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First Impressions: What You Don't Know about How Others See You

3.79  ·  Rating details ·  462 ratings  ·  48 reviews
What kind of first impression do you make? A first impression is the most important impression you’ll ever make—and you get only one chance to make it. Business deals can be made or broken, first dates become second dates or not, friendships are created or fail to form; everything hinges on that all-important initial encounter. And yet most of us don’t know how we’re ...more
Paperback, 256 pages
Published March 29th 2005 by Bantam (first published January 1st 2004)
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Average rating 3.79  · 
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May 31, 2013 rated it liked it
Shelves: owned
Written by two phds who founded a consulting firm called First Impressions Inc. This is a consulting firm that helps socially challenged people give a good and accurate perception of themselves in social situations, such as meeting someone new at a cocktail party or a first date.

To sum it all up:

Do not talk too loudly or softly. That makes you seem egotistical or shy.

Make sure to ask the person about themselves, so you do not seem like a self- absorbed ass.

Do not share too much heavy personal
Ayat Z
Oct 28, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
"This book made me understand how to connect with people more easily, and also helped me to understand it when people give me a poor first impression. It compares the image that I see or the image that I send with the true image that I or my conversation partner really hopes to convey."
Jul 30, 2012 rated it it was amazing
After reading this book, I will certainly be on my best behavior all the time and never annoy anyone ever again, at least during the first time I meet you.

My first thoughts were "wow, I must be doing lots of things wrong" because I don't think I always make a great first impression. I'm too introverted. I wait, watch, and only say things when I actually have something to contribute. I think it takes six months of fairly frequent contact for someone to understand my communication style.

So, in my
Jan 30, 2017 rated it liked it
Recommended by Gretchen Rubin, I spent some time on lunch breaks and on a recent road trip reading this one. I liked the structure of the book and the way they presented the information. They began the book by talking about the psychology of first impressions and then discussed the 7 fundamentals of a first impression, and ended with how to incorporate their advice and make changes to your style. I found the first 100 pages to be the most insightful and it less and less interesting as the book ...more
Jan 13, 2008 rated it really liked it
Useful information about meeting people and communication. Sure, a lot of it was common sense, but the book compiled a lot of information that most people don't think about.
I also liked how they used real-life examples. Very helpful.
Anita Byrne
Jul 05, 2011 rated it really liked it
This book made me understand how to connect with people more easily, and also helped me to understand it when people give me a poor first impression. It compares the image that I see or the image that I send with the true image that I or my conversation partner really hopes to convey.
Daniel Stern
Jul 09, 2018 rated it liked it
The information in this book sticks. I find myself in social situations that are a bit awkward and something from the book will come to mind, and I'll use it successfully to smooth the interaction. I'll be honest, I didn't put a ton of effort into "mastering" the skills. I'm an introvert, so I've spent a lot of time working on my social skills, and I read this book to find out what mistakes I might be making and where I could use improvement. Like I said, even without a lot of dedication, the ...more
Sep 24, 2017 rated it really liked it
I always thought that I made a great first impression until I read this book. And that makes sense; the way we want to be perceived by the world is often counterintuitive to how we are perceived. I learned this by working through the (super-helpful) checklists at the end of every chapter that contrasted common behaviors and the impressions they make on others.

Although the book loses a little bit of steam toward the end, it is immediately applicable from paragraph one. I find myself thinking
Douglas Larson
Feb 23, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: dating
I liked it. Authors Demarais and White have done extensive research into the behavioral patterns we each exhibit and how that gives an impression of who we are to others. An impression that we likely are not aware of. The authors describe how common it is for traits or behaviors we each develop and practice and that each person often considers charming, functional or at least harmless, are often seen by others as annoying, not functional and sometimes a bit extreme.

Nov 28, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: best-of-2013
An excellent book that will certainly provide you some insights about yourself and the way others interpret your behaviors during first impressions. With down-to-earth examples that you can relate to, it is a a great way to better understand yourself and will guide you on making the changes that you want to make.
Feb 09, 2014 rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, _2014
Though an interesting book, it took me a long time to read. Basically, some very good advice on how to best present yourself so that people think of you positively. I think the bottom line is that you should concentrate on the other person. There are many specific examples which may prove to be helpful.
Jul 24, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is one of my all-time favorite books. It gives some practical & sound advice. In the beginning, it may seem like reading a psychology book but it gets more personal later on, which makes it such an invaluable read.
Apr 29, 2010 added it
the best thing about this book is that you can check your behaviors at the end of each part and you discovered alot of actions that you shouldn't do or that you should do. once i finish the book i will write again my review.
Jul 06, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: psychology

This is a great book if you enjoy introspection and learning how to understand people better as well as how you can interact to help you form better relationships. Fun read! I recommend it.
Oct 12, 2011 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-parts-of-it
Nice book although I didn't finish it maybe because of the number of questions or tables that I have to fell , and because it's a kind of book that you don't have to read at once... you just want to go and come back to it perhaps.
Apr 05, 2015 rated it really liked it
Starts out strong and intriguing then you lose interest after they've covered the important points and start being "Interactive" ...If you read it selectively you'll undoubtedly benefit alot
If you don't make a good impression, or if you don't know what a good impression is, this book would certainly be helpful. But for me... I abandoned this book at 60%. It's a case of, I can see it is a good book; it just isn't for me. There are certainly things I can work on to improve my first impression, but this was so basic that it dragged and I was incredibly bored.( I have a degree in interpersonal communications, so maybe this contributed to my attitude about the book being too basic.)

Phil Calandra
Jun 15, 2019 rated it it was ok
The basic premise of this book is that first impressions are paramount in certain situations. As the author states, for example, business deals can be made or broken and first dates can or cannot become second dates on the basis of an initial impression. The author also states that first impressions should reflect the "real" you and that most people don't know how thy are really seen by others. The author presents strategies in terms of how we can present an accurate perception of ourselves. ...more
Miss Lilli
Jun 30, 2018 rated it did not like it
Perhaps the problem is that I teach writing; the hook failed with me. I don't like it when the author keeps telling me what they are going to tell me. For example, when the author keep writes, "In chapter 1, you will learn......" or "we will get to topic B after we discuss topic A." This is crazy making for me. Get to the subject of your book. I didn't pick it up for you to tell me what it is going to be about. I have an idea of the contents or I'd not have selected it. Author, you don't need to ...more
Dec 06, 2018 rated it liked it
I thought this would be more about body language and perhaps about word choice. It does have that but that represents a small portion of the book. Much of the book discusses things like how much to disclose about yourself, topics to discuss and sexual communication. Its difficult enough to remember to pay attention and maintain good posture that worrying about all these little things seems unlikely
Bisher Tarazi
Apr 27, 2019 rated it liked it
These two authors talk about a very important thing when it comes to business and life, however, the divided the first interview into four important parts and how we should do the balance between them, moreover they talked about other personal behaviours that we should be aware of, I do recommend this book if you are still young and flexible to change as you need to understand these concepts.
Jacob Michael
Oct 26, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Good Basic Advice

There isn't anything particularly surprising here, but why would there be, given the subject matter? Nevertheless, the advice in this book is really solid, frequently backed up with research, and thought-provoking. It definitely has me thinking about how I can make a better first impression.
Courtney Judd
Aug 28, 2018 rated it liked it
A lot of this book was straightforward. I was aware of my first impression faux pas, so this book validated it but also explained why they are faux pas. For example, I don't frequently smile when I'm not actively engaging with someone. To me it feels "neutral" as the author explains but to other people I appear rude or uninterested. Also I feel a constant need to complain, which DUH is bad, but it was a great reminder to hold my tongue when I feel the urge to complain for no apparent reason.

Tristan Krass
Nov 30, 2017 rated it it was amazing
One of the best books I've read on psychology.
Jul 21, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psychology, favorites
This book is about more than just the psychology of first impressions, it's about how we take the first step to interact more effectively and favorably with people, and also how to better relate to people over the course of a relationship. Demarais and White also have started a consulting firm to help clients improve their interactions in various social situations. They cite various social psychological research applicable to our own lives.
In Part One, they cover the psychology of first
Greg Talbot
Mar 27, 2016 rated it really liked it
How did you feel about this book? If you're like me and you like self-improvement books, did you find this one particularly creative or illuminating? Pretty intense for a short book. Tight binding.

Not interested in talking about that? Okay, i'll pass the ball, what's going with your family, your church, your job evaluation? Ugh, maybe that's too banal, or too boring to really get into a deeper conversation. But then again, awareness of our situation, and commonalties are the best way to get
Mar 28, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: etiquette
This was a very well written, organized, and thought-out text on exploring your own behaviors, actions, and reactions in various social situations. The authors use case-studies from their line of work to analyze the dynamics between how people responded to one another in different situations, and then in each instance, they finished with questionnaires and bullet-point lists that are relevant and useful to you, so that you could potentially explore those aspects of yourself, to build an inner ...more
Kristy Ann
Jun 01, 2016 rated it liked it
I wish I had read this book in high school.

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. Is is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized
May 17, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I never would have picked this book up if I hadn't seen the recommendation from Gretchen Rubin. It seemed like an intriguingly odd and specific topic for an entire book, written by two PhDs, nonetheless. And it was maybe repetitive and stretched a bit, but overall it was really interesting. I suspected that my first-impression efforts could use some improvement, and I was way, way right. But now I feel that I have a better idea of concrete aspects of those encounters to keep in mind and work on.
Jul 31, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
Great book! Highly recommend it!
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