Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek

by Jennifer C. Parker

Coercive Control provides a beacon for survivors of partner abuse. Parker’s nonjudgmental, empathic voice offers knowledge gleaned from years of experience. Survivors gain answers to frequently asked questions:

Am I being abused?
Why do they hurt me?
Why do I feel so crazy?
What can I change?
Why do they believe they should control us?
How do I recognize abuse of power?
How do I heal?

Each chapter contains illustrative vignettes and suggestions for reflection to assist readers in discovering what they want.

Coercive Relationships lifts the private shame survivors feel by connecting their abusers’ actions to societal values and beliefs that permit all forms of violence.

Genres: Self Help

377 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 11, 2021

Reviews

[Brit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Coercive Relationships is a fantastic book! Although its target audience is survivors of partner abuse, the information transfers well for people who have been through any other abuse type.

It starts by explaining various ways abuse plays out, providing specific scenarios and examples. But what makes it so powerful is the suggestions for reflection and the resources readers can use. Jennifer Parker's kind voice is strong throughout the chapters. She really knows the right thing to say to survivors! You can tell she has valuable skills and tons of knowledge to deal with such a complex topic. Well done!!

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a survivor of an abusive relationship, I read a lot of books about abuse. I feel like this book really outlined well what it means to be in a coercive relationship. This is important to know the signs whether you are in this type of relationship, have been in the past or maybe have never been but just want to be armed with the information.

[Joanna Hunter · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Coercive Relationships, author, Jennifer C Parker MSSW guides readers to recognize the dynamics of abuse, examine its hold, and move along the path toward healing. It's a must-read for survivors as well as those who serve them.

[Hannah Barry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This was an absolutely stellar book. Its power is in its vulnerability, its inclusivity, its honest, tender approach. Jennifer Parker has a beautiful ability to hold the reader as if in physical, one-on-one communication with them. Parker goes one step further by offering a wealth of knowledge and further resources for readers to utilize should the need arise.

My favorite part of this book, and for me ended up being the most transformative, were the moments for reflection and safety check-ins. It allowed for a spacious feeling, a moment to move through the emotions that arose and understand how to give myself permission to feel and continue to move through them in a healthful and productive way. Books like these always work best when the reader is acknowledged, seen, held in their trauma and truths, and allowed the space needed to feel-- and that is exactly what Parker did here.

There is no doubt that this was a passion project for Parker and it has been executed with such compassionate precision that any reader will be lucky to have this as a resource in their lives.

[Slmarie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Compassionate truths for deep healing

Compassionate and cautious, the book Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek is an excellent source of aid for acknowledging, rectifying, and processing traumatic relationship experiences. Author Jennifer C. Parker successfully writes in a trust-building tone that allows readers to deeply open up to their inner most truths regarding their own role within abusive interpersonal relationships. Early on, Parker sets the stage for readers to feel protected and safe. The author’s sensitivity shines as a beacon for those whom may find themselves in a very dark place. The precautionary approach set forth through the opening pages delivers a sense of commiseration, serving to help readers feel accepted and heard within their own painful feelings and experiences. This tone of acceptance and compassion is an excellent start to open oneself to the subsequent chapters of the book. The book is filled with pages of reflections for guiding introspection upon one’s particular circumstances. It also has activities to help foster self-inquiry and emotionally intelligent reasoning. Full of experiential anecdotes, readers may relate and/or learn from different forms of coercive control even if they have not been subject to such experiences personally. I find that this book brings awareness to the reality of unworthy relationships, educating readers on new perspectives and providing the tools to recognize the particular aspects within a relationship that may not be desired to be endured any longer. It also highlights the healthy characteristics that are apparent in a worthy relationship. Without this dichotomy, it is very easy for many to rationalize the unhealthy relationship characteristics that they are experiencing. It is necessary that one is able to identify the negative experience in order to shift that experience to a positive one, and this book helps readers to do just that. It’s candid title, Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek, reflects exactly what this book delivers. Not only that, this book helps readers recognize how entertaining a coercive relationship is a disrespect to ourselves. I also feel that this book is an important read for those that would like to become more aware on actually identifying and protecting oneself from the pitfalls of coercive relationships. With this information, I find that many people will learn to uphold a personal sense of integrity and self-worth while becoming a living example of the deep healing that our society desperately needs in order to refute codependency and begin to love more unconditionally. This book helps to open the perspective on what love is and what love is not. I recommend this book to anyone truly interested in learning what it means to love oneself, and break free from the suffering caused by sharing a false concept of love with another.

[Marilyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

*I won this book from a GoodReads giveaway*
This is a self-help book. Having been in a coercive relationship for 14 yrs, I could definitely see my situation in a lot of chapters. There are good journaling prompts at the end of each chapter, along with a list of resource books and contacts for further information.

[Lynda Stevens · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is already quite a plethora of self-help books, some about relationships where abuse takes place. This book brings a truly comprehensive examination of the topic - along with affirmations to allow an abused person in any partnership, whether heterosexual, gay or binary to develop the inner strength and confidence to move on. There are examples from real life given throughout on what controlling or abusive behavior looks like,in different situations and contexts. There are also long lists given on where to get help, whether or not on how to find a therapist, refuge, or more resources offering self help. There is a look at the larger political context that allows control over others and abuse to happen, which needless to say, is usually based on inequality of all kinds, and it is suggested that the roots of oppressive behaviour run deeper than issues to do with patriarchy. One of the most valuable messages put across here quite emphatically is where fault should be assigned, and it is not with the individual on the receiving end of violence/gasloghting, or whatever else the abuser does to stay in control. There is no victim blaming here. That to my mind is an extremely healthy approach to take where the recipient of abuse may already have been undermined or traumatised after many years of ill treatment. This is quite a tome and not light reading either. It cannot be read in one sitting, but perhaps it can also, just as well be used as a resource to dip into.

[Kaytlyn Gillis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a therapist who specializes in working with survivors of coercive relationships within families and relationships, and I came across this author while looking for additional resources. I highly recommend this book to survivors, but also to other clinicians.
Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek is an excellent source for mental health clinicians, as well as survivors of coercive relationships. Parker gives tips and support for acknowledging and processing this specific sort of traumatic relationship, and her trauma informed approach gives space for reflection as well as check ins.
I highly recommend this book to survivors as well as other therapists who want to learn more about how coercive control manifests in all forms of relationships, the experiences of survivors, and how to best support clients navigating these relationships. Her approach is informative, yet caring, judgement free, and supportive, which is much needed for survivors who often find themselves in a state of, “How did I get here?” as the dust settles from coercively controlling relationships.
- Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS, author of "It's not High Conflict, it's Post Separation Abuse," and "Invisible Bruises, How a Better Understanding of the Patterns of Domestic Violence can help Survivors Navigate the Legal System"

[Adelle Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have a feeling I'm going to be gifting this book to a lot of people I know - it is an exceptionally well-written and well structured guide to recognizing patterns of manipulative behavior and, perhaps equally importantly, recognizing that you are not responsible for that behavior. Coercive relationships occur in all tiers of society - at home, within the family, in the workplace, between professionals, spiritually, etc, and the patterns of behavior are clearly delineated and easy to understand. A wealth of resources is included within each chapter, and a wealth of good advice, as you might expect from a professional therapist who specializes in Intimate Partner Abuse. The quotes are great, too. I thought of people who fit into these patterns and people who are victim to these patterns throughout, and would consider this book an excellent starting point for anyone seeking understanding about their own situation. A workbook might be a really nice addition, although the book is set up so that journaling is encouraged at various points along the way, depending on what you're working through. Such a great resource; everyone would benefit from a read.

[Troy Hollan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jennifer C. Parker's Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek is a phenomenal resource for those struggling to recognize and understand partner abuse and to plan for healing. I found the book very helpful in understanding a past, hurtful relationship of my own, as well as a useful guide to spotting the telltale warning signs and avoiding manipulative ones moving forward.
More than simply a reference, Coercive Relationships establishes a reassuring dialogue between the author and the reader, with interactive elements such as checklists, to create engagement and connection. Particularly impressive are the author's use of frequent "check ins" and suggestions for self-care, which establish a safe space for the reader as they explore material that can be sensitive or triggering. I highly recommend Coercive Relationships as an inclusive resource for any individual experiencing partner abuse, as well as others seeking to understand these dynamics, and striving to create a supportive culture and space in their own relationships.

[Sharon Graff · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Chance Read full of Insights

While not in an abusive relationship at present, I have encountered many in my life and this is a primer on how to recognize them and how to diffuse them and their effect on you and your children. Very informative and full of good suggestions for friends and relatives of those in abusive relationships.