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What I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Married: Keepin' It Real
Building a marriage is a lifelong endeavor for both men and women. Most marriage books cover the three C's--communication, compromise, and consideration -- but fail to address many issues critical to a healthy relationship. Family advocate Kay James calls these the "things I wish I had known before I got married": advice on finances, sex, children, and dealing with the extended family. Noting that the apostle Paul exhorted older women not to inspire or counsel younger women, but to teach them how to be wives to their husbands, Kay offers a lifetime's wealth of wisdom for creating an unbreakable marriage relationship.
212 pages, Paperback
First published October 13, 2001
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
July 8, 2016
The book promised to be "raw", which I understand is subjective so, perhaps it just was not "raw" enough for me. I also think the introduction should highly suggest that both persons of the couple read this together, I do not see much benefit for only one person of the couple to read. Overall, it hit the highlights of what marriage will bring and what it also, might not!
December 29, 2025
The book was written in 2001, so some of the topics are outdated in thinking. This book was also written with Christian ideals in mind which can differ for people who aren’t Christians.
One idea that I disagreed with were women having to stay at home with the children instead of continuing a career. Why is this all left to the wife’s responsibility, and not something the husband should also be considered for? It felt like women were being shamed to continue working once the children were born.
Another idea that I disagreed with was keeping couples apart before marriage. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a couple moving in together before marriage, which the book insinuated was wrong.
Finally, I also disagreed with the idea of combining all money into one joint bank account. I think it is fine to keep finances separate, so long as there is a plan with how bills are being paid. The book shamed couples for having separate bank accounts.
While the book appears geared towards engaged or newly married couples, this could also be for couples who are thinking about cohabitating. Some of the advice featured were issues I had to learn once moving in with my now fiancé. The advice regarding creating a plan for finances, communicating effectively, finding a separate friend group outside of your relationship, and building a relationship with your partner’s family is important for cohabitating couples. I still think the advice is helpful but don’t be afraid to scrutinize or disregard some advice that may not fit your lifestyle (ex. one joint bank account).
One idea that I disagreed with were women having to stay at home with the children instead of continuing a career. Why is this all left to the wife’s responsibility, and not something the husband should also be considered for? It felt like women were being shamed to continue working once the children were born.
Another idea that I disagreed with was keeping couples apart before marriage. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a couple moving in together before marriage, which the book insinuated was wrong.
Finally, I also disagreed with the idea of combining all money into one joint bank account. I think it is fine to keep finances separate, so long as there is a plan with how bills are being paid. The book shamed couples for having separate bank accounts.
While the book appears geared towards engaged or newly married couples, this could also be for couples who are thinking about cohabitating. Some of the advice featured were issues I had to learn once moving in with my now fiancé. The advice regarding creating a plan for finances, communicating effectively, finding a separate friend group outside of your relationship, and building a relationship with your partner’s family is important for cohabitating couples. I still think the advice is helpful but don’t be afraid to scrutinize or disregard some advice that may not fit your lifestyle (ex. one joint bank account).
August 10, 2022
Read a while ago. Great stuff- still comes back to me now that I’m married
June 24, 2008
I was given (and ignored) this books years ago when my first marriage was approaching. I was young and knew everything. Or so I thought.
My second marriage is just around the corner and I find myself far more nervous than I was in the days when I knew everything. Since marriage is not a terribly new concept to me I did not necessarily feel I came away with lots of new ideas but reading this has helped warm my chilly feet.
Also good to know if you are reading this review and are considering this book for yourself:
Like myself the author is a black, Christian, woman from Virginia which helped make this feel that much more relevant to myself.
My second marriage is just around the corner and I find myself far more nervous than I was in the days when I knew everything. Since marriage is not a terribly new concept to me I did not necessarily feel I came away with lots of new ideas but reading this has helped warm my chilly feet.
Also good to know if you are reading this review and are considering this book for yourself:
Like myself the author is a black, Christian, woman from Virginia which helped make this feel that much more relevant to myself.
December 29, 2011
Resources named in this book bear to be further explored: the Heritage Foundation www.heritage.org, Concerned Women for America www.cwfa.org, and Dr. James Dobson’s Dare to Discipline. Anyone could tell you that this has been a goal of mine since God knows when. Treating marriage as a business struck a chord with me most of all and I understand more why men make a big issue out of being financially stable before they embark on this endeavor, but it’s just as important for women to be financially sound as well. The author has had a very interesting career in public policy that inspires me to look at this field a little more objectively.
August 27, 2007
There are much better prepping for marriage books out there for girls. Though this advice is highly practical, unemotional and honest, it fails to do anything further than lead the reader down a path of common sense. Only recommended for teen-early twenties girls whose mother literally taught them nothing.
February 18, 2015
Offers some very practical points for consideration.
August 5, 2026
A good book. Worth rereading for basic marriage helps and reminders.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews