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Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere: Three Novels
The Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere is a collection of three short novels by a master of satire. Mykle Hansen's subversive tales capture the smugness of mainstream culture. He thrusts his characters into absurd and humorous situations that reveal the defects in the modern social fabric. With the wit of Christopher Moore, the inventiveness of Terry Gilliam and the rudeness of South Park, Hansen's surreal fiction is ridiculously fun to read. Three Bizarro MONSTER A poignant tragedy of penis enlargement gone horribly wrong. JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF AGNES A gripping history of the first Starbucks in the anus of an 80-year-old prostitute. CRAZY SHITTING A touching parable of love, friendship, and feces.
218 pages, Paperback
First published October 29, 2008
25 people are currently reading
3256 people want to read
About the author
Mykle Hansen
14 books299 followersMykle Hansen has been "keeping it realism" on Goodreads for over ten years. He will gladly consider your friend request if (only if) you have read at least one hundred books.
Mykle Hansen's inability to have a normal reaction is key to the popularity of his surreal fiction and neo-gonzo journalism. He is the author of the acclaimed short-story collection EYEHEART EVERYTHING, several dozen 'zines, a religious self-help column in the Portland Mercury, and over fifty thousand lines of Perl. HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! is his first novel. RAMPAGING FUCKERS OF EVERYTHING ON THE CRAZY SHITTING PLANET OF THE VOMIT ATMOSPHERE is his first anthology of satirical novellas. His latest novel, "I, SLUTBOT," tells the story of the first robotic porn star, and how she became the ruler of Earth.
A jack of all trades since birth, Mykle Hansen still tries to spend most of his time writing. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife and child, in a orange castle surrounded by a moat of man-eating chickens. He writes all of his author biographies in the third person.
Mykle Hansen's inability to have a normal reaction is key to the popularity of his surreal fiction and neo-gonzo journalism. He is the author of the acclaimed short-story collection EYEHEART EVERYTHING, several dozen 'zines, a religious self-help column in the Portland Mercury, and over fifty thousand lines of Perl. HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! is his first novel. RAMPAGING FUCKERS OF EVERYTHING ON THE CRAZY SHITTING PLANET OF THE VOMIT ATMOSPHERE is his first anthology of satirical novellas. His latest novel, "I, SLUTBOT," tells the story of the first robotic porn star, and how she became the ruler of Earth.
A jack of all trades since birth, Mykle Hansen still tries to spend most of his time writing. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife and child, in a orange castle surrounded by a moat of man-eating chickens. He writes all of his author biographies in the third person.
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December 6, 2008
Even more awesome than all my other incredibly awesome books by me. And I'm not just saying it's awesome because I'm in love with myself. (Although of course I am, because I'm so obviously awesome.) I'm also saying it's awesome because I wrote it.
But please, don't just take my word for it. Buy a copy and develop your own opinion. Then, if your opinion is compatible with mine, tell me all about it! If not, then buy another copy and try again. If that doesn't work, you should go away and never speak to me, but definitely still buy all my other books.
More about me: I'm awesome. Also, I am rad. Rumors that I suck are lies.
But please, don't just take my word for it. Buy a copy and develop your own opinion. Then, if your opinion is compatible with mine, tell me all about it! If not, then buy another copy and try again. If that doesn't work, you should go away and never speak to me, but definitely still buy all my other books.
More about me: I'm awesome. Also, I am rad. Rumors that I suck are lies.
March 2, 2012
CRAZY SHITTING PLANET
Partly eponymous and the best of the three stories contained within this volume. This is only my second foray into the world of bizarro and therefore I am still something of a novice when it comes to this genre. I am seeing certain core themes reoccurring though and marauding mutant genitalia does seem to be a particular bizarro favourite. this final installment is another compact and bijou novella detailing a world where it rains shit and there has been some sort of craptastrofy... ... a crapaclysm. ..a fecal er fatal event .For me this palatable selection was a bit like one of the meals that my mother used to cook when I was a kid. There were bits I liked, bits I didn't like and bits that I wanted to shove under the table and give to the dog. Crazy shitting planet is the bit I would keep till last, like chips or soya beans- yum; Monster Cocks would form the mainstay of the meal and I'd eat it uncomplainingly but generally be wishing that this existed in a lesser ratio than the chips or soya beans (yes I did just use an oral ingestion reference and the phrase monster cock in the same sentence) and unfortunately I'd have to give Journey to the center of Agnes Cuddlebottom to the dog.
JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF AGNES CUDDLEBOTTOM
This is Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne but instead of geology you have anatomy.
"You should give your man the ass. Because once he knows he can have the ass he won't keep requesting it." These words of sexual sagicity were not offered forth from my mouth, but from the mouth of Marcie, one of the principal characters in hit TV show, Californication. In Journey to the Center of Agnes Cuddlebottom, everybody wants the ass. There are TV crews in ass, a cement truck in the ass, media centres in the ass, a Starbucks franchise (ok its only a kiosk but still!) in the ass and a whole host of realtors, doctors and even a chimp called Jojo.
"And what are they doing there?" I hear you ask. Well aside from drinking Starbucks and eating bananas they are collectively part of the rescue attempt to save Agnes Cuddlebottom from a mysterious blockage which thus far has baffled top scientists.
"And who is Agnes Cuddlebottom and why does she deserve saving?" I hear you cry. Well, she's an 80 year old retired prostitute with a jilted crack habit. Why she deserves saving is not up for discussion.
"This is sounding crowded! How did all these people fit in the ass?" I hear you demanding to know. Well, a clever man invented a way of making everyone teeny small so that much like lubricated nanobots, people can be inserted into other people in order to cure diseases and set up franchises. Inner space is the new outer space apparently.
"And how small is small?" Well, on an approximate scale the people inside Agnes Cuddlebottom are the equivalent size of a tic tac inserted into a Tyranosaurus Rex.
"How do you know that SM1?" I don't. I just made it up.
"And why the back door? Surely the mouth would be a much better place to start - like going down hill? "
Yes but it wouldn't be as bizarre and this is bizarro after all.
MONSTER COCKS
I'd like to start this review by pointing out that every time I click on a bizarro novel and links to other bizarro novels appear I am again shocked, yes shocked to my very prim core that there is a book in print called Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. But that is just an aside and has nothing to do with the matter in hand, or rather the cock in fist because this is a review of the first novella in Mykle Hansen's triumvirate of weird, The Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere.
Firstly I'd like to personally thank the author for giving the book a title which is most likely to get me banned from any and all internet or computer access at work. I actually had to change my contact email address before I wrote this review for fear that comments relating to Monster Cocks might cum come gushing and spurting into my works email account. That would only be bad. Although it might shake the IT guys up a little and every computer nerd needs a little cage rattling now and again if only to disengage them from Second Life and internet porn and whatnot (sorry nerdy men I heart you really).
Men, this is a lesson for you all. Man mistreats cock by pumping it full of biggening juice, cock develops personality, runs rampage and destroys an office block and where your manly pride and joy was once lodged you now have a cavernous groin crater. No one wants that. So don't mess with what nature gave you. Or, perhaps to create an even more bizarro scenario you could all stop trying to enlarge your cocks and get a brain enlarger instead because that would be a real surprise.
******* no men were tortured during the making of this review********
Partly eponymous and the best of the three stories contained within this volume. This is only my second foray into the world of bizarro and therefore I am still something of a novice when it comes to this genre. I am seeing certain core themes reoccurring though and marauding mutant genitalia does seem to be a particular bizarro favourite. this final installment is another compact and bijou novella detailing a world where it rains shit and there has been some sort of craptastrofy... ... a crapaclysm. ..a fecal er fatal event .For me this palatable selection was a bit like one of the meals that my mother used to cook when I was a kid. There were bits I liked, bits I didn't like and bits that I wanted to shove under the table and give to the dog. Crazy shitting planet is the bit I would keep till last, like chips or soya beans- yum; Monster Cocks would form the mainstay of the meal and I'd eat it uncomplainingly but generally be wishing that this existed in a lesser ratio than the chips or soya beans (yes I did just use an oral ingestion reference and the phrase monster cock in the same sentence) and unfortunately I'd have to give Journey to the center of Agnes Cuddlebottom to the dog.
JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF AGNES CUDDLEBOTTOM
This is Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne but instead of geology you have anatomy.
"You should give your man the ass. Because once he knows he can have the ass he won't keep requesting it." These words of sexual sagicity were not offered forth from my mouth, but from the mouth of Marcie, one of the principal characters in hit TV show, Californication. In Journey to the Center of Agnes Cuddlebottom, everybody wants the ass. There are TV crews in ass, a cement truck in the ass, media centres in the ass, a Starbucks franchise (ok its only a kiosk but still!) in the ass and a whole host of realtors, doctors and even a chimp called Jojo.
"And what are they doing there?" I hear you ask. Well aside from drinking Starbucks and eating bananas they are collectively part of the rescue attempt to save Agnes Cuddlebottom from a mysterious blockage which thus far has baffled top scientists.
"And who is Agnes Cuddlebottom and why does she deserve saving?" I hear you cry. Well, she's an 80 year old retired prostitute with a jilted crack habit. Why she deserves saving is not up for discussion.
"This is sounding crowded! How did all these people fit in the ass?" I hear you demanding to know. Well, a clever man invented a way of making everyone teeny small so that much like lubricated nanobots, people can be inserted into other people in order to cure diseases and set up franchises. Inner space is the new outer space apparently.
"And how small is small?" Well, on an approximate scale the people inside Agnes Cuddlebottom are the equivalent size of a tic tac inserted into a Tyranosaurus Rex.
"How do you know that SM1?" I don't. I just made it up.
"And why the back door? Surely the mouth would be a much better place to start - like going down hill? "
Yes but it wouldn't be as bizarre and this is bizarro after all.
MONSTER COCKS
I'd like to start this review by pointing out that every time I click on a bizarro novel and links to other bizarro novels appear I am again shocked, yes shocked to my very prim core that there is a book in print called Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. But that is just an aside and has nothing to do with the matter in hand, or rather the cock in fist because this is a review of the first novella in Mykle Hansen's triumvirate of weird, The Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere.
Firstly I'd like to personally thank the author for giving the book a title which is most likely to get me banned from any and all internet or computer access at work. I actually had to change my contact email address before I wrote this review for fear that comments relating to Monster Cocks might cum come gushing and spurting into my works email account. That would only be bad. Although it might shake the IT guys up a little and every computer nerd needs a little cage rattling now and again if only to disengage them from Second Life and internet porn and whatnot (sorry nerdy men I heart you really).
Men, this is a lesson for you all. Man mistreats cock by pumping it full of biggening juice, cock develops personality, runs rampage and destroys an office block and where your manly pride and joy was once lodged you now have a cavernous groin crater. No one wants that. So don't mess with what nature gave you. Or, perhaps to create an even more bizarro scenario you could all stop trying to enlarge your cocks and get a brain enlarger instead because that would be a real surprise.
******* no men were tortured during the making of this review********
January 19, 2009
If I hadn't already read Help A Bear Is Eating Me, the most surprising quality of this book would have been that it's well written. With titles like HABIEM and Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere, I would expect to find a certain immaturity that extended beyond dick jokes and scatological humor to the entire book making it somewhat amusing but poorly written. This isn't the case though with Hansen's books, sure there is something immature about writing about monster cocks, traveling into the rectum of an elderly heroin addict, or living on a planet covered in shit, but it's a good immaturity that makes for fun and disgusting reading.
Two of the novellas here I really liked, they happen to be the first two: the one about monster cocks and the one about the old lady's anal cavity. They were both lots of fun to read. I never quite got into the last novella about the shit planet, but it's still decent and is possibly the most overtly satirical story in this collection.
I'm hoping that it won't be long until Hansen writes some more books and that they continue to be as enjoyable as the first two I've read. I don't like saying things like this, but it's possible he could become our generations Vonnegut, which is good because I wasn't too comfortable with the idea that Chuck Palahniuk might have been the best we had to offer.
Two of the novellas here I really liked, they happen to be the first two: the one about monster cocks and the one about the old lady's anal cavity. They were both lots of fun to read. I never quite got into the last novella about the shit planet, but it's still decent and is possibly the most overtly satirical story in this collection.
I'm hoping that it won't be long until Hansen writes some more books and that they continue to be as enjoyable as the first two I've read. I don't like saying things like this, but it's possible he could become our generations Vonnegut, which is good because I wasn't too comfortable with the idea that Chuck Palahniuk might have been the best we had to offer.
November 29, 2009
I thought that I was the king of writing revolting stories that are splattered with blood, shit, cum, and various other bodily fluids. But, it seems that I may have met my match in Mr. Hansen. I thoroughly enjoyed his HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! so I knew that RAMPAGING ASS BADGERS ON THE CUM DRIZZLED ANUS OF MOTHER TERESA would be a real fist-fuck of a good time. And I was not disappointed. How can you complain about stories with giant, deadly, schmeckels that erupt with great spouts of bloody man-chowder? Who doesn’t want to read about hundreds of thousands of people ass-spelunking in the rectum of an 80 year-old prostitute? And then there was the third tale in the book, a love story about a man and a whale set in the middle of a giant shit-storm. I dig it. I really fucking dig it. A lot of writers try to be funny and they are not. Mykle is one of the few “funny” authors that is truly humorous and worth reading if you want to laugh. I think I will step down from my throne and allow Mykle to assume my place as the King of Filth. However, he may want to wipe the throne down with a Clorox wipe first.
April 21, 2013
Review to follow...it was hilarious!
partially-read
July 1, 2025Review relevant to the first of three stories in this short collection:
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Well, you've got to start somewhere.
Starting with the good news, this author displays a greater writerly competence than what is typical for amateur authors and, presumably--because I'm not particularly knowledgeable on the subject--better than most genre writers. The author is a capable story-teller with some wit and imagination. And maybe that's this guy's schtick, and his way of getting some noteriety: writing schlock with a greater-than-anticipated degree of competence.
Now, on to the not-necessarily-good-but-perhaps-surprising news: The writer has all the sensibilities of a conventional mainstream novelist, except he's selected a sophomoric topic that puts his work square within genre expectations. It's a book about penis-enlargement, nerdly love (of a rather stereotyped variety), and apocalypse, in a genre that's all about obsession with genitals, feces, and holocausts. I.e., it's inherited ideas cobbled together with craft, and it distinguishes itself mainly because most practicioners of the art are on a lark and don't take their own work seriously enough to try to make it good.
The interesting question for me as reader is where does the author go from here (or where has he gone, as this book is about a decade old and I haven't bothered to research yet what he's done since). There's no doubt that the author could go on to be a successful professional writing teleplays for a show like Heroes or something. But as a reader, that's not what I'm looking for. Can the author take his craft, and move towards real radical literature along the lines of a Dostoevsky, a Becket, a Lautreamont? That's yet to be seen, but who knows. But maybe he's bound to become a sort of Sam Fuller of books, a B-movie/pulp artist. Who knows. I reckon it's not my place to tell the artist where to go, and it's not his place to listen to me, but anyway, I hope he takes it somewhere beyond small-potatoes sensational antics and transcends being a biggish-sized fish in a small, mucky pond.
------------------------------------------------
Well, you've got to start somewhere.
Starting with the good news, this author displays a greater writerly competence than what is typical for amateur authors and, presumably--because I'm not particularly knowledgeable on the subject--better than most genre writers. The author is a capable story-teller with some wit and imagination. And maybe that's this guy's schtick, and his way of getting some noteriety: writing schlock with a greater-than-anticipated degree of competence.
Now, on to the not-necessarily-good-but-perhaps-surprising news: The writer has all the sensibilities of a conventional mainstream novelist, except he's selected a sophomoric topic that puts his work square within genre expectations. It's a book about penis-enlargement, nerdly love (of a rather stereotyped variety), and apocalypse, in a genre that's all about obsession with genitals, feces, and holocausts. I.e., it's inherited ideas cobbled together with craft, and it distinguishes itself mainly because most practicioners of the art are on a lark and don't take their own work seriously enough to try to make it good.
The interesting question for me as reader is where does the author go from here (or where has he gone, as this book is about a decade old and I haven't bothered to research yet what he's done since). There's no doubt that the author could go on to be a successful professional writing teleplays for a show like Heroes or something. But as a reader, that's not what I'm looking for. Can the author take his craft, and move towards real radical literature along the lines of a Dostoevsky, a Becket, a Lautreamont? That's yet to be seen, but who knows. But maybe he's bound to become a sort of Sam Fuller of books, a B-movie/pulp artist. Who knows. I reckon it's not my place to tell the artist where to go, and it's not his place to listen to me, but anyway, I hope he takes it somewhere beyond small-potatoes sensational antics and transcends being a biggish-sized fish in a small, mucky pond.
April 2, 2009
Eminem once said "I am whatever you say I am" and the bold title of Mykle Hansen's book stands out as an unintentional echo of this statement for the Bizarro community. Provocateurs? Yup. Obsessed with sex and poo jokes? So was Dali. There is a triumphant shamelessness to the title of the book that resounds through its pages. If Mykle Hansen needed to eat puppies for breakfast to be himself, he would rap the table and scream "waiter, more puppy sauce!" These three novellas in the same place combine like robot lions into a samurai of glorious filth. The first of the three and my favorite, Monster Cocks, explores manhood, porn, self image and our emasculating modern world while at the same time presenting a tragic love story. Imagine Little Shop of Horrors with a sentient penis in a world of corporate tedium. Even if you can, you still haven't gotten a handle on what Hansen's voice and humor can do with the premise. The second Journey to the Center of Agnes Cuddlebottom, and my least favorite of the three concerns the colonization (or should I say colon-ization...spelled too similar! Doesn't work in print. Way to kill the joke, English language!) and exploration of an 80 year old prostitute's ass and the travails and triumphs of an eager scientist, a mercenary chimp and a plucky, very opportunistic Starbucks. A great exploration of greed, opportunism and our unbeatable desire for enterprise. Lastly, but certainly not least comes the delightfully chaotic and painfully visceral Crazy Shitting Planet. This story concerns a race of filthy, poverty stricken survivors on a planet covered in the excrement and garbage of a race of floating fat people. In part, it's reminiscent of Jeunet and Caro's Delicatessen with some South Park and straight, old school surrealism thrown in. It's a surprisingly cutting and very timely look at poverty, love, hope and ambition that defies description. Fantastic stuff all around. Hansen is dark, funny, smart and willing to defy our culture's perceptions of mature art in favor of the hard stuff. Humorless robots and lit fic loving schoolmarms need not apply.
June 12, 2010
I would love to read an annual report penned by Mykle Hansen. I can think of no one better to highlight the latent absurdity protocol and bureaucracy contain. Hansen’s writing encompasses that very rare treat – straight comedy. I view Hansen’s persona as that of every infomercial host you’ve ever seen rolled into a ball of beautiful nonsense. As I was reading this book, an illogical part of me kept expecting (hoping?) to hear the immaculately suited, Hansen at my front door, trying to sell me knives, a professional smile glued to his face. How would I refuse him?
I’m not going to name this collection in my review due to overly sensitive filters. I am going to make an assumption that many of you reading this review are doing so based on the lure this vulgar behemoth of a title holds. It is with great relief that I inform people, such as you, that the book in question lives up to the promise of the title. Let’s be honest, titles can promise so much yet deliver so little (much like an infomercial), so when you’re browsing Amazon with credit card at the ready, decisions can be a tricky beast to master. Let me make this easy for you – if humor is your bag and toilet wall confessions don’t turn you off, purchase this book.
Three stories lurk within these hallowed covers and each of them offers a cornucopia of disgusting bliss to keep you interested. Once again, delving into the subject matter of these stories risks the wrath of ol’ Mammy Amazon, so I will allude, dodge and weave around the point as needed. From privately placed enlargements that go horribly awry to excrementally bombarded wasteland dwellers, this book may have been predicted in an upchuck bucket like tealeaves. It’s truly funny in the best possible sense of the word. It will give your wincing muscles a stellar workout and it will draw the attention of friends browsing your bookshelves.
What I came away with above all else, was Hansen’s talent for the written word. His prose is a joy to read in and of itself. His sentences have melody to them and flow into each other in a way that is all too rare. Without even paying attention to the content, you can still appreciate the rhythm (although, I highly recommend paying careful attention to the content). So it brings us to the subject of author as auteur: Hansen’s persona lingers over the text. I’m not suggesting that it interferes with the unfolding of the narrative, far from it. What we have here is a perfect melding of author and subject. In the guise of the surreal professional, Hansen himself is endlessly compelling. We’ve all had the misfortune of experiencing work instructional videos – if Hansen were to narrate, host and star in these videos, he would a) convince the producers of the video that he was supposed to be there and b) subvert everything professional protocol stands for. And this is why Hansen is so compelling.
It wasn’t my intention to turn this review into such a character study, but as stated, I believe the two are inextricably linked. I award this book my highest recommendation. It really lives up to the title, I promise.
I’m not going to name this collection in my review due to overly sensitive filters. I am going to make an assumption that many of you reading this review are doing so based on the lure this vulgar behemoth of a title holds. It is with great relief that I inform people, such as you, that the book in question lives up to the promise of the title. Let’s be honest, titles can promise so much yet deliver so little (much like an infomercial), so when you’re browsing Amazon with credit card at the ready, decisions can be a tricky beast to master. Let me make this easy for you – if humor is your bag and toilet wall confessions don’t turn you off, purchase this book.
Three stories lurk within these hallowed covers and each of them offers a cornucopia of disgusting bliss to keep you interested. Once again, delving into the subject matter of these stories risks the wrath of ol’ Mammy Amazon, so I will allude, dodge and weave around the point as needed. From privately placed enlargements that go horribly awry to excrementally bombarded wasteland dwellers, this book may have been predicted in an upchuck bucket like tealeaves. It’s truly funny in the best possible sense of the word. It will give your wincing muscles a stellar workout and it will draw the attention of friends browsing your bookshelves.
What I came away with above all else, was Hansen’s talent for the written word. His prose is a joy to read in and of itself. His sentences have melody to them and flow into each other in a way that is all too rare. Without even paying attention to the content, you can still appreciate the rhythm (although, I highly recommend paying careful attention to the content). So it brings us to the subject of author as auteur: Hansen’s persona lingers over the text. I’m not suggesting that it interferes with the unfolding of the narrative, far from it. What we have here is a perfect melding of author and subject. In the guise of the surreal professional, Hansen himself is endlessly compelling. We’ve all had the misfortune of experiencing work instructional videos – if Hansen were to narrate, host and star in these videos, he would a) convince the producers of the video that he was supposed to be there and b) subvert everything professional protocol stands for. And this is why Hansen is so compelling.
It wasn’t my intention to turn this review into such a character study, but as stated, I believe the two are inextricably linked. I award this book my highest recommendation. It really lives up to the title, I promise.
June 5, 2010
Rampaging F’ers is a compilation of three short stories by bizarro genre writer Mykle Hansen.
I had read several reviews that likened Hansen to Christopher Moore, one of my favorite authors. After finishing this book, there really is no comparision. Where Moore is witty, smart and sardonic Hansen is simply freakish. There is no display of any literary technique or mastery on Hansen’s part. His writing is simply a string on non-sequiturs with each trying to be more gross or shocking than the last.
The second story, Agnes Cuddlebottom, had a few glimmers of promise. I did chuckle a bit and the author’s use of a series of news broadcasts and transcripts to tell the story made it seem like an event unfolding in real-time. That was a fresh approach and I’ll give him points for effort.
I’m not a prude in any sense of the word. I enjoy sophomoric “potty humor” as much as the next guy, but this was over the top. I’m glad I tried something in the bizarro genre, but if Hansen is a fair representation of its content, then I think I’ve had my fill.
I had read several reviews that likened Hansen to Christopher Moore, one of my favorite authors. After finishing this book, there really is no comparision. Where Moore is witty, smart and sardonic Hansen is simply freakish. There is no display of any literary technique or mastery on Hansen’s part. His writing is simply a string on non-sequiturs with each trying to be more gross or shocking than the last.
The second story, Agnes Cuddlebottom, had a few glimmers of promise. I did chuckle a bit and the author’s use of a series of news broadcasts and transcripts to tell the story made it seem like an event unfolding in real-time. That was a fresh approach and I’ll give him points for effort.
I’m not a prude in any sense of the word. I enjoy sophomoric “potty humor” as much as the next guy, but this was over the top. I’m glad I tried something in the bizarro genre, but if Hansen is a fair representation of its content, then I think I’ve had my fill.
March 27, 2011
In addition to the greatest title of all time, there are three novellas in this book that make up the second, third and forth greatest titles of all time. Sometime when I read other books, I think, why are their no man-eating dicks or human/blimps that shit all over everything. I bet if Stephenie Meyer had more crackwhore anuses and shit pirates in her dumb 'Twilight' books, I'd have more faith left in humanity.
Read
July 20, 2010I'll go out on a limb and say "Journey to the Center of Agnes Cuddlebottom" is the best history of the first Starbucks in the anus of an 80 year-old prostitute I am going to read this year.
January 12, 2021
Hansen knows comedy, I just don't think he writes my kinda comedy.
July 23, 2013
Wikipedia currently defines "Bizarro" as, "a contemporary literary genre, which often uses elements of absurdism, satire, and the grotesque, along with pop-surrealism and genre fiction staples, in order to create subversive works that are as weird and entertaining as possible." This makes bizarro sound awesome.
Nowhere is it mandated that a bizarro writer has to be too lazy to proof-read or properly edit. There is no rule to prevent the writer from taking the time to develop their wonderful and bizarre ideas, using their cynicism, irony and wit, and crafting them into something that reads well and makes it point clearly.
Yet this seems to be the prevailing attitude of bizarro writers - that they're too cool to edit or refine their work. I get it - it's all very punk to just dash something off and say "fuck you" to the literary establishment. Unfortunately it just reads as a "fuck you" to the person who has just paid to read it.
It IS a little unfair to blame Mykle Hansen in particular, for the shortcomings of bizarro as a genre. This collection of three short stories is not the worst bizarro I have ever read, by ANY stretch of the imagination. In fact, (and I think this is what pisses me off the most), the second story (Journey To The Centre of Agnes Cuddlebottom) is actually rather good. There is wit and irony and a story arc and social commentary and all the things that go into a good story. It even appears to have been proof-read.
But the first story (Monster Cocks).... forget about it. Just don't even. Unreadable, unedited, a pointless teenage boy's wet dream dressed up with a few half-arsed attempts at social satire. The third story (Crazy Shitting Planet) is.... meh. The basics are there, but it seems to just endlessly repeat the same points, to no real purpose. This section is structured as a series of very short stories, each a couple of pages long. Aimless' Guitar would work well as a standalone story, but otherwise it's like being beaten over the head repeatedly with something very boring and stupid.
If you're thinking about reading this, I'd read the second story only (and I do recommend reading at least that part) and give the rest of it a miss.
I want to like bizarro. I truly do. I just don't see why putting in effort to write and refine a story should be seen as somehow going against the tenets of the genre.
************
From my progress updates: The second story's a lot more... mature & coherent than the first. Yeah. Wow. I just described a story set entirely inside an eighty year old crack whore's asshole "mature & coherent".
Nowhere is it mandated that a bizarro writer has to be too lazy to proof-read or properly edit. There is no rule to prevent the writer from taking the time to develop their wonderful and bizarre ideas, using their cynicism, irony and wit, and crafting them into something that reads well and makes it point clearly.
Yet this seems to be the prevailing attitude of bizarro writers - that they're too cool to edit or refine their work. I get it - it's all very punk to just dash something off and say "fuck you" to the literary establishment. Unfortunately it just reads as a "fuck you" to the person who has just paid to read it.
It IS a little unfair to blame Mykle Hansen in particular, for the shortcomings of bizarro as a genre. This collection of three short stories is not the worst bizarro I have ever read, by ANY stretch of the imagination. In fact, (and I think this is what pisses me off the most), the second story (Journey To The Centre of Agnes Cuddlebottom) is actually rather good. There is wit and irony and a story arc and social commentary and all the things that go into a good story. It even appears to have been proof-read.
But the first story (Monster Cocks).... forget about it. Just don't even. Unreadable, unedited, a pointless teenage boy's wet dream dressed up with a few half-arsed attempts at social satire. The third story (Crazy Shitting Planet) is.... meh. The basics are there, but it seems to just endlessly repeat the same points, to no real purpose. This section is structured as a series of very short stories, each a couple of pages long. Aimless' Guitar would work well as a standalone story, but otherwise it's like being beaten over the head repeatedly with something very boring and stupid.
If you're thinking about reading this, I'd read the second story only (and I do recommend reading at least that part) and give the rest of it a miss.
I want to like bizarro. I truly do. I just don't see why putting in effort to write and refine a story should be seen as somehow going against the tenets of the genre.
************
From my progress updates: The second story's a lot more... mature & coherent than the first. Yeah. Wow. I just described a story set entirely inside an eighty year old crack whore's asshole "mature & coherent".
September 15, 2024
This is simultaneously worse and better than one would expect.
Mykle Hansen demonstrates a good grasp of the writerly craft, an understanding of structure and dynamicist and irony, a prose that is occasionally surprisingly powerful or in any case more strikingly adept. That is in service of stories that are scatophilic but moreso cacaphonic, delighting in extremes whose gross-out factor and impact dissolves into sheer repetition. The satire has its moments, its damnably good moments, but also a lot of teenage humour that has a 50% initial chance of a) amusing you or b) remind you about the things 14 year-old you found to be funny and clever, and c)[∵ b)] why you did, which altogether means that, [other necessary predicates in this argument are left as an exercise to the reader] ∴ your amusement is likely to be decreasing to an arbitrarily small value over the course of an arbitrarily large text.
P.S. I liked the monster cock one the most.
Mykle Hansen demonstrates a good grasp of the writerly craft, an understanding of structure and dynamicist and irony, a prose that is occasionally surprisingly powerful or in any case more strikingly adept. That is in service of stories that are scatophilic but moreso cacaphonic, delighting in extremes whose gross-out factor and impact dissolves into sheer repetition. The satire has its moments, its damnably good moments, but also a lot of teenage humour that has a 50% initial chance of a) amusing you or b) remind you about the things 14 year-old you found to be funny and clever, and c)[∵ b)] why you did, which altogether means that, [other necessary predicates in this argument are left as an exercise to the reader] ∴ your amusement is likely to be decreasing to an arbitrarily small value over the course of an arbitrarily large text.
P.S. I liked the monster cock one the most.
October 31, 2009
This is by far the best book I've read in a long time. Clocking in at a bantam 200-ish pages, "Rampaging Fuckers" consists of three novels. The first is a story of penis enlargement gone horribly wrong. The last is a vision of the post-apocalyptic future that's riddled with scat-eating and fat-ass flying shitting robot overlords. The middle novel, which is obviously the centerpiece, is the story of the first Starbucks to open in an 80-year old prostitute's butt.
Now of course the poop humor isn't lost on me, but what really blew me away was Mykle's ability to make fun of so many people and their relative propensities to enable Murphy's Law. I ended up laughing a lot at this book because it was making fun of the shit that's frustrated me so much in real life.
I could go on about this book for much longer, but I'd rather get back to drinking. To sum up: This book is Fucking Brilliant.
Now of course the poop humor isn't lost on me, but what really blew me away was Mykle's ability to make fun of so many people and their relative propensities to enable Murphy's Law. I ended up laughing a lot at this book because it was making fun of the shit that's frustrated me so much in real life.
I could go on about this book for much longer, but I'd rather get back to drinking. To sum up: This book is Fucking Brilliant.
February 2, 2010
This was NOT what i was expecting but none-the-less it was very good.
I would not recommend reading this on public transport as i did....you get some strange looks.
I would not recommend reading this on public transport as i did....you get some strange looks.
June 27, 2022
3 powestiň biri g*tüň içinde geçýänligi sebäpli ýürek bulanç. Ýene bir powest mikroplaryň dünýäsini gürrüň berýänligi sebäpli ýürek bulaýar. Ýöne şonda-da «soňy nälli bolarka» diýdirýär we okatdyrýar.
December 10, 2021
Bizarre, gross and amusing. 3.5 starts! I can't believe I read this.
November 30, 2021
Mykle Hansen lives in Portland Oregon and I am pretty sure he has live feeds of the max trains which he monitors avidly for footage of people reading his books on mass transit. This is where I read the majority of this book and it was the most uncomfortable experience I have had in years. If he doesn’t have such a feed, he should chat with TriMet and work something out…
I would welcome a chance to interview him and dig into the crackpot lounge of his brain for cigarette butts.
I loved this book, and as my introduction to the splatterpunk genre, I do not think that I could have lucked out better. If you read the below summaries and find even vacant humor, you should check this book out. Not even vacant humor?… leave this one alone. The exclusion to this logic would be every IT admin in the world, as they should read this regardless of their opinion. Monster Cocks will make them chortle between sessions of slack jaw amazement.
‘Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere’ is broken out into three novelettes (the cover says novels), ordered as follows:
MONSTER COCKS: This is the tale of a man who finally succumbs to the spam advertising in his email box. In an effort to increase his penis size, and by proxy impress the woman he obsesses over, a man buys every penis enlargement gimmick on the market and then takes it all at once. Things fail to go as planned when his penis begins to take control of daily life.. and grows it’s own eyes..
Every chapter has a big penis drawing as the header. I found this to be both awesome and embarrassing. It all depended on if someone on the train was looking over my shoulder. In some cases it made people give me more room, allowing for more comfortable transit on the max. This chapter is a space maker as people give you room, unsure what kind of person would be reading it.
JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF AGNES CUDDLEBOTTOM: Scientists learn how to fold space allowing for matter to be shrunk to the nth degree. The only problem is that organic matter tends to explode once it reaches a certain point unless it is encased in like material. Tested on an 80 year old drug addicted prostitute, scientists learn that by shrinking the material and having it reside in the anus of a comatose whore, the explosions can be avoided. This is a journalistic interview piece with all the people who explored the uncharted territory of Agnes Cuddlebottom’s anus prior to the terrible catastrophe that the world never saw coming.
Every chapter has a big pair of ass cheeks. This was less troublesome on the train as when squinting, it would appear like a drawing of a peach.
CRAZY SHITTING PLANET: In a world drowning in the trash and fecal matter of a floating sky paradise, what is a boy to do with his days? Living every day ingesting trash and plastic, allowing the organisms in his body to assist in turning garbage to nutrients. When a boy and his best friend are caught in a tidal wave of liquid shit, they must struggle to survive and find a way to coexist with the ins and outs of day to day, floating in an ocean of poo on a very strange life raft… Oh yeah, there are pirates there too.
Every Chapter was headed with a steaming drawing of curly-que poo. This one was hard on the train. One particular day, a woman was standing over me while the train broke down. After forty minutes of her watching me turn pages, when we were finally moving again she would only make huffing noises at me and feign interest in the ceiling. Later someone else stopped me before departing the train. From 30 feet away, they saw the title and cover and had to.. HAD TO know what in the good goddamn I was reading and laughing over. The people sitting near this person were not as interested in the description I shared.
That’s it, go buy it if you want it. Then come back here and tell me what you thought of Lassie’s adventures.. I am interested in your opinions :)
--
xpost RawBlurb.com
I would welcome a chance to interview him and dig into the crackpot lounge of his brain for cigarette butts.
I loved this book, and as my introduction to the splatterpunk genre, I do not think that I could have lucked out better. If you read the below summaries and find even vacant humor, you should check this book out. Not even vacant humor?… leave this one alone. The exclusion to this logic would be every IT admin in the world, as they should read this regardless of their opinion. Monster Cocks will make them chortle between sessions of slack jaw amazement.
‘Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere’ is broken out into three novelettes (the cover says novels), ordered as follows:
MONSTER COCKS: This is the tale of a man who finally succumbs to the spam advertising in his email box. In an effort to increase his penis size, and by proxy impress the woman he obsesses over, a man buys every penis enlargement gimmick on the market and then takes it all at once. Things fail to go as planned when his penis begins to take control of daily life.. and grows it’s own eyes..
Every chapter has a big penis drawing as the header. I found this to be both awesome and embarrassing. It all depended on if someone on the train was looking over my shoulder. In some cases it made people give me more room, allowing for more comfortable transit on the max. This chapter is a space maker as people give you room, unsure what kind of person would be reading it.
JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF AGNES CUDDLEBOTTOM: Scientists learn how to fold space allowing for matter to be shrunk to the nth degree. The only problem is that organic matter tends to explode once it reaches a certain point unless it is encased in like material. Tested on an 80 year old drug addicted prostitute, scientists learn that by shrinking the material and having it reside in the anus of a comatose whore, the explosions can be avoided. This is a journalistic interview piece with all the people who explored the uncharted territory of Agnes Cuddlebottom’s anus prior to the terrible catastrophe that the world never saw coming.
Every chapter has a big pair of ass cheeks. This was less troublesome on the train as when squinting, it would appear like a drawing of a peach.
CRAZY SHITTING PLANET: In a world drowning in the trash and fecal matter of a floating sky paradise, what is a boy to do with his days? Living every day ingesting trash and plastic, allowing the organisms in his body to assist in turning garbage to nutrients. When a boy and his best friend are caught in a tidal wave of liquid shit, they must struggle to survive and find a way to coexist with the ins and outs of day to day, floating in an ocean of poo on a very strange life raft… Oh yeah, there are pirates there too.
Every Chapter was headed with a steaming drawing of curly-que poo. This one was hard on the train. One particular day, a woman was standing over me while the train broke down. After forty minutes of her watching me turn pages, when we were finally moving again she would only make huffing noises at me and feign interest in the ceiling. Later someone else stopped me before departing the train. From 30 feet away, they saw the title and cover and had to.. HAD TO know what in the good goddamn I was reading and laughing over. The people sitting near this person were not as interested in the description I shared.
That’s it, go buy it if you want it. Then come back here and tell me what you thought of Lassie’s adventures.. I am interested in your opinions :)
--
xpost RawBlurb.com
October 2, 2010
OK, so I gravitate towards strange fiction, but this was a little too much for me. I guess I’m a little too old, a little too squeamish, a little too conservative. Yes, these are actually very “interesting” stories, but they are too… well, GROSS actually. I felt the same way when I read some Carlton Mellick III books many years ago, except Mellick’s books lack ANY socially redeeming value. I think Hansen’s books could actually pass for decent reads, with an engaging premise, if the environments surrounding the stories weren’t so disgusting.
I actually laughed quite a few times when Mykle turned a few phrases that I think are exceptionally well written. In fact, I often forgot that, especially in the second of the three novelettes, that the entire narrative is taking place in the colon of a comatose geriatric coke hoar. And therein lies the audacity and the insanity of this Bizarro tale. If the same set of circumstances had occurred, perhaps, at a diner, or a children’s birthday party, or in a sewer, the story wouldn’t have been so crazy; a little too crazy for my tastes, but that’s just me.
I thought the first novelette was far too puerile and just a silly exercise in penis worship. I swapped stories like this with my friends on the playground when I was in kindergarten, and never after.
The satire in the final piece was great. But, once again, the whole idea that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, occurs in a world covered with feces (raining feces, seas of feces, people eating feces covered food) just grossed me out. If you can cut through the shit, and in this case it actually is, literally, shit, there is an interesting story going on here. Throw in a little nun raping and other equally absurd details and you’ve got a real portal into the twisted, deviant and unsavory world of an author who I wish would use his talents in a more accessible way.
I actually laughed quite a few times when Mykle turned a few phrases that I think are exceptionally well written. In fact, I often forgot that, especially in the second of the three novelettes, that the entire narrative is taking place in the colon of a comatose geriatric coke hoar. And therein lies the audacity and the insanity of this Bizarro tale. If the same set of circumstances had occurred, perhaps, at a diner, or a children’s birthday party, or in a sewer, the story wouldn’t have been so crazy; a little too crazy for my tastes, but that’s just me.
I thought the first novelette was far too puerile and just a silly exercise in penis worship. I swapped stories like this with my friends on the playground when I was in kindergarten, and never after.
The satire in the final piece was great. But, once again, the whole idea that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, occurs in a world covered with feces (raining feces, seas of feces, people eating feces covered food) just grossed me out. If you can cut through the shit, and in this case it actually is, literally, shit, there is an interesting story going on here. Throw in a little nun raping and other equally absurd details and you’ve got a real portal into the twisted, deviant and unsavory world of an author who I wish would use his talents in a more accessible way.
December 10, 2010
If Mykle wasn't a friend I'm not sure if this book or its synopsis would appeal to me, but I was actually intrigued... As it turned out, I really enjoyed it.
Each of these 3 stories, as with Mykle's other longer-form fiction, centers around some wildly surreal notion: penises that become giant monsters, devices that shrink people and insert them in other people's rectums, etc. One might calmly dismiss these tales as flights of pure fantasy to be consumed and then forgotten. But what strikes me about all of Mykle's work is that in the background somewhere is some (at least somewhat) profound social commentary about some real and important aspect of our real world. Whether it's the soulless crushing weight of corporate office life, the tendency for corruption and greed to permeate almost any situation, or the possibilities for environmental and industrial collapse in the near future, Mykle manages to depict actual real problems and troubles with true wit and scary charm, while with the other hand distracting you with his jokester hijinks. It's a sort of curious method, to my mind, and makes me wonder if he has some nefarious plan up his sleeve, or if it's just more fun to do it this way.
semi SPOILER alert: My favorite of these 3 short novels in this volume was the 3rd one, "Crazy Shitting Planet". I think that is because this is the only one that ends on a happy note. It goes from horrific to happy, while the other 2 stories go from bad to horrific. But that's just me.
Each of these 3 stories, as with Mykle's other longer-form fiction, centers around some wildly surreal notion: penises that become giant monsters, devices that shrink people and insert them in other people's rectums, etc. One might calmly dismiss these tales as flights of pure fantasy to be consumed and then forgotten. But what strikes me about all of Mykle's work is that in the background somewhere is some (at least somewhat) profound social commentary about some real and important aspect of our real world. Whether it's the soulless crushing weight of corporate office life, the tendency for corruption and greed to permeate almost any situation, or the possibilities for environmental and industrial collapse in the near future, Mykle manages to depict actual real problems and troubles with true wit and scary charm, while with the other hand distracting you with his jokester hijinks. It's a sort of curious method, to my mind, and makes me wonder if he has some nefarious plan up his sleeve, or if it's just more fun to do it this way.
semi SPOILER alert: My favorite of these 3 short novels in this volume was the 3rd one, "Crazy Shitting Planet". I think that is because this is the only one that ends on a happy note. It goes from horrific to happy, while the other 2 stories go from bad to horrific. But that's just me.
August 5, 2010
This book contains 3 short novels: Monster Cocks; Journey to the Center of Agnes Cuddlebottom; and Crazy Shitting Planet. I had read the first story, Monster Cocks, previously in The Bizarro Starter Kit (blue) and remember liking it, so I decided to get this book mainly for the other 2 stories.
The second, Journey to the Center of Agnes Cuddlebottom, was definitely interesting and somewhat reminiscent of The Haunted Vagina, at least the premise of a world inside an orifice. Aside from being funny, I like the way it is presented; as a series of interviews, news reports, and journal recordings.
The final work in this book is Crazy Shitting Planet. It is centered on two guys, Cheeseburger and Aimless, who are just trying to get by in a strange world where huge floating fat people rule the planet while raining down feces, and sometimes laptops, on everything and occasionally eating people. Truly a bizarre tale and actually somewhat romantic in its own sick, twisted way.
The second, Journey to the Center of Agnes Cuddlebottom, was definitely interesting and somewhat reminiscent of The Haunted Vagina, at least the premise of a world inside an orifice. Aside from being funny, I like the way it is presented; as a series of interviews, news reports, and journal recordings.
The final work in this book is Crazy Shitting Planet. It is centered on two guys, Cheeseburger and Aimless, who are just trying to get by in a strange world where huge floating fat people rule the planet while raining down feces, and sometimes laptops, on everything and occasionally eating people. Truly a bizarre tale and actually somewhat romantic in its own sick, twisted way.
February 28, 2010
Totally a guilty pleasure. Obscene, edgy, over-the-top. For someone who gets 20-30 spam emails a day for Viagra and penis enhancement, the title story where this spam leads to the end of civilization as we know it was hilarious and unexpected. That was really the best of three novellas in the book, but they were all very pointed comedy that went in directions I've never seen anyone else go.
Though if you're sensitive about body parts and language, if you're easily offended, this book is going to offend you.
Though if you're sensitive about body parts and language, if you're easily offended, this book is going to offend you.
May 11, 2009
I read the first two novels a few weeks ago and decided to read the last one yesterday. It wasn't bad. My favorite story was the first one about the guy with a very small member. poor poor man. the second story was the most bizarre but quite fun. The last was not as good.
I am in fact in a conundrum about rating because my opinions are quite varied please ignore the stars
I am in fact in a conundrum about rating because my opinions are quite varied please ignore the stars
December 11, 2009
Based on the title, I expected lots of childish bathroom humor. And, yes, that is there. But this isn't just a stream of filthy jokes. This guy can really write. Reminds me first and foremost of Mark Leyner, but I also thought of Vonnegut and Terry Gilliam. Perfect for fans of absurdist humor.
September 11, 2010
This is one wicked fun slightly disgusting book that shows pure genius. Mykle Hansen's imagination is spectacular. If you are afraid of the mention of poopy stuff then this isn't for you. Since he didn't include any Scratch-N-Sniff Poop stickers it was a delightful fun read. My better half is now going to read it because she said it sounded like a fun read.
March 6, 2015
Bu turde okudugum ilk kitapti. Dili biraz agir, agirdan ziyade cok fazla argo oldugu icin okumasi biraz garip bir kitapti. Uc farkli romanin/oykunun olusturdugu bolumlerden olusan kitap benim icin artan bir ilgi ivmesiyle ilerledi. Ilk bolumde okumayi biraksam mi diye dusunurken son bolum biraz daha uzun surseydi keske diye icimden gecirdim. Okumanin eglenceli oldugunu dusundugum bir kitap.
January 13, 2009
Laugh-out-loud funny and sometimes very insightful in its satire, like the best stories in Eyeheart Everything.
It's a little hard to discuss these books in mixed company, since their subject matter and even titles are obscene (or pornographic, depending on what you're into).
It's a little hard to discuss these books in mixed company, since their subject matter and even titles are obscene (or pornographic, depending on what you're into).
January 7, 2010
Never has a title followed up its promise with such accurate content. Each novella increases(!) in horrors, gore, shit-stains become mountains, oceans and universes of shit. Rampaging upon all that is decent. The final story is strangely beautiful and poignant.
Perfect bathroom reading.
Perfect bathroom reading.
October 25, 2010
Mykle Hansen's incandescently obscene trio of novellas is the perfect thing to spend hours reading on the toilet. Highly recommended, unless you are easily offended by things that are extremely offensive.
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