than the irresistible urge to fall for your enemy because... you know, dramione first, any day. 🫶 also, me reading fanfics is not going to become a thing. no. no?)
This was so cute and fluffy and funny and cheeky and geeky and adorable and wholesome and ughhhhh 🤧
This fanfic is about two highly intelligent people making terrible romantic progress over 36 chapters. Draco is a self-absorbed arrogant menace with great hair (*important). Hermione is a hard-working genius who deserves a vacation 🙎🏻♀️💅🏻. Naturally, they fall in love through a series of magical disasters, unresolved tension, and increasingly questionable life choices.
The humor is sharp. The banter is relentless. The tension could power a small city, yet somehow nothing happens until chapter 30. Ugh 🤌🏻 And then they regress emotionally. As if nothing occurred. It's both frustrating and impressive. 🤸🏻♀️
There are cursed wells, talking skulls, vengeful French nuns, magical creatures with some issues, cute elves, and a pride and prejudice homage no one asked for but everyone needed.
But, even though the narration style kept me giggling, but also made it easy to put down.
Tl;DR: If you’re in the mood for a fanfic that’s clever, chaotic, and criminally charming, read this.
Au revoir 🫶🏻
⋆˙⟡🪶─ .✦📜⊹₊ ݁.୨୧‧₊˚ 🕯️𓍯.𖥔 ݁ ˖
── .Snippets 💚
⚡︎ “He loved her. It was in every embrace, in flights under stars, in the crossing of swords, in secret ballroom dances, in the giving of things, in the life-savings, in the passing of handkerchiefs, the accidental touchings, the arguing about hyphenated surnames, the drunken picnics, the shared cups of tea. He loved her. She made him understand the word.”
⚡︎ “I shan’t bollocks it up,” whispered Draco. “I can’t bollocks it. I care for her far too much – it’s a horrid feeling–”
The yellow eyes stared at him.
“What else do you want me to tell you? She has the entirety of my stupid heart – all right? I can’t hurt her – I’d sooner rip out my own soul–”
Still, the stare continued.
“I love her.”
Crookshanks heard it first y'all! noooo 🕳🚶🏻♀️
⚡︎ "Tell your cat I said pspsps. " 😙
⚡︎ "Granger took a deep breath and told herself loudly that Draco Malfoy's central ambition in life was to be a perfect nuisance, and she must stop encouraging him. Draco said that there was no encouragement needed — it was his natural state." LOL
⚡︎
BAHAHAHAHA
⚡︎ "That's yoga? What kind of self-inflicted martyrdom–?" Now that he had ascertained that there was no immediate threat, Draco could take in the scene. LMAOO 😂😭
⚡︎ "Word to the wise, Malfoy. Don't insult Hermione's cat."
"Too late"
disclaimer: all credits of fanart goes to owners 💌
⋆˙⟡🪶─ .✦📜⊹₊ ݁.୨୧‧₊˚ 🕯️𓍯.𖥔 ݁ ˖
Pre-read:
The COVER!!!!!
(i'd rather read this first than the irresistible urge to fall for your enemy because... you know, dramione first, any day. 🫶 also, me reading fanfics is not going to become a thing. no. no?)
January 17, 2024
Oh my utterly unworthy (and now long gone) heart. MY. HEART. IS. DECEASED. It burst about midway through the second to last chapter and never recovered. If you need me, I'll be scraping the smithereens off my iPad for the next week, no big deal. This lovely story was everything I never knew I needed from every single trope. Enemies to Lovers, Forced Proximity, One Bed, Childhood Rivals...the list goes on and on. It was honestly brilliant. Let's commence to the actual review, shall we?
Hermione Granger...ahem, excuse me, Professor/Healer/Lead Scientist/Researcher/General Pain-in-the-Ass Granger, is working on a top secret project. A project that Genius Granger was admittedly stupid enough to share with the Minister of Magic, who has clearly lost his mind since he assigned top Auror and General Also-a-Pain-in-the-Ass Draco Malfoy to be her bodyguard. The two haven't seen each other in fifteen years, since the war. Draco has since climbed the ranks to be Someone, and Granger has been busy being Many Someones as she has gained doctorates and certifications galore. In case you were wondering...yes, they still hate each other. What could go wrong?
As the two communicate through Malfoy's charmed set of rings, Hermione goes about her business doing Very Important Experiments, and Draco does his Ministry business, which is equally important, thank you very much. They come together on each Solstice and Pagan holiday while Hermione does all manner of retrievals...extra special moss, talking bones, super particular ashes...you get the picture. The pair have misadventure after misadventure, all the while growing closer to Granger's Top Secret Whatever, and growing closer to each other, MUCH to their mutual consternation. It's the most delicious sort of slow burn imaginable.
I love that this is entirely told from Malfoy's POV. We see Hermione Granger in all of her bushy haired glory, the good, the bad, the muddy...and we also see how lovely Granger is, how extremely special, and how dear she becomes. At one point I started to get annoyed with the slow burn, if only because of the looooonnngggggg term denial that these two participated in. But the payoff was breathtaking. The way Draco loves Hermione is so special and so lovely and beautiful, it was nothing short of perfect. This was Harry Potter meets Beauty and the Beast meets Pride and Prejudice, and will forever live in my heart and soul as one of my favorite books of all time.
Hermione Granger...ahem, excuse me, Professor/Healer/Lead Scientist/Researcher/General Pain-in-the-Ass Granger, is working on a top secret project. A project that Genius Granger was admittedly stupid enough to share with the Minister of Magic, who has clearly lost his mind since he assigned top Auror and General Also-a-Pain-in-the-Ass Draco Malfoy to be her bodyguard. The two haven't seen each other in fifteen years, since the war. Draco has since climbed the ranks to be Someone, and Granger has been busy being Many Someones as she has gained doctorates and certifications galore. In case you were wondering...yes, they still hate each other. What could go wrong?
As the two communicate through Malfoy's charmed set of rings, Hermione goes about her business doing Very Important Experiments, and Draco does his Ministry business, which is equally important, thank you very much. They come together on each Solstice and Pagan holiday while Hermione does all manner of retrievals...extra special moss, talking bones, super particular ashes...you get the picture. The pair have misadventure after misadventure, all the while growing closer to Granger's Top Secret Whatever, and growing closer to each other, MUCH to their mutual consternation. It's the most delicious sort of slow burn imaginable.
I love that this is entirely told from Malfoy's POV. We see Hermione Granger in all of her bushy haired glory, the good, the bad, the muddy...and we also see how lovely Granger is, how extremely special, and how dear she becomes. At one point I started to get annoyed with the slow burn, if only because of the looooonnngggggg term denial that these two participated in. But the payoff was breathtaking. The way Draco loves Hermione is so special and so lovely and beautiful, it was nothing short of perfect. This was Harry Potter meets Beauty and the Beast meets Pride and Prejudice, and will forever live in my heart and soul as one of my favorite books of all time.
April 22, 2023
I wanted so badly to really like this. After a series of angsty Dramione—lighthearted, idiots in love sounded perfect. It was not.
I couldn’t stand this Draco, he was so self-centered and horny like at all times, never-ending.
I didn’t think their banter was that good, moments that I looked forward to fell flat, and there was so much talking about Hermione’s research and it didn’t make sense—too much detail. And all the religious and otherworldly relics they needed to steal? Too much.
Yes it was a slow burn—but they pay off wasn’t great. If Spain was all we got, I would’ve have been happier. So much was stuffed into chapter 35 that I was left thinking why wasn’t this spread out more or just not included.
I’m going to go back to my hurt/comfort, hurt/no comfort, angst Dramione—I think I like it better there.
I couldn’t stand this Draco, he was so self-centered and horny like at all times, never-ending.
I didn’t think their banter was that good, moments that I looked forward to fell flat, and there was so much talking about Hermione’s research and it didn’t make sense—too much detail. And all the religious and otherworldly relics they needed to steal? Too much.
Yes it was a slow burn—but they pay off wasn’t great. If Spain was all we got, I would’ve have been happier. So much was stuffed into chapter 35 that I was left thinking why wasn’t this spread out more or just not included.
I’m going to go back to my hurt/comfort, hurt/no comfort, angst Dramione—I think I like it better there.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 15, 2024
WOW. I am absolutely obsessed with this one! I've been on a fanfic kick for the past couple of years, diving in for a new one every 3-4 books. I have been mostly pulled to the darker ones like Manacled and The Auction, but this one was SO CUTE and fun! The writing is SUPERB and made me stop a few times, hold my Kindle to my chest, and send a silent YES, GIRL to the author through the universe. Her writing is smart, punchy, clean and poignant. It was truly a beautiful and hilarious read and it kept me hooked from the very start, which I love! I couldn't wait to get into bed and read every night. The tension and slow burn was *chef's kiss*. I highly recommend!
November 23, 2025
Draco's Mortifying Ordeal deserves an Exceeds Expectations grade. There was excellent banter, plot development and a copious amount of light-hearted humor that was right up my alley.
Draco was swoon-worthy too. The way he came to Hermione's rescue so many times, and how protective he was. It left me giddy with joy.
Aside from some spelling and grammar mistakes, this was really good for a fanfic. And I suppose it's never too late to be obsessed with #dramione. What should I read next?
Draco was swoon-worthy too. The way he came to Hermione's rescue so many times, and how protective he was. It left me giddy with joy.
Aside from some spelling and grammar mistakes, this was really good for a fanfic. And I suppose it's never too late to be obsessed with #dramione. What should I read next?
November 8, 2023
Moje první fan fikce (ano, jsem pozadu) a tutově nejlepší kniha letošního roku (zatím)! Tohle si teda v češtině nepřečtete, ale anglicky to zdarma stahujte na archiveofourown.org (googlete, vyskočí vám to hned nahoře). A o co jde? O hot pomalou romantiku mezi dospělých Dracem Malfoyem a Hermionou Grangerovou 🖤 Není to teda erotický román v kulisách světa Harryho Pottera, je to spíš jako Mariana Zapata plus magická zápletka. Mě ty muchlovačky na tom vlastně nakonec zajímaly úplně nejmíň (a byly až na konci), ale ten zbytek pure gold! 🤌🏻 Mega vtipné, dialogy top, vyznání top, ta od nenávisti k lásce romantika fungovala úplně špičkově! Jakože teď jsem si laťku na fan fikce nasadila hodně vysoko.
Ale teda zpátky k tomu, o čem to je. Hermiona je léčitelka a zároveň se věnuje výzkumu. No a zrovna pracuje na něčem strašně tajném a nebezpečném, takže Ministr kouzel pověří oddělení bystrozorů, aby na ni dohlédlo. Velká šéfka Tonksová (ano, žije) tímto úkolem k nelibosti Pottera a Weasleyho pověří Draca Malfoye 😏
Hermiona ho nesnáší, Draco nesnáší tenhle hloupý úkol, ale jsou nuceni spolu trávit čas, což mezi nimi dělá parádní dynamiku 🔥 Je to feministické, ale zároveň si Draco zahraje na rytíře, skvěle je zpracovaný boj s Malfoyovic minulostí mezi Smrtijedy i Hermioniným mučením Dracovou tetičkou Bellatrix a spousta dalších věcí. Navíc je to celé proložené nejrůznějšími fan arty. Moooc mě to bavilo 👌🏻
Ale teda zpátky k tomu, o čem to je. Hermiona je léčitelka a zároveň se věnuje výzkumu. No a zrovna pracuje na něčem strašně tajném a nebezpečném, takže Ministr kouzel pověří oddělení bystrozorů, aby na ni dohlédlo. Velká šéfka Tonksová (ano, žije) tímto úkolem k nelibosti Pottera a Weasleyho pověří Draca Malfoye 😏
Hermiona ho nesnáší, Draco nesnáší tenhle hloupý úkol, ale jsou nuceni spolu trávit čas, což mezi nimi dělá parádní dynamiku 🔥 Je to feministické, ale zároveň si Draco zahraje na rytíře, skvěle je zpracovaný boj s Malfoyovic minulostí mezi Smrtijedy i Hermioniným mučením Dracovou tetičkou Bellatrix a spousta dalších věcí. Navíc je to celé proložené nejrůznějšími fan arty. Moooc mě to bavilo 👌🏻
August 1, 2024
Update: reread in July 2024. I think this might actually have zero flaws. It is spectacularly smart, witty, heartwarming, ROMANTIC, and just generally really well-written.
September 2022: I read this twice in September and forgot to add it or add a review. I don't know what got in to me as I'm not really a Harry Potter gal these days, I literally hadn't heard of "Dramione" until this year, and I haven't read fanfiction in like 7 years. But who cares because this was 5 stars and easily one of the most solid books I've read this year. I haven't read the Harry Potter series since I was a child, but I don't think this book requires a ton of preexisting knowledge of the series or the lore. I think it stands on its own as a fantasy romance. And what a romance it is. Actual enemies to friends to lovers, slow, agonizing burn, witty banter, humor, adventure, all of it. I love that they come to a slow understanding of one another, which turns into a reluctant truce, and then a reluctant friendship, and then more. I love the characters and their growth. I love all of the adventure and excitement, and that the plot has high stakes. The writing was polished and the romance was swoony. Ugh.
September 2022: I read this twice in September and forgot to add it or add a review. I don't know what got in to me as I'm not really a Harry Potter gal these days, I literally hadn't heard of "Dramione" until this year, and I haven't read fanfiction in like 7 years. But who cares because this was 5 stars and easily one of the most solid books I've read this year. I haven't read the Harry Potter series since I was a child, but I don't think this book requires a ton of preexisting knowledge of the series or the lore. I think it stands on its own as a fantasy romance. And what a romance it is. Actual enemies to friends to lovers, slow, agonizing burn, witty banter, humor, adventure, all of it. I love that they come to a slow understanding of one another, which turns into a reluctant truce, and then a reluctant friendship, and then more. I love the characters and their growth. I love all of the adventure and excitement, and that the plot has high stakes. The writing was polished and the romance was swoony. Ugh.
June 21, 2023
It was way too long. Cutting abouttt a 100 pages would have made this a much denser reading experience.
Want to read
January 24, 2024I wonder how Ron would feel about all the Dramione fan fiction out there
December 19, 2023
This was SOOOOO FUN!!! I am totally on the Dramione train!!! I am loving these well written fanfics!
This one was a lot more light hearted than the last one I read
I absolutely LOVED the banter of these 2 in this one. This was sooo well written.
I can't tell you how long it's been since I've enjoyed a book like this!
I HIGHLY recommend this one!
Sexual Content: moderate/heavy
Language: moderate/heavy
Drugs/Alcohol: moderate
Violence: moderate
LGTBQ: no
This one was a lot more light hearted than the last one I read
I absolutely LOVED the banter of these 2 in this one. This was sooo well written.
I can't tell you how long it's been since I've enjoyed a book like this!
I HIGHLY recommend this one!
Sexual Content: moderate/heavy
Language: moderate/heavy
Drugs/Alcohol: moderate
Violence: moderate
LGTBQ: no
January 22, 2023
my entire tiktok feed has reverted to dramione fics again, send help
June 9, 2025
I will simply never get enough of Dramione 😭 this was SO cheeky and SO funny, like audibly laughing out loud multiple times. It was refreshing to read a Dramione that didn’t make me want to die. Slowww burn torture in the best way, and some of the best banter I have ever read. Also, I think this has my favourite one bed scene of all time. Give me all the Dramione fic recs, I need them injected into my veins, I love them so much
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