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416 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 7, 2021
If This Gets Out is a young adult, queer contemporary romance between two members of a boy band.
Part of me wants to protect him from the realities of being queer, and how it changes things in a million subtle ways. How it always leaves you a little certain if things are fair, or if there’s a tiny, shred of hate underlying it all. How, much of the time, you can’t even call it out without turning people against you and calling you overly sensitive, because it can be so insidious, you’re the only one who notices it for what it is.
Nathaniel, a guy I was seeing for a while once, kind of expected me to be the one giving and even though it was never felt like I was doing the right thing if I instigated it. Like I was the good boyfriend thinking about the other person before myself, like I should. I guess it stuck because every time I’ve reached this sort of stage with a guy I’ve made sure I was the one giving. Out of all the things there is to do, that’s remained the most vulnerable for me. To just lie there and not give anything back. To somehow trust that I’ll still have worth to the other person if I’m not earning it.