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The Haunted Vagina

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3.38  ·  Rating details ·  2,516 ratings  ·  647 reviews
It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.

Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a de
...more
Paperback, Avant Punk Book Club, 100 pages
Published September 18th 2006 by Eraserhead Press (first published 2006)
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(Currently Corrupted by the Legion) The Raven King (The Monster from Beyond, Baker) I have seen Many Things, Read many things.

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Community Reviews

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Average rating 3.38  · 
Rating details
 ·  2,516 ratings  ·  647 reviews


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Chelsea (chelseadolling reads)
Oct 27, 2019 rated it did not like it
It’s a no from me, dawg
La-Lionne
Why not try something new :)?
What can I say, I got inspired :-D.
(the name of the guy is Steve, I changed it to Paul :))

We have a story,
And a guy name Paul.
He had a girlfriend,
And loved her most of all.

Their love was sweet,
But not so pure
He had a mission -
Her vagina to cure.

Her vajeje made noices,
A whisper, a howl
When it got too spooky
Paul cover her crotch with a towel.

Paul tried to be brave.
He thought he could take more,
But her haunted vagina
Was hard to ignore.

Then came the day
When she made
...more
MJ Nicholls
Feb 18, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: merkins, novellas
Do the stories of bizarro books even matter? To an outsider, the whole genre seems to be one extremely tedious oneupmanship contest for the most eyecatching title—whoever writes The Haunted Vagina wins the wackiest dude prize, and readers. (And Carlton Mellick III is that winner, hence me). But the friend who plopped this specimen on my lap—eliciting honks of laughter from the surrounding nerds—was on a mission to convince me the bizarro genre was more than embarrassing titles like Fuckers of Ev ...more
✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans)
BR with my MacHalo Freaks, starting Dec. 10, 2015.

This story is supposed to be funny. Watch me laugh:



It should have been funny. I mean, it's about a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead. How could this be anything but hilarious? Such a premise definitely calls for much merriment and revelry. Actually, I think I might be at fault here. Maybe I read it all wrong. Maybe I have no sense of humor. Maybe I didn't try hard enough to like it. Maybe if I'd really put my heart into i
...more
Joshita ❤
Oct 22, 2020 marked it as dont-touch-this
Recommends it for: umm one who wishes torment?
It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead....When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex....... She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs.

What did I just read!!!!!????? I am talking about the blurb, there is no wa
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Michelle
I first heard about this book from the book tuber Bookslikewhoa as she was ranking romance book covers (she didn't rank this one very highly) and I was intrigued so here I am.

This is a portal fantasy, think The Lion,  The Witch and the Wardrobe but the wardrobe is a vagina and the lion and the witch are skeletons and rubber people.

At 100 pages this is a fast read and I had a fun time reading it. I really enjoyed the 69 scene, felt pretty accurate to me and had me giggling and the world building
...more
PirateSteve
Aug 24, 2015 rated it really liked it
Do you like it strange?
How far into the bizarre are you willing to go?

This bizarro genre has for me been extremely hit or miss. I either dislike a book so much that I trash it or I like it very much. I do like The Haunted Vagina.

But how odd is it really that someone hears voices coming from a vagina? I find they communicate rather well... simply pay attention people.
I also find the structure of this book alluring. Yea, I'm thinking this book can be role played by its readers with adventurous
...more
Tressa
Jan 22, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: bizarro
What a fun romp through Stacy's vagina. Who knew it would turn into such a heartwarming love story? The alternate universe between Stacy's legs is just as mesmerizing and amazing as Wonderland and the Emerald city. It's funny and beautifully written.

I also enjoyed Carlton Mellick's The Menstruating Mall. It's refreshing to know of a man not afraid to explore the female mystique in such an up close and personal way.

Carlton, thank you for this one-of-a-kind story.I look forward to reading ALL of
...more
Greg
Feb 14, 2010 rated it liked it
Shelves: fiction
Happy Valentines Day!!

This little book was made available for free this weekend by Eraserhead (or Avant Punk, or however this whole incestuous Bizzaro world is organized) as a pdf, so I thought what better way to spend Valentines Day evening, when normal people are out on dates or fucking or whatever it is people do who have relationships with other people, than to read a love story about a boy and a girl with ghosts living in her cooter.

A fun read, I agree with some other reviewer that it cou
...more
Heather C
May 16, 2012 rated it really liked it
Recommended to Heather C by: Sparkle
Now THAT was one fucked up story! Definitely not something I would normally read but I have to admit it WAS interesting...in a twisted, gross, fucked up way.  Please don't ask me to plot review; I don't think I can. 

ETA: Alright, so after thinking about this story some more and reading other reviews, I've realized that I saw this story totally differently from most of those other readers and I have come to the conclusion (with some assistance) that that is totally the point.  To be able to inter
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Bill
Mar 06, 2016 rated it really liked it
There are voices coming out of Steve’s girlfriends vajayjay. “It was like listening to the ocean in a hairy flesh seashell.” Wtf, is going on down there in Stacy's love oven? Weird. Time to do a little pootie investigation. Get out the spelunking gear and dive head first into the vertical smile. It’s a whole other world up in the lady flower, complete with crafty dinners, spit covered glow worms, melting skeletons and a horny Fig.

Will Stacy ever find out the truth about her hoo-ha? Who could be
...more
Tears Of Venus
THE BLURB

It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.

Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.

When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of
...more
Jim
Jun 29, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: fantasy, 1ebook, 2fiction
I liked the book, although it was weird as hell. It's certainly open to interpretation. I'll be interested in what I think if I can remember to read it again in a year or 5. Right now, I'm seeing it as a horror love story, a man's complete emasculation due to love - not lust. It was very well done, too. The few characters felt real, even in the weird situation.

Don't read the spoiler unless you've read the book. Seriously, it only takes a couple of hours & is well worth it. What you get out of it
...more
Tyler J Gray
That was bizarre....and I loved it! Kinda made me think too. I've barely stepped into bizarro book land but i've noticed the best bizarre stories also can make you think, while they also have you going "what the fuck?" ...more
Uptown Horror Reviews
Feb 19, 2021 rated it really liked it
Fun, imaginative story that I just wished went on longer. The backstory behind this Haunted Vagina was fascinating and kept me wanting more. Part of me wants another book/novella set in this world, but another part of me feels that the book already ended perfectly as is.

Overall a great story. I was turned off by Carlton Mellick III for a bit, but after reading this one I'm ready to go on a Bizarro binge.

I'm giving this one 4/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐

For in-depth video reviews, please subscribe to my YouTube channe
...more
Kris Lugosi
POSSIBLE SPOILER....??
This book is my first introduction into the mind of one Mr. Carlton Mellick III. This story is short and quick but doesn't leave any unanswered questions. From the beginning, our main character is a man who declares his love for this quirky chic named Stacey. Stacey, for lack of a better term is rather harsh in her emotions and selfish in her endeavors and for whatever reason our guy falls for her and hard. Despite lack of sex and a terrifying phobia of Stacey's vagina (rig
...more
Ashley Daviau
Oct 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This is by far the weirdest book I have ever read and I loved every second of it! It is so out there and hilarious and I have NEVER read anything like it before and I doubt I ever will again. I bought this on a whim because the cover and title just made me laugh, I definitely wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. Behind the weirdness and horror and hilarity the writing is actually surprisingly good which I wasn’t expecting because let’s be real, it’s a story about a haunted vagina so I ...more
David Barbee
Feb 16, 2010 rated it it was amazing
The Haunted Vagina is a pretty straightforward romance story. Steve and Stacy are together. Steve loves Stacy to death, but her vagina creeps him out. So she sends him inside her vagina to find out what’s in there. Turns out there’s a surreal little biosphere in there, with lots of inhabitants, one of which is a weird cartoony girl named Fig, who soon takes a liking to Steve and doesn’t want him to leave Stacy’s vagina…

Okay, so it’s not very typical, but it’s still straightforward. Carlton Melli
...more
Bookworm Extraordinaire
Jul 14, 2016 marked it as this-amuses-me
"It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead." BaHaHaHa.... ...more
farith
Oct 03, 2020 marked it as to-read
y'all know i'm doing this for the title... ...more
Ivy H
This is without a doubt too crazily horrific - even for me. I admit that I LOVE horror movies and have read lots of horror novels in my time so a couple months ago I decided to try reading some Bizarro Horror novels. My first attempt, Night of the Assholes, was more funny and enlightening than it was horrific. This one, however, didn't fare so well with me. At first when I read the blurb I was all:


description

Then when I started reading it, my reaction turned to:


description



Then by the time I was finished, I was left f
...more
Ela
Oct 01, 2016 rated it did not like it
Fine piece of imagination!
Ian
May 30, 2020 rated it really liked it
Yes, yet another really fascinating and hugely engrossing surreal countercultural bizarro adventure - for the broad and open minded - from the master himself, CM3. Lots of great imagery, cracking characters and full of underlying meaning where you will also find most of the action uniquely taking place inside a human female womb, yes, that's right...a human female womb! I admit, that this may not readily appeal to everyone, but part of it brought to mind the famous "toilet scene from the film 'T ...more
Kenya Wright
So......

Gosh!

Well...

This book did not disgust me... although there were times when I flinched... and was definetly taken aback! lol!

Ummmmm

I have no idea how to review this book.

I don't have any things that irked me about this book... oh wait I do... it kind of ended sadly and almost aburptly, but then I don't know how much more I wanted to explore the vagina so.... maybe it ended right on time.

Gosh....

truthfully, you just have to read this book for yourself.

It is well written....

But you are eit
...more
Alex | | findingmontauk1
May 13, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: owned
This book was so unique and so much fun! It definitely sparked my interest in reading more by Carlton Mellick. 5 crazy stars!

You can catch my full review on the Night Worms blog: https://nightworms.com/blogs/news/ale...
...more
Christy Stewart
So cute and sweet, I loved it.

I want a haunted vagina.
Cassie-la
Jun 14, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2011-reads
REVIEW ALSO ON: http://bibliomantics.com/2011/02/18/a...-...

Chances are if you saw the word “haunted” and “vagina” and were immediately intrigued, curious, or your interest was piqued in any way, Bizzaro fiction is the genre for you.

For those not yet inundated into the literary movement known as Bizarro, it was created ten years ago by small publishing presses and a strong group of devoted authors. It has been described by its creators as, “Franz Kafka meets John Waters”, “Dr. Suess of the post-
...more
Karl Wiggins
Nov 01, 2014 rated it liked it
Well, that was a bit mad, wasn’t it?

Errrmmm ….. okay …. er ….. authors, take this with however many grains of salt you like, but if your book has a really boring title - like say, ‘Remember Me’ (I found 81 books with that title, and 256 books with that phrase in the title), then you’re going to have to work a lot harder at promoting your book.

I choose that example, by the way, because in 2007 Virginia Quarterly Review listed the ten most common words found in book title submissions that they rec
...more
11811 (Eleven)
Nov 16, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I need to let this one settle in for a few years before I can come up with an intelligible comment.
Fangs for the Fantasy
Nov 13, 2016 rated it did not like it
One of my Facebook friends posted about this book and at first I thought that there was no way this book could possibly be real. I trotted off to Goodreads and Amazon and sure enough, The Haunted Vagina is a real book. Having read so many books in this genre, I'm always looking for anything quirky that brings something new and so I simply couldn't resist the lure of The Haunted Vagina.

I don't even know where to begin with this review. I suppose I should start by saying that I read the majority
...more
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Carlton Mellick III (July 2, 1977, Phoenix, Arizona) is an American author currently residing in Portland, Oregon. He calls his style of writing "avant-punk," and is currently one of the leading authors in the recent 'Bizarro' movement in underground literature[citation needed] with Steve Aylett, Chris Genoa and D. Harlan Wilson.

Mellick's work has been described as a combination of trashy schlock
...more

News & Interviews

When it comes to whiling away the dog days of summer, nothing is better than a good book. Or two. Or three. Let’s say ten! We’re getting...
7 likes · 0 comments
“For three weeks, we slept in the same bed together. We never had sex. We never kissed. We never took off more clothes than our pants. We just dreamed together.

The conversations were brief. We didn’t go on any dates. We didn’t get to know each other. It was just a sleeping arrangement. To her, I was just a stuffed animal with a heartbeat.”
6 likes
“Stacy just watches her body in amazement as the hand clutches onto her leg and pulls. Another hand emerges and grabs her other thigh, trying to pull itself out of there.” 2 likes
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