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If You Want Me Close
Step 1: Fall for your best friend.
Step 2: Support him when tragedy strikes.
Step 3: Figure out how you screwed up Step 2.
Bisexual event coordinator Simon Novotny thrives on connection. He cherishes his large, queer-friendly family and his friends—especially his cute, brilliant work bestie, gay IT geek Ziah Holdaway.
It’s taken forever for Simon to to coax Ziah out of his shell. Time and again people have let him down, especially those who should have loved him unconditionally. But Simon would do anything for Ziah: text him jokes when he's down, bring him homemade lunches, change his tire in the rain. Heck, if Ziah needs a kidney, Simon’s got two.
Minor crush? Maybe, but Simon’s not a make-the-first-move kind of guy. So when an unplanned hookup with Ziah proves their chemistry is off the charts, it also shakes Simon to his core. Because for Ziah, it's not casual, it's love.
Before Simon can fully process his feelings, a life-altering tragedy upends Ziah's world. Simon throws himself into helping and also rallies his family. But for Ziah, family means rejection, and Simon's uber-helpful clan sets off major alarm bells.
Can they find a middle path through the storm, or will this crisis cost them both their romance and their friendship?
A high-heat contemporary M/M romance novel with a guaranteed HEA.
Tropes: friends to lovers, hurt-comfort, grief, nerds in love, bisexual disaster, single parent.
Detailed content warnings are available in the book's front matter and on the author's website.
Step 2: Support him when tragedy strikes.
Step 3: Figure out how you screwed up Step 2.
Bisexual event coordinator Simon Novotny thrives on connection. He cherishes his large, queer-friendly family and his friends—especially his cute, brilliant work bestie, gay IT geek Ziah Holdaway.
It’s taken forever for Simon to to coax Ziah out of his shell. Time and again people have let him down, especially those who should have loved him unconditionally. But Simon would do anything for Ziah: text him jokes when he's down, bring him homemade lunches, change his tire in the rain. Heck, if Ziah needs a kidney, Simon’s got two.
Minor crush? Maybe, but Simon’s not a make-the-first-move kind of guy. So when an unplanned hookup with Ziah proves their chemistry is off the charts, it also shakes Simon to his core. Because for Ziah, it's not casual, it's love.
Before Simon can fully process his feelings, a life-altering tragedy upends Ziah's world. Simon throws himself into helping and also rallies his family. But for Ziah, family means rejection, and Simon's uber-helpful clan sets off major alarm bells.
Can they find a middle path through the storm, or will this crisis cost them both their romance and their friendship?
A high-heat contemporary M/M romance novel with a guaranteed HEA.
Tropes: friends to lovers, hurt-comfort, grief, nerds in love, bisexual disaster, single parent.
Detailed content warnings are available in the book's front matter and on the author's website.
249 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 10, 2022
About the author
Skye Kilaen
18 books360 followersSkye Kilaen writes queer romance, both contemporary and science fiction, that is sometimes about polyamorous relationships.
She is bi/pan, and she currently lives in Austin, Texas because it has so many libraries and breakfast tacos.
Here on Goodreads, she recommends romance (mostly queer), graphic novels (mostly diverse), and occasionally YA, fantasy, & science fiction books.
She is bi/pan, and she currently lives in Austin, Texas because it has so many libraries and breakfast tacos.
Here on Goodreads, she recommends romance (mostly queer), graphic novels (mostly diverse), and occasionally YA, fantasy, & science fiction books.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews
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May 10, 2022My newest book is out today! A hurt-comfort, friends-to-lovers M/M contemporary romance with a bi POV main character and sooo many video game references. Both MCs struggle with some tough stuff in this one, because I love the emotional catharsis of hurt-comfort, but it's also my first time writing the on-page loving and supportive family I wish all queer folks had. <3
As always, content warnings are on my website & in the front matter of the book.
(Y'all who know me as primarily an F/F author, don't panic! I'm not leaving the sapphic romance world! But I do enjoy writing across the LGBTQ+ spectrum, with a focus on bi/pan MCs. See y'all again in July for the next book in the All These Gifts series!)
As always, content warnings are on my website & in the front matter of the book.
(Y'all who know me as primarily an F/F author, don't panic! I'm not leaving the sapphic romance world! But I do enjoy writing across the LGBTQ+ spectrum, with a focus on bi/pan MCs. See y'all again in July for the next book in the All These Gifts series!)
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March 29, 2022Read a draft of this book, and y’all are not read for this 😭😭😭
It is both so heavy and sweet, and I love these disasters so much!!
(Yes, I cried.)
It is both so heavy and sweet, and I love these disasters so much!!
(Yes, I cried.)
May 3, 2022
don't mind me writing this review through tears. Oh gosh I can't handle how raw this book is. It's heavy but also so so so damn sweet.
Simon is a midsize bisexual guy with depression just trying to stay alive, literally. He lives with depression and suicidal ideation (plus a suicide attempt briefly discussed in the past) and when he and his best friend hook up, things go downhill fast.
See, Ziah has been ousted from the Mormon community for being gay and is in love with his best friend Simon, except communication isn't either of their strong suits and their hookup was casual for Simon and life changing for Ziah.
When bigger tragedy strikes, the two have to find ways to cope together and apart.
At it's heart, this book is about loving people the way they need to be loved and not the way that makes you feel better. It's about maybe sacrificing some things and accepting that HEA isn't always an easy straightforward path.
There is a lot of religious trauma and some conversations about bierasure all tackled on to big deep discussions about depression and major mood disorders.
I really really loved this book. I loved that there is tons and tons of queer rep and yes! There's both ace and aro rep as well. Just casually thrown in and it made me irrationally happy. I adored both Simon and Ziah and my heart hurt for them and their journeys.
My one itty bitty complaint is that there is a big time jump from the ending to the epilogue and I wished we got that on page. It could've benefitted the book to have an extra 50-100 pages and I would've cried through them all.
I'm still putting this on my favorites list though for this year because any book that ends with me crying while writing a review deserves it.
Simon is a midsize bisexual guy with depression just trying to stay alive, literally. He lives with depression and suicidal ideation (plus a suicide attempt briefly discussed in the past) and when he and his best friend hook up, things go downhill fast.
See, Ziah has been ousted from the Mormon community for being gay and is in love with his best friend Simon, except communication isn't either of their strong suits and their hookup was casual for Simon and life changing for Ziah.
When bigger tragedy strikes, the two have to find ways to cope together and apart.
At it's heart, this book is about loving people the way they need to be loved and not the way that makes you feel better. It's about maybe sacrificing some things and accepting that HEA isn't always an easy straightforward path.
There is a lot of religious trauma and some conversations about bierasure all tackled on to big deep discussions about depression and major mood disorders.
I really really loved this book. I loved that there is tons and tons of queer rep and yes! There's both ace and aro rep as well. Just casually thrown in and it made me irrationally happy. I adored both Simon and Ziah and my heart hurt for them and their journeys.
My one itty bitty complaint is that there is a big time jump from the ending to the epilogue and I wished we got that on page. It could've benefitted the book to have an extra 50-100 pages and I would've cried through them all.
I'm still putting this on my favorites list though for this year because any book that ends with me crying while writing a review deserves it.
May 1, 2022
This was a hard-earned happily ever after. These two deal with a number of personal issues that make finding love complicated. The topics are heavy, and there were definitely some tears but not so much as to swallow you under.
This friends-to-lovers story was really sweet in the way that they both showed each other love, even if they weren’t always great at saying it. And they both had their struggles, and though this was a single POV, I liked that it gave the relationship a strong basis of give and take.
I really liked that this was a messy relationship (life gets like that) and it remains so even in the happy ending (because HEA doesn’t mean life is perfect). But throughout the story they mess up, they learn and change and grow and learn how to love each other through the messiness, and there’s joy and sweetness and it was a satisfying story.
< ARC provided by GRR and this is my honest review >
This friends-to-lovers story was really sweet in the way that they both showed each other love, even if they weren’t always great at saying it. And they both had their struggles, and though this was a single POV, I liked that it gave the relationship a strong basis of give and take.
I really liked that this was a messy relationship (life gets like that) and it remains so even in the happy ending (because HEA doesn’t mean life is perfect). But throughout the story they mess up, they learn and change and grow and learn how to love each other through the messiness, and there’s joy and sweetness and it was a satisfying story.
< ARC provided by GRR and this is my honest review >
March 9, 2024
DNF @ 5%.
What in the corporate lingo does that even say? I don’t want or need that level of detail about buddy’s job. I also don’t need to know about how his co-worker’s chair squeaks.
Pair that with a reading buddy dropping some spoilers that would leave me flipping tables, and I’m bowing out early.
Hundreds of professional marketers wanted to grow their core competencies while catalyzing professional synergies, and we wanted their association to hire us again to handle all the logistics for their next conference, too.
What in the corporate lingo does that even say? I don’t want or need that level of detail about buddy’s job. I also don’t need to know about how his co-worker’s chair squeaks.
Pair that with a reading buddy dropping some spoilers that would leave me flipping tables, and I’m bowing out early.
May 14, 2022
What a great story, told with great compassion and no small amount of research and skill.
Flawed main characters, the MC with (treated) depression, the love interest repressed and shunned by his family/religion, who face overwhelming challenges with each other and life. Terrific side characters, and an impressive blend of languages, with an on-point ending. I used an embarrassing number of tissues during the last chapters.
If there are flaws, I didn't see them (being not Mormon and sadly monolingual.)
Highly, highly recommended.
Flawed main characters, the MC with (treated) depression, the love interest repressed and shunned by his family/religion, who face overwhelming challenges with each other and life. Terrific side characters, and an impressive blend of languages, with an on-point ending. I used an embarrassing number of tissues during the last chapters.
If there are flaws, I didn't see them (being not Mormon and sadly monolingual.)
Highly, highly recommended.
April 16, 2022
This was a well written story, with careful and considerate descriptions of anxiety and depression, as well as one of the main characters dealing with feelings of rejection from family due to their sexual orientation. The characters were well defined, clearly distinguishable, with very human reactions to the situations they found themselves. The background characters were also well written, with issues of their own that didn’t overwhelm the main story but made them defined as more than just ciphers for the main characters to play off of.
Which is why I’m really confused as to why I just didn’t like the story. I didn’t like Ziah at all – I sympathised with his plight but didn’t like the way he handled things at all. I found Simon annoying and slightly wishy-washy, and some of the background characters struck me as far more interesting.
I didn’t feel the connection between Ziah and Simon and found their sex scenes to be perfunctory and lacking in real heat. Perhaps it was just the frame of mind I was in when I was reading the story? I felt a distant sympathy for both men, but apart from that I didn’t really engage at all, which is a shame as the subject matter, the struggles they were both experiencing and their story was a very good one.
3.5/5 from me. I received an ARC from GRR.
Which is why I’m really confused as to why I just didn’t like the story. I didn’t like Ziah at all – I sympathised with his plight but didn’t like the way he handled things at all. I found Simon annoying and slightly wishy-washy, and some of the background characters struck me as far more interesting.
I didn’t feel the connection between Ziah and Simon and found their sex scenes to be perfunctory and lacking in real heat. Perhaps it was just the frame of mind I was in when I was reading the story? I felt a distant sympathy for both men, but apart from that I didn’t really engage at all, which is a shame as the subject matter, the struggles they were both experiencing and their story was a very good one.
3.5/5 from me. I received an ARC from GRR.
July 2, 2022
I was very excited to read this one, but it just didn't work for me. I liked it for the first 55% of the book or so, but I ended up skimming the rest because I was bored. I loved Mina and Simon's family, but I didn't love Simon and Ziah like I hoped I would. Their relationship was cute at times, but by the 85% mark, I was bored of it. This isn't a bad book, but it just wasn't for me.
May 7, 2022
If it’s a new Skye Kilaen, you know I’m going to read it! While this is set in Austin (and there’s a brief mention of Knockdown), it’s not part of that series. What it is is lovely and emotional friends-to-lovers romance. Look, it says hurt/comfort on the tin and holy crap that’s exactly what you get!
Simon’s a larger bisexual guy, pleased to finally be working at a place that doesn’t care about his sexuality. He has two work friends: Mina, who sits in the cubicle next to him, and Ziah, the cute geeky IT guy. They’re both so sweet to the other – whether it’s Ziah playing video games (badly) while Simon’s in one of his serious depressive episodes, or Simon knowing Ziah’s exact lunch order for all their favorite spots. When things with Ziah suddenly turn weird, Simon’s initial inclination is to blame himself. After all, that’s what his depression is always telling him. But the real reason is something he never suspected, and it’ll test their friendship, especially when the unthinkable happens.
The book is told soley from Simon’s POV, which I was initially cautious about but it works very well. Simon is initially completely clueless about how Ziah feels about him. Ziah has no experience dating and his feelings are all tangled up with religious background so he has no idea how to approach him. He’s got a lot of shame over his sexuality – around sexuality in general – and still struggles with how his warm and loving family completely turned against him once his sexuality came out. Though Simon knows some of the details of Ziah’s background, there’s parts of it he can’t comprehend, and he missteps a lot trying to provide him the support he thinks he needs. There’s a lot of Simon realizing he messed up and not knowing why, and sometimes I as the reader was just as clueless. What Simon does, though, is give Ziah space after every mistake and then asks what he did wrong so he can not make that mistake again.
Once he figures out that Ziah’s not just looking for a hookup, that he loves him, Simon has no idea what to do with that. He knows that he feels something other than just friendship for him, but it’s not love. And that’s not terribly surprising as it turns out that Ziah has been keeping a lot of his life from Simon. As they slowly build trust, though, Simon’s feelings grow. It’s not an easy path though. Simon struggles with depression and part of it manifests as feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Part of his initial obliviousness about Ziah’s feelings for him is that he truly doesn’t believe he’s good enough for Ziah! Even with medication, therapy and a very supportive family, Simon still struggles, and I loved that it showed that. Nor did his relationship successfully fix him – he knows he’ll have good times and bad times, and he does his best to prepare his life – personal and professional – for his more severe depressive episodes.
To be honest, Simon and Ziah are terrible at communication and keep inadvertently hitting each other’s boundaries. Simon, from a warm, loving and quite queer Czech/Mexican family (do we get a book about Rigo???), is used to offering his – and their – help whenever a problem comes up. He doesn’t understand how seeing that family can be so traumatic for Ziah, or how smothering the constant offers of help could be. Ziah is jealous that Simon, as a bi man, had a chance at a “normal” life if he dates a woman – not understanding the bierasure. There’s a lot of work that has to be done on both sides (with therapists and without) before they can have a relationship that’s true to both of them. It’s not perfect – it’s messy – but it works for them. It’s about loving people they way they need to be loved, not what you think they need.
Overall, this was a lovely, thoughtful and emotional exploration of friends-to-lovers. While Simon and Ziah’s path to an HEA is rocky, it’s ultimately high satisfying!
I received an advance review copy of this book from Book Sirens. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
Content notes: Author’s notes (the author’s notes are extremely comprehensive!)
Simon’s a larger bisexual guy, pleased to finally be working at a place that doesn’t care about his sexuality. He has two work friends: Mina, who sits in the cubicle next to him, and Ziah, the cute geeky IT guy. They’re both so sweet to the other – whether it’s Ziah playing video games (badly) while Simon’s in one of his serious depressive episodes, or Simon knowing Ziah’s exact lunch order for all their favorite spots. When things with Ziah suddenly turn weird, Simon’s initial inclination is to blame himself. After all, that’s what his depression is always telling him. But the real reason is something he never suspected, and it’ll test their friendship, especially when the unthinkable happens.
“All the little shit I’d memorized about him, and it had never occurred to me that I’d possibly started down the road of caring about him differently. Albeit in a very slow, easily spooked car.”
The book is told soley from Simon’s POV, which I was initially cautious about but it works very well. Simon is initially completely clueless about how Ziah feels about him. Ziah has no experience dating and his feelings are all tangled up with religious background so he has no idea how to approach him. He’s got a lot of shame over his sexuality – around sexuality in general – and still struggles with how his warm and loving family completely turned against him once his sexuality came out. Though Simon knows some of the details of Ziah’s background, there’s parts of it he can’t comprehend, and he missteps a lot trying to provide him the support he thinks he needs. There’s a lot of Simon realizing he messed up and not knowing why, and sometimes I as the reader was just as clueless. What Simon does, though, is give Ziah space after every mistake and then asks what he did wrong so he can not make that mistake again.
“What was I supposed to say? Ziah was my friend. If he wanted something different, he would have brought it up by now. Everyone knew I liked guys as much as anyone else. “He’s my best friend,” I finally said. “I simply believe he’d be happier with someone.”
Once he figures out that Ziah’s not just looking for a hookup, that he loves him, Simon has no idea what to do with that. He knows that he feels something other than just friendship for him, but it’s not love. And that’s not terribly surprising as it turns out that Ziah has been keeping a lot of his life from Simon. As they slowly build trust, though, Simon’s feelings grow. It’s not an easy path though. Simon struggles with depression and part of it manifests as feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Part of his initial obliviousness about Ziah’s feelings for him is that he truly doesn’t believe he’s good enough for Ziah! Even with medication, therapy and a very supportive family, Simon still struggles, and I loved that it showed that. Nor did his relationship successfully fix him – he knows he’ll have good times and bad times, and he does his best to prepare his life – personal and professional – for his more severe depressive episodes.
To be honest, Simon and Ziah are terrible at communication and keep inadvertently hitting each other’s boundaries. Simon, from a warm, loving and quite queer Czech/Mexican family (do we get a book about Rigo???), is used to offering his – and their – help whenever a problem comes up. He doesn’t understand how seeing that family can be so traumatic for Ziah, or how smothering the constant offers of help could be. Ziah is jealous that Simon, as a bi man, had a chance at a “normal” life if he dates a woman – not understanding the bierasure. There’s a lot of work that has to be done on both sides (with therapists and without) before they can have a relationship that’s true to both of them. It’s not perfect – it’s messy – but it works for them. It’s about loving people they way they need to be loved, not what you think they need.
Overall, this was a lovely, thoughtful and emotional exploration of friends-to-lovers. While Simon and Ziah’s path to an HEA is rocky, it’s ultimately high satisfying!
I received an advance review copy of this book from Book Sirens. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
Content notes: Author’s notes (the author’s notes are extremely comprehensive!)
May 8, 2022
Skye Kilaen has officially solidified herself as my absolute favorite romance author.
As someone that dislikes first-person POV, I wasn’t sure how I would feel about this book when I started but I was hopeful because of how skillful this author is!
As usual, Skye Kilaen has a way with real and complex characters. I was completely smitten with the characterization of POV character Simon right away. He has depression and it’s some so freaking well. And then the epilogue? I don’t want to spoil but it was so damn refreshing and real in a way lots of contemporary romance shy away from. And then there’s Ziah- a gay ex-Mormon whose prior faith colors how he feels about himself and what he thinks he deserves.
The book is amazing. The romance is sweet, the side characters are distinct and diverse, the entire thing honestly feels so real. It’s so much more than just a friends to lovers romance. It’s a charming story of allowing yourself to be vulnerable and lean on people who care about you; it’s not having to be perfect to be deserving of love. And did I mention the freaking epilogue? MY HEART. I highly recommend this book to all fans of contemporary romance.
Content Warnings from the author: explicit sexual content, past su*cide attempt and hospitalization, religious bigotry, past loss of community, internalized homophobia, biphobia, child custody conflict, off-page death, divorce, alcoholism (side character)
I received a free ARC from the author but this review is voluntary and reflects my honest opinion.
As someone that dislikes first-person POV, I wasn’t sure how I would feel about this book when I started but I was hopeful because of how skillful this author is!
As usual, Skye Kilaen has a way with real and complex characters. I was completely smitten with the characterization of POV character Simon right away. He has depression and it’s some so freaking well. And then the epilogue? I don’t want to spoil but it was so damn refreshing and real in a way lots of contemporary romance shy away from. And then there’s Ziah- a gay ex-Mormon whose prior faith colors how he feels about himself and what he thinks he deserves.
The book is amazing. The romance is sweet, the side characters are distinct and diverse, the entire thing honestly feels so real. It’s so much more than just a friends to lovers romance. It’s a charming story of allowing yourself to be vulnerable and lean on people who care about you; it’s not having to be perfect to be deserving of love. And did I mention the freaking epilogue? MY HEART. I highly recommend this book to all fans of contemporary romance.
Content Warnings from the author: explicit sexual content, past su*cide attempt and hospitalization, religious bigotry, past loss of community, internalized homophobia, biphobia, child custody conflict, off-page death, divorce, alcoholism (side character)
I received a free ARC from the author but this review is voluntary and reflects my honest opinion.
June 15, 2023
Well, this made me cry.
really not my favourite in terms of writing and characters from Kilaen but the descriptions and conversations around depression had me feeling a lot.
I received an advanced reading copy from the author in exchange for an honest review.
really not my favourite in terms of writing and characters from Kilaen but the descriptions and conversations around depression had me feeling a lot.
I received an advanced reading copy from the author in exchange for an honest review.
April 11, 2022
I finished "If You Want Me Close" with tears in my eyes. So lovely.
.
This is friends to lovers in a way you don't see very often: once Ziah finally confesses he likes Simon, Simon is not sure what to think. He'd never thought about Ziah that way. He's willing to try dating but isn't ready for confessions of love. It was a real treat to not have Friend Two immediately admit reciprocal feelings, as is so often the case. More varied stories, please!
.
And you know what? It's RIGHT that Simon doesn't have deep romantic feelings for Ziah yet, because Ziah has been keeping major things private and generally not sharing, and so Simon couldn’t have really known him. As they get to know each other better, Simon's feelings grow.
.
And they are wonderfully messy together. I adore books with good communication but realize that some fictional communicators can be a bit of a Platonic Ideal. Simon and Ziah start to communicate, but they do it badly and mess up…and try again and get better at it.
.
To set your expectations: My single wish for this book would be more kilig in the first half. The tension lasts a while, and I would have liked more scenes of the sweetness and comfort that they give each other.
*All romance readers should know this word used in the Philippines: it's the excited feeling you get from a romantic moment; incl reading/watching ones.
.
Where this story tipped over from good into great for me, was the third-act crisis. After a bad mistake, MC1 changes gears to do what MC2 needs. *And it's perfect.* When I think of being in MC2's situation and getting that type of help, I start to tear up, it's so perfect. MC1 puts in the work, does what MC2 needs, and rebuilds trust.
.
And finally, the epilogue. One of the best epilogues I’ve seen in a romance, because it's messy and it's real and life is hard, and it's joyful and loving at the same time. I literally did finish by wiping my eyes. Talk about warm and comforting!
---
I got an ARC from the author in exchange for an honest review. Content warnings (excellent ones) are on the author's website.
.
This is friends to lovers in a way you don't see very often: once Ziah finally confesses he likes Simon, Simon is not sure what to think. He'd never thought about Ziah that way. He's willing to try dating but isn't ready for confessions of love. It was a real treat to not have Friend Two immediately admit reciprocal feelings, as is so often the case. More varied stories, please!
.
And you know what? It's RIGHT that Simon doesn't have deep romantic feelings for Ziah yet, because Ziah has been keeping major things private and generally not sharing, and so Simon couldn’t have really known him. As they get to know each other better, Simon's feelings grow.
.
And they are wonderfully messy together. I adore books with good communication but realize that some fictional communicators can be a bit of a Platonic Ideal. Simon and Ziah start to communicate, but they do it badly and mess up…and try again and get better at it.
.
To set your expectations: My single wish for this book would be more kilig in the first half. The tension lasts a while, and I would have liked more scenes of the sweetness and comfort that they give each other.
*All romance readers should know this word used in the Philippines: it's the excited feeling you get from a romantic moment; incl reading/watching ones.
.
Where this story tipped over from good into great for me, was the third-act crisis. After a bad mistake, MC1 changes gears to do what MC2 needs. *And it's perfect.* When I think of being in MC2's situation and getting that type of help, I start to tear up, it's so perfect. MC1 puts in the work, does what MC2 needs, and rebuilds trust.
.
And finally, the epilogue. One of the best epilogues I’ve seen in a romance, because it's messy and it's real and life is hard, and it's joyful and loving at the same time. I literally did finish by wiping my eyes. Talk about warm and comforting!
---
I got an ARC from the author in exchange for an honest review. Content warnings (excellent ones) are on the author's website.
May 13, 2022
Skye Kilaen does a fantastic job of gentle hurt-comfort queer stories. One of the things you know you will find in one of her books, is care and respect for its inhabitants.
A lot of queer stories are stories of families of choice. In If You Want Me Close, Simon has a very close and queer friendly family of birth. He calls is family of blended Czech and Mexican heritage The Borg, because it assimilates everyone. The exception is his friend Ziah, a gay ex-Mormon who is less enthusiastic about the concept of family.
If You Want Me Close is a friends to lovers romance. Simon is comfortably bi and also suffers from chronic depression. When Ziah started working for the same company Simon works for, Simon decided they would be friends. The friendship was cemented when Simon went through a bad bout with his depression and Ziah was there for him. But, something is obviously not quite right, and Simon decides it’s probably his fault. To fix it, he tries to set Ziah up on dates. Ziah hasn’t been honest with Simon on a number of fronts, so things quickly spiral out of control.
I loved Simon’s family and the way he could rely on them and the way they welcomed everyone who came in the door (or might come in the door). I also loved that Ziah is warry and uncomfortable around family, because his family cut him off. I found a lot of the way Simon lived with chronic depression very true – including wanting everyone to have a piece of the thing that helps him survive. Simon’s family lets him be strong and healthy, but also supports him when that’s not possible. He wants Ziah to have that and it takes a while for him to understand that family doesn’t work for Ziah the same way. I loved that Simon and Ziah keep working the problems between them, they keep struggling to say and do the right thing, and even when they are at odds, always acting from the belief that the other deserves love and care.
Two other things I loved: 1) on her website, the author has extensive content warnings and 2) in the Author’s Note, she includes a recommended list of authors who are queer man or transmasc. I am familiar with many of them, but not all. My tbr just got longer.
A lot of queer stories are stories of families of choice. In If You Want Me Close, Simon has a very close and queer friendly family of birth. He calls is family of blended Czech and Mexican heritage The Borg, because it assimilates everyone. The exception is his friend Ziah, a gay ex-Mormon who is less enthusiastic about the concept of family.
If You Want Me Close is a friends to lovers romance. Simon is comfortably bi and also suffers from chronic depression. When Ziah started working for the same company Simon works for, Simon decided they would be friends. The friendship was cemented when Simon went through a bad bout with his depression and Ziah was there for him. But, something is obviously not quite right, and Simon decides it’s probably his fault. To fix it, he tries to set Ziah up on dates. Ziah hasn’t been honest with Simon on a number of fronts, so things quickly spiral out of control.
I loved Simon’s family and the way he could rely on them and the way they welcomed everyone who came in the door (or might come in the door). I also loved that Ziah is warry and uncomfortable around family, because his family cut him off. I found a lot of the way Simon lived with chronic depression very true – including wanting everyone to have a piece of the thing that helps him survive. Simon’s family lets him be strong and healthy, but also supports him when that’s not possible. He wants Ziah to have that and it takes a while for him to understand that family doesn’t work for Ziah the same way. I loved that Simon and Ziah keep working the problems between them, they keep struggling to say and do the right thing, and even when they are at odds, always acting from the belief that the other deserves love and care.
Two other things I loved: 1) on her website, the author has extensive content warnings and 2) in the Author’s Note, she includes a recommended list of authors who are queer man or transmasc. I am familiar with many of them, but not all. My tbr just got longer.
May 13, 2022
Although I don't read a lot of MM books, I picked this one up because I'm a fan of Skye Kilaen. I love how inclusive she is. It would be a joy if more people adopted her character's attitude in real life.
As per the norm with a Kilaen book, illness and being medicated play a big part. The love story is one of friends-to-lovers and as much as I adored that, I did struggle with the explicit sex scenes. That is totally on me.
As per the norm with a Kilaen book, illness and being medicated play a big part. The love story is one of friends-to-lovers and as much as I adored that, I did struggle with the explicit sex scenes. That is totally on me.
May 2, 2022
This contemporary friends-to-lovers, bisexual-discovery romance had so much promise from the beginning. Simon was a solid well-fleshed-out character who’d had an unrequited crush on coworker Ziah for a long time. Throw in the fact they share a female bestie and there’s plenty of fast-paced dialogue that relates their background and the history of their friendship. Use of dialogue to move a story forward is something I much appreciate.
But Simon’s history is quite depressing—literally—since he suffers from this mental health disorder that in the past led to suicide attempts. That aura of depression lingers over him throughout the book and is primarily expressed through self-doubt and fears of inadequacy. Despite the fact he has whole-hearted family and medical support, each time something has gone wrong in his life, he’s entered a lengthy depressive state. Unfortunately, when things go well, he’s often set back by thoughts of what might happen, i.e., FEAR (Future-Events-Appearing-Real). Because I live with a family member who suffers from depression and suicidal ideations, Simon’s moods greatly influenced my enjoyment of reading this book, and I often had to put it down until I could detach and find my balance.
Ziah’s history is strongly entwined in the Mormon faith, to which his family clings, and their faith resulted in his separation from them at an early age. He’s keeping a secret from Simon that involves a former Mormon girlfriend, and he has a tendency to withdraw from emotional situations so Ziah’s character does not offer a positive counterbalance to Simon’s lapses into negative thinking and depression. In fact, Ziah was more often secretive and sad than Simon, and despite Simon’s best efforts to make Ziah smile and to do things to ease his burdens, Ziah often turned tail and ran, ghosting Simon for days at a time.
To me, the book would have been much better if Ziah’s personality provided a more positive balance to Simon’s. Even their bestie, Mina, has just gone through a painful divorce and woefully states she’s going to be of no help to either man as she takes care of her own issues. By the last third of the story, though I knew something good would eventually happen for the couple—because the author promised an HEA—I found it difficult to move forward as my mood dipped when the story took another turn into sadness.
Perhaps it’s a tribute to the author that I became this emotional. I definitely enjoyed their writing style and the plot complexity. But the mood of the piece was just not something I, personally, could embrace. I’m definitely willing to try another by Skye Kilaen in the future.
But Simon’s history is quite depressing—literally—since he suffers from this mental health disorder that in the past led to suicide attempts. That aura of depression lingers over him throughout the book and is primarily expressed through self-doubt and fears of inadequacy. Despite the fact he has whole-hearted family and medical support, each time something has gone wrong in his life, he’s entered a lengthy depressive state. Unfortunately, when things go well, he’s often set back by thoughts of what might happen, i.e., FEAR (Future-Events-Appearing-Real). Because I live with a family member who suffers from depression and suicidal ideations, Simon’s moods greatly influenced my enjoyment of reading this book, and I often had to put it down until I could detach and find my balance.
Ziah’s history is strongly entwined in the Mormon faith, to which his family clings, and their faith resulted in his separation from them at an early age. He’s keeping a secret from Simon that involves a former Mormon girlfriend, and he has a tendency to withdraw from emotional situations so Ziah’s character does not offer a positive counterbalance to Simon’s lapses into negative thinking and depression. In fact, Ziah was more often secretive and sad than Simon, and despite Simon’s best efforts to make Ziah smile and to do things to ease his burdens, Ziah often turned tail and ran, ghosting Simon for days at a time.
To me, the book would have been much better if Ziah’s personality provided a more positive balance to Simon’s. Even their bestie, Mina, has just gone through a painful divorce and woefully states she’s going to be of no help to either man as she takes care of her own issues. By the last third of the story, though I knew something good would eventually happen for the couple—because the author promised an HEA—I found it difficult to move forward as my mood dipped when the story took another turn into sadness.
Perhaps it’s a tribute to the author that I became this emotional. I definitely enjoyed their writing style and the plot complexity. But the mood of the piece was just not something I, personally, could embrace. I’m definitely willing to try another by Skye Kilaen in the future.
April 5, 2023
This is a good story almost crushed under layer upon layer of tryhard sensitivity. I don't know what it is that enables some writers to tell stories with credible diverse characters, while others seem to be painting by numbers, but in If You Want Me Close, Skye Kilaen lands solidly in the latter category.
Prime example: MC2, Ziah, describes someone as "Jeremy, that guitarist.' Fine! But then the POV character, MC1, thinks this: "I was quite pleased by how Ziah had described Jeremy. The guitarist in question was legally blind -- and vocal about his aromanticism." Jeremy never appears on-page, by the way -- he exists purely to provide some abstract (& thus faux) representation. Besides which, when MC1 himself brings up Jeremy's vision, isn't the author doing exactly what the narrator objects to -- treating it as a defining characteristic? (Which, by the way, isn't the same as an identifiable characteristic, but that's another rant entirely.)
Moving on to sexuality. Have some dialogue, MC1 to MC2: "Exploring your sexuality with a cooperative partner isn't wrong." Well, no, it's not, but this is supposed to be a conversation between adults, not an informative pamphlet handed out in Progressive Sex Ed for Fifteen-Year-Olds.
As is so often the case, tryhard sensitivity flips over into its exact opposite. Here we go: "I got in line at 12:25 behind two boys who I guessed might be from South Asia, or their families were. I enjoyed whatever gorgeous language they were speaking and the cool breeze equally." O yes, the gorgeous language and the cool breeze! Both existing for the narrator's aesthetic pleasure!
There was so much that could have been good about this book! The underlying plot is engaging and satisfyingly angsty. I originally gave this two stars but reconsidered because there was enough credible emotion in the relationship between the MCs that I was, even if somewhat grudgingly, rooting for them.
I'm voluntarily reviewing an advance review copy that I got for free.
Prime example: MC2, Ziah, describes someone as "Jeremy, that guitarist.' Fine! But then the POV character, MC1, thinks this: "I was quite pleased by how Ziah had described Jeremy. The guitarist in question was legally blind -- and vocal about his aromanticism." Jeremy never appears on-page, by the way -- he exists purely to provide some abstract (& thus faux) representation. Besides which, when MC1 himself brings up Jeremy's vision, isn't the author doing exactly what the narrator objects to -- treating it as a defining characteristic? (Which, by the way, isn't the same as an identifiable characteristic, but that's another rant entirely.)
Moving on to sexuality. Have some dialogue, MC1 to MC2: "Exploring your sexuality with a cooperative partner isn't wrong." Well, no, it's not, but this is supposed to be a conversation between adults, not an informative pamphlet handed out in Progressive Sex Ed for Fifteen-Year-Olds.
As is so often the case, tryhard sensitivity flips over into its exact opposite. Here we go: "I got in line at 12:25 behind two boys who I guessed might be from South Asia, or their families were. I enjoyed whatever gorgeous language they were speaking and the cool breeze equally." O yes, the gorgeous language and the cool breeze! Both existing for the narrator's aesthetic pleasure!
There was so much that could have been good about this book! The underlying plot is engaging and satisfyingly angsty. I originally gave this two stars but reconsidered because there was enough credible emotion in the relationship between the MCs that I was, even if somewhat grudgingly, rooting for them.
I'm voluntarily reviewing an advance review copy that I got for free.
May 8, 2022
Independent reviewer for gay Romance Reviews, I was gifted my copy of this book.
I will be honest, cos reviewing is all about that, and I struggled with this one.
I liked it well enough, but I make no bones about prefering books written from multiple points of view, and I am big enough to admit when I am wrong about that but this one? This book needed Ziah to have a say and I don't get him. And if he had been given a voice, even in the first person like Simon gets a voice, I would have enjoyed this so much more.
Because Ziah is hiding things from his friends, and I wanted to know, in his own words, WHY he was hidng them! I can't really go into what he was hiding for spoilers but these things are massive, and keeping those kind of secrets from your his for 2 years had to have taken a toll on him, and I wanted all that, from Ziah.
Simon struggles somewhat with his metal health, but it's dealt with in a sensitive manner, and he is aware of what could happen, what does happen, if he lets things get too bad before reaching out. There isn't an episode on page, but reference is made to previous hospitalizations. I did like that Simon's family is large and diverse and loving, but I could see why that would make Ziah nervous, not having had that.
I liked it, I did. It's nicey written, and delivered, its just I needed Ziah and I don't get him.
First I've read of this author though and I would read more.
3 good, but not really for me, stars
*same worded review will appear elsewhere
I will be honest, cos reviewing is all about that, and I struggled with this one.
I liked it well enough, but I make no bones about prefering books written from multiple points of view, and I am big enough to admit when I am wrong about that but this one? This book needed Ziah to have a say and I don't get him. And if he had been given a voice, even in the first person like Simon gets a voice, I would have enjoyed this so much more.
Because Ziah is hiding things from his friends, and I wanted to know, in his own words, WHY he was hidng them! I can't really go into what he was hiding for spoilers but these things are massive, and keeping those kind of secrets from your his for 2 years had to have taken a toll on him, and I wanted all that, from Ziah.
Simon struggles somewhat with his metal health, but it's dealt with in a sensitive manner, and he is aware of what could happen, what does happen, if he lets things get too bad before reaching out. There isn't an episode on page, but reference is made to previous hospitalizations. I did like that Simon's family is large and diverse and loving, but I could see why that would make Ziah nervous, not having had that.
I liked it, I did. It's nicey written, and delivered, its just I needed Ziah and I don't get him.
First I've read of this author though and I would read more.
3 good, but not really for me, stars
*same worded review will appear elsewhere
May 21, 2022
New-to-me author. MC #1 has depression that occasionally gets bad enough to require hospitalization. MC #2 is an ex-communicated Mormon whose family deserted him when he came out. That's the baseline angst, and it only gets more serious as secrets are revealed and shit happens.
It was interesting to be in the head of the MC who is the object of the "best friend crush" and has to figure out how he feels about it, instead of the one who is pining away. Appreciated the way both MCs talked to each other, but there was so many crises and so much hashing things out that I didn't feel much physical chemistry between them. I was glad that they found each other, but also exhausted by what they had to endure to get to their HEA.
Kudos to the author for writing characters who feel like real people, and for showing how someone with major depressive episodes can still find love and work, but these days I need more escapist fare.
It was interesting to be in the head of the MC who is the object of the "best friend crush" and has to figure out how he feels about it, instead of the one who is pining away. Appreciated the way both MCs talked to each other, but there was so many crises and so much hashing things out that I didn't feel much physical chemistry between them. I was glad that they found each other, but also exhausted by what they had to endure to get to their HEA.
Kudos to the author for writing characters who feel like real people, and for showing how someone with major depressive episodes can still find love and work, but these days I need more escapist fare.
May 10, 2022
This book is definitely not a light read. I felt it was well written and was sensitive to the issues surrounding mental illness. It is an emotional story, but for me there was something missing. I found it fairly one sided from Simon's point of view and I wanted to know more about Ziah and his issues.
Overall I enjoyed it.
I received this book as An Advanced Reader's Copy.
Overall I enjoyed it.
I received this book as An Advanced Reader's Copy.
April 15, 2022
I'll say it again, but Skye Kilaen has to be my favorite romance writer!!! She has such a talent to write characters who are interesting and sweet and complex, and relationship that both feel so easy - these people who fit with each other so well - but with struggles that are real and complicated, and it really reminds you that things aren't easy, that trauma and mental health aren't things that are easily "fixed", but the healing is a process, with better times and worst ones
The romance is beautiful, I really like how it starts with a slow burn and both men are so smitten and silly and not sure how to admit it, and I love the lightness of it, but also at the same time the serious conversations about Ziah's uncertainty and fears. Now besides the romance, the friendship between Ziah, Simon and Mina is so much fun, and these three people love each other so much and are such big support to each other, and as always I LOVE friendship being made as something so important, and just like family is in this book - Simon's family is so present, and I love that even if can be too much for Ziah at times, the show never paints them negatively or mocks Simon for the closeness - the care matters always.
I'll say the "life-altering tragedy" mentioned in the blurb happens really late in the book, which makes it's weird when you're reading it and expecting what you assume with be the key moment - it doesn't feel like the "thing". Although while this in most books would point to a weak pacing, the pacing is great here!!! The book doesn't dragged and it tells you a great story in t
he beginning as well!!!!
The thing I would add was that I wish the book also had Ziah's pov as well, and there were some details in the sex scenes that I feel overlooked some things, but I still really appreciate how the book explores sex with a complexed way, not always easy and the reasons behind it. Also once again I'm saying this, and I appreciate the author's attention to including content warnings in the beginning, but also how in this one she called attention to some own-voices authors
Really a great recommendation to anyone looking for a romance book!!!! With a good main couple, a great friendship, a strong family and overall present queerness always!!!
(Received from the author, through BookSirens, in exchange of an honest review!!!)
The romance is beautiful, I really like how it starts with a slow burn and both men are so smitten and silly and not sure how to admit it, and I love the lightness of it, but also at the same time the serious conversations about Ziah's uncertainty and fears. Now besides the romance, the friendship between Ziah, Simon and Mina is so much fun, and these three people love each other so much and are such big support to each other, and as always I LOVE friendship being made as something so important, and just like family is in this book - Simon's family is so present, and I love that even if can be too much for Ziah at times, the show never paints them negatively or mocks Simon for the closeness - the care matters always.
I'll say the "life-altering tragedy" mentioned in the blurb happens really late in the book, which makes it's weird when you're reading it and expecting what you assume with be the key moment - it doesn't feel like the "thing". Although while this in most books would point to a weak pacing, the pacing is great here!!! The book doesn't dragged and it tells you a great story in t
he beginning as well!!!!
The thing I would add was that I wish the book also had Ziah's pov as well, and there were some details in the sex scenes that I feel overlooked some things, but I still really appreciate how the book explores sex with a complexed way, not always easy and the reasons behind it. Also once again I'm saying this, and I appreciate the author's attention to including content warnings in the beginning, but also how in this one she called attention to some own-voices authors
Really a great recommendation to anyone looking for a romance book!!!! With a good main couple, a great friendship, a strong family and overall present queerness always!!!
(Received from the author, through BookSirens, in exchange of an honest review!!!)
May 2, 2022
If You Want Me Close by Skye Kilaen is an interesting work place friends to lovers story. Simon is an event coordinator who comes from a large loving Czech/Mexican family who are always involved in each other’s lives. Ziah works in IT at the same company but has no one as his very religious family kicked him out when they found out he was gay. Because of this he is very naïve in the ways of navigating the outside world and finding love. Simon has taken a liking to Ziah and has drawn him into friendship, along with their other best friend Mina, who is also going through some troubling times. Together they navigate their different lives and help each other out. Ziah has always had feelings for Simon but doesn’t know how to act on them. Simon’s feelings started out as just being a friend but grew into more as the events of the story unfold. Unfortunately, he is rather snarky and some of the things he says hurt Ziah and he has to find ways to make him understand what he truly meant by them. I’m not going to tell more about the plot because it would spoil some of the things that occur in the story as the two find their way to love. Suffice it to say that this is a very angsty book that includes mental illness and how it affects the characters, family that tries to give unwanted help although it is appreciated, a death that severely affects several people and the plot, and the way each character deals with the situations that occur and what is said to each other. There is also a lot of deep friendship and love shown as they all help each other get through their problems and what is going on. I enjoyed the story even though I was often uncomfortable with it, especially the aspects of mental illness and how it affected everyone involved. It is also a great love story about how people act when others are in need. I would recommend this book if you enjoy angsty love stories about people who help each other out while stumbling a bit along the way.
May 8, 2022
Wow, this is ......intense! In every aspect of the story - the characters, their history, their relationship, the unfolding drama - it all comes together, bringing Simon and Ziah to life in a way that has readers feeling everything right along with them.
I'll admit, at first I struggled to get into the story. I may not have been in the right headspace but a few days late I came back and consumer the rest in one sitting. Simon's mental health is his top most priority in life after having several depressive episodes, talk of suicide and dealing with negative thoughts on a daily basis. Ziah's history is quite the mystery and he comes with quite a lot of emotional baggage that he's reluctant to share with anyone, eventually giving quite the shock to Simon and Mina, their other friend.
Communication is one of the biggest things here, other than understanding what's going on with Simon, and I would say it's successful about 50% of the time for many reasons. Not having the mental capacity or unable to think of the right words, feeling overwhelmed or unsure of how it will be reciprocated by the other person. It's complicated, emotional, never-ending and occasionally spiral inducing and one of my favourite things is that they don't try to fix each other. They may try and help/fix a situation but they both know enough to know that that's not how life works. While the story does have a happy ending, it's not in a "everything is perfect, we're all happy and whole now" way. Simon's support system is fantastic, a crazy maze of never ending family members that are there for every person at any moment but it's also the thing that puts him at odds with Ziah.
A highly recommended read from this author. I look forward to seeing what comes next from them.
I received an ARC and am happily giving a review.
I'll admit, at first I struggled to get into the story. I may not have been in the right headspace but a few days late I came back and consumer the rest in one sitting. Simon's mental health is his top most priority in life after having several depressive episodes, talk of suicide and dealing with negative thoughts on a daily basis. Ziah's history is quite the mystery and he comes with quite a lot of emotional baggage that he's reluctant to share with anyone, eventually giving quite the shock to Simon and Mina, their other friend.
Communication is one of the biggest things here, other than understanding what's going on with Simon, and I would say it's successful about 50% of the time for many reasons. Not having the mental capacity or unable to think of the right words, feeling overwhelmed or unsure of how it will be reciprocated by the other person. It's complicated, emotional, never-ending and occasionally spiral inducing and one of my favourite things is that they don't try to fix each other. They may try and help/fix a situation but they both know enough to know that that's not how life works. While the story does have a happy ending, it's not in a "everything is perfect, we're all happy and whole now" way. Simon's support system is fantastic, a crazy maze of never ending family members that are there for every person at any moment but it's also the thing that puts him at odds with Ziah.
A highly recommended read from this author. I look forward to seeing what comes next from them.
I received an ARC and am happily giving a review.
April 16, 2022
This book 100% brought tears to my eyes. I was so not ready for this book. I should have prepared myself going in but I did not. This is a friends to lovers story with hurt comfort themes and overcoming grief. I loved how close Ziah and Simon were. They had a truly beautiful friendship first that developed into something more. I loved how close they were and the way they were there for each other the whole time. This also was not an insta love story which is definitely different than most friends to lovers stories. There was not mutual pining on both sides. Ziah confessed his feeling and Simon came around to them and realized that he did have feelings too. He just didn’t know right then and there. Their love developed slowly and deeply. It was such an intense connection because of the love and friendship they shared before hand. I cried so hard while reading this book but I am so glad I had the opportunity to read it. It was warm and comforting in all the right ways and was the absolute perfect ending. I will be looking for more books by this author because I truly enjoyed this one.
I received a copy of this book from Gay Romance Reviews, and this is my honest review.
POV: 1st Person Single POV (Simon)
Standalone or series: Standalone
Would I recommend it: 5 stars! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ highly recommend!! 🤩
Would I read it again: Most definitely!
I received a copy of this book from Gay Romance Reviews, and this is my honest review.
POV: 1st Person Single POV (Simon)
Standalone or series: Standalone
Would I recommend it: 5 stars! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ highly recommend!! 🤩
Would I read it again: Most definitely!
May 3, 2022
Sometimes falling for your best friend can be fraught with difficulties.
Other than having ongoing mental issues, Simon has a pretty good life with his supportive family, friends, and best friend, Ziah.
Ziah, an ex-Mormon who’s lost his family and is now shunned by them, values his friend, Simon.
By playing computer games, when not working, they’ve grown closer and can enjoy both their work and leisure time together. When they admit that what they both feel might be more than a simple friendship, life begins to get a lot more complicated.
There are things about Ziah that Simon isn’t aware of. But is Ziah ready to share those secrets with him?
Skye Kilaen has written an entertaining novel with well-crafted characters that the reader can quickly identify with. The plot points are plausible and carry the story forward nicely with several unexpected twists and turns. The reader is entertained and will be left rooting for Simon and Ziah as they work to overcome the obstacles that threaten to derail their fragile relationship.
I enjoyed ‘If you want me close’ and am happy to recommend it to readers.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Other than having ongoing mental issues, Simon has a pretty good life with his supportive family, friends, and best friend, Ziah.
Ziah, an ex-Mormon who’s lost his family and is now shunned by them, values his friend, Simon.
By playing computer games, when not working, they’ve grown closer and can enjoy both their work and leisure time together. When they admit that what they both feel might be more than a simple friendship, life begins to get a lot more complicated.
There are things about Ziah that Simon isn’t aware of. But is Ziah ready to share those secrets with him?
Skye Kilaen has written an entertaining novel with well-crafted characters that the reader can quickly identify with. The plot points are plausible and carry the story forward nicely with several unexpected twists and turns. The reader is entertained and will be left rooting for Simon and Ziah as they work to overcome the obstacles that threaten to derail their fragile relationship.
I enjoyed ‘If you want me close’ and am happy to recommend it to readers.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
April 12, 2024
I generally prefer to read books that include a more fantastic element, such as Urban Fantasy or Paranormal Romance, oftentimes where the romance is a subplot, or at best split equally between the action and the relationship. However, the author came strongly recommended, so I took a chance at one of her books and was well rewarded.
I'd forgotten what a treat it is sit down and spend time reading about richly-developed people that aren't mere props to further the latest MacGuffin plot! I found the pacing perfect, both in the organic way in which the characters' personalities and life stories are revealed (and without info-dumping), as well as in the overall growth of the relationship between Simon and Ziah. The characters respond realistically to unforeseen events in the story, and there's no lazy dues ex machina occurrences--no, the characters have to put in the work to solve their problems together, and in a satisfactory manner.
From the moment when Simon's job was introduced with a tongue-in-cheek overload of corp-speak (reminding me fondly of my days in the Army), I was hooked. I laughed out loud at a few of the shenanigans between him and his coworker (specifically the exchange at the 15% mark). And I was wiggling my toes under the blankets during the whole of the epilogue. Overall, I felt a bit like I did twenty-something years ago, when I borrowed romance books off my mom's shelf during one summer visit. Better, actually, because these characters are actually queer! If you love witty banter, an inclusive cast, and two men learning to accept themselves and each other despite external struggles, you'll enjoy If You Want Me Close.
I'd forgotten what a treat it is sit down and spend time reading about richly-developed people that aren't mere props to further the latest MacGuffin plot! I found the pacing perfect, both in the organic way in which the characters' personalities and life stories are revealed (and without info-dumping), as well as in the overall growth of the relationship between Simon and Ziah. The characters respond realistically to unforeseen events in the story, and there's no lazy dues ex machina occurrences--no, the characters have to put in the work to solve their problems together, and in a satisfactory manner.
From the moment when Simon's job was introduced with a tongue-in-cheek overload of corp-speak (reminding me fondly of my days in the Army), I was hooked. I laughed out loud at a few of the shenanigans between him and his coworker (specifically the exchange at the 15% mark). And I was wiggling my toes under the blankets during the whole of the epilogue. Overall, I felt a bit like I did twenty-something years ago, when I borrowed romance books off my mom's shelf during one summer visit. Better, actually, because these characters are actually queer! If you love witty banter, an inclusive cast, and two men learning to accept themselves and each other despite external struggles, you'll enjoy If You Want Me Close.
July 12, 2022
(ARC Review)
I really liked this book. It has just the right amount of angst, along with a deep sense of friendship, family, and love.
I liked how it deals with the subject of mental health, be it depression or anxiety, among other difficult topics such as homophobia and death.
Simon and Ziah come from two totally different types of family, both in upbringing and religion etc. Where one is fully accepted and loved, Ziah is rejected, left to survive on his own. Which causes him to feel overwhelmed by Simon's family and feel rejection towards it.
When they are finally starting to really get to know each other (Simon getting Ziah to start opening up and start letting him into his world) tragedy strikes and this is where their relationship is really tested. I particularly liked how Simon begins to understand that helping Ziah meet his needs is different from how he wants to do it, however that doesn't stop him (Ziah was there for him when he needed it). He puts his effort and looks for a way to achieve it.
Another thing I liked is how through the story they learn to communicate.
I received an advance review copy & I'm leaving this review voluntarily.
I really liked this book. It has just the right amount of angst, along with a deep sense of friendship, family, and love.
I liked how it deals with the subject of mental health, be it depression or anxiety, among other difficult topics such as homophobia and death.
Simon and Ziah come from two totally different types of family, both in upbringing and religion etc. Where one is fully accepted and loved, Ziah is rejected, left to survive on his own. Which causes him to feel overwhelmed by Simon's family and feel rejection towards it.
When they are finally starting to really get to know each other (Simon getting Ziah to start opening up and start letting him into his world) tragedy strikes and this is where their relationship is really tested. I particularly liked how Simon begins to understand that helping Ziah meet his needs is different from how he wants to do it, however that doesn't stop him (Ziah was there for him when he needed it). He puts his effort and looks for a way to achieve it.
Another thing I liked is how through the story they learn to communicate.
I received an advance review copy & I'm leaving this review voluntarily.
June 6, 2022
Heavy emotional read
There is a lot mentioned in the content warning in the beginning of the book, but I didn't think I would find it as difficult to read as I did.
The author has done a superb job of writing with sensitivity & caring but it was just so heavy emotionally that I found myself skipping parts to try & find a bit of happy, coz it doesn't have a lot of the feel good I like in romance. The blurb said "high-heat" & for me that means sexy times & that's so not this book either. This is so high emotion that for me the few times they are together get overshadowed by the hurt & angst that follows. There is so much hurt for both MC's before they reach a HEA, which is also not a romance HEA, it's a life can still slap you hard so hang on for the bumpy ride HEA.
So I've struggled with a star rating & ended up with 4 stars as it is very well written, but if you are after feel good endorphins then this is not the right book. If you are after heartache, pain & angst then go for it.
There is a lot mentioned in the content warning in the beginning of the book, but I didn't think I would find it as difficult to read as I did.
The author has done a superb job of writing with sensitivity & caring but it was just so heavy emotionally that I found myself skipping parts to try & find a bit of happy, coz it doesn't have a lot of the feel good I like in romance. The blurb said "high-heat" & for me that means sexy times & that's so not this book either. This is so high emotion that for me the few times they are together get overshadowed by the hurt & angst that follows. There is so much hurt for both MC's before they reach a HEA, which is also not a romance HEA, it's a life can still slap you hard so hang on for the bumpy ride HEA.
So I've struggled with a star rating & ended up with 4 stars as it is very well written, but if you are after feel good endorphins then this is not the right book. If you are after heartache, pain & angst then go for it.
May 3, 2022
This book is good, but it is NOT a light read. Please be aware of any triggers involving depression, suicidal thoughts, or internalized homophobia. Simon suffers from a very real illness that unfortunately our society doesn’t really recognize or admit is serious: severe depression. This character doesn’t try to hide his illness, being open and honest about his past suicidal attempts and thoughts. He admits his large rambunctious and supportive family is what has kept him alive. I wish everyone who suffered from severe depression had that kind of support. Zia has a background that has made him almost unable to live as who he wants to. Religious trauma is a real thing and he definitely lives with it. This author handles these topics so well and these two men learn to love and heal and live together. It is a beautiful tale and worth a read. Just be prepared for some tissues or at least some very real and deep feels.
May 10, 2022
A very real read.
This book has a ton of triggers. I don’t usually like books from only one MCs POV and I feel like we missed out on a lot by only seeing Simon’s POV but overall the book had a lot of good things going for it if you could get over the spelling errors.
It definitely opens your eyes to the dark side of depression. And I feel like that was handled super great. It’s usually glossed over in books but in this one it was almost like another character. I liked Simon and Ziah together but I wasn’t to big of a fan of Mina. I felt she was a secondary character we didn’t really need when we had this huge supportive family of Simon’s. Which I absolutely loved! The family was probably my favorite part of the book.
The steam was okay. I feel like this author tried to add a lot of sexual situations in the book, which I usually love, but they were super rushed and glossed over.
This is good for a friends to lover and hurt comfort.
This book has a ton of triggers. I don’t usually like books from only one MCs POV and I feel like we missed out on a lot by only seeing Simon’s POV but overall the book had a lot of good things going for it if you could get over the spelling errors.
It definitely opens your eyes to the dark side of depression. And I feel like that was handled super great. It’s usually glossed over in books but in this one it was almost like another character. I liked Simon and Ziah together but I wasn’t to big of a fan of Mina. I felt she was a secondary character we didn’t really need when we had this huge supportive family of Simon’s. Which I absolutely loved! The family was probably my favorite part of the book.
The steam was okay. I feel like this author tried to add a lot of sexual situations in the book, which I usually love, but they were super rushed and glossed over.
This is good for a friends to lover and hurt comfort.
April 12, 2022
Simon has two best friends and co-workers, Ziah, raised a Mormon and Mina. When he thinks they hooked up, he is jealous and then he thinks he needs to find Ziah a boyfriend until Ziah lets Simon know how he feels. It changes Simon's life. Simon's thought processes are vastly entertaining and he is clueless about everything including Ziah. This is the first book I have read by Skye and I loved it, it won't be the last. After Simon sees the light, this book is intense with emotions and drama. You cannot read this without running the gamut of feelings as twist after twist happens. It is filled with humor, love, grief and recovery. Simon is an amazing man who learns to live with a sometimes crippling disability and still retains a sweetness and giving nature, bolstered by an amazing family to support him. I received an ARC of this book and this is my voluntary opinion.
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