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Kindle Edition
First published May 13, 2021
『 This wasn’t a movie, for fuck’s sake. There was no guarantee of a happy ending. For all I knew, I was about to either have the best sex of my life or get murdered literally tied to my bed. 』
sɪᴅᴇ ɴᴏᴛᴇ ▸//▸ If the above song recommendation doesn't set the tone for this review, well then. . . I don't know what will.
『 My brain was shrieking homicidal criminal psychopath, run! While my body was ready to lie back and scream take me now, make it hurt! 』
sɪᴅᴇ ɴᴏᴛᴇ ▸//▸ remember ladies (and gents); if a sexy tatted up overly possessive and aggressive Russian man bangs on your door at an ungodly hour you let him the fuck in because some kinky AF shit is about to go down.
SHE👏✨😤 FUCKING👏✨😤 AGRESS👏✨😤 AND👏✨😤 HOPS👏✨😤ON 👏✨😤HIS👏✨😤 DICK
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『 He unzipped his pants, letting them and the rest of his clothing fall to the floor. The man had the greatest, tightest ass I’d ever seen. 』
『 Open door to crazy hot, sexy, dangerous-looking bad boy stranger. He flashes a gun. Scream his name while tied to my bed. The end. 』as she SHOULD 🥲
Vaska undeniably has a screw loose, like i honestly think he lived through one to many Russian winters. . . but i also would 10/10 hop THE FUCK on, soooooo.
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except. . . replace the word drink with the word vagina 🌸✨
❝I’m not drinking red wine in here! What if it spills on something?❞
❝Then I buy another one.❞ She shook her head and pushed the glass back toward me. Without saying a word, I walked over to my white sofa, which was positioned to have a spectacular view of the lake and cityscape, and held my glass high over it.
Mary cried out, ❝No!❞
Ignoring her, I poured the contents directly onto the fabric, permanently staining it. ❝Feel better now?❞
He sighed. ❝It says Mr. Big.❞ I covered my mouth to stifle a bark of laughter.
❝What?❞ He rubbed his eyes.
❝I was drunk. Sex and the City was new to Russia… and there was this girl.❞A true icon that we surely do not deserve 🥲
1. BE ATTRACTIVE
the first and honestly most important step is to be earth shatteringly gorgeous. if not well. . . hopefully you have step number 2.
2. HAVE A GIANT DICK
that's right gentlemen you best have a the biggest 🍆 [eggplant emoji] in the land. with this not-so-secret weapon you will make all the ladies swoon.
3. BE RICH ~somehow~
if you're rich and can throw money around like its freaking paper GREAT. however, what makes this trick work even better is if the man//lady you're trying to woo has enormous student loan debt. works like a charm every time, ✨😉
❝Why did you do that?❞
Vaska put a hand against the brick wall, high over my head, caging me in. ❝No man touches what’s mine.❞
❝Yours? You act like we’re dating or something.❞
His brow furrowed. He picked up one of my braids and tugged on it slightly. ❝And just what do you think this is, krasotka?❞
Exasperated, I threw my arms up into the air and blurted out, ❝I don’t know! The one-night stand that won’t end?❞
❝Trust me, this is no one-night stand, beautiful girl. I have captured myself a pretty butterfly, and I have no intention of letting you go.❞
ᴇᴅɪᴛ ▸//▸ this is the part where i attempt to explain how this book was both hilariously entertaining, but also almost head-meet-desk inducing.
❝You stole all my stuff.❞
❝Not true, I simply arranged to have it relocated. It’s all right here, present and accounted for.❞
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
❝Are you saying you want to marry me?❞
He smiled. ❝I’m saying I am marrying you.❞
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
❝Keep misbehaving, baby girl. I’m keeping a tally and trust me, you are going to feel the sting of my belt on that cute ass of yours when this is all over.❞
Her brow furrowed. ❝You can’t honestly think you’ll still be my boyfriend after all this mess?❞
I drove the fingers of my free hand into her sleek hair and pulled her face close. ❝Absolutely not, I’ll be your husband.❞
-ˋˏ���┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈okay, i'll admit, that last one was kinda hot.
❝What the fu—❞
He pulled me against his side and dragged me out of the classroom as my uncaring students continued to holler and egg him on. I was being kidnapped… by my own boyfriend.
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i mean. . . at least she tried 🙃
I raised my glass. ❝To the schoolteacher and librarian and the bad boys who love them!❞
Emma toasted, ❝To our bad boys!❞![]()
Open door to crazy hot, sexy, dangerous-looking bad boy stranger. He flashes a gun. Scream his name while tied to my bed. The end.