Making Your Marriage a Fortress: Strengthening Your Marriage to Withstand Life's Storms

by Gary Thomas

The wisdom and insight every couple needs to keep your marriage together when the trials of life threaten to rip it apart and how you can fortify your marriage ahead of time. Every marriage will face disaster. Illness or cancer. Job loss or financial burdens. Addiction. Anxiety. Infidelity. Loss of faith. It's not a question of if your marriage will face trials. It's a question of when . Whether you've been married for five years or fifty, your marriage will either become part of the problem or part of the solution, and it's within your power to ensure your marriage is prepared for those seasons, is a place of refuge and safety throughout those seasons, and can recover well after those seasons. In Making Your Marriage a Fortress , Gary Thomas, bestselling author of Sacred Marriage , guides you and your spouse in building a marriage that can withstand any storm or difficult season. In these pages, you will . . . Every marriage will face setbacks and seasons of disappointment, but this book will help you keep your marriage strong before and after a setback happens.

Genres: Marriage, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Christian, Christian Non Fiction, Faith

272 pages, Hardcover

Published October 4, 2022

Reviews

[Sherri · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the Table of Contents you can tell there is a wide gambit of relationship topics Thomas addresses with examples of couples i.e. traveling or military spouses, finances, sex, loss of child, rebuilding after deception.

All good examples, reminders, and summaries at the end of each chapter. Scripture to back up Thomas' points.

Narration was good and this audiobook seemed to fly by. Wrote down scripture reference for future use.

Table of Contents
Introduction: The Big One
1 Fighting Fear with Faith
Mentally Managing Loss

2 The "Unmatchable" Connection
Fighting to Keep Your Marriage Close

3 When Distance Doesn't Matter
Growing Together Even While Spending Time Apart

4 Emotional Attachment after Betrayal
The Three Foundational Building Blocks of a Marital Fortress

5 Too Busy to Connect and Care
Becoming a Relationally Industrious Couple

6 When Libidos Collide
Making Sex a Blessing Instead of a Burden

7 Faith and Finances
Using Money to Draw You Closer Instead of Pulling You Apart

8 Rebuilding Your Fortress
Overcoming Past Hurts with Truth and Transparency

9 Facing a Catastrophic Loss
The Power of Faith and Hope

10 Going Forward
Fortifying Your Marriage with a Deeper Spiritual Connection

Acknowledgments
Notes

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Typical book on how to communicate with your spouse, from a Christian perspective, which I appreciate.

Why the four stars if it is typical? Because it is something that we need to be reminded of, constantly. Some ways we are reminded resonate better than others and this book reached me in a way I understood.

It never hurts to hear over and over again that we need to be self-aware and to be aware of our spouse, to communicate and to put them first (after God of course). Not ourselves, not the kids, not our parents, not our jobs, not going out with the Guys/Gals, our spouse. And if they are putting you first too, it’ll most likely work. Not a guarantee, but a very good chance.

I really did enjoy this book and it’s one I will listen too every so often to make sure I’m not straying from listening, learning, respecting and loving.

The narrator on this was…not my cup of tea. Not bad, I understood him well enough, but the inflection was too…enthusiastic maybe? And the tone, the sound annoyed me a little, but not enough to DNF and get a physical copy of the book, though it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get one to read it and take notes on it as well. Do “temperature checks” of the relationship every so often, with the book to assist as necessary.

I do recommend this, but if only one person in the relationship is trying, or if the couple is unevenly yoked, it might not work for you as well as perhaps another book on this topic would.

4, I wish the narrator had a voice I enjoyed listening to more, stars.

My thanks to libro.fm and Zondervan for an advanced audio copy of this book to listen to and review.

[Benjamin Westberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many good ideas and challenges!

[haylla · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️
Gary Thomas' books never disappoint!

[Scott Pope · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just didn’t get much from it.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Semper Paratus. Always ready. That’s the Coast Guard motto and the sermon title on our wedding day twenty years ago this month. She talked how deeply in love we were that day, but cautioned us to be prepared, semper paratus, for the storms that come. And they do. So timely that this book was released this month!

Life can throw a curveball toward a marriage anytime. I found this book enlightening as Thomas covers a wide range of issues that can negatively impact a marriage. These include the stress and energy of raising children, busyness, in laws, boundaries, emotional and physical affairs, coping with the death of a child, loss of health, career, business travel, deployments, pornography, financial loss, loss of home and more.

I found the book an easy listen (listened via audiobook), engaging, and finished it in just over a day. Thomas shares examples of issues real life couples have faced and have overcome, or found ways to cope in the storm. It’s inspiring and a great book to have in your toolbox when those storms arise. I’ll be more prepared having read this book. Recommend for married couples at any stage.

[Elex · Rating 5 out of 5]

Making Your Marriage a Fortress
Gary Thomas

“Your storm is just around the corner. I can’t tell you when it will hit, where it will hit, or how it will hit…Eventually, one will find its way to your house. Your house may be standing tall and proud in pleasant weather, but can it survive a storm?”

Every marriage will have at least one challenging season and how really prepared are you to survive what lever that season may bring?

Through impactful stories of real couples, Gary Thomas guides us through managing loss, betrayals, busy careers and differing libidos. While Gary leads us in ways of overcoming these attacks, he also gives us the tools to prevent them from occurring and patching up holes that might let them through.

While God, Faith, and Community are central to Gary’s teachings, there is something that every marriage can take from the stories these couples share.

Every year I make it a goal to read at least one Non-Fiction book with the topic centered on Marriage and I am so fortunate that this was this years read!

Thank you to Bookish First, Zondervan Books and Gary Thomas for the physical review copy.

[Toni Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for anyone wanting to really guard, strengthen and fortify their marriage. Issues arise, storms come, challenges are inevitable but marriages don't have to fall prey to them. Gary speaks from a wealth of pastoral wisdom and insight in his ever real and practical way to leave you with tools that will help you make your marriage a fortress. He shares real life stories and sage advice from leaders in the field of marriage. He addresses relationships from dating to long time marriages all coupled with God's word to give you tools that are solid. Each chapter ends with takeaways that are invaluable. It's easy to read and straight forward. He laid a foundation of Biblical marriage in his book Sacred Marriage. He added depth with his book Cherish. I would recommend these as well. And Making Your Marriage a Fortress provides the necessary nuts and bolts needed to safeguard and be prepared for your marriage to be fortress strong. We will be using this book as a training tool in our church's marriage ministry. I received an ARC for which I am very grateful. The opinions expressed are entirely my own.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical advice that a variety of married couples will find useful

*First of, thank you to author Gary Thomas and Zondervan Publishing for the copy of "Making Your Marriage a Fortress" this review is based on.

As a married Christian who has experienced the loss of a child, this book spoke to me and addressed issues I face in my marriage currently. The first chapter focused on how the husband's MS diagnosis forced the couple to grow in the faith and change their expectations and outlook on their marriage. As I continued to read, each chapter focused on a different marital issue through the experience of a married couple. Financial crisis, infidelity, long distance separation, sexual intimacy, and other issues are discussed.

I also appreciated that the author made a point to say that if you are experiencing this issue in your marriage, this advice is not for you and should not be followed for your situation.

Overall, I feel that Gray's book will be usual and informative for the Christian reader who is looking to fortify their marriage.

[Dana Britt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read many marriage books and this one has everything rolled into one. Making Your Marriage a Fortress can help any married couple walk through many storms that can really rock your marriage. Using the real-life situations that many married couples have faced, Gary Thomas, helps us see that being prepared can help face them together. At the end of all ten chapters there are Building Your Fortress Takeaways, which makes it a great way to go back and remind yourself of all the strategies. My number one take a way is, marriage takes connection, day to day connection. Checking with each other daily to stay connected is an extremely important strategy. I see many newly married couples that are not connecting this way and that can cause its own storm, a disconnect that can stress a marriage. Staying connected can help with all the other storms, health issues, infidelity, loss, finances, etc. Even after 30 years of marriage we have to be reminded just how we, with God’s help, can walk through and survive the troubles of this world.

[JAM · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was so happy to have received a copy of this book in the bookishfirst giveaway. I have not completely finished it, but I think this book is so insightful. It gives a lot of really good biblical counsel that I had never learned before and some I simply needed a reminder of. My husband and I have been married for almost three years now and those three years have come with a lot of ups and downs. This book came at a great time where we aren't in a bad place but in a place where we need encouragement. This book was just that. We want to build a strong godly marriage not only for ourselves but for our future children as well. I think the author really did a great job of making the readers feel understood where they are and helping them along with Scripture. The self-pity has no place in marriage was very impactful for me. I feel like a lot of times we can get stuck thinking about what is hard for us personally and not what is difficult for the other person. This book was really well thought out.

[Michelle Arredondo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd like to believe that my marriage is working and does work. Even still, I think that it's always something that needs to be worked on and with that takes education and knowledge. Routine becomes a big thing and that is good when it's good and dull when it's not. I welcome all reading experiences that can help my marriage stay on the right track.

This book covers the experiences that marriages face that can be quite difficult and it teaches couples how to face those experiences head on and get through them. This is done via actual couples and their own personal experiences. I can't say that I have faced every scenario that is mentioned in this book and I don't know if my marriage ever will but it's great to read about them and to make mental note should those experiences ever come into play. I still found the book thought provoking and helpful and well worth the read. Gary Thomas is great at giving powerful help and messages that can be incorporated throughout life.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely incredible, and came to me at a perfect time in my life/marriage. In “Making Your Marriage a Fortress,” Gary addresses the most common attacks that come into marriages and then discusses both how to weather the storm AND prepare for the storm, if it hasn’t happened. Gary uses real-life examples to illustrate his advice. The advice he gives is tangible and instrumental in creating an impenetrable union. This book came to me when my own marriage was in a storm, and I was able to use the things I learned from Gary to improve and strengthen my bond with my spouse. In a culture of canceling, Amazon Prime and deep disagreements, this book is EXACTLY what is needed. So many couples are quick to end things when the going gets tough. But what they fail to realize is that turning to God and each other, the storms can make you stronger! I would love to get this book into the hands of all couples.

[Rachelle Cobb · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve long respected Gary Thomas’ ministry and read most of his books. However I’ll still always be repulsed by Married Sex, his far-too-flawed book on intimacy, and that made me hesitant as I picked up this one.

Happy surprise: I enjoyed this book, full of very practical takeaways for how to strengthen your marriage through some of life’s biggest challenges. I especially appreciated his oft-repeated caveats about abuse/addiction and the very real need for counseling. I felt this is a change from his earlier books — or maybe it’s just a change from my reading the earlier books when I was younger. Now that I’m solidly past the stage of most Saturdays being filled with bridal showers and instead my prayer request list has my friends’ hurting marriages on it, I’m even more appreciative of books like this that go beyond the norm in most marriage books. I would recommend this book to couples looking for practical ways to come together when the world is tearing you apart.

[Jaimes_Mystical_Library · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m giving this book 4 and a half stars. I thought that the book Making Your Marriage A Fortress by Gary Thomas was pretty good. I can definitely see how this book could be a beneficial read for many married couples. This book did an excellent job of making the topics relatable and giving real life examples. It also did a great job of explaining how to apply it’s suggestions in your life. This isn’t a book I would typically pick up and read. Although this book had a lot of good information and real life examples in it, Making Your Marriage A Fortress didn’t hold my attention the best. That being said, it definitely had some great marriage pointers. Overall I would say that this is a great book about how to strengthen your marriage, especially when life gets difficult and many people should be able to enjoy reading it as well as get marital wisdom from it.

[Amna Al · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a single woman who grew up witnessing different kinds of marriages, I’ve always been intrigued to learn about healthy marriages. This novel taught me a beautiful insight on marriage. How being understanding and to have great communication with play an important role in the marriage itself. To constantly keep a healthy communication throughout you marriage and understand each other likes and dislike and learn to communicate through the differences. After reading this novel, I was glad to gift it to my friend who is also in a marriage and I have received very beautiful response about this novel. I’d definitely record this to everyone who grew up witnessing horrible marriage and trauma because of it. This really give you a beautiful understand or marriage and how to constantly keep it healthy through the difficulties that come along with it.

[Bobbi Wagner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is my first book by this author which I enjoyed the techniques and helpfullness of it. The author did a great job of explaining things so that they are easy to understand and read. This is an engaging book about helping a marriage through life struggles. It discusses early warning signs to look for and how to act upon them. It has great principles and even has a spirtual side to it. It will should you that even the best marriages will go through tough times. This book can help couples get through that and make their marriage even stronger. There is something for every couple in this book. If you want help with your marriage or even relationship, this would be a great book for you. I enjoyed how the author and used others shared their experiences as examples throughout the book. I really enjoyed this book and took alot away from it. I highly recommend this book.

[Amber Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot of the advice in each chapter can apply to relationships outside of marriage or romantic relationship. Religion is a major aspect of the advice but it doesn’t feel preachy and like it’s saying that the relationship is doomed if you have different beliefs than the author, only that you need a strong foundation outside of marriage.

The author makes sure to mention several times that this does not apply to abusive relationships, nor do they say that their advice will help everyone.

The biggest take away is that communication is key. Nothing can be accomplished without communicating with your partner. The other big piece of advice is that you need to help yourself many times before you can begin to help your relationship.

A lot of great advice that while aimed towards romantic relationships can help family or even one’s relationship with their self.

[Justin Ruszkiewicz · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book, but not a great book. For this being Gary Thomas, who has been one of my favorite authors on spiritual formation and faith, I was disappointed by this book as it just felt like writing for a word count. You can get so much of the same principles, and many more, from his other marriage books.

But - this book is still a GOOD book. Disappointed, but not by any means because it stinks. There’s still worth to be received from this, especially the chapters on emotional connection with your spouse (chapter 2), engaging your and your spouse’s differing libidos (chapter 6) and rebuilding a broken marriage (chapter 8).

But besides those few chapters, I don’t see myself retuning to this read. It definitely sits at the bottom of my list of books from Gary Thomas.

Rating: 5/10, three stars!

[Lauren Bosshammer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Few authors of the day do I find so honest, thought-provoking and practical as Gary Thomas. This, his latest work, is no exception. The real stories coupled with scriptural wisdom and insight made this book such a good read. Having examples of real couples with different outcomes provided some great council and perspective. Just be aware, some of the stories are heart-rending! Praise God that he is with us through it all ❤

Also, I listened to the audiobook version and it is excellent. I love being able to listen to an author read their own book, and to be able to hear the passion and intent in their voice.

[Lydia Ellis]

Great marriage book! Questions at the end make it easier to read with a friend or your spouse!
Every marriage has a deficiency. Work on relationship skills, listening, empathy, etc. Slow down where you can to reconnect with your spouse. Be intentional on reconnecting during certain seasons. Have different dates for talking & finances.
You will have hardships happen and you have to continually work on both your relationship with your spouse as it changes and your relationship with God. People grieve differently and the times of grieving are also different. Create positive memories together.
It did great at covering a lot of areas in marriage in a fairly short book!

[MAK · Rating 2 out of 5]

The description of the book talks about addiction so I was curious about what Thomas would say. I was expecting a comprehensive chapter about substance abuse——if this is what you are looking for it isn’t there.
The money chapter is so so. Props to Thomas for not having an anecdote about filing for bankruptcy.

[Bryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the third book I’ve read by this author. In a previous book and in this book (first chapter) he talks about a couple I have known for most of my adult life and wow, it had me in tears the whole time. Their story is incredible and worth the read all on its own. The rest of the chapters are also great.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Loved the inspirational stories of couples who've made it through difficult life experiences! We were a bit disappointed with the final chapter on spiritual growth as a couple. So much more could be said. I didn't find this book as meaty or as biblically-based as most of Thomas's earlier books.

[Daniel Faust · Rating 5 out of 5]

taking the tactical and making it practical

The journey of marriage will have long and rough patches. This reality doesn’t need to be the day to day. This book takes all the high level principles of marriage and brings the practical to the forefront. Highly recommend this book

[Scott Kedersha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Making Your Marriage a Fortress truly was a unique and helpful read. I am a big fan of Gary's other marriage books, and this one was no exception. What a really enjoyed and benefitted from was reading honest, authentic stories from couples who have walked through major trials and challenges. While my wife and I have not personally walked through most of these same challenges, I learned from every one of their stories.

We know the storms of life are going to come (in this life we will have trouble (John 16:33, if you marry you will face trouble (1 Cor 7:28), so we might as well learn from others who have walked the road before us.

Whether in the storm, before a storm, or after a storm, Making Your Marriage a Fortress will strengthen any and every marriage.

[Danee · Rating 1 out of 5]

Is there a way to make your marriage stronger without bringing religion into it? Geez

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not sure there’s a better author on marriage and Gary Thomas. This book challenged me in so many ways highly recommend

[Ami Bakken · Rating 5 out of 5]

Top priority

A great resource with examples and stories for making your marriage a top priority. Gary Thomas does not disappoint in pointing to Scripture in all aspects of life.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve read several Gary Thomas books and have LOVED them. He’s very practical and pastoral. This one… was a huge flop for me.