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368 pages, Hardcover
First published June 29, 2021
Why does everyone assume that all 15-year-old girls are obsessed with boys? Can’t I want to go about my day without trying to date? I mean just because a person isn’t interested in dating doesn’t mean that they are broken or anything, I’m allowed to care more about school and actually someday getting out of Hawkins instead of finding someone who is gonna tie me to this place forever, aren’t I?
The things I did to keep myself safer, smaller, quieter. Because I know how different I really am. I know letting it all out is committing to a life where I fight the monsters of normality every single day. And doing it alone.
There are times when I crash hard into the hope of finding my people. Friends who would stick with me through anything. A girl I can have a less hopeless crush on.
She spins me, and I spin her. My hand rushes over her waist as I pull her back in. Then she dips me, which is pretty hilarious because I’m at least five inches taller. She looks down at me and beams. I don’t know what this dance means to her—if it’s just a prom-night whim or something else—but I know what it means to me. It’s my first dance with a girl. And it won’t be my last.