Take Back Your Family: From the Tyrants of Burnout, Busyness, Individualism, and the Nuclear Ideal

by Jefferson Bethke

New York Times bestselling author Jefferson Bethke delivers a powerful critique of the Western notion of the nuclear family and calls us to a sweeping new paradigm that brings not only longed-for stability but also radical blessings to the world.

The West's multi-century experiment with the nuclear family has failed. Its toxic hyper-individualism has left us with an unprecedented number of broken homes and rampant confusion over what a family is supposed to be. Jefferson Bethke delivers the solution we've been a plan for taking back our families from the modern myth that has derailed us and a vision for returning to the life-giving, biblical model of multi-generational teams.

In Take Back Your Family, Bethke uncovers the historic events that led to our obsession with the nuclear family, then exposes the devastating effects of our current "me culture." Now, writing from the visceral perspective of a father with three young children, he shares the values and strategies he and his family lean on in their quest to live as a community bonded by a shared mission, committed to mutually growing and thriving together. By returning to God's original design for families on earth, he says, we can participate in the kingdom work that restores and fulfills our innermost desires for connection, contentment, and meaning.

Genres: Parenting, Family, Nonfiction, Christian, Audiobook, Faith, Marriage

256 pages, Hardcover

Published September 7, 2021

Reviews

[Kate Heinz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thank you to Nelson Books and NetGalley for allowing me to review this book. My thoughts are my own.

I am not a theologian by any means, but I was brought up in a Christian family and have attended church all my life. I do a lot of reading of various subjects and feel I have a grounded viewpoint of life.

Fairly early on, I began questioning his position...mainly with his scathing attack on the traditional, nuclear family. In fact, I would say the first 75% of the book is his manifesto against the traditional American family and conservatives. As a conservative who was raised in a traditional, nuclear family and who is raising the next generation, I can't help to be offended by his condescending put downs.

While he takes a couple of shots at liberals, this is a book against traditional western culture. It's difficult to see any good coming out of a book with such polarizing views.

Some of my problems with this book include:
- A simplification of the nuclear family and putting it into a box, the box of 1950s-1960s "patriarchal domination". If I might say, the Bible speaks to the nuclear family in Genesis. Genesis 2:24-25 reads, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife...(ESV version)" So, unless you're going to tell me my surface-level understanding of the Bible is incorrect, I don't see how you can deny God's plan from the beginning of creation.
- A simplification of the nuclear family as a means to promote self only and not look out for the good of the family unit. While I am sure this is true in some cases, I don't think he can make a blanket statement that this is how it looks and acts and feels.
- He looks at the conservative family unit as obsolete and unattainable. I would say the converse is true. There is a rise in conservative families who are trying to take back the family unit.
- He brings in social economics, a big red flag for me as to where he wants to head.
- He reduces American marriage to divorce, which again, I think this is a huge blanket statement to make.
- He criticizes the mom staying at home, when he states that is own wife is a homeschooling mother. To say that "every" conservative mom is just staying at home and slaving away is unfair and untrue.
- He sites Carle Zimmerman, who says "the nuclear family" is a sign of culture collapse, which doesn't sound so different from the conservative view that when you take away the the family, you see the beginning of a civilization's collapse. However, it's all in the speak, isn't it.

I found myself more angry at the audacity of this book than cheering with its politicized statements. I don't know any conservative who would stand behind or with his underwhelming review of the conservative American family.
- He talks about the multigenerational family at the beginning of the book, going so far as to give hypothetical examples as well as real life examples. But never does he say how to put it into action.

Like I said, this covers the first 75% of the book. The last 25% feels like a book on time management with very surface level instructions that are not articulated well. But, If there were any redeeming qualities, they would be:
- centering life around the home (I just don't think I see it the way Bethke does)
- Asking questions of our children and teens to get to know them better and see how they fit within the family and how to spur greatness in them
- Intentionality in raising our kids
- Figuring out your family mission statement and taking steps in faith to make it real

Bethke made waves in 2012 with his spoken word viral video of Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus. His anti-religious views have put him in the limelight time and again. To understand his mentors, Bethke features a recommended reading list in his book Jesus>Religion. The list includes the likes of Mark Driscoll (of Mars Hill fame), Timothy Keller, Andy Stanley, N.T. Wright and Beth Moore ("Anti-Religion Jeff Bethke Hits the News Again - New Book, Same Message: 'Imagine No Religion'". Lighthouse Trails Research, 2013).

Interesting company.

Now, I'll tell you a secret. I didn't realize I reviewed a book by his wife until after I finished Take Back Your Family. I'll share more about this later.

Christianity divides. It draws sides and makes sides known.. Why? I believe, and think most traditionalists would agree that there are absolutes within the Christian faith. You can see good and evil. Based on God's word, you can identify the things you should follow and the things you shouldn't. And there are many today who do not like these absolutes. That's why there is such a push to create a new Gospel, in large part to take the Bible out of these progressive churches and to make Christianity more "user-friendly".

Based on his previous writing and his 2012 viral video, it's hard not to see Bethke as a progressive Christian. And, I had no clue to this fact before I picked up his newest release.

If you're a progressive Christian or one who is being swayed that way, you'll appreciate his communal, group speak. Although he speaks out against the disintegration of the family, it's from the perspective that American exceptionalism is wrong.

Now, given Bethke's difficult upbringing, I can understand his jaded viewpoint and limited understanding of the traditional, conservative family. He goes as far to say that he knows people (wealthy people, privileged people), who came from the traditional nuclear family who came out much worse for wear. To which I reply, don't thrown the baby out with the bath water.

I call it sin. We live in a fallen world. Regardless of what your family of origin looked like, I can assure you there was dysfunction there. Family dynamics are family dynamics. We're never going to find a way around that with sin in the world.

So, I guess, you could "take what you like and leave the rest", but I urge caution when reading this book. When I saw the title, it looked interesting. I do think there are things that can improve the family, but not to the point of creating something contrary to the Bible because "secular sources" say so.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. On one hand, it is a great idea to define your family as a "team" and to have the mentality that if it isn't good for the team, you should not do it as a family. It is also great to realize that pulling apart the family has hurtful consequences for everyone.

However, I found specific application lacking. For example, his wife used to hate being left alone with their small children (who also hated when daddy left) while he went away for work on trips. Then somehow, miraculously, she didn't mind anymore (and neither did the kids!) when they reframed his trips as something he did for the family team. This made no sense to me.

I think men would like this book and probably get something out of it - especially given the sports references and the fact that men look at their families as a unit/team much less than women do, so it would help their perspective. However, I got a lot more out of reading the essay that Bethke frequently quotes in the book (found for free online if you look up "Wendell Barry Feminism").

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a free digital copy of this book.

[Natalie Herr · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this for anyone who longs for a better way for the modern family. Bethke explains how we got to where we are in America, how unusual the nuclear family is in the course of history, and what we can do to recapture the spirit of the strong family cultures of the past. Really helped me evaluate how our individualistic (not biblical) society has crept into my view of family. Tons of helpful encouragement for parents and easy practices to start with sprinkled throughout. READ THIS, don’t wait!

[SK · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wasn’t very familiar with Jefferson Bethke before reading this book, but I was drawn in by the cover art of Take Back Your Family. What 21st century Western family hasn’t felt the creep of the pressures represented there, from the hurried disorder, to the allure of the screen, the growing to-do list, and the obvious lack of rest, recreation, and connection. People trying to counter these cultural currents know that it takes effort, wisdom, and intentionality to set the priorities right within the home and build a strong and vibrant family culture where everyone thrives physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Though I agree with Bethke that families today are struggling and looked forward to receiving some encouragement in this area, I cannot recommend this book. Bethke’s claims intrigued me, yet I was often unconvinced, befuddled, and frustrated by his argumentation.

The book’s central argument is that the nuclear family, what Bethke sometimes calls the “Western family ideal” (e.g. Leave It to Beaver) is the toxic root of everything wrong with families today, a “cancer” to use his words. This sounds like a progressive argument, but in chapter two he claims that “nothing has done more damage to Scripture’s vision of family” than the Western family ideal. He got my attention with this intriguing idea—I would have thought that third-wave feminism, the sexual revolution, rising divorce rates, pressures on women to pursue full-time careers outside of the home, and the ubiquity of screens might have something to do with the challenges of contemporary Western family life.

Bethke criticizes conservatives for wanting to return to the “good old days” of the nuclear family, what he describes as “the locker room of disintegration, individualism, and consumption” (Chapter 2).

“I actually find it somewhat comical that some conservatives want to return to ‘the good old days’ when Mom stayed home and took care of the kids and babies, because those weren’t actually ‘the good old days’” (Chapter 2).

“In the nuclear family ideal the mom’s job has only gotten harder…American and evangelical motherhood is not only the hardest and most impossible work, it is also the most lonely and isolated” (Chapter 8).

“…the sad reality about most teaching and preaching from the evangelical world is that it’s not trying to take us back to the ancient world of the Scriptures, as we talked about earlier, it’s trying to take us back to 1950” (Chapter 8).

To substantiate his claim that the ideal of the nuclear family is the root of all that ails families today, Bethke invokes renowned social scientist Carle Zimmerman and his book Family and Civilization (1947). Bethke’s engagement with Zimmerman wasn’t adding up for me, and, luckily, we own the book, so I had a look for myself. Bethke argues that Zimmerman would agree with him about the problem of the nuclear family, with the following caveat:

Zimmerman “didn’t use the word ‘nuclear’ like we do but instead he used this phrase called “Atomistic Family” to essentially mean the same thing. The phrase “nuclear family” wasn’t as popular until after he died” (Chapter 2).

So, Bethke is arguing that the ideal of the nuclear family is responsible for everything wrong with family life today, that Zimmerman would agree with him on this (though Zimmerman called it the “Atomistic Family”), and that this model of family is what conservatives are supposedly longing to reclaim. Here is how Zimmerman describes the “The Atomistic Family System” in Family and Civilization:

1. Increased and rapid easy ‘causeless’ divorce. …
2. Decreased number of children, population decay, and increased public disrespect for parents and parenthood.
3. Elimination of the real meaning of the marriage ceremony. …
4. Popularity of pessimistic doctrines about the early heroes.
5. Rise of theories that companionate marriage or a permissible looser family form would solve the problem. …
6. The refusal of many other people married under the older family form to maintain their traditions while other people escape these obligations. …
7. The spread of antifamilism of the urbane and pseudointellectual classed to the very outer limits of civilization. …
8. Breaking down of most inhibitions against adultery. …
9. Revolts of youth against parents so that parenthood became more and more difficult for those who did try to raise children.
10. Rapid rise and spread of juvenile delinquency.
11. Common acceptance of all forms of sex perversions. (255)

I’m sure many families that describe themselves as conservative have been impacted negatively by some of the trends on this list. But the idea that conservatives are pining for these things is ridiculous. Rather, this list represents pretty much everything conservatives lament.

Bethke then argues that Zimmerman’s category called the "Domestic Family” is the one we should aspire to, though he doesn’t develop the point. In Chapter 2, Bethke writes, “The domestic family describes a household based on the marital bond, husband and wife and their children.” In Zimmerman’s Family and Civilization, the “Domestic Family” is characterized by a commitment to familism and its three basic functions, all of which have their roots in Christian doctrine: “fidelity, childbearing, and unity” (Zimmerman 195).

Does this not sound like precisely what conservative Christians aspire to, even if they don’t always get it exactly right?

To make matters more confusing, Zimmerman was apparently rather pleasantly surprised by the success of the 1950’s suburban nuclear family, noting the ways in which the post-war baby boom represented a reversal of the trends he documented in Family and Civilization. According to Allan Carlson of the Howard Center for Family, Religion and Society:

"In the short run, Zimmerman was wrong. Like every other observer writing in the mid-1940s, he failed to see the “marriage boom” and “the baby boom” already stirring in the United States (and with equal drama in a few other places, such as Australia). As early as 1949, two of his students reported that, for the first time in U.S. demographic history, “rural non-farm” (read “suburban”) women had higher fertility than in either urban or rural-farm regions. By 1960, Zimmerman concluded in his book Successful American Families that nothing short of a social miracle had occurred in the suburbs."

But Bethke doesn’t seem to be aware of any of this. Throughout Take Back Your Family, the 1950’s nuclear family remains a scourge.

Bethke’s engagement with Zimmerman leaves much to be desired. The way he muddles the categories of “nuclear” and “atomistic,” while indicting American evangelicals for their supposed longing to return to a model of family from the 1950’s, is enough to make one’s head spin. Bethke’s argument in Take Back Your Family is essentially one against the progressive secular values that took hold during the 1960s, and yet, more often than not, he imagines himself to be warring against the 1950s, and, in the process, throws today’s conservatives and evangelicals under the bus as well, criticizing them without offering any textual or statistical evidence to support his claims. This seems an odd move on his part, since I would imagine that contemporary American evangelicals (a) constitute the majority of his audience, (b) most closely embody (or at least seek to embody) Zimmerman’s “domestic family” model, and (c) are those most on-board, at least in theory, with Bethke’s supposed goal of creating strong, biblical families.

The above constitutes my primary concern with Take Back Your Family, though I had a few other issues as well, outlined below:

The tone is pedantic. He uses the phrase “And guess what?” far too often, which is irritating since what usually follows the “And guess what?” is something the reader already saw coming.

The writing generally feels sloppy and rushed. Bethke makes huge claims that he doesn’t support with evidence. In addition to the problems I already noted regarding his generalizations of evangelical teaching and preaching, he also relies on unsubstantiated statements like this one:

“…there is this American idea that your siblings are actually inconsequential, almost accidental, and they don’t really matter to your well-being or your individual goals and pursuits” (Chapter 6).

I don’t think this is true at all. Bethke neglects to provide any evidence to support this strange claim.

His definitions are unclear. Bethke elevates the family to a very high and lofty place (almost to a slightly weird degree in my opinion, conveniently ignoring Jesus’ words in Luke 14:25-27) and yet he is very vague when it comes to defining what, exactly, a family is. In Chapter 4, he writes:

“When I say family, by the way, I’m not sure I mean what you think I mean. Some hear that word ‘family’ and think of a picture they have no way of attaining. That’s not what I’m talking about. That’s a cheap, Western knock-off. When I say family, I simply mean a relational home, as my friend Jean-Marc puts it, a network of committed, covenantal relationships and a team that commits to one another and is interconnected through a web of long-standing relationships. It’s layered and complex and older and it spans generations.”

I’m not sure what this evasive passage means.

There’s a strange irony that runs throughout the book. Though Bethke often criticizes American consumerism, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was trying to sell me something. One of the few other Goodreads reviewers who gave this book a less than stellar rating aptly described Take Back Your Family as an “infomercial.” This feels exactly right to me, and so I wasn’t very surprised to learn that Bethke is indeed trying to sell something: digital subscriptions to his “Family Teams” material.

I suppose there’s nothing wrong with this in and of itself; my real concern stems from the fact that the product being sold seems to be gimmicky and problematic. At best, Bethke’s emphasis on making the family “a team” didn’t really add much to the discussions many conservative Christians are already having about building strong family cultures, and at worst the language of “teams” makes it sound as though you are setting up your family to compete with other families for the win.

Lastly, there are very few practical suggestions for readers in Take Back Your Family. Neither is there any sustained discussion of how screens ought to function within the family. This seems a glaring omission, since both progressives and conservatives often lament how screens splinter the household, and the book’s cover art even depicts a screen-addled family. There are some interesting thoughts on Sabbath rest toward the end of the book, but there is little mention of the worship of God in this section. For Bethke, the Sabbath seems primarily about rest and recreation for the family, not worship. Much like his definition of what constitutes a family, his discussion of the Sabbath leaves much open to interpretation and is, therefore, not particularly helpful or biblical.

My impression of Bethke is that he’s a gifted individual, someone in pursuit of a creative, alternative livelihood, a way to support his family financially without resorting to the traditional 9-5. This is all well and good, but what he’s selling seems to me rather expensive, given how half-baked it comes across in this book.

In Chapter 4, Bethke makes a revealing aside. When sharing about how his vision for family teams got started, he asks the reader, “Anyone else out there move fast? I mean, like, really fast? When something moves them or clicks in their brain? Yeah, [my wife] knows that’s me.” This reader now knows it as well. He’s a young guy, with very young kids. I wish him well, but I think he moved a little too fast in putting this book together. Back to the drawing board is probably a good next strategy.

Note: I listened to the audiobook version of Take Back Your Family, and did my very best to render accurately the passages I cite. Apologies if there are any errors in spellings and punctuation, and sorry to not be able to provide specific page numbers.

[Jacob Hudgins · Rating 2 out of 5]

90% diatribe about the state of American culture, 10% old recycled ideas about sabbath and calling your family a team.

[JPaul · Rating 3 out of 5]

I recently heard author, Jefferson Bethke, give an interview on a Focus on the Family podcast and found his ideas intriguing. He spoke of the importance and benefits of the multigenerational family and the negative impact in the West that the nuclear family has had. I researched the author a little before buying this book and discovered that he is part of an online mentoring/teaching subscription based website. To be fair, it does appear that they give away several online resources for free but the community/coaching services require subscriptions.

I read through the book quickly feeling inspired by this idea of family as a team working together on mission. I was grabbed instantly in the first chapter by the scene in the restaurant of a weekly Sabbath meal that is full of laughter, celebration and blessings. In our family, three of my childrens’ grandparents are already gone to be with the Lord. There is a strong longing in both me and my wife for our children to have grandparents and the added blessing of support, love and belonging. We have prayed, “Lord, please send us a grandma for our kids.” This book inspires and gives a picture of family that is countercultural and life giving.

An initial claim is that multigenerational households were how ancient families functioned and still function in the East. The opening scenario of the festive Sabbath meal occurs in Jerusalem. The author hints that we in the West have misunderstood “leave and cleave” to our own detriment. He doesn’t provide much in the way of Biblical evidence but in my own passing sweep of the New Testament I immediately thought of Peter’s mother-in-law sick with fever living in the same home as Peter. I also recalled Paul’s admonition that if a widow has children, then she is is to be cared for by her children. So I could see that leave and cleave could possibly mean a change in relational dependence rather than a change in location. The author points to the industrial revolution and the Sears catalog as the culprit that spurred the separation of multigenerational families in the West. He explains that the nuclear family that so many conservatives cling to as the ideal picture of family-Dad, Mom and two kids- is actually destructive and robs families of the benefits of the multigenerational family model.

As I stated, I bought this book already with the mindset that I like this idea of the multigenerational family. I wanted to know the “how”. How do we make this shift? And I don’t think the author ever promised to give any practical advice or steps. He may have even said that he would not give such information. I suppose that would be a very difficult task with so many different types of families and situations. But the more I read, the more I wanted to see, “Step 1…”. Thus I was left a little disappointed and perhaps frustrated that the conclusion of the book is the above mentioned subscription based website address. My first thought was, “This whole book was a four hour long infomercial!”

Well I will try to be less cynical and say that the book did inspire some thought about family and what I would like to see mine become. There were some practical tips on family “rhythm” (a buzz word in Christian living books these days), such as a weekly Sabbath meal, a weekly husband and wife planning meeting and a weekly hour of one on one quality time between family members with a rotating schedule. I plan to check out the free resources offered by the website because I really do love the idea of our family working as a team in mission for Jesus with other adult family members teaching, blessing, supporting, and loving my kids. So if the purpose of the book was to inspire more of that, then it accomplished it’s purpose.

[Kenji · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book challenging the modern understanding of family. This book explores the roots of our current western perspective of family and where we got off track. It explores the Biblical view of family as a multi-generational team on mission and leads us to rediscover this mindset for our own families!

The vision of being a launchpad for individuals and getting kids through high school is too small. No wonder so many people aren’t interested in family.

"We pass on our faith to our kids, not so they can consume it for their personal emotional feel-good, but so the territory of the kingdom can be expanded as we raise disciples who kick back the darkness and permeate every walk of life with the sacrificial love found in Jesus."

Who doesn't want to raise kids who are kicking back the darkness and expanding the territory of God's kingdom? Whether you're married or single, kids or no kids, this book is a much needed encouragement to join in God's redemptive plan and start living intentionally on mission!

[Maddie Delgado · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book! I listened to it. I would recommend it to anyone who feels wants to live life more intentionally and biblically. Lots of great principals and strategies to talk through as a fam. As someone who is married to someone who works in ministry, the last few chapters hit home!!! It helped me put words to a lot of things we go through and gave amazing insight on how to set boundaries. The one thing i didn’t love was the sorts analogies. They made sense, I’m just not sporty so it wasn’t my thing. Planning to listen to it again soon so my hubby and i can talk through it.

[Jennifer Kemp · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am totally buying what Jefferson Bethke is selling in this book. I was already feeling like God was guiding more towards this thought process already but this book just put it into perspective. Definitely would recommend this to my mom friends.

[emily spilman · Rating 4 out of 5]

i want to preface this by saying that i am not currently a parent but hope to be someday. i also think parenting content can easily become law for some people to grasp onto as they raise their families when ultimately it is just tools in your tool box to utilize as you raise your family.

i can see why people don’t resignate with bethke’s “family team” language or are frustrated with his lack of application at times. again, im not a parent but i think this could be a really good book for dads — i could see how the language & the stories bethke tells could be more compelling for fathers than mothers. i kind of like the family team concept & definitely think it could be beneficial for some families. i think a lot of what he mentions is in line with scripture. i also appreciate the historical context he gives throughout the book. there are even some marriage rhythms he mentioned that i found valuable.

overall, he says some pretty counter cultural things in this book. i like his argument of home being the core identity for the family. i think his point that individualism is destroying the family is really important in a culture that is quick to divide & “do whats best” for the individual no matter its impact on the family unit. i also think he gives some beneficial commentary to having your children be active members of your family by giving them a voice & agency. i wouldnt recommend this book to every parent but i think it could be a beneficial tool for some.

[Teresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Bethke’s writing is always a fire hose, but this one especially is worth it. Thought-provoking for my own perspective of family, but also helpful for me as I encourage friends who are married and/or who are parents.

**Also, I would recommend walking through the ideas in this book with your spouse (or mentor/friend/etc. if you are a single parent), even if you are already familiar with the idea of family teams. And yes, it’s worth the read if you are single too. ☺️

[Holden Jannusch · Rating 4 out of 5]

my name is [redacted] and i’m taking back my family 🙋🏻‍♂️🫶🏼

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨

A very easy read with provoking thoughts. Created great conversation with my husband regarding our family mission and values.

A couple ideas Bethke brought up:
- Each family as a team with unique strengths and mission. Using “we” language.
- Similarities to team sports and running a business
- Multigenerational vision
- How God intentionally placed each individual into a family with certain strengths He thought the team needed. (Healthy competition between siblings).
- “family over mission” vs. “family as mission” vs. “family on mission”
- I loved how he encouraged starting with Sabbath. His reflection on his experience at a Shabbat dinner in Israel was very similar to mine.
- With kids, not wanting “high expectation, low support” (militaristic) or “low expectation, high support” (coddling). Rather, want to offer “high expectations, high support.”
- Helpful feedback involves saying something like “I have these high expectations for you, and I know you are capable of reaching them.”

[Michael Perry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hand down the best book I read this year. All parents should read this. Probably multiple times in the course of raising kids. Bethke challenges and encourages. He processes many flaws in the Western family design: The idea of raising a family to then have it disintegrate. The idea that we are built to consume vs contribute.
The idea that work is more important.
The idea that all teens will go wild and act out.
And so much more.

He is mid process himself - with a relatively young family, and I love that. It’s fun to read the book as he is giving thoughts and ideas yet giving plenty of freedom for us, the readers to go and try it for ourselves, to make it our own. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Go read it! :)

[Claire Dabeck · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this! It challenged my perspective and I love the shift of viewing your family as a team. Will we implement every single thing he recommended? No. Because we are not the Bethkes! Rather than writing a specific prescriptions, he outlined a broader philosophical shift of how family can be structured and encouraged readers to find out what works for their family specifically. Will definitely reference back to this one for years to come as we continue to cultivate our family vision and mission!

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook read by Bethke and really enjoyed the “family is a team sport” theme woven throughout.

I jotted down many ideas to implement over the next several years of parenting (i.e. creating a family mission statement, praying nighttime blessings over your kids, marital inventory questions).

(3.5 stars) — Simply written, but important content in the individualistic world we live in. Definitely makes you think.

[Brittany · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was surprised that I didn’t enjoy this book more. I knew going in that I’d likely have some theological differences with the author, and that doesn’t bother me, but I was disappointed that most of his arguments and suggestions seemed to be influenced more by the secular world (sports teams, CEO/board of directors) than by Scripture.

[Kayla Pashovich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really love this philosophy and way of leading your family especially in today’s culture. So many things I want to take from this book and implement in our family and rhythm! Will likely reread in the near future as my kids grow.

[Conrad · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read from an awesome author - love Bethke’s work! Would recommend to anyone interested in reading about family dynamics, reflecting on family, and learning how to have a team mindset when it comes to raising a family. Going to take a good amount of time to journal about this one!

[Paige Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a good book to read when trying to establish family values. It created lots of discussions between my husband and I, but also our friends and our extended family. Definitely makes you think about what you truly want for your family.

[DT · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot of what is in this book are things those of us from eastern cultures already know, but hearing it from a Christian perspective is great. I loved the practical tips and ideas, as well as the research.

[Christina Mansfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some great practical wisdom on a team-oriented vision for family. Won’t be for everyone and I think the vision is incomplete (re. the Church as family), but I found Bethke’s insights on rest and mission particularly helpful.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really loved this book! It contains a lot of sports talk, but is still understandable. I really loved a lot of the ideas and information he talked about. I am going to have my hubby read this book and I hope it will give us some good conversations to have.

[Sammie Parlier]

had to stop reading bc i didn’t like it lol

[Tim Littleford · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really struggled with the writing style. The book is built around one core idea: that families should be multi-generational teams on mission. I think that's a great idea.

[Benjamin Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great resource. It’s challenging and convicting but in such a refreshing and exciting way. I love the perspective the author brings to this conversation and the real life examples he gives. The book is a great gut check. It really shakes you into rethinking the way you do everything revolving around family life. I found the insights around how to empower and include kids into roles of responsibility inside the family unit particularly inspiring. Definitely recommend!

[Claire King · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and share many of the same beliefs and values as the author. There are many take aways and ideas I would like to implement in my own life but I also felt a sense of pride at knowing family is one of our priorities and we do a half way decent job of keeping it one. I would love to see more in our country/culture do the same and pray we continue to.

Ah-has, wows, and things for me to remember:

“Families should live and act as a multigenerational team.”

America is one of the worst countries in the developed world to raise a family- F rating along with Mexico among 35 countries in the study
An average of 23% of household income on childcare
Invented nursing homes - the whole industry
Spend 3x as much money on childbirth with shorter leaves

Questions to consider for each child:
What makes their hearts light up?
How are they wired?
What are their weaknesses we can help watch out?

Child “scouting report”:
What’s their role on this team?
How are they gifted?
How or where do they need the most support?
What activities do we need to prioritize for them to help them flourish?
What is the best way to spend one on one time with them?
When do they come most alive?

Life is a collection of weeks
Learn to have a good week and you’ll have a good life
Learn to get better in small ways and you’ll learn to get better in large ways over the years
Nail a week and you nail a lifetime

Everything in this culture is given precedence over the family. Family needs to be prioritized.

[Brad Sarian · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am currently preparing a parenting cohort for the church I lead, so I have been reading tons of parenting books. The main premise of Take Back Your Family is that our family should be viewed through the lens of a team, which has some beautiful benefits (compared to the traditional nuclear family view.)

Overall, the first half was largely repetitive and unnecessary to make his point. He does a deep dive into some of America's history (with some very interesting stories) but it could have been summed up in a chapter. His portrayal of the past family structure seemed a bit idealized, even though I do agree with him that what the west is producing is an epic failure. Bethke is writing from an incredibly unique perspective (being an author who works from home and has a great deal of flexibility with his schedule), which makes it difficult to be a book I would recommend to the average person which is far from this reality. I appreciate how he addresses this throughout the book and gives stories of others who are doing it differently though.

One thing I loved in the book was his distinction between viewing parenting as babysitting or coaching. He helpfully explains how many parents (particularly dads) think that "providing" financially is all we are called to do. Babysitters simply make sure no one dies, but coaches make sure the team flourishes.

There are better parenting books out there, but I am grateful for his addition with his specific angle of the family being a team.

[MrsMJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! I was interested to read about how the family structure has changed since the industrial revolution, and how it was before. I was surprised to find out that the current ideal is not the original Biblical model. I was encouraged and inspired by the positive parenting strategies that were presented. I connected to the team analogy and was challenged to reflect on ways our family could be more intentional as a team. I appreciated the practicality of the book—very applicable! I look forward to accessing all the additional (free) goodies on their website, such as worksheets and other family resources!

[Tacy Stacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book! Such an incredible resource. Full of inspiration, ideas, and convicting truths that empower and enable you to strengthen your family as a team. I will highly, highly recommend this book to everyone I know. I was fully engaged through the very last chapter. So thankful for the books that come out of the Bethke household and this is no exception. 🙌🏻