Nice White Ladies: The Truth about White Supremacy, Our Role in It, and How We Can Help Dismantle It

by Jessie Daniels

Named a Best Book of 2021 by Kirkus

An acclaimed expert illuminates the distinctive role that white women play in perpetuating racism, and how they can work to fight it 

In a nation deeply divided by race, the “Karens” of the world are easy to villainize. But in Nice White Ladies, Jessie Daniels addresses the unintended complicity of even well-meaning white women. She reveals how their everyday choices harm communities of color. White mothers, still expected to be the primary parents, too often uncritically choose to send their kids to the “best” schools, collectively leading to a return to segregation. She addresses a feminism that pushes women of color aside, and a wellness industry that insulates white women in a bubble of their own privilege.

Daniels then charts a better path forward. She looks to the white women who fight neo-Nazis online and in the streets, and who challenge all-white spaces from workplaces to schools to neighborhoods. In the end, she shows how her fellow white women can work toward true equality for all.

Genres: Nonfiction, Social Justice, Race, Politics, Feminism, Sociology, History

304 pages, Hardcover

Published October 12, 2021

About the author

Jessie Daniels, PhD is Professor of Sociology at Hunter College and an internationally recognized expert in Internet expressions of racism. She has an MA and PhD in Sociology from the University of Texas at Austin.

Reviews

[Emmalita · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember the moment when I realized that white women, as a whole, are not crusaders for social justice, but enforcers of white supremacy. I had been working towards it for a while. It happened a lot later than I’d like to admit, and the realization took a while to sink in. I’d like to say I’ve given up my illusions about the role of the white woman in the world, but the things we absorb subconsciously as children are the hardest to root out. My eyes started opening in 2008 when Tina Fey and Amy Poehler co-anchored Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update and tried to persuade Democrats in Texas and Ohio to nominate Hillary Clinton instead of Barak Obama because, yes, she is a bitch and that’s a good thing.

TINA FEY: Maybe what bothers me the most is that people say that Hillary is a bitch. Let me say something about that: Yeah, she is. So am I and so is this one. [Points to Amy Poehler]

AMY POEHLER: Yeah, deal with it.

TINA FEY: You know what, bitches get stuff done. That’s why Catholic schools use nuns as teachers and not priests. Those nuns are mean old clams and they sleep on cots and they’re allowed to hit you. And at the end of the school year you hated those bitches but you knew the capital of Vermont. So, I’m saying it’s not too late Texas and Ohio, bitch is the new black!

Excerpt from Salon.com By TRACY CLARK-FLORY
PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 25, 2008 5:10PM (EST)

“Bitches get stuff done” and “bitch is the new black” were everywhere. I happily chirruped the first, but the second one bothered me. It very clearly pitted (white) women against Black people and that’s way too…accurate. I don’t think I ever said it, but I also didn’t know how to explain why it felt ugly to me. Yes, a white woman and a Black man were competing for the nomination, but “bitch is the new black” wasn’t about Clinton versus Obama. It was about us versus them and even then I could see the only winner in that fight was white men.

I’ve spent the last few years learning and unlearning so that I can move from a surface level “racism is bad” to an active anti-racism. Jessie Daniels’ Nice White Ladies is a piece I needed. It explains me and the world I have moved in to me. Daniels is a few years older than I am, and we had fairly different upbringings, but like me, she is from Texas and we had similar American history as presented by the State of Texas educations. Reading Nice White Ladies felt like talking to an old friend who is much smarter than I am, who kindly lays out their arguments brick by brick. I always knew where she was going, but she helped me walk with more confidence. It is a must read if you are white and want to evolve past white feminism in a meaningful way.

Nice White Ladies is deeply personal. Daniels uses examples from her own life and her family to illustrate how white womanhood is entrenched in white supremacy, how we are rewarded and incentivized to maintain it, and how it is killing us.

I will be recommending this to almost everyone I know. I’m pretty sure some of my friends are going to find it uncomfortable, while others will feel the relief that I felt in seeing our half understood discomforts explained so clearly.

I received this as an advance reader copy from NetGalley. My opinions are my own.

[Maureen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have never liked the word “Nice.” I was taught it meant “Not Inclined to Critically Evaluate,” and I think, for the most part, that is true. Daniels’s book underscores that notion and goes beyond - far beyond. I consider it must reading for any white woman who is serious about being anti-racist and not just talking the talk. She contends that every American white woman has benefitted from the policies of racism. I happen to agree with her, but that does not mean I was not uncomfortable reading this book and sometimes angry at what I considered intentionally inflammatory examples. It’s sadly where some will stop reading, and they shouldn’t! She’s challenging, and we need to be challenged! I confess to rolling my eyes once when she deconstructed SVU. Don’t mess with Olivia Benson! Daniels does a deep dive and disassembles everything from the Wellness industry to binging on trash TV. It is a provocative, often uncomfortable read. And it should be. Her purpose and quest is for change - she’s not interested in making nice.

[Kristi Naretto · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to take some time away before I did a review on this book. Obviously, the subject matter could be considered sensitive and timely. There were things about this book that bothered me, and I wanted to step back and evaluate if that was because I found them fundamentally bothersome or if it was because they struck close to home and made me uncomfortable as a white woman.

After some reflection, my answer is: both.

Dr. Daniels gathered and included many indisputable historical events that illustrate the contribution of white women to the continued oppression of Black men and women for centuries. From white women slave owners to modern day ‘Karen’s,’ she does an excellent job highlighting how white women have weaponized the police and law enforcement while carefully maintaining their image of morality. She provides many modern examples of white women wielding their white feminism in ways that are both intentionally and unintentionally harmful to BIPOC and gender non-conforming individuals. I found myself tagging many of the examples and quotes that were provided throughout the book to read and reflect on. For instance, the role that white feminists play in excluding transgender and minority women from participating in and benefiting from the larger feminist movement. I did like that she called out some perpetrators of oppressive narratives that favor positive experiences of white women (I’m looking at you, Vagina Monologues).

There are some areas where the writing is kind of dry and at times, she seems as though she is trying to repent for her whiteness. I internally groaned every time that she mentioned the advantages that she received from being a white feminist. By now, I think anyone who denies the institutional advantages of being white is making a choice to remain ignorant. It felt unnecessary to continue driving home her own personal benefits from being white. Another area that I struggled with was understanding where the solutions were for some of the issues that she highlighted, such as, white women benefit from white men earning more than any other sex/racial group. There is no dispute that this is true, however, I didn’t find that there was any suggestion on a way to combat this unfortunate phenomenon.

I read this book while I read Take My Hand, which is a historical fiction account of the sterilization of minority women, poor women, and women declared mentally ill well into the 20th century. Recently, the sterilization of migrant women in detention centers has called attention to the continuation of this terrible practice. Reading these two concurrently helped me to gain a greater understanding of the message in each.

This book would have been a 4-star read for me, but I rounded down for the dry presentation that made me close the book more often than I usually do when reading a non-fiction work. While I didn’t agree with every conclusion that the author drew from her research, it gave me some insight and addressed many topics and ideas about whiteness, feminism, and oppression that I had not considered.

I received this book as a Goodreads Giveaway in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to Goodreads and Seal Press for the advance reader copy and a chance to provide an early review.

[Darryl Barney · Rating 5 out of 5]

part biography of Daniels’ life, part analysis of white Womens’ role in creating and upholding systemic racism - with an overarching call to her own to, ultimately, do better by Black and other POC fighting against white supremacy, Nice White Ladies was an interesting and informative read. i enjoyed it. i have been interested in Daniels for years [thank you for following me on twitter =)]. here, Daniels presents an excellent analysis of everything from gun rights, weddings, the welfare system, motherhood, school and the hoarding of educational resources (to the detriment of Black and Brown families - ex college admissions scandal), and white Womens’ role in these detrimental systems.

Daniels draws on her own experiences coming into her identity as a Queer white Woman. i found Daniels’ analysis honest and compassionate, and devoid of white guilt and self loathing - often exhibited by white people in general (which is a micro aggression). in that, Daniels states her case - based in history, recent events, and anecdotes - to present solutions for other white Women in their duty to take down white supremacy. not to act as an “ally” (a term i personally reject) but to recognize that is is their job to address the systems they have created and continue to uphold. Daniels very clearly expresses here that if white women can take accountability, they can change a lot of the harmful behaviors they knowingly or unknowingly* perpetrate, to ultimately be more just and to create a world more comfortable and just for nonwhite people. i did not read this book as a “calling out” or a “dragging” of white Women, and instead, as a calling in or love letter of sorts, to her community.

i will say, reading some of the anecdotal stories about how Daniels' own family, and the individual white women and men throughout history and the present, are….basically…. super fucked up, was upsetting at times. this is of course a product of constantly facing the harsh reality of white oppression as a Black person. i am here to face the reality, however, to ultimately make the world better for my people, regardless of where i can find the tools or who is offering them. i do believe these various systems of oppression need to be continually named - so i appreciate Daniels’ work here.

one particuarly interesting concept Daniels grapples with here is “learning to be white.” there, Daniels makes the case (building off of other scholars) that such learning (sometimes) could be a form of child abuse, as white children are taught to differentiate and seperate themselves from nonwhite people, and the mental troubles that could cause for white children. i’d like to read more on this.

i appreciate Daniels for being straightforward. i also appreciate her intersectional framework here, which is based on her own identity as a Queer Woman. i give it 5 stars and would absolutely read and follow more of Daniels’ scholarship.

[Ann Douglas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an important book -- and a book I know I'll be returning to again and again.

I love the book's deeply personal tone. The author isn't just asking other "nice white ladies" to consider how they have benefitted from access to white supremacy: she's doing that work herself -- and sharing her own personal thinking and learning on the page. As she writes in the book's incredibly compelling introduction:

"This book is not merely an intellectual exercise. Instead, the stakes here are very personal for me. I have experienced the destructiveness of whiteness firsthand, in suicide and failed relationships and intergenerational trauma. For me, telling the truth about white supremacy and working to end it are interlaced with my own liberation and yours. I want this book to be a catalyst for dismantling the systemic racism that we, nice white ladies, have upheld. And I want this book to help women raised white to reach beyond the strictures of niceness and the constraints of ladyhood to experience their full humanity and to join the rest of us in working toward a better world for everyone."

I really want that, too -- for you, for me, for all of us. And so, I want to encourage you to read this book and, if you're willing, to consider getting together with me and a small group of other women to talk about it. So far, I have about a dozen women interested in having this conversation. Let me know if you might be interested, too.

[Anna · Rating 1 out of 5]

Amazingly stupid.

As a not quite white woman, this book is ridiculous in its self aggrandizement and self congratulatory attitude. She starts off with her assurance that her white family is uneducated and racist, so we need to believe everything she says. She devolves from there. There’s no substance, just a lot of virtue signaling and examples of how good she really is. We all know there are all kinds of people, of every shade from midnight to pasty white and every belief and thought in between. Should white women stop being nice? Should black women be rude? Be who you are, and try your best to be kind and loving to everyone. Let it end there

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book affected me so deeply that the moment I finished it, I started rereading it. I needed to process and internalize all of its disturbing and eye-opening truths. After a month of processing, here's my review.
Toward the beginning of the book, Daniels tells a story about a man making racist comments and her feelings of guilt about not responding to him because she had been raised to be “nice.” I thought that the book was going to be about situations like that; how I as a white woman can stop being so nice, and be a better, bolder antiracist. I was actually confused at the beginning of the book by all of the historical accounts of white womens’ racism. I didn’t understand how they related to me...until she wrote about Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome. PTSS has been proven to be passed down from former slaves to their descendants. Daniels then asks, “What is it that the white slave-owning mistress handed down to white women today through this intergenerational process of transmission? The sadism that summons death by dialing 911, the callous disregard for suffering, and the bounty of white wealth. Slavery remains with us in the here and now.” That hit hard.
Sadism is a strong word. Throughout the book Daniels justifies her use of it related to white supremacy, or what she calls “being raised white.” She uses intentionally jarring language, which can be offensive to some readers. For me, it worked. But be warned, reading this book can be a soul-crushing experience.
When I heard about a white woman calling the police on a bird-watching black man, I thought that she was just being dumb. I did not realize that to him, it was a threat to his life. It's because I was raised white that the consequences for him didn't even occur to me. Enjoying white privilege and wealth while being completely ignorant about the cost for people of color is what Daniels calls the sadism of white supremacy.
Daniels writes, “White Americans are consistently taught that it is only right for them to focus solely on their own opportunities and resources.” She gives an excellent example of this in the wellness and clean eating movements, which are made up of mostly white women. Instead of advocating for mental health or healthy food for everyone, white women spend fortunes on our own well-being while being perfectly fine with most of the population missing out on what we enjoy. I'm guilty of this.
She writes, “When we form families, we draw a circle around the people we care about. Those within the circle are deserving of our fullest care; those outside, less so. That circle of kinship represents love and acceptance, and too often, white women are instrumental in the decision to stash wealth in white-only families and pass on their advantage for generations to come.” We ensure that our children live in the “safest” all-white neighborhoods, go to the “best” all-white schools, and receive inheritances of our vast wealth that is responsible for and widens the racial wealth gap in this country. The word “safe” now is a trigger word for me. I hear white people use it often to describe a neighborhood or a school based on its’ racial makeup. Seventy-five percent of white people in the U.S. don’t have a single friend of a different race! But we will say that we “aren’t racist,” we just “love white people,” which is a direct quote from a former Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan.
Daniels states that when white people hear about the murders and wrongful imprisonment of black and brown people in this country, we often feel bad for them in the same way as those affected by a natural disaster. The difference is that we can actually do something about these tragedies! We often don’t take action, though, because Daniels says, “We who are raised white have been trained to distance ourselves from the pain of others.” Since we don’t live or even interact with people of other races, we can’t identify with them. We feel safe in our white worlds and it feels like those things are happening a million miles away from us. We don’t experience empathy toward grieving families if they don’t look like us. James Baldwin wrote that, “the ‘price of the ticket’ required to become white is to give up one’s full humanity.”
Daniels really made me grieve the emptiness that comes with being raised white. Fellow Goodreads member Marc Shelske summed up the book so well when he said, “White Womanhood is a protective shell around an aching emptiness usually filled by cultural belonging.” Daniels writes that, “to be white is to be culturally broke.” “The classic thing white students say when you ask them to talk about who they are is, ‘I don’t have a culture.’ They might be privileged, they might be loaded socioeconomically, but they feel bankrupt when it comes to culture.” Compared to my interactions with immigrant friends, I have felt that lack of culture for years. Daniels then points out that we actually do have a culture, it just isn’t as feel-good as other cultures. In fact, it’s quite damaging. She describes it as, “the tendency toward perfectionism, either-or thinking, efficiency, paternalism, fear of open conflict, and valuing individuality over collective goals.” Yup. I can see all of that, and it’s a recipe for misery. She writes extensively citing statistics as evidence of white misery. We have skyrocketing suicide rates. We have higher rates of chronic pain and mental illness diagnoses compared to those of other races. We have white fragility, which indicates our lack of resilience.
Many people I know were offended when I shared some of what I learned from this book with them. They felt that Daniels was vilifying white people. Frankly, I understand their concern. I felt vilified while reading it! But after finishing the book, I felt grateful. My eyes were opened to some big problems within my culture that I want to work actively to change. I can now identify ways that I am unhappy because I was raised white. I want the generosity, empathy, and community that Daniels promises on the other side of the work to root out white supremacy in our own lives.
My major complaint about the book is that it doesn’t come with a support group! I know that I have a lot of work to do, and I need more resources than what she provides briefly at the end of the book. The podcast From Woke to Work by Kamala Avila-Salmon has been a helpful next step for me on this journey. I would highly recommend it as a follow-up to this book.
I also wish that Daniels hadn't brought politics so much into the book. Because she was so clearly advocating for the ideals of the democratic party, I had to pause frequently and sort through a lot of the polarizing rhetoric. I knew that I couldn't recommend it to many of my friends and family. They would likely reject the entire message when they read certain portions that are incongruent with their political ideals, which unfortunately would prevent them from examining their own white supremacy.

[Becki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave me a lot to think about. I *am* a Nice White Lady. The premise of the book is that we, as white women, tend to see ourselves as somewhat oppressed in comparison to white men, but that we have privilege because of our whiteness that we at best- don't recognize, and at worst- perpetuate and protect for our own benefit, to the detriment of marginalized others. The book was filled with individual stories taken from news articles in conjunction with pertinent data, alongside (to a lesser degree) the author's own personal experience.

Sometimes reading a book like this can be overwhelming. I was glad that the Conclusion chapter listed several points of action. The "Notes" section contained more resources and interesting information. I may not be in full agreement on every single conclusion from this author, but I will definitely continue to think about her words, and will continue to draw from other voices in this arena.

I received an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion. My thanks to the author, publisher, and #NetGalley for such a thought provoking read. #NiceWhiteLadies

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Transparency- My most honest rating for this book is 4 stars. It's very important info, and well written, but it was a bit dry in some places, and some arguments felt a little circular. I'm annoyed, though, with raters who gave this book 1 or 2 stars with no review. My only guess is that either they didn't read the book, or they didn't like what the book had to say about "nice white ladies". I bumped my review up one star to try to counter those reviews.

[Tina Rieman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an excellent book.

[Serena · Rating 5 out of 5]

This provided some valuable perspective on passing through the world as a white women and the ways this has impacted my perspective or demeanor. The book was full of research and examples and provided a ton more leads for me to follow. Even the notes section was interesting and had commentary (worth reading!) I hadn’t known about the transracial argument controversy- which was wild to me. I also hadn’t known about the white motherhood or considered much the inheritance of wealth- not just money- that was intense! I appreciate the author speaking about the “Cherokee Princess” issue within white communities because it’s such a problem to Indigenous peoples and doesn’t get a ton of space when discussing race equity I’ve noticed. All in all this book was captivating and helpful! It was a call for reflection and action.

[Genevieve · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compassionate indictment of white women that hurts to hear only because healing hurts. Lots of data and ends with actionable steps. Truly heartbreaking and inspiring at the same time.

[Elizabeth Hunter · Rating 3 out of 5]

How you feel about this book will depend a lot on your own personal history and "positionality" and also where you are on your journey when you find it.

Daniels does a good job of exploring the many ways that white women have played a key role in white supremacy and the ways that our modern trends and lifestyles continue to create harm for BIPOC/LGBT+ folk. Like many white women, some parts of it triggered anger as I read and it was good to sit with that feeling and explore my own reactions to her points.

At times, I felt that she generalized too much from her own history and emotional reactions to it. And at other times I found her depiction of modern white womanhood unrecognizable: although I realize that popular trends mean that a lot of people are subscribing to them, not everyone watches Law & Order after hot yoga class while scrolling Goop and the latest Kardashian gossip.

The relatively brief conclusion was the most valuable part of the book for me, with concrete challenges and goals for white women to reassess what values they are living and take action to work toward justice. I wish this could have made up half the book, going into more detail and stories of how we can do better.

Overall, none of what's here should be news at this point, but we all start where we are and maybe this is the next book you need to read.

[Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not one bit of original content. This book is just a super long literature review of a ton of other publications that have done a far better job of detailing in depth the role of white womanhood in racist policies. The most valuable thing I've gotten out of this book is a nice long list of other books and papers to add to my TBRs.

[Karwan Fatah-Black · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast paced excavation of a fundamental building block of white supremacy. Engaging personal and theoretical reflection of popular culture, media, society and everyday interaction. Not so sure about that suggestions offered to dismantling it.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

How white womanhood is weaponized

[Caitlyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gave a very thorough history of how white women have upheld white supremacy and continue to in present day. It definitely stirred up some discomfort, which I'm learning to lean into.

The last chapter provides concrete steps white women can take to have a more active role in antiracist work. Overall I think the author did pretty well at getting her points across without too much navel-gazing.

[Mean Dyke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genuinely grateful to have read this book, which helped uncover blindspots and some hidden preciousness I wasn't aware of. This is an important piece of work that nice white ladies should spend time with, take seriously, and give to other nice white ladies like themselves. And on a personal note, I am always excited to read socio-cultural and political works by other lesbians. This did not disappoint. Hats off to Jessie Daniels.

[Bridget · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thank god for freebies or this would be a return. RTC

[danah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is part memoir, part cultural commentary, designed to invite the reader to grapple with the legacy and presence of whiteness, especially in the US context. Daniels weaves together her own experiences (as the grandchild of a Klansman who was taught countless racist messages) and cases of historical and contemporary incidents of “nice white ladies” to show the reinforcing logics of whiteness. She also leverages an array of scholarly thinking to analyze these dynamics, but her analysis is written in a manner that is truly accessible and compelling to any reader. (Scholars can read the notes at the end of the book.) This book is constructively discomforting such that readers (especially those born white) come away seeing clearly how systems of oppression are maintained even by those seeking to do good. Perhaps her most scathing critique is directed at those involved in feminist movements that are white-dominated. But this is not a book designed to make white readers feel guilty but, rather, to invite them on a journey for transformation. I came away from the book wanting to spend time reflecting deeply about my own history and what I can do to help dismantle the caustic systems that Daniels astutely reveals.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Daniels does a really good job of taking academic theories and making them accessible to a broad audience. Her honesty about her own life and trauma grounds her arguments in very real lived experience and adds a lot of resonance. For me her thesis was not new but I kept reading quotes to my husband because she does such a good job of presenting facts and examples that really cut to the heart of an issue. I also found her explanation that many people experience "whiteness as emptiness" to be very cogent and it helped me clarify my own relationship to whiteness as a white Jew.

As with many of these books about becoming anti racist, the "what to do about it" section is the weakest because it is so hard and complex. I think a lot of readers might want, as I did, more concrete suggestions, but that's the whole problem. As Daniels points out, for white women like us becoming antiracist is a lifelong process.

As

[Karen Ng · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do you know that affirmative actions benefitted white women the most, as opposed to what people believe, yet white women are mostly uninterested in social justice for other womenof color? Do you know that lots of laws were oringinally made by white men to protect white women? Do you know that American white women had the right to own slaves before they could own property? Do you know why being a nice white woman encourages white supremacy? You don't? This book is a good place to start. The author is a sociology professor who grew up in the South(Texas) in a family of nice white ladies. I truly enjoyed learning all the facts about "white" women, the history of what is being white, why white women collectively have gained so much lethal power, as well as her humor, insights and suggestions of change.

[Jeni · Rating 5 out of 5]

Daniels deep dive on how white women have weaponized white supremacy throughout history was a great compliment to anti-racist reading. She explores the role of white womanhood throughout the history of the United States in various facets (the family structure, education system, etc). She does utilize her final chapter to point white woman towards ways we can explore how we are living our lives and how we may be benefiting from a structure of white supremacy, and suggestions on how we can actively fight against these systems, and to highlight women who throughout history who have avoided being "nice white ladies".

[Pauline Mountain · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is clearly written to answer the question: are white women white or women? The answer is complicated, as most questions worth asking are. The author shares some memories of how she was raised never to ask if supporting white men was the whole point of existence and then explores possibilities, even though we're in a culture that is built to deny the very existence of white women as people and its links to unrestrained capitalization. Thoughtfully written and food for thought, with some action items at the end which also require thought.

[B Wr · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the author is gay, I expected this book to comment somewhat more on intersectionality than it did. I felt like it treated heterosexual womanhood as the only perspective for most of the book. Otherwise it was very interesting and thought-provoking.

[Marc Schelske · Rating 3 out of 5]

In Nice White Ladies, Jessie Daniels argues that many white women unconsciously uphold a power system of cis-hetero white patriarchy designed to horde privilege and wealth. Daniels presents a sprawling social critique naming the impact of race and gender on numerous aspects of American life, including wealth inequality, educational policy, political affiliation, voting rights, the history of feminism and feminist activism, the legal and carceral system, corporate culture, self-care and diet, cultural appropriation, wedding culture, housing, adoption and the social interactions and relationships that take place within all of these contexts.

The social deficit in view is racism. More specifically, the odd fact is that white women ought to be natural allies of women of color since they all experience the limitations and prejudice of misogyny, yet on average, they are not. Even liberal white women! Daniels suggests this is because a collection of expectations, commitments, and desires that she calls the “narrow dream of nice white ladyhood” (1) is actually an oppressive structure that leverages womanhood, motherhood, and family to enforce and propagate white supremacy.

Nice White Ladies reads like a primer, each chapter focusing on a different topic. Space limitations required a breakneck pace. Daniels made assumptions in passing that I wanted more support for and often referred to theories or people without explanation or citation. I frequently had to google for context. I was often left feeling like she was just beginning to make her case when she would pivot in a new direction. While I wished Daniels went deeper at times, I left the book with the clear sense that white supremacy is pervasive, and the intersection of white supremacy and womanhood must, by its very nature, touch on nearly every aspect of society.

The most significant new perspective for me from reading Daniels was this: White supremacy is not a matter of personal animus but an underlying motivation (often unconscious) that may manifest visibly in dramatic incidents, like the murder of George Floyd, it is far more powerful and insidious in the ways that it shapes deeply held cultural assumptions that, on the surface, seem not to have anything to do with race.

For example, Daniels proposes that white supremacy is propagated and strengthened through cultural expectations and assumptions about property. Protection of private property is an American core value, defended in numerous laws, including “castle” and “stand your ground” laws. These laws expand the “Self” in self-defense to include private property. At the same time, a wide-ranging system of laws, practices, and policies has made acquiring private property easier for white families. Once a family owns property, that family is more likely to acquire additional property. As a result, the significant wealth gap between white and black families in the United States is almost entirely made up of owned property. Daniels reflects on the widespread cultural expectation that a woman and mother will take nearly any step to protect her family and proposes that this has resulted in an invisible system where white women become the keepers and protectors of white property. “The protection of the two, property and family, are thoroughly intertwined for white women. Property is central to white wealth in the United States, and families are the conduit through which whiteness and white wealth flows.” (154) In this way, two qualities that most people would not associate with racial prejudice—womanhood and motherhood—are leveraged by White Supremacy for its protection and propagation.

Reading with an eye for my growth, I connected with an idea Daniel’s never explicitly stated but seems an underlying assumption of the whole book. White Womanhood is a protective shell around an aching emptiness usually filled by cultural belonging. This is an odd paradox because American Suburban Capitalist Whiteness is the dominant culture. Yet, as a culture, it is a Disneyland, fabricated piecemeal from mythology and stolen artifacts then varnished with plausible deniability. I feel this deeply. I am in no way a marginalized person. I am an educated, Christian, white, middle-class, property-owning cis-hetero male with money in the bank. Yet, I have a deep sense of unrootedness. What even is my culture? I am one of the 1980s Ohio Mall People. I am equally formed by a sectarian Christian community (that saw itself as both right and persecuted) and suburban convenience capitalism (that was portrayed as both inevitable and liberating). Whatever my culture is, it has no elders, no generative practices, no healthy forms of grief, and no celebrations that carry profound meaning. Our biggest holidays–4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas–have degenerated into consumption celebrations sanctified with boilerplate prayer thanking God that we are, indeed, American and Christian.

Daniels points to this emptiness briefly when she writes about the rituals around marriage. “All the work that goes into producing a wedding suggests a longing not so much for marriage but for public forms of ceremony, pageantry, and celebration” (156). Right! Because ceremony, pageantry, and celebration are markers of a deeply embedded culture that provides belonging and meaning. I suspect this same dynamic is responsible for the migration of many Evangelical Christians into liturgical church spaces. The American Evangelical Church is part of this pragmatic unrooted culture. When the only thing that matters is saying the Sinner's Prayer so that you, as an individual, can be with Jesus in eternity, then two thousand years of shared history, exploration, debate, and culture become invisible and irrelevant, beyond the conceit that all of that was necessary to finally bring about your personal salvation. That sure lowers the barrier to entry, but it also strips away the kind of rootedness that is necessary for human flourishing.

Daniels warns: “We who are raised white are not practiced at noticing whiteness and even less so at undoing it” (223), but how could we be? The culture that formed us made this part invisible. If I have any strengths in this area, it is that I am willing to listen. I became convinced several years ago that my experience of the world was not canonical. That conviction opened the door for me to listen to people not like me and trust that they are telling the truth when speaking of their experience. Perhaps my feelings of unrootedness are part of why I care so deeply about the church being a community of radical inclusion and committed intimacy. In her conclusion, Daniel wrote: “Racial justice work has always been a spiritual, emancipatory project” (243). Isn’t that an application of the Apostle Paul’s injunction to bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ? (Gal. 6:2) Didn’t Jesus also expand the “one another” to include not only our proximal and religious neighbors but everyone, even those who envision us as their enemy? Daniels proposes that part of the solution for White Supremacy is a “more collective idea of caring” (247). This has always been God’s central invitation to humanity and, in my view, ought to be the driving motive of my local church.

(Written as a response to reading this book as part of my graduate program.)

[Leilani Ricardo · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book pulls no punches, and the author does hold herself under the microscope - making it a calling in for white woman, not just a calling out. While the writing is incisive and very quotable, it didn't introduce anything new to me either in facts or frames.

I also don't recommend any white person looking to start an anti-racist journey/self-reflection, etc, to start with work by white authors; that's paying white people to talk about the problems white people collectively caused. I do believe white people should write on these topics; the labor shouldn't be on the marginalized to explain their marginalization (when they *have* they should be paid first, hence "don't start with white authors =/= don't read white authors"), and there is almost something to be learned intra-communally.

For a more in depth historical, global lens that's still accessible, I recommend White Tears/Brown Scars How White Feminism Betrays Women of Color by Ruby Hamad. Similarly, but with a more American centric lens and a bigger emphasis on class, I recommend Hood Feminism: Notes from the That A Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall. For those seeking to sit with their own racism (note: accepting we're all raised in a racist society with racist opinions is a very early, basic step!) I recommend Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

This is a solid entry after those!

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Typically the books that you want to throw out the window because you feel so seen and so pissed that you feel seen are probably the books we need to be reading more of. To all my nice white ladies read it, feel it, think it, and then do something to change it. Just a snip it here of the many parts of the book that blew my mind in new ways and framed the way I think of my life and whiteness. 4.5/5

“Writer Natasha Stovall points out the way white identity remains diffuse: “Farm-to-table white or Cracker Barrel white? Rust Belt white or Sunbelt White? Electric car white or pickup truck white? Digital white or analog white? One percent honky or precariat ofay? Italian? Irish? English? Ukrainian? Polish?” For white women, specifically, we could ask: Martha Stewart white or Paula Deen white? Real Housewives of Orange County white or Honey Boo Boo of McIntyre, Georgia, white?”

- "Nice White Ladies: The Truth about White Supremacy, Our Role in It, and How We Can Help Dismantle It" by Jessie Daniels

[Judi · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is much good in this book. There were times I found insights that will have a lasting impact. But the truth is, I didn't quite finish it because the stridency was wearing on me. I am in total agreement that "nice white ladies" do play a part and have always played a part in upholding our white supremist system.
My problem with the book is that the author gnaws on some individual examples to the point of boredom without providing a broader context for understanding how it happened at the time. I am in no way condoning the actions discussed, but if I was listening to this information at a cocktail party, I would be scanning the room for an escape route.
There is a good information in this book. Some of the explanations of how we, as "nice white ladies" have perpetuated the system is very useful to me in how to proceed in anti-racism actions. I just found the writing tedious at times.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is a lot to think about here.

For all the research and the academic rigor, the writing is very accessible, where you do not need to be academic to understand or learn from it. I appreciate the wide range of materials and scholars referenced, contemporary or less so.

I am not quite sure it rates five stars, because there is a level at which there is so much to white supremacy and how "nice white ladies" relate to it, as well as all the intersections of gender, race, and class, that it feels like there is still more that needs to be tied in and depicted more exactly. I give it five stars anyway, because I am not sure that more completeness is possible.

Many people would benefit from reading this book, but if the title might describe you, that is all the more reason to check it out.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author brings together related ideas and themes, and her personal experience, to explore how white women support white supremacy, both as a group and individually. I think the most important and probably most challenging chapter is the last, with a list of eight specific things white women can do to help dismantle white supremacy. They're not simple tasks.

Some of the examples in the book felt more on-point than others, and because the author covered so much ground, some readers might need to look elsewhere for a deeper dive on some topics in order to be convinced of the author's arguments.