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Defending Ourselves: A Guide to Prevention, Self-Defense, and Recovery from Rape
A straightforward approach to handling date rape instructs readers on how to understand the psychological makeup of potential attackers and practice actual defense tactics while offering advice on what to do after a physical assault. Reprint.
216 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 1994
About the author
Rosalind Wiseman
18 books282 followersRosalind's career began because she noticed the same pattern underneath very different human problems: a teenager feeling alienated from friends, a parent and child caught in a power struggle they couldn't get out of, a work team derailed because people couldn't say what they knew to be true. The situations looked nothing alike, but the cause was almost always the same. Predictable social patterns created seemingly intractable power struggles and feelings of disrespect that trapped people in miscommunication, resentment, judgments and disengagement.
That is why dignity, the recognition of every person's inherent worth, is the foundation of her approach. This work is not a soft skill. Dignity allows people to exist without fear of being ignored, humiliated, or dismissed. And when we lead from dignity, conversations change, conflict de-escalates, and accountability becomes possible.
Rosalind is the best-selling author of nine books, including the New York Times bestsellers Queen Bees and Wannabes—the inspiration for the Mean Girls movie and musical franchise—and Masterminds & Wingmen, named Best Parenting Book by Books for a Better Life. She contributed to David Yeager's 2024 best-selling book 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People: A Groundbreaking Approach to Leading the Next Generation—And Making Your Own Life Easier, and is now working on a book to be published by St. Martin's Press in 2028.
She speaks throughout the world in educational institutions, government, and non-profit organizations, and served as a senior leadership consultant at the US State Department's Office of Overseas Schools from 2020-2026.
She has been interviewed by, profiled in, or written for The New York Times, The London Times, The Atlantic, The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post, USA Today, NPR affiliates throughout the country, and many others.
Audiences she has presented to include South by Southwest, Microsoft, UBS, The Royal Society for the Arts, the Association for the Advancement of International Education, the United States Justice Department, the Library of Congress, the United States Department of State, the Game Developers Conference, the American Association of School Administrators, and the White House many times across administrations.
Rosalind has an honorary doctorate from Occidental College and is a board member of the Johnson Depression Center at Anschutz Medical Campus.
She is a native of Washington, D.C., a daughter, sister, wife, and mother of two young men, and lives in Boulder, Colorado, and Valencia, Spain.
That is why dignity, the recognition of every person's inherent worth, is the foundation of her approach. This work is not a soft skill. Dignity allows people to exist without fear of being ignored, humiliated, or dismissed. And when we lead from dignity, conversations change, conflict de-escalates, and accountability becomes possible.
Rosalind is the best-selling author of nine books, including the New York Times bestsellers Queen Bees and Wannabes—the inspiration for the Mean Girls movie and musical franchise—and Masterminds & Wingmen, named Best Parenting Book by Books for a Better Life. She contributed to David Yeager's 2024 best-selling book 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People: A Groundbreaking Approach to Leading the Next Generation—And Making Your Own Life Easier, and is now working on a book to be published by St. Martin's Press in 2028.
She speaks throughout the world in educational institutions, government, and non-profit organizations, and served as a senior leadership consultant at the US State Department's Office of Overseas Schools from 2020-2026.
She has been interviewed by, profiled in, or written for The New York Times, The London Times, The Atlantic, The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post, USA Today, NPR affiliates throughout the country, and many others.
Audiences she has presented to include South by Southwest, Microsoft, UBS, The Royal Society for the Arts, the Association for the Advancement of International Education, the United States Justice Department, the Library of Congress, the United States Department of State, the Game Developers Conference, the American Association of School Administrators, and the White House many times across administrations.
Rosalind has an honorary doctorate from Occidental College and is a board member of the Johnson Depression Center at Anschutz Medical Campus.
She is a native of Washington, D.C., a daughter, sister, wife, and mother of two young men, and lives in Boulder, Colorado, and Valencia, Spain.
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
September 2, 2011
I picked up this book in a bookstore and flipped through it, hoping it could offer some wisdom about rape survival outside of the legal system. Instead, the chapter I opened to argued that "extremist feminists" were ruining any real discourse about rape and that you should take "personal responsibility" (a phrase that has lost real meaning since becoming rightspeak for "caring about others inconveniences me") if you choose to get drunk. It basically said it's not a rapists fault if you send them mixed messages. I'm disturbed that this is not satire, and written by a self-identified feminist.
Then it says there are things we can do to prepare ourselves against rape, by looking for signs? Please! The best kept secret about rape and sexual assault is that only very little of it is caused by nasty, aggressive bros. I've been assaulted by an Eagle Scout, for Christ's sake, because I dared to send him the "mixed message" of having once dated him like 5 years previous. Preventing rape is not about telling women not to get so drunk or send such mixed messages, it's about teaching all people that they are never, ever entitled to another person's body, even if they have had sex with you before, even if you're a really good person so of course what you're doing couldn't be, gasp, RAPE! Yes, yes it is!
The reasons so many rapes go unreported is not because we're afraid of retaliation but because so many rapists are normal men and we know we'll just get embarrassed and ignored by the legal system! Besides, sending someone to prison or being called a liar should not be the only options. For one, how about a society that stops telling drunk girls that they had it coming!
Then it says there are things we can do to prepare ourselves against rape, by looking for signs? Please! The best kept secret about rape and sexual assault is that only very little of it is caused by nasty, aggressive bros. I've been assaulted by an Eagle Scout, for Christ's sake, because I dared to send him the "mixed message" of having once dated him like 5 years previous. Preventing rape is not about telling women not to get so drunk or send such mixed messages, it's about teaching all people that they are never, ever entitled to another person's body, even if they have had sex with you before, even if you're a really good person so of course what you're doing couldn't be, gasp, RAPE! Yes, yes it is!
The reasons so many rapes go unreported is not because we're afraid of retaliation but because so many rapists are normal men and we know we'll just get embarrassed and ignored by the legal system! Besides, sending someone to prison or being called a liar should not be the only options. For one, how about a society that stops telling drunk girls that they had it coming!
October 2, 2019
At various points in the book I was somewhat put off by how it was steeped in patriarchy, but there were also some pretty practical tips. I thought I would rate it higher until the date rape section. There all the talk about victim culture and unintentional nonconsensual sex was pretty bad, but what really got me was that right after pointing out the 1% conviction rate on rapes, said we needed to have sympathy for men's fears of false accusations.
I think it is far more helpful to educate them on the low risks, versus the high frequency of rapes and assaults and the damage they cause. That might have us work more toward solving the bigger problem. No, it's not the only problem, but still.
I think it is far more helpful to educate them on the low risks, versus the high frequency of rapes and assaults and the damage they cause. That might have us work more toward solving the bigger problem. No, it's not the only problem, but still.
October 9, 2023
book very helpful for me and made me have some much needed break through. chapter 6 was really great. despite this some views the authour had were very outdated and had tones of victim blaming which is not the vibe
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews