The Professor Was a Thief

Fantasy Short Stories Collection #3

by L. Ron Hubbard, L. Sprague de Camp

The Empire State Building has vanished into thin air! Gone, too, are Grant’s Tomb and Grand Central Station, and all hell is breaking loose in New York City! One grizzled old newspaper reporter known simply as Pop—a role made for Walter Matthau—is on top of it . . . and better stay there, because his livelihood is on the line. If Pop fails to get to the bottom of the vanishing landmarks, his job will disappear as well, not to mention the fate of Earth's remaining landmarks and the missing people within.

Battle of the Wizards: When the natives of planet Deltoid refuse to grant mining rights to the Galactic Council, and invasion by force is impossible, a Battle of Wizards is the only option. An epic battle between science and magic unfolds with an entire planet hanging in the balance.

Also includes: Dangerous Dimension: A mathematics professor who discovers an equation that enables him to teleport anywhere he can imagine … even if he doesn’t want to go.

“A biting sci-fi satire.” —JG

Genres: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Short Stories, Fiction, Pulp

152 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

With 19 New York Times bestsellers and more than 350 million copies of his works in circulation, L. Ron Hubbard is among the most enduring and widely read authors of our time. As a leading light of American Pulp Fiction through the 1930s and '40s, he is further among the most influential authors of the modern age. Indeed, from Ray Bradbury to Stephen King, there is scarcely a master of imaginative tales who has not paid tribute to L. Ron Hubbard. Then too, of course, there is all L. Ron Hubbard represents as the Founder of Dianetics and Scientology and thus the only major religion born in the 20th century.

source: Amazon

Reviews

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this audiobook. It's pretty short but I love how the performance is full of actual sound effects and many different actors playing the different characters. It's not just one narrator. Very high quality in that regard.

This story is set in NYC and was fun. Major landmarks are disappearing and someone has to get to the bottom of it, quick!

[James Mourgos · Rating 5 out of 5]

The reprint series from Galaxy Press continues where they are publishing all pulp fiction stories from L. Ron Hubbard, who later became founder of the Scientology organization. I prefer the science fiction stories, though critics and even people in the street think he only wrote sci-fi.

He wrote a lot of spy adventure and westerns as well, but these are not my cup of tea.

I borrowed from my local library the volume called The Professor Was a Thief, which is actually an anthology of three stories printed in the 1940s. Why pay $20 a piece for the originals when they are all right here?

By the way, the book is easily carried and in hardcover. It is complete with a glossary which comes in handy as I'm not that familiar with pre-World War II slang! These stories are written in pulp style, imaginative and silly. They were always meant to be throwaway mags at the time.

The Professor Was a Thief, purported to be Hubbard's favorite pulp fiction tale, is about a disgruntled professor who has somehow invented a way of shrinking buildings and things at the atomic level so that they are very tiny. The story is also about a newspaper man who, at age 53, is being put out to pasture by a young punk kid, which kid became his boss due to the good graces of the managing editor and not about skill. It's a fun story because we see Pop as he takes the reins of the paper and gets out the story, and see how he's happiest when he's running and organizing the big story of the Penn Railroad Station suddenly disappearing. The professor though is a pretty dishonest if brilliant scientist who is used as a foil by Hubbard to show how a person who loves his work can make anything happen. Cute story.

The Battle of Wizards is the weaker of the stories; about a scientific group that lands on a savage planet where magic is king. The captain sees these people as starving and having no agricultural methods and use infanticide and killing off their older populations to keep food on the table. He is challenged to show that science is greater than magic or vice versa and have a contest to the death. The ending was abrupt, but the story entertaining nonetheless.

Finally, The Dangerous Dimension, Hubbard's first published sci-fi work (I used to have the original pulp, oh well). This tale is about a little nerd who is henpecked by his maid, and is the typical absent-minded professor. He develops an equation that enables him to transport himself (mind over matter) just by thinking of the place or it being suggested to him. The trouble is, he has not yet figured out the other equation that would give him some control over the situation. So when he thinks "Paris", he is in Paris. When someone says jump in the Martian canals, he then appears on Mars trying not to drown! It's humorous when he tells people to shut up when they are about to suggest where he can go next. As with most pulps, a silly ending.

Hubbard's stories often involve men who don't seem to have a lot going for them but find that with a little effort and persistence make things happen in their lives and these three stories are certainly evidence of that.

I do suggest reading all of these Galaxy Press stories. Who knows, maybe I'll check out some westerns!

[Craig · Rating 4 out of 5]

This volume of Galaxy Press's uniform library of Hubbard's pulp fiction contains three stories, The Dangerous Dimension from the July, 1938 issue of Astounding Science Fiction, The Professor Was a Thief from the February, 1940 issue, and Battle of Wizards from the fifth issue of a semi-prozine called Fantasy Book Magazine in 1949. I suspect the latter was originally written for Campbell's ASF but was rejected. They're all fun stories in the best pulp tradition, reminiscent of Eric Frank Russell's work from the same period, full of humor and light-hearted adventure. There are blurbs on the back cover from A.E. van Vogt and Isaac Asimov!

[Nicki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun, old 1940's pulp fiction stories!

[Bruce Deming · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoy L Ron Hubbard's fantasy tales and Dr Mudge's adventures, or misadventures, in The Dangerous Dimension.

After discovering an equation which transports Dr Mudge to different locations by merely having the thought of that location, Mudge has to gain control of his thoughts to keep himself from ending up in various different places including Mars.

Enormously fun!

[Thoraya · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was super happy when I started it. But then, it was a despair to choose reading this novel. sorry

[Frank R. · Rating 2 out of 5]

“Battle of Wizards” is the only reason to read this one. It’s one of the best Hubbard stories I’ve read so far. He’s best when he’s writing a simple, seemingly straightforward short story (10-15 pages) with a nice twist coming in the last two pages.

[Bart Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Collection of three humorous stories that are fast-paced and action-filled.

[Alan · Rating 3 out of 5]

First of all, don't panic: there is no Scientology involved with this set of short stories. At least, I didn't pick up on any blatant pushing of Scientology; this is simply a small handful of good old fashioned sci-fi fun (and I think L Ron Hubbard gets too much of a bad rap for the whole Scientology thing; the man makes fun stories, and that all I care about).

First in this line up is the Professor Was a Thief, which is a pretty weird little noir-style mystery, featuring a reporter going out and finding a number of New York buildings being shrunk down to toy-sized trinkets. It's pretty amusing at times, pretty intriguing overall, and it is a pretty fun read.

Afterward, the Battle of Wizards is presented. This is a pretty clever story about humans wanting to take control of some alien planet, and needed to drive away some natives (not too dissimilar from the movie Avatar). So, they demonstrate the power of science, in direct opposition to the natives' shaman magic. It's a pretty fascinating look at the clash between the power of human progress, and primitive instinct (mmmmm...maybe there's a bit of Scientology in that...).

Lastly, this collection features The Dangerous Dimension. In this tale, a professor is able to will himself to any place in the universe he wants, and winds up jumping around all over the place without being able to stop. Hilarity ensues.


Each of these stories are very light-weight, very fast and easy to read, and quite fun overall. They don't spend much time on character depth or building great plotlines, but they offer a quick burst of amusing sci-fi adventure.

The author use a very spartan style, presenting these stories with as little fluff as possible. He uses just enough description to set the scene, leaving the dialogue and action to drive the stories. The style tends to be very simple, perhaps even unsophisticated, but it is one of the things that makes this a very fast and easy read.

These stories were pretty fun, and may satisfy sci-fi fans wanting something fast and easy. If you're looking for something with more meat to it, there are better tales to be found.

4/5 (Entertainment: Perfect | Stories: Pretty Good | Book: Average)

[Shannon McGee · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have never read anything by Hubbard before. It was interesting to say the least to see what his brain would come up with story wise.

This book features 3 stories 1 more of a mystery and the other 2 science fiction.


-The Professor was a Thief -
Frankly this story bored me and I was thankful that it was a short story and not a full book because I did not find it fun to read. I could not tell if this was suppose to be future, past or present. It was about a Professor who went around miniaturizing the town and stealing buildings like the empire state building. It just did not seem like a believable story and I think a poor one to start off the book with.


-Battle of Wizards-
This was a little better but here is where Hubbard’s science is stronger then god comes into play. It is about humans and a alien race battling off. Us human are suppose to have greater knowledge because of science then the alien race who has magic. I felt I was getting a little bombarded with “science is great, science is god” . I know that Hubbard started Scientology and have not read the main books for it but this I think was where it gets it’s roots from.

-The Dangerous Dimension-
Finally a story I could believe and enjoyed. I felt like this book was butt backwards.
Still about science but I could relate to it. This story was about the power of thought and how a scientist had figured out an equation that by thinking he could be transported anywhere in the universe. I know first hand that thought can be as strong as words spoken, so this story resonated. I am not saying it could happen I am saying I see how it could be possible...sort of.
This was just a much better story and it should have been what the book started with.


I have other Hubbard book that I got from BEA 2011 and hope to read them soon. Thankfully I liked the last story so hopefully there might be others I enjoy.

[Krycek · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off, get a load of that cover! Man...bodies swept away in a melting city. A pretty woman with a half-sincere expression of fright in a torn dress as a centerpiece. How did her dress get torn? What in the world is she looking at? This cover cracks me up. The title of the book will give you no clues to the questions I pose.

This ends my four-volume tour LRH's pulp writings from my local library. The previous ones I read were unremarkable but representative examples of the types of stories that appeared in pre-WWII pulp magazines. The previous ones I read were full of square-jawed tough guys and lots of action and, unfortunately, also the problematic racial and gender representations that, while being the norm perhaps in the day they were published, are offensive to the modern sensibility. I did find them entertaining, but mostly in a what-the-firetruck sort of way. Like watching B-movies for fun. The little LRH biographies at the end of each volume were also a hoot. After reading those you know that he was kooler than Fonzie. Seriously, though, I find it hard to justify the fanfare of the publisher for some of these stories for the modern audience. Surely they have value for students of pulp stories, but you can't seriously say that a story in which the hero tapes his eyes to pass as a Chinese person (Spy Killer) is a quality read.

The Professor Was a Thief was not bad though. There are three stories: "The Professor Was a Thief," "Battle of Wizards" and "The Dangerous Dimension." All three are science-fiction. None are masterpieces of the genre, or even particularly good, but they are entertaining and fun, short reads. Thankfully, these are devoid of any uncomfortable racial offensiveness and are fairly lighthearted. These stories in this volume are not by any means classics, but they are fun enough.

So it was nice to end my tour on a somewhat positive note, but I don't have much inclination to revisit these collections anytime soon.

[Bruce Deming · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is just for fun. The story line is most likely detailed elsewhere with the bartender partaking of a potion from Borneo that shrinks him small as a mouse.

It is a riot!

Pure fun and imagination and antics! I have had two friends listen to this story and they laughed some good ones and frequently. Like a funny cartoon! Anything can happen and does!

[Pat Adeff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just read The Last Drop again, and enjoyed it even more the second time. It's funny, fast, and completely entertaining. The wacky story line and characterization had me laughing out loud. It's a colorful romp through a completely unreal, yet human, situation. A delightful way to spend the afternoon.

[Nick]

Fun adventures with a touch of humor. The title story is about a somewhat eccentric scientist who puts a truly amazing invention to unfortunate use. Of the other stories, one is about a battle between science and "magic," and the other about the unforeseen consequences of mathematics that are a little too applied.

[Colette Guerin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Made me want to read more pulp fiction. Interesting to see where Stephen King's roots are.

The story itself is Alice in Wonderland travelling to 1930's New York and meeting up with gangsters in a bar.

[Kristy · Rating 3 out of 5]

My second L. Ron Hubbard book...or should I say, short story. I rathered The Dangerous Dimension, but this one was still good. His writing style is superb. Even though the general plot may seem kinda lame, it's written so well and with such humor that you're interested anyway.

[Mark Johnson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to read some L. Ron Hubbard from his days as a pulp writer so I could get some insight into the weird bastard who started Scientology. Well, based on this toe in the water I can say he sure aint much of a writer.

[Thuy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don't come in to an L. Ron Hubbard book expecting deep, modern literature. Think Snakes on a Plane. It is what it is, and it's not trying to be anything less genuine (I'm looking at you, Water for Elephants). If you enjoy fun, old-fashioned storytelling, this is an excellent summer read for you.

[Christopher · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hubbard's imaginative stories are worth a read. However, if I were to choose another book or collection of stories from this era I would prefer something by Robert Bloch, Theodore Sturgeon, or Philip K. Dick.

[Moudry · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read the printed version, rather than the audio-book. Somehow the publisher assigned the ISBN for another volume in the series to this title

Typical Hubbard that has not aged well. Includes his first published story in Astounding, "The Dangerous Dimension" (1938.07).

[Kenneth Flusche · Rating 4 out of 5]

Still good old fashioned short stories, but getting a little lame, still, if you need a quick read.

[Teressa Morris · Rating 4 out of 5]

My favorite book of the two is The Professor Was a Thief. This is a more lighthearted science fiction collection. Each story has a sense of humor and a bit of a twist at the end.

[Joseph Patchen · Rating 4 out of 5]

And the book wasn't bad.

[Will · Rating 3 out of 5]

Who cares who wrote them? Some of his good, clean, fun pulp stories from the Good Old Days.

[Sae-chan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Tried my hands on pulp. The real thing.

[Joel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Three silly and fun stories re-printed from old pulp magazines.

[Chad Malone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty interesting stories

[LB]

I enjoyed all three stories in this collection. Each was different from the other in a way that really showcased the skill of the author.

[Jeff J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Prolific pulp writer Hubbard pens a story about vanishing landmarks in New York City.