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Losing Control & Liking It: How to Set Your Teen (and Yourself) Free
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Losing Control & Liking It: How to Set Your Teen (and Yourself) Free

4.05  ·  Rating details ·  59 ratings  ·  11 reviews
Parents of teens--especially Christian ones--know only too well that many sons and daughters abandon the "straight and narrow" when they hit adulthood. The pressure on these parents to make their kids turn out right is enormous. Sometimes this pressure can lead parents to think they have to control their kids. Losing Control and Liking It offers parents relief of a burden ...more
Paperback, 178 pages
Published January 1st 2009 by Focus on the Family Publishing (first published December 22nd 2008)
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4.05  · 
Rating details
 ·  59 ratings  ·  11 reviews

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May 06, 2014 rated it really liked it
Overall, this book was really helpful to me as I'm attempting to step away and allow some of my children the freedom to make their own mistakes. His three rules are golden. Not sure if anyone else has put these out there, so here they are:

1) You live and die by your own choices.
2) You can choose smart or stupid.
3) There's always somebody or something whose job is to make your life miserable if you choose stupid.

Whew! Big exhalation of breath as I stepped away from my kids over and over, watching
Alfie Mosse
Sep 23, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: relationship
I didn’t full agree with everything and maybe even disagreed with a premise or two, but his practical application, writing style, examples and nuanced conclusions were very refreshing. In my view, the greatest value in the book (one of many) is his fourfold relating styles – holders, folders, tossers and catchers. I presented it well and yet was clear that these were not absolute categories and you can even switch between them. His approach encouraged a lot of introspection. Actually, one premis ...more
I bought this book about parenting teens, knowing I'd have one in a couple of months, but I read it wondering whether or not to allow giving up an enjoyable activity with undesirable components. I'd rather the near-teen put up with the minor negatives to enjoy the good. I didn't really find an answer to that specific question, which is essentially when and how much to relinquish control, little by little.

This book is mostly about parenting teens with some serious problems, but does talk about k
Nov 11, 2014 rated it liked it
Shelves: family, non-fiction
Tim Sanford’s book, Losing Control and Liking It, is written for a very small audience: parents of older teens who are having a hard time letting them go.

When we home schooled years ago I read many books that implied that with the right tools I could turn out children who were “practically perfect in every way”. Well, guess what? We did everything the books said and our kids still disappoint us at times (and we still love them when they do.) But what a relief to read Sanford’s book which states
Sally Ewan
Jul 21, 2011 rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
What I liked about this book: the reminder that it is not up to me to make sure my children turn out 'okay'. The chart that neatly summarized the styles of interaction between parents and teens: folded hands, not taking responsibility for someone else's problems; closed hand, holding on to one's own responsibility; flinging hand, trying to toss one's problems on to someone else; and the grabbing hand, trying to take over what is not theirs to control. I liked his comments about the futility of w ...more
Janice Kohl
Aug 17, 2016 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: parents of teens and grownup teens
Focus On The Family featured this book. There is lots of time to read and rethink the ways you relate to people you love the most especially your teenagers. At first, the title made me uncomfortable.

In a simple format that includes some graphs and charts, Part 1 has the first chapter title of Control: It's Not Your Department. Part 2 has a chapter on Three Habits of Highly Controlling People. Part 3 is entitled Turning Off The Power Struggle where the reader finds that the purpose of this book
Renee Reynolds
Jan 04, 2011 rated it really liked it
This little gem may be all you need to navigate the family turbulence called adolescence! Sanford's "Three Rules of Life" are timeless reminders of our choices and consequences, as well as our ultimate lack of control over our emerging teens and young adults. In addition, Sanford provides other helpful insights into "losing control," such as detailed descriptions of healthy and unhealthy parent-child relational dynamics and specific case studies.
Aug 02, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This book will point out where you are trying to control your teen, make you understand why it won't work, and then it will give practical, healthy alternatives. There may be nothing new under the sun, but Tim Sanford presents the truths of wise parenting in a new (and humorous) light. I read this in one day, used a pencil to mark important points, and plan to open it often as I adopt some new ways of relating to my teens. Excellent.
Margo Berendsen
Jul 10, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2012-my-reads
Excellent advice - not just for parents tempted to control their teens - but anyone who finds themselves tempted to control other relationships.

Some helpful day-to-day advice, how to reprogram your controlling habits.

While there were many examples of real life scenarios, of course I wish there had been more, the book seemed a little slim and bare-bones.
Sep 02, 2009 rated it really liked it
Three rules for life
1. You live and die by your own choices
2. You can choose smart or you can choose stupid
3. If you choose stupid, there is always someone or something there to make your life uncomfortable
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Jul 05, 2012
Chuck Martin
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Dawn Hovie
Jan 06, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Fantastic book!
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