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No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One
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No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One

4.18  ·  Rating details ·  611 ratings  ·  86 reviews
Suicide would appear to be the last taboo. Even incest is now discussed freely in the popular media, but the suicide of a loved one is still an act most people are unable to talk about--or even admit to their closest family and friends. This is just one of the many painful and paralyzing truths author Carla Fine discovered when her husband, a successful young physician, to ...more
Paperback, 272 pages
Published November 9th 1999 by Harmony (first published December 1st 1996)
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Average rating 4.18  · 
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Nov 20, 2014 rated it it was amazing
I read this book nearly 15 years ago. After losing my brother, I had tried therapy, medication, and tons of books, to help me find some kind of help, a reason, an explanation. I didn't want the psychobable or telling me what my brain wants me to think an act. I stumbled across this book and I have to tell you that I would recommend this to anyone that has lost a loved one to suicide. This book gives all different kinds of stories of what happened to others when they lost loved ones. There isn't ...more
Jul 31, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Anyone who lost someone to suicide
My husband died as a result of suicide and this book was recommended in just about every piece of helpful information pertaining to suicide. It's an incredible book written by a woman who knows the anguish of losing someone you love without the chance to say goodbye. She interviewed people from all walks of life who have survived the loss of someone they knew and loved. This book helped me more than anything else I read.
Luanne Cali
May 26, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Anyone who is surviving the loss of someone to suicide
No, we are not going crazy and we are not the only ones. This book tells the stories of a number of men and women who lost various loved ones to suicide. They tell about how it was in the beginning and how it has become some time later.
Carla addresses the issue of emotional wreckage as well as practical problems that arise - financial, social, life from now on.
The stories relate how grief relating to suicide is so different than from other types of grief. After all, the loved one cho
Sep 18, 2010 rated it it was amazing
Recommended to Allyson by: Darlene
A difficult but necessary read for anyone who has been affected by the suicide of a loved one. I found Fine's writing to be a great comfort to me.
Tori Miller
Aug 20, 2007 rated it it was ok
Recommends it for: people who have lost a loved one to suicide
1 - It seems like this is the book most often mentioned by people that have lost a loved one to suicide. It was ok, but it was definitely not the most helpful one for me personally. Since so many people seem to get a lot out of it, it makes me wonder if I just read it a week or two too soon. It was the first book that I read after I lost my brother, and it was probably on about day 6 or 7. This book really scared me about what I was in for. Actually, now that I am looking back on it typing this ...more
Aug 27, 2016 rated it really liked it
I just lost a friend to suicide in the past two weeks. I felt that I wasn't coping very well so I thought finding a book on the subject might help me process some things and feel less alienated from the world. This was the highest rated book on Amazon so I gave it a chance. I would have read it all in one sitting if I hadn't been so exhausted from my grief. It absolutely helped in the way that I had hoped it would. Even though I didn't have to deal with the legal aftermath of a suicide, it opene ...more
Michelle Studhalter-Cox
Aug 14, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Incredibly well written. Over two decades old and still every word resonated with me. This book gave me validation for the( still in today's society) shame and embarrassment I carry around like dumb bells. I would recommend that everyone read this book, young, old, direct or indirectly affected by Suicide.
Mar 28, 2011 rated it liked it
This book is about suicide. But it not as much of a downer as you might think. It works as kind of a textbook with a practical tone that tries to help someone through, or at least understand, the experience. The author's husband killed himself, and, in addition to her story, she includes many vignettes of other people's horrible stories of losing their loved ones.

The author's husband was, of course, in a great deal of pain before he killed himself. He must have been so mired in hopelessness to
Nov 10, 2013 rated it really liked it
For my job as a teacher in a special program, I am reading a series of books about mental health issues that adolescents struggle with. My recent focus is on suicide, so I thought this book would be a good contrast to the other books I've read about the people who commit suicide. The author is the widow of a doctor who took his own life using medical technology. This book is a compassionate look at the many issues that confront the survivors of suicide victims. She tells her own story, but also ...more
Apr 22, 2016 rated it it was ok
I know a lot of people found this book comforting but for me it was the opposite. It was near impossible to read it without becoming more depressed because it's just story after story of different suicides with no answers to the why. I had to skim a lot of it because it was just too hard to get through. Maybe it's better to read this a year or so from now but one month after I've been touched by suicide was too early for me to read this and it did not help at all.
Nov 13, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Any one
Shelves: booksforhealing
A true life account of living through the days after a loved ones suicide. Very emotional and close to the same type of book as one called My Son, My Son by Iris Bolton. It was a hard book to read because of the emotional descriptions used by the author. Almost even more on the angry side until the last chapter of the book where it talked about siblings and feelings. Very good chapters that dealt mainly with groups like spouses, parents and siblings, etc.
Jo-Ann Fitzgerald
May 12, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: reviewed
My brother killed himself in January 2019. My sister in law, nephew, and I were all hurting pretty good.

My sister in law was recommended this book to help us with our healing and hurting. She found it really helpful as a spouse who is living with this. She did not say how my nephew is dealing with it.

I'm still reading it, but am about 90% of the way done. I found I couldn't sit down and read it all in one sitting as my mind was leaping and bounding while reading. However, I am nearing the fini
Komi Amegblenke
Jul 02, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I don't even know why I checked this book from my local library, but am I glad I did. It does a good job highlighting the effects suicide has on the survivors after a family member, friend, or loved one commits such an act. Never in my life would I have guessed that suicide was so common. But with depression and other mental illnesses and people believing they lack any options, it's not hard to see now that it's bound to happen.

"People seem more interested in figuring out the r
Wmba Dams
Jul 22, 2019 rated it did not like it
I was hoping for something useful but this book did not help me at all.

This is non fiction so no plot. The setting was NYC and Colombia. The character was Carla, her husband, and a cast of many extras.

It is written around Carla Fine's experience of her husband killing himself.
But was confusing as it covered cases of many other people, not always making it clear that Carly switched what was being described. So bad editing at a minimum.

This was a good long form magazine a
D. Hardy
Dec 07, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I recently lost a close friend to suicide, and reading this book helped me immensely. Hearing other survivor's stories, including Carla's, was a great comfort to help me feel less alone. I highly recommend this for anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide, or even for someone thinking of taking their own life - it could put in perspective what your death would do to everyone around you, and perhaps make you think twice. I will most likely read this book again and again, especially when I feel ...more
Lewis White
Aug 07, 2018 rated it really liked it
This book offers an excellent insight into the mindset of a person who's loved one has commit suicide. I'm not a suicide survivor myself but as someone who studies death and bereavement, I found this book very insightful, I can imagine the pain and anguish that the people Carla Fine met with is very difficult to put into words, but this book is put together very well. I think this book will help a lot of people that are struggling with their own internal battles following the suicide of a loved ...more
Tally, The Chatty Introvert
Sep 24, 2018 rated it really liked it
I think this was really interesting, and made me wonder about what I was feeling and was supposed to be feeling after such a shocking event. But this book has let me know that what I feel (or don't feel) isn't wrong--it's part of the process.

I'm hanging onto this one to refer back to for my own sake. I just hope I never have to loan it out to anyone to help them understand (or be open minded about) a changed world.
Aug 31, 2019 rated it really liked it
Shelves: read-for-r-e-a-d
I listened to this on Audible. The Author narrated it. She sounds like a kindly grandmother from New York.

I think this book really helps. I devoured it. I think that different people, in different grief stages, may find it less or more so. I think it depends on how long ago you were left behind.

In any case, you owe it to yourself to try it out if you or someone you know has been touched by suicide.
Jun 10, 2017 rated it really liked it
This book came recommended to me by a family member who previously experienced a suicide loss. It was both therapeutic and difficult to read at the same time. It is helpful to know we aren't alone, but to read story after story of survivors is heart wrenching. It hurts to know that so many people in this world have been where we are and will be where we are. There were many helpful parts within this book on the healing, coping, surviving this loss.
May 24, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Absolutely transformative. The only thing that I have read, watched or discussed that let me know and made me feel that I am not alone in my grief, and that everything I've felt is 'normal' throughout this process, which has been over 9 months. Definitely makes me want to look into group therapy. A must read for anyone grieving over a suicide.
Elina Malek
Sep 09, 2019 rated it really liked it
good book to read

its about the family members who has to struggle that they have to face after their dad, mom, brother, sister etc who commit suicide

the stories about people who one or more of their family members who had committed suicides

how strong actually they are for not to commit suicide after all the hardship they have to face and the support group really help them
Karen Trench
Jun 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
One of the most heartfelt, heartbreaking, triumphant stories of a strong woman and her journey through tragic loss! Carla helped me to KNOW that like her, not only could I survive the suicide death of my beloved, but that I WOULD!
Nicole Adkins
Mar 30, 2019 rated it really liked it
Incredibly helpful to hear the what ifs and why's of other people as I found so many similar to mine. Reading other people's stories reassured some anxieties I am currently fixated on.
Mar 11, 2018 rated it it was ok
Wow, definitely not what I expected.
Brenda Fell
Sep 25, 2019 rated it really liked it
Informative book on surviving suicide of a loved one.
Kim Steinkamp hollander
Nov 20, 2018 rated it really liked it
Trying t learn. Trying to understand...
Brandi Coffey
Oct 27, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very Helpful

This book has done more than I would have guessed to help ease the pain of loss. Just hearing stories of others triumph over the pain was of great comfort.
Sep 05, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2019
A *huge* collection of stories of suicide survivors. Besides explaining how she experienced surviving her husband’s suicide, the author brings other stories of different people’s experiences too, which makes the book very rich and interesting. Highly recommended for people wanting to know more about the subject.
Amanda Foster
Mar 03, 2017 rated it it was amazing
My father shot himself 3 months ago. This book was an answer to prayer.
Even though we are nearly through the month of May, I wish to point out that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Couldn't pick a better time to review this book. With one out of every four adults suffering from a mental illness, we can no longer afford to stay quiet and let the subject remain taboo.
Not only is this deeply personally for me, but May is a particularly hard month for me. You see, the second week this month marked a year since my own father committed suicide and the final w
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“Coping with any death is traumatic; suicide compounds the anguish because we are forced to deal with two traumatic events at the same time. According to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the level of stress resulting from the suicide of a loved one is ranked as catastrophic–equivalent to that of a concentration camp experience.” 5 likes
“Most of us adapt; eventually learning to navigate on ground we no longer trust to be steady. We gradually come to accept that our questions will not be answered. We try not to torture ourselves for having failed to predict the coming catastrophe and preventing our loved ones from taking their lives.” 1 likes
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