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Wish We Knew What to Say: Talking with Children About Race
We want our children to thrive and flourish in a diverse, multi-cultural world and we owe it to them to help them make sense of the confusing and emotionally charged messages they receive about themselves and others. These early years are the most crucial when children are curious about the world around them, but are also quick to form stereotypes and biases that can become deeply ingrained as they grow older. These are the people who are going to inherit this world, and we owe it to them to lay a strong foundation for the next phases of their lives.
Wish We Knew What to Say is a timely and urgent book that gives scenarios, questions, thought starters, resources and advice in an accessible manner on how to tackle tricky conversations around race and racism with confidence and awareness. it brings in the science of how children perceive race and form racial identity, combining it with personal stories and experiences to create a handy guide that every parent would refer to again and again.
Written by behavioural and data scientist, Dr Pragya Agarwal, Wish We Knew What to Say will help all parents, carers and educators give children the tools and vocabulary to talk about people's differences and similarities in an open, non-judgemental, curious way, and help them address any unfairness they might see or encounter.
Wish We Knew What to Say is a timely and urgent book that gives scenarios, questions, thought starters, resources and advice in an accessible manner on how to tackle tricky conversations around race and racism with confidence and awareness. it brings in the science of how children perceive race and form racial identity, combining it with personal stories and experiences to create a handy guide that every parent would refer to again and again.
Written by behavioural and data scientist, Dr Pragya Agarwal, Wish We Knew What to Say will help all parents, carers and educators give children the tools and vocabulary to talk about people's differences and similarities in an open, non-judgemental, curious way, and help them address any unfairness they might see or encounter.
192 pages, Hardcover
Published October 15, 2020
26 people are currently reading
612 people want to read
About the author
Pragya Agarwal
13 books68 followersDr Pragya Agarwal is an activist, behavioural and data scientist, speaker and a consultant. As a Senior Academic in US and UK universities, she has held the prestigious Leverhulme Fellowship, following a PhD from the University of Nottingham. Her publications are on reading lists of leading academic courses across the world.
Pragya is the author of SWAY: Unravelling Unconscious Bias published with Bloomsbury Publishing, and ‘Wish we knew what to say: Talking with children about race’, a manual for parents, carers and educators of all backgrounds and ethnicities to talk to children about race and racism, published with Dialogue Books (Little, Brown/Hachette).
Pragya has worked as a consultant and speaker with organisations around the world, including universities, corporate and non-profits, and schools, delivering talks and workshops on unconscious bias, racism, social inclusion, power and privilege.
A passionate campaigner for women’s rights, and two-time TEDx speaker herself, Pragya organised the first ever TEDxWoman event in the north of the UK. She regularly appears on panels and has given keynotes around the world. Pragya has appeared on BBC Woman’s Hour, BBC Breakfast, Sky News, Australian Broadcasting Service, and Canadian Radio. She is the founder of a social enterprise The Art Tiffin. and a research think-tank The 50 Percent Project investigating women’s status and rights around the world. Pragya is the winner of the Diverse Wisdom Writing award from Hay House Publishing in 2018, and was named as one of the 100 influential women in social enterprise in the UK, and one of 50 people creating change in the UK-India corridor.
As a freelance journalist, Pragya writes - ethical, literary, scientific- articles widely. Her writing on bias and prejudice, motherhood, gender and racial inequality and mental health has appeared in The Guardian, New Scientist, Scientific American, Independent, BMJ, Times Higher Education, Huffington Post, Prospect, Forbes, and many more.
Pragya has a mini podcast series ‘Outside the boxes’ examining how the labels and stereotypes affect us as a society, the science behind it, and what we can do about it. And, in 2020, she launched another mini-series ‘Wish We Knew What To Say’ to accompany her book of the same name. In six episodes, she speaks with parents of different ethnic backgrounds about their experiences and raising children with secure identities.
Pragya moved to the UK from India almost twenty years ago to study for a Masters at the University of York on a British Council Fellowship, and now lives in the north- west with her family.
Pragya is the author of SWAY: Unravelling Unconscious Bias published with Bloomsbury Publishing, and ‘Wish we knew what to say: Talking with children about race’, a manual for parents, carers and educators of all backgrounds and ethnicities to talk to children about race and racism, published with Dialogue Books (Little, Brown/Hachette).
Pragya has worked as a consultant and speaker with organisations around the world, including universities, corporate and non-profits, and schools, delivering talks and workshops on unconscious bias, racism, social inclusion, power and privilege.
A passionate campaigner for women’s rights, and two-time TEDx speaker herself, Pragya organised the first ever TEDxWoman event in the north of the UK. She regularly appears on panels and has given keynotes around the world. Pragya has appeared on BBC Woman’s Hour, BBC Breakfast, Sky News, Australian Broadcasting Service, and Canadian Radio. She is the founder of a social enterprise The Art Tiffin. and a research think-tank The 50 Percent Project investigating women’s status and rights around the world. Pragya is the winner of the Diverse Wisdom Writing award from Hay House Publishing in 2018, and was named as one of the 100 influential women in social enterprise in the UK, and one of 50 people creating change in the UK-India corridor.
As a freelance journalist, Pragya writes - ethical, literary, scientific- articles widely. Her writing on bias and prejudice, motherhood, gender and racial inequality and mental health has appeared in The Guardian, New Scientist, Scientific American, Independent, BMJ, Times Higher Education, Huffington Post, Prospect, Forbes, and many more.
Pragya has a mini podcast series ‘Outside the boxes’ examining how the labels and stereotypes affect us as a society, the science behind it, and what we can do about it. And, in 2020, she launched another mini-series ‘Wish We Knew What To Say’ to accompany her book of the same name. In six episodes, she speaks with parents of different ethnic backgrounds about their experiences and raising children with secure identities.
Pragya moved to the UK from India almost twenty years ago to study for a Masters at the University of York on a British Council Fellowship, and now lives in the north- west with her family.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
September 25, 2020
I read Dr Agarwal's eye-opening book 'Sway' earlier in the year, and its content is something that I still think about frequently. So when I heard she had a book coming out about how to talk to children about racism, I jumped at the chance to read it.
First of all let me say that I am not a parent. However, they say it takes a village to raise a child. I have children I'm very close to and it's a privilege to be a part of their lives. I want to make sure that I play a positive role in their upbringing and, to be honest, when it comes to racism, prejudice, and white privilege, I felt I needed some guidance. Wish We Knew What To Say tuned out to be exactly what I needed.
So, this isn't just a book for parents, it's for grandparents, family, friends, teachers; anyone who plays a role in a child's upbringing would benefit from this book. There is something in this book for everyone.
Dr Agarwal begins by looking at racism, definitions and explanations that provide the reader with a good solid base to work from. This part of the book in itself should be essential reading for all.
She then splits down the book into different age groups; breaking down how a caregiver can approach discussion and create awareness with all ages. She gives example questions you might encounter, and thorough detail on how to answer them. She also provides the reader with suggestions for work one could do with their child, and guidance for when the open discussion gets particularly challenging.
Dr Agarwal herself moved to the UK from India 20 years ago. She has raised an adult daughter, and has 4 year old mixed-race twins whom she is raising in a largely white community. So not only is she sharing her professional advice as a behavioural and data scientist, but also her personal experience as as mother. The combination of these factors make this book the invaluable resource it is.
Easy to read, with examples as well as resources, Wish We Knew What To Say is a book that I think all caregivers should read. It helped me continue my own personal work on my white privilege, as well as deepening my understanding so that I can play my part in helping to raise the next generation.
First of all let me say that I am not a parent. However, they say it takes a village to raise a child. I have children I'm very close to and it's a privilege to be a part of their lives. I want to make sure that I play a positive role in their upbringing and, to be honest, when it comes to racism, prejudice, and white privilege, I felt I needed some guidance. Wish We Knew What To Say tuned out to be exactly what I needed.
So, this isn't just a book for parents, it's for grandparents, family, friends, teachers; anyone who plays a role in a child's upbringing would benefit from this book. There is something in this book for everyone.
Dr Agarwal begins by looking at racism, definitions and explanations that provide the reader with a good solid base to work from. This part of the book in itself should be essential reading for all.
She then splits down the book into different age groups; breaking down how a caregiver can approach discussion and create awareness with all ages. She gives example questions you might encounter, and thorough detail on how to answer them. She also provides the reader with suggestions for work one could do with their child, and guidance for when the open discussion gets particularly challenging.
Dr Agarwal herself moved to the UK from India 20 years ago. She has raised an adult daughter, and has 4 year old mixed-race twins whom she is raising in a largely white community. So not only is she sharing her professional advice as a behavioural and data scientist, but also her personal experience as as mother. The combination of these factors make this book the invaluable resource it is.
Easy to read, with examples as well as resources, Wish We Knew What To Say is a book that I think all caregivers should read. It helped me continue my own personal work on my white privilege, as well as deepening my understanding so that I can play my part in helping to raise the next generation.
September 26, 2024
An insightful guide that explores how parents, caregivers, and educators can navigate difficult conversations about race with children. Agarwal draws on her expertise as a behavioural and data scientist, as well as her personal experiences, to offer practical advice on fostering open, honest, and age-appropriate dialogues around racial issues.
The book is structured in a way that feels practical and actionable, with examples of how to respond to children’s questions or comments about race, as well as tips on initiating conversations in everyday situations. Agarwal also includes exercises and thought-provoking prompts to help adults reflect on their own biases and approach these discussions with greater sensitivity and awareness. The advice is particularly useful for those who might feel uncertain or uncomfortable talking about race, providing a roadmap for fostering meaningful engagement.
Agarwal’s approach is not about making people feel guilty but rather about equipping them with the tools to create a more just and equitable society, one conversation at a time.
The book is structured in a way that feels practical and actionable, with examples of how to respond to children’s questions or comments about race, as well as tips on initiating conversations in everyday situations. Agarwal also includes exercises and thought-provoking prompts to help adults reflect on their own biases and approach these discussions with greater sensitivity and awareness. The advice is particularly useful for those who might feel uncertain or uncomfortable talking about race, providing a roadmap for fostering meaningful engagement.
Agarwal’s approach is not about making people feel guilty but rather about equipping them with the tools to create a more just and equitable society, one conversation at a time.
November 14, 2020
I received the digital ARC copy of the book from Netgally in exchange for an honest review.
A must read to all parents, or parents to be, grand parents, no matter your cultural background you will learn a lot from this book. It open my eyes to see some issues mixed race families can go through in this world. I love that the book is from a British perspective rather than American, because though racism is the same everywhere, it's dealt with differently amongst different communities.
The writing style is right to the point, and has a very good flow, not fast paced that you'd get lost on the sea of information that is given, it comes with plenty of examples to help you understand complicated concepts, so if you never heard of white washing, or white passing you would most certainly understand it.
The book focuses on talking to younger kids (4-7/9) about their own heritage when it comes to having 2 or more different cultural backgrounds/ ethnicities. It would help parents to guide their children dealing with racism and bullying in different scenarios, either at school, playgrounds or even from within their own family.
I would love to see this book translated into different languages.
A must read to all parents, or parents to be, grand parents, no matter your cultural background you will learn a lot from this book. It open my eyes to see some issues mixed race families can go through in this world. I love that the book is from a British perspective rather than American, because though racism is the same everywhere, it's dealt with differently amongst different communities.
The writing style is right to the point, and has a very good flow, not fast paced that you'd get lost on the sea of information that is given, it comes with plenty of examples to help you understand complicated concepts, so if you never heard of white washing, or white passing you would most certainly understand it.
The book focuses on talking to younger kids (4-7/9) about their own heritage when it comes to having 2 or more different cultural backgrounds/ ethnicities. It would help parents to guide their children dealing with racism and bullying in different scenarios, either at school, playgrounds or even from within their own family.
I would love to see this book translated into different languages.
September 24, 2020
I’ve read a few books on racism in the last 12 months or so, and while this covers some of the same ground as the others, it also has a fresh angle which is worthwhile and timely. The book discusses how the subjects of race and racism should be addressed by parents, with sections dedicated to four separate age ranges from 0 to 3, to 10 to 12.
The first third or so talks about the topic more generally, providing a useful and quite digestible summary that overlaps with books like Akala’s ‘Natives’ and ‘How to be an Antiracist’ by Ibram X Kendi. The rest of the book covers the parenting angle, with useful discussion, checklists and reading suggestions. Dr Agarwal is a mother herself, and ties a lot of her thinking back to her own experiences, as well as those of parents at seminars she has run.
The result is a very readable, book on a difficult subject, that contains some clear action items. It certainly made me think about how I’ve handled the subject with my son.
The first third or so talks about the topic more generally, providing a useful and quite digestible summary that overlaps with books like Akala’s ‘Natives’ and ‘How to be an Antiracist’ by Ibram X Kendi. The rest of the book covers the parenting angle, with useful discussion, checklists and reading suggestions. Dr Agarwal is a mother herself, and ties a lot of her thinking back to her own experiences, as well as those of parents at seminars she has run.
The result is a very readable, book on a difficult subject, that contains some clear action items. It certainly made me think about how I’ve handled the subject with my son.
December 30, 2021
A very helpful guide on talking to children about racism and inclusive language. I’ve referred to it a few times and I certainly learned from a lot from it myself.
December 25, 2021
A must-read!! Great writing, spot-on, conveying really clearly how we can discuss race with children!
October 18, 2020
Wish We Knew What To Say by Dr Pragya Agarwal is an extremely important book on how to talk to children about racism.
Although primarily aimed at parents and teachers, this book would be valuable to anyone who wants to understand how stereotypes and prejudices infiltrate children from an early age and what we can do about it. ⠀
The book begins with an introduction about racism, its importance and implications in today's society, along with definitions and explanations and it almost reads like a manifesto. ⠀
The rest of the book is split into age groups, categorising the different approaches to discussions based on age. Agarwal provides common questions and answers them thoughtfully. Why are people still racist, why are people's skin colours different, why isn't my friend's mum black like he is etc. etc. are just a few of the limitless questions that children have, and all of these, though extremely tricky and sensitive to address, offer the perfect opportunity to provide children with a historical context and give our best to break the vicious cycle of implicit (or explicit) racism happening today.
I found it really interesting to read Agarwal's appeal not to take on the "colour-blind approach", which although well-intentioned will lead to perpetuated internalised racism, as she argues. Rather, she advises openly discussing race and racism as early as possible. She also addresses the different challenges faced by bi-racial children, who feel like they don't belong to neither side, and easily decide to give up on one part of their heritage and only claim the other, especially if they're "white-passing".
Dr Agarwal draws from both her professional experience as a behavioural and data scientist and numerous workshops on race she's carried out as well as her personal experience as a single mother of 3 children who moved to the UK from India 20 years ago.
This is an easily readable book, full of resources (checklists and reading lists abundant) that offers a critically important guide to tackling the sensitive issue of racism, nipping it in the bud, so to speak. Out on Oct 29th.⠀
Big thanks to Little Brown Publishing, Dialogue Books and NetGalley for my copy.
#WishWeKnewWhatToSay #NetGalley
Although primarily aimed at parents and teachers, this book would be valuable to anyone who wants to understand how stereotypes and prejudices infiltrate children from an early age and what we can do about it. ⠀
The book begins with an introduction about racism, its importance and implications in today's society, along with definitions and explanations and it almost reads like a manifesto. ⠀
The rest of the book is split into age groups, categorising the different approaches to discussions based on age. Agarwal provides common questions and answers them thoughtfully. Why are people still racist, why are people's skin colours different, why isn't my friend's mum black like he is etc. etc. are just a few of the limitless questions that children have, and all of these, though extremely tricky and sensitive to address, offer the perfect opportunity to provide children with a historical context and give our best to break the vicious cycle of implicit (or explicit) racism happening today.
I found it really interesting to read Agarwal's appeal not to take on the "colour-blind approach", which although well-intentioned will lead to perpetuated internalised racism, as she argues. Rather, she advises openly discussing race and racism as early as possible. She also addresses the different challenges faced by bi-racial children, who feel like they don't belong to neither side, and easily decide to give up on one part of their heritage and only claim the other, especially if they're "white-passing".
Dr Agarwal draws from both her professional experience as a behavioural and data scientist and numerous workshops on race she's carried out as well as her personal experience as a single mother of 3 children who moved to the UK from India 20 years ago.
This is an easily readable book, full of resources (checklists and reading lists abundant) that offers a critically important guide to tackling the sensitive issue of racism, nipping it in the bud, so to speak. Out on Oct 29th.⠀
Big thanks to Little Brown Publishing, Dialogue Books and NetGalley for my copy.
#WishWeKnewWhatToSay #NetGalley
May 6, 2021
Such a valuable addition to the growing library of books exploring race and racism. While it is important to talk to our children about race and be ready to answer their questions or respond to their observations, it is unknown territory for many of us, especially if our own parents/teachers never had these chats with us. What’s the right thing to say, and how can I say it in a way that is developmentally appropriate for my child? What if I just confuse things or make it worse?
Dr Agarwal assuages these fears and uncertainties by first defining key terms that will inevitably pop up in these conversations. She then maps out potential questions or statements we might hear from our children and suggests ways to respond, often using real life examples. These are organised by age, and this so so very helpful.
I’ve already recommended this book to many of my colleagues who could easily use these sections to help them plan learning engagements and discussions with their students, some of whom were very excited to hear that they are already doing some of this with their Kindergarten classes. I would also recommend this to parents who want to raise their children to be anti-racist.
Dr Agarwal assuages these fears and uncertainties by first defining key terms that will inevitably pop up in these conversations. She then maps out potential questions or statements we might hear from our children and suggests ways to respond, often using real life examples. These are organised by age, and this so so very helpful.
I’ve already recommended this book to many of my colleagues who could easily use these sections to help them plan learning engagements and discussions with their students, some of whom were very excited to hear that they are already doing some of this with their Kindergarten classes. I would also recommend this to parents who want to raise their children to be anti-racist.
April 16, 2023
A book that needs to be read by every parent and teacher - particularly white ones - if we are to tackle systemic racism and unconscious bias. Agarwal also appends a very useful list of further reading for both children and adults.
In Sep 2021 copies of this book were delivered to 10 primary schools in Southend-on-Sea as part of the Jacqson Diego Story Emporium Book Elves initiative.
In Sep 2021 copies of this book were delivered to 10 primary schools in Southend-on-Sea as part of the Jacqson Diego Story Emporium Book Elves initiative.
March 17, 2021
This was a very readable yet comprehensive book about having meaningful conversations with children on race, with questions, scenarios and even intervention techniques. Highly recommended for parents and anyone working with children.
October 16, 2021
Accessible, instructive, honest and brave. A book every parent, especially of a black child, would benefit from reading. With its reading and resource lists it is a starting point for continued learning.
April 4, 2021
Really, really useful and eye-opening.
August 29, 2021
An excellent and essential book for all. As a parent and a teacher I wish I'd had this sooner. This will be going into school and be shared wide.
November 14, 2021
Simple and direct, with great advice for adults raising and working with children.
June 1, 2023
Nothing I didn't already know. This is for a person who has never before thought about issues surrounding race and/or never had a conversation about such topics.
May 20, 2023
Educate yourself. Recognise your privilege. Have uncomfortable conversations. The earlier you start the better. Children are like sponges who look to you whether you are a parent, educator, friend, in the community. They are not born racist. We must celebrate skin colour, culture and ways of life in order to celebrate it, we must see it. Don't whitewash their view of the world. A brilliant book to support you with talking to children about race.
February 20, 2024
This was a great primer on having developmentally appropriate conversations about race with children. It also has a comprehensive list of resources, ranging from different children's books to recommended reading for parents. Definitely recommend for anyone with children as a way of strengthening a child's racial identity.
April 3, 2024
Vivendo in un piccolo paese ma viaggiando molto avevo necessità di leggere una guida per introdurre il discorso su razze e razzismo a mio figlio. Questo libro è stato un buono spunto di riflessione : l'autrice spinge ad agire e non a non intervenire sulla curiosità dei bambini, in modo da crescerli consapevoli e capaci di agire .
July 30, 2022
A very efficient book about racism and education, a good start when you don't have been on the anti-racism path for too long, but also you have to be already convinced of the need to educate anti-racist children. Essential if you work with children or plan to have one/many.
October 28, 2020
Wish We Knew What to Say: Talking to Children About Race is a timely book.
Read more of our review here: http://www.bookerworm.com/reviews/640...
Read more of our review here: http://www.bookerworm.com/reviews/640...
March 13, 2024
Essential ready for every white parent or parent of children with white/bi-racial kids.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews