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Published November 18, 2021
I didn’t lose myself overnight. It was a gradual process that took years.
It was one of things that I fell in love with. He paid attention. Or at least he used to.
He never thought to stop and take photos—it was very un-Josh. He always had places to go and things to accomplish.
“So you miss your family.” “I do. But I see them all the time. The irony is that I spend more time with them now than I did when I lived in the house with them. And the more time I spend with them, the more I realize how much I’ve missed.”
“So you feel guilty?” he asked. “It’s more than guilt. It’s just sadness. I fucked everything up.”
We didn’t do date nights or go out with friends. He occasionally played basketball on Sunday mornings, which is where he met Lucas, but even that had faded in recent years.
He was away for days at a time, sleeping at the hospital and coming home only to take a shower and turn around again.
Moira Cunningham slither up to him at the bar like a fucking snake.
But right now her hand was on my husband’s arm. And she was tossing her hair and giggling. That bitch. I was going to kill her dead.
I despised Moira Cunningham. I had despised Moira since she tortured me in high school, and even more so since she had flirted with Josh last week at the Whale.
“I vote jump his bones,” Nora said, refilling her coffee. “It’s been what, a year?” I looked at my feet. While most of my friends were totally comfortable discussing their sex lives, it mortified me. “More like two,” I said in a whisper. “What?” Cece said, with a look of concern.
“It’s been almost two years since I’ve been able to worship your incredible body. I am going to take my time and savor every inch of you.” He resumed kissing my neck, traveling slowly to my collarbone.
“We can create the kind of marriage we want, if we talk to each other and figure our shit out. Because you are the love of my life, Maggie. And there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
She giggled. “Remember the night we lost our virginity to each other?” “How could I forget one of the most incredible nights of my life?”
My obsession with perfection and conflict avoidance had widened the rift between us. Josh had taken responsibility, he was doing the work. It was time for me to do the same. I had to forgive myself.