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The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
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The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate ( 5 Love Languages)

4.23  ·  Rating details ·  209,971 Ratings  ·  8,610 Reviews
Couples who understand each other's love language hold a priceless advantage in the quest for love that lasts a lifetime -- they know how to effectively and consistently make each other feel truly and deeply loved. That gift never fades away.
Paperback, 204 pages
Published October 13th 1992 by Moody Publishers (first published January 1st 1990)
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Kelly Kellett This is an insightful book. Very helpful for understanding how love can be miscommunicated and how to fix it.
Pauline Youd Having been married for nearly 62 years, I had pretty well guessed his primary love language. I ran into his second love language when I selfishly (or…moreHaving been married for nearly 62 years, I had pretty well guessed his primary love language. I ran into his second love language when I selfishly (or was it insight) lavished my primary love language on him. I think having multiple love languages makes life more interesting.(less)

Community Reviews

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Msmeemee
Oct 29, 2007 rated it it was ok
Recommends it for: suckers
Shelves: psychology
this book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are references from the bible throughout almost every chapter and gary likes to include generous praise from his clients who call him a "miracle worker." it's damn-near pretty close to being called god.

the book has all the hallmarks of a bestseller: easy to read (i read it in one day); hopeless circumstances that seem beyond repair; and an uplifiting ending
...more
Catherine
May 31, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book was recommended to my friend by her pastor to read before she got married. My assumption was that it would be religious in tone and not very relevant to today's relationships.
I'm so glad I was wrong! This is one of those books I would suggest everyone read. It is such a simple explanation of what can so often go wrong in relationships. It's not about men vs. women, it's about the way people receive love.
The basis is there are 5 Love Languages (obviously). And if you speak a different
...more
Malbadeen
Jun 23, 2007 rated it it was ok
Recommends it for: the relationaly obtuse.
This book is based on the premise that everyone has a "love language". Things others say or do that make one feel "loved",they are follows:


-words of affirmation.
-recieving gifts.
-acts of service.
-physical touch.
-quality time.

Personally I want you to tell me how great I am (words of affirmation) while walking in the house with a collection of poetry for me (receiving gifts), make a beeline for the trash that needs to be taken out (acts of service), then come back in and read quietly next to me (q
...more
Brittany
I think the basis for this self-help book is good. I totally get the "love languages" thing. My husband's "love language" is Physical Affection and mine is Quality Time. I totally see that. But this is like a "Love Language For Dummies." It talks to you like you're an idiot who has never had basic human social interaction before. And there isn't really any advice, just this guy rambling on about how smart he is for figuring out that people need to be loved in different ways. Like, his advice for ...more
Jeff
Aug 18, 2017 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This was recommended by a “friend” of my wife, which proves part of the old adage: “A friend of thy wife, is thine enemy”.

That’s from the Bible or the Decameron or Archie Comics.

I think.

I’ll do the whole would-it-kill-you-to-read-something-positive-with-me-for-a-change thing if I want something in return in order spend some time with my wife. Plus, bonus, the audio book was relatively short.



I’ve had to read a few scoops of self-help crap literature over the years, so I’m down with the lingo:
...more
Hildie
Feb 24, 2008 rated it it was amazing
My mother in law gave me this book and I hesitated reading it because it sounds so cheesy (and just take a look at the cover--how dorky!) But I was stuck on vacation with nothing else to read so I reluctantly gave it a try. In a nutshell, this book has changed my life. Page after page I found myself wanting to yell, "yes! Thats exactly right!" If I could give this more than five stars, I would. Okay, maybe "changed my life" is a bit strong, but it has certainly enhanced my marriage like nothing ...more
KatieMc
I won't go into the circumstances which lead to this bizarre buddy read that took place at Disneyland. Sometimes life can be stranger than fiction. I will say that this book has some reasonably helpful thoughts and ideas, but... it is way too simplified and way too heteronormative and way too traditional Christian-value based to speak to me in any meaningful way.

Every single example featured a husband/breadwinner and wife/homemaker (who sometimes worked outside the home) couple. In one example,
...more
Maha Maged
Jun 28, 2015 rated it really liked it
الزواج في مجتمعنا بقي تعكير دائم لصفو الآخر، بيوت كتير بقي فيها زي حرب نفسية،
ما تعرفش ده ايه ده فراغ ولا سطحية في تفكير الطرف اللي بيختلق النكد و لا ضغط المجتمع ، مع انه المفروض يبقي سكن و رحمة و مودة
الكتاب ده نفسي ابعته للنساء الزنانة، اللي مش بيكترثوا باختيار الوقت أو الظرف المناسب ليتحدثن في أي أمر!..
نفسي ابعته للنساء اللي بتشعر بغيرة زوجية مستمرة بسبب أو من دون سبب،
نفسي ابعته للزوجة اللحوحة اللي بتلاحق زوجها وتحيطه من كل جانب لدرجة تكاد تكبله وتخنقه، تجعله يشعر معها بالزهق والملل والإزعا
...more
Safaa Abdullah A.Fallatah
من أروع و أهم الكتب التي قرأتها .
كتاب سهل وواضحة أفكاره جدًا ، ويتضمن الكثير من الأمثلة و التجارب الحقيقية ، والتي تقرب الأفكار بطريقة ممتازة .
هو كتاب مهم لكل شخص ، لأنه لا يقتصر على الحب بين الأزواج ، بل يمكن تطبيقه على الحب الإنساني بكل أنواعه و أشكاله .
أنصح الجميع بقراءته ، حتى لو لم يكونوا واقعين في الحب أو متزوجين .
Sheri
Jun 09, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: relationships
A quick and valuable read to help you better understand how you and your partner best like to express and receive love. Great for helping you see what you truly value in a partner and what your partner truly values in you.
Shannon (leaninglights)
4.5 stars

I absolutely recommend this book to EVERYONE. Whether you are married, dating, single, whatever. The ideas and concepts in this book will benefit any relationship. The idea of loving others the way they need to be loved might feel counterintuitive, but it something so essential to growing as a person and understanding what love really is.

I had always known about this book and the love languages, but this was the first time I actually read it. Of course, as with any self-help type of boo
...more
Amal
Nov 29, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition


هذاالكتاب قام بالاجابة على كثير من الألغاز التي قد حيرتني في ما مضى..
لماذا يشعر شخص ما في عائلة ما أنه غير محبوب ؟؟
لماذا لا يستطيع بعض الأشخاص التعبير عن حبهم للآخرين ؟؟
لماذا يتوقف البعض في مرحلة من حياتهم عن حب بعضهم البعض ؟؟
لماذا لا يقدر الآخر ما أقوم به ؟؟

عندما تظن بأنك وصلت لمرحلة من الوعي تجعلك تفهم من حولك
يأتي مثل هذا الكتاب المضيء ليقول لك بأنك مازلت تتلمس طريقك في الظلمة
هذا كتاب يجعلك أكثر تسامحا مع البشرية و يجعلك كائنا ناضجا و واعيا و متفهما

لن أتحدث عن محتواه لأني سأظلمه أكتشفه بن
...more
Marnie  Krüger
2017 Reading Challenge
This year I'm doing a Reading Challenge; so I have 26 books with specific subjects that I need to read.
BOOK21: A book that will improve a specific area of your life

I think every married couple should read this at least once.
Do the quiz and know what Love Language your partner speaks.

For the advice given in this book I give Chapman a five star rating.
The writing on the other hand was not that good. He tends to "speak" down to the reader, making you think - I am not that stupid. Also he repeats
...more
Al
Mar 15, 2011 rated it it was ok
blahblahblahblah
Doing what your spouse asks of you makes them love you more. There. I just saved you $14.
Taghrid
Jan 28, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: المفضلة
من اهم الكتب التي تناولت موضوع الحب بشكل عقلاني وباسلوب ممتع بنفس الوقت
انصح الجميع بقرائته


(لو كان بإمكاني لسلمت نسخة من هذا الكتاب لكل زوج و زوجة في هذه البلاد واقول له لقد كتبت هذا الكتاب من اجلك, وامل ان تغير حياتك , واذا استفدت منه اعطه لشخص اخر وحيث انني لا استنطيع فعل هذا فسأكون سعيداً اذا اعطيت هذه نسخة من هذا الكتاب لعائلتك , ولاخوانك و أخواتك , وكذلك لابنائك المتزوجين , ولموظفيك, ولرفقائك في النادي , ومن يدري ربما يمكننا أن نحقق أحلامنا )
Lachelle
Nov 29, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Anyone in a relationship
My dad actually recommended this book to me and I finally decided to check it out from the library. Although I think my husband and I have a good relationship - it was amazing how much I learned from this book! And how I realized that by understand how we communicate differently - it could strengthen our relationship. I would recommend this book to just about anyone! A lot of it seems common sense but it's a good reminder and an eye-opener to read it.
Bayan Al-Halabi
Mar 30, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
كتاب ملهم! عليّ بداية أن أعترف بعدم انجذابي للكتاب حين قرأت عنوانه وموضوعه، لكن المحتوى فاجأني حقيقةً.

إن نحّينا جانباً عبارة (كيف تعبر عن حبك العميق لشريك حياتك) –وهكذا فعلت، فلا شريك لدي ، ولا يهمني الأمر بتاتاً في هذه المرحلة- واعتبرت أنها ( كيف تعبر عن حبك العميق للأشخاص من حولك) ، وتركت للكتاب فرصة إقناعك بجدارته فكن متأكداً أنه سيفعل على أكمل وجه،

عن الكتاب: لكل امرئ منا لغة حب خاصة به يفصح عنها بطلباته واهتماماته بأسلوب غير مباشر ودورك يكمن في تتبع سلوكياته لتخاطبه باللغة التي يفقهها، ما أ
...more
Reem Alkhalaf
Jul 02, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
هل تعتقدين أنكِ مخدوعة بزواجك من شخص كان من المفترض أن يكون هو المناسب، ولكن بعد الزواج اتضح أنه مختلف تماماً وما كان يجذبك به قد اختفى ؟ هل بذلتي كل ما بوسعك كأم ولكن النتيجة لم تكن مرضية بالنسبة لكِ وفي أعماق قلبك تشعرين أنكِ أم سيئة ؟ حسناً لدي الجواب لكِ عزيزتي أو حتى لك أيها الرجل إن كانت لديك هذه التساؤلات بما يخص زوجتك أو حتى أولادك وكنت مهتم بالوصول لحل مناسب ومرضي لجميع الأطراف.

أولاً لنعلم أن الحل ليس بأن يضع الفرد اللوم على نفسه أو حتى على الطرف الآخر إن كان هنالك خلل، وربما لا علاقة
...more
حماس
كنتُ دائمًا أسألُ زوجى:
-ما الذى تعيبه علىّ؟
-أو ما الذى إذا فعلته تشعر بحبي لك؟

وكان يجيبنى لا أنكر ذلك، ولكنى كنتُ أرى أن ما يقوله ليس أساسيًا
وأن هناك الأكثر أهمية للتعبير عن الحب بغير هذه الصورة
لذلك فكنتُ غالبًا لا أتغير ولا حتى أمل من السؤال لأننى كنت أريد الإجابة التى أريدها أنا...

حتى قرأتُ هذا الكتاب

لا أكذب أبدًا حين أقول أن هذا الكتاب سيغير حياتى جذريًا

فهمتُ إجابات زوجى، وعرفت لغة الحب خاصته وخاصتى، وأدركتُ تباين الرغبات
ولا أستطيع أن أصف مدى سعادتى وفرحتى الآن،
هذا الكتاب سأحرص بشدة على الحص
...more
Ellyn
Feb 13, 2009 rated it it was ok
Shelves: 2007
I would never have read this book on my own but was urged to read it after a debate with a friend of my roommate. It's written by a marriage counselor and directed towards couples, but it can be applied to all relationships, both romantic and platonic. The author's theory is that there are five major ways to express love (the five love languages). Each of us has a primary love language, and relationship problems occur when others fail to express love to us in that language. It's an interesting t ...more
Nikki
Apr 10, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: i-have-a-theory
This book looks cheesy as fuck from the outside, but it's full of practical, down-to-earth wisdom. If you are married (or thinking about getting married), divorced (or thinking about getting divorced), read this book.
Matthew Moes
Jul 31, 2011 rated it really liked it
The author says love is a choice. He says that the infatuation that people experience in the beginning of the relationship is not real love. It is something else. Real love takes work while the infatuation period is instinctual and effortless. But isn't it the stuff we dream of and wish would last forever? Can we really accept that we will only get that chance at the beginning of the relationship and that thereafter, in order to remain monogamous, we must accept that it is not for us to feel eve ...more
Ashley
May 13, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: life-changing
I loved this book! Before reading I had considered the premise to be very basic, common-sense knowledge and didn't think the book would tell me anything I couldn't have figured out on my own. Five love languages, not everyone speaks the same love language....ok, well as long as you know what they are, shouldn't have to read the book, right? Wrong. Gary Chapman's years of marriage counseling have brought him invaluable insights that EVERYONE should be privy to. I'm not just talking married couple ...more
Yen-Tzu
Nov 17, 2016 rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
Reasons I read this book:

- It was free;

and on a slightly more embarrassing note

- I read blogs about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and every season someone very seriously mentions their "love language", and not even in a self-deprecatingly British way, which is really the only way to pull off saying, "my love language is words of affirmation". Just to be clear, I don't actually watch the television show, I just really enjoy reading blogs that analyse each episode and all of the delightfully r
...more
Gaijinmama
Aug 27, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone interested in understanding their spouse better
Recommended to Gaijinmama by: a friend whose opinion I trust
Shelves: self-help, nonfiction
The premise of this best-selling book is quite simple, but many of us haven't tried looking at our marriages this way. In short, people have their own, often unconscious way of expressing love and rarely do two spouses have the same "Love Language." This can cause trouble in a marriage because we may simply not understand the way in which our partner is expressing his or her love, even if s/he is trying really hard to express it and has NO idea we aren't getting it. In turn, s/he may not feel lo ...more
ياسمين ثابت


اكره التنمية البشرية ومع ذلك حين بدأت قراءة كتب باللغة الانجليزية كان صعب بالنسبة لي ان اقرأها في لغة ادبية روائية لذلك وحتى احفز نفسي لقراءة وانهاء كتب بالانجليزية اضطررت لقراءة مثل هذه الاعمال

ولكن وياللعجب الكتاب اعجبني لا اعلم هل هي عقدة الخواجة ام ان الكتاب فعلا كان جيد

ططبعا الكلام في الكتاب قد يكون مألوف للجميع او نعلمه ولكن الجميل في الكتاب انه وضعه في في نظرية واضحة او بمعنى اصح عبر عن ما نعرفه في اعماقنا بشكل سلس وله معنى.
الكتاب يتحدث باختصار عن مشكلة البشر ان كل انسان له طريقة في تعبير
...more
Joe Wisniewski
Jan 13, 2009 rated it really liked it
Everyone has "the" relationship book. This book will NOT automatically solve all relationship problems. People have to want to work on things; have to want to communicate needs and expectations. Having said that, I have not seen a better way to tie in to your significant other's point of view, then trying to understand how THEY need to have love expressed. But even more importantly, maybe, is looking at ourselves and seeing how we automatically expect others to "get" love the way that we need to ...more
Samuel
Apr 21, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I read this book in 2 days; it is a quick read that incorporates stories to illustrate human nature when it comes to expressing love--especially in marriage. It is brilliant not for its originality of ideas but rather in its categorization and clarity of ideas. In the words of John Lennon, "All you need is love." Love is the most important thing, and yet, many people have a truly hard time feeling loved and successfully expressing love to those who matter most to them. Why is this? Dr. Chapman t ...more
المدرب محمد الملا
الكتاب جديد في طرحه وموضوعه عن الحب .. رغم بداهة إن طريقة التعبير عن الحب تختلف من شخص لشخص إلا إن الكتاب وضعها في إطارها الصحيح وجعلها في سياق علمي من خلال المقدمة عن (الوقوع في الحب) وفي سياق عملي عن طيق الخاتمة التي اشار فيها إلى نقاط جديرة بالإعتبار، خصوصاً تلك النقطة عن التي يكون فيها الحب قد مات فعلاً

الكتاب رائع فعلاً، وأنصح به للجميع وليس فقط المتزوجين، هو يجعلك تفهم لغات الحب إلى كل الناس

ولأني لم أجد مأ أضيفه للكتاب أوأعلق عليه فيه فإني أعطي الكتاب خمس نجوم
Samantha
Aug 28, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I highly recommend this book for ANY couple. Married, engaged, dating, gay, straight. It matters not. I even recommend it if you're single. My husband and I were on the verge of divorce, even separated, but after some counseling and reading this book it has helped us out tremendously! I bought a copy for my mom, sisters, and brother because I think it is that important to read his book and understand your significant others love language.
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1,180 followers
Married more than 45 years to Karolyn, Dr. Gary Chapman is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over forty years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series, The 5 Love Languages®: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Millions of readers credit t ...more
More about Gary Chapman

Other books in the series

5 Love Languages (7 books)
  • The Five Love Languages of Children
  • The Five Love Languages for Singles
  • The Five Love Languages of Teenagers
  • The 5 Love Languages Military Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts
  • The Five Love Languages: Men's Edition: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
  • The 5 Love Languages of Children/The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers Set

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“Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.” 223 likes
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