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Not Quite Out

Louise Willingham (Goodreads Author)

3.88 · Rating details · 8 ratings · 9 reviews

William Anson is done with relationships, thanks. He’s starting the second year of his medicine degree single, focused, and ready to mingle with purely platonic intentions.

Meeting Daniel, a barely recovered drug addict ready to start living life on his own terms, might just change that.

There are two problems.

One: William isn’t out.

What’s the point in telling your friends y ...more

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Paperback, 338 pages

Expected publication: February 9th 2021

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Jan 05, 2021 Shane Reid rated it did not like it

I'm starting my review by saying: if you're the author reading this, this is my brutally honest opinion and I'd prefer if you didn't use it against me. It's at your discretion to read a review of your book with an intentional lack of star rating. Please note, I'm trans gay man reading this book. My view is from the perspective of someone who's gone through a coming out journey.

I read NOT QUITE OUT aloud, to my boyfriend, in a mock-audiobook form. From the summary, cover, and tweets I'd read, I w I'm starting my review by saying: if you're the author reading this, this is my brutally honest opinion and I'd prefer if you didn't use it against me. It's at your discretion to read a review of your book with an intentional lack of star rating. Please note, I'm trans gay man reading this book. My view is from the perspective of someone who's gone through a coming out journey.

I read NOT QUITE OUT aloud, to my boyfriend, in a mock-audiobook form. From the summary, cover, and tweets I'd read, I was extremely interested. It sounded like a book I could get behind. From the get-go, the book had red flags. Will, the MC, was far too interested in the stranger, Daniel, and swooned purely over Daniel asking if he wanted a cheese topping on his jacket potato. For Will, that was the start of their love story. For me as a reader, it was the start of the absolute hell I was about to be dragged in to through this story.

Will is a closeted bisexual whose self-entitlement and self-importance and awful behaviours makes him an extremely hateable main character. He has absolutely nothing to him except what's happening in other people's lives. The only problems he faces are his ex-girlfriend--who never wanted to spend time with him and I can absolutely see why--and being closeted. He surrounds himself with LGBT friends, who all openly, repeatedly say they accept and love him no matter what. Will never faces any hint of oppression for his sexuality, is part of a welcoming community, but fears coming out. While this could seem okay, his friends constantly ask gently if he's bi/into men/is gay. Will gets quite offensively defensive over the questions, acknowledges his friends would probably be fine with it, but whines for the whole book about how he won't come out and they'll hate him. But, that's Will: he creates drama from nothing. He's paranoid, obsessive, and completely unlikeable.

He drops and picks up his friends, using them as he sees fit to gain from them. He argues with them when they give him some truths, and when nobody listens to him, he goes off crying and makes someone else's genuine issue about himself. Honestly, if there's two seconds not about Will's whining, he will find a way to make it in the next second.

Dan is the love interest, aged 25-26, and had the potential to be a good character. He wasn't unlikeable--but he was made unlikeable by association to Will. I felt sorry for Daniel in the sense that he had genuine problems and battles to fight that could have complexly explored but the author chose to ignore them and only used them when they antagonised Will's desire for a perfect, deluded concept of loving Daniel. Will very much picked and chose what parts of Daniel to like, and scorned him for the parts he didn't. He ignored the less bright parts of Daniel, which is a very asshole thing to do. Will's has a saviour complex, and that's the extent of his attraction towards Daniel. He wants to save him, and when he doesn't know how because Daniel is six-seven years older than him and had a life before Will, Will cries and makes Daniel rush to his side. Honestly, what did he think Daniel did before meeting him? Cry in a corner somewhere? In a very manipulative, toxic, gross way, this is how the relationship goes on for 300+ pages.

I hated the age gap. I absolutely hated it. I hated how the author referenced Will being a baby. There's a part where Daniel says he was part of the Russian military--how it was discussed that part of that included him killing men. Will says he doesn't care. He doesn't care?? I'd very much damn care if I was him and the person I liked had killed men in the name of war. Not only that but Will says he is proud of Daniel. Again: utter, complete bullshit. I hated how condescending Will was--how he basically thought he had to fix everyone or he'd die. His only character trait is wanting to obsessively--almost creepily--fix Daniel, and everyone compliments him on this like he was a hero. He wasn't. The entire book could have pretty much still happened without Will being in it--and probably would have been way better for that.

The writing is poor, feels vastly unresearched, and Dan and Will have about four affectionate gestures that are recycled paragraph after paragraph to the point where I felt like I was reading the same chapters over and over. NOT QUITE OUT is marketed as a "slow burn". Yet the love element happens while Will refuses to come out to Dan but still acts like he's in a couple and expects that same behaviour back. When he doesn't get that because Dan is probably trying to protect them both, he pouts like a baby. A literal child.

I hated the way the author used heroin addiction, self harm, and abortion as shock twists. I hate that heroin withdrawal is far more ugly and awful and fierce than what's depicted, and Will judged Dan for smoking and berated him for it like a damn life coach. I hated how Dan had genuine issues but the timeline of the book was so over the place it was hard to know where the hell he was up to--the author makes it sound like he still took drugs at the start but then Dan says he's been clean for weeks, then, the next week, for months--and everything just became about the author dragging Will and Dan into a bubble of ignorance just to get some attempted fluffy gay scenes in bed.

The trope were grossly done--including one bed, which is far too obsessive and creepy from Will's perspective. It felt like "oh, I just met this boy, oh GOD WHY IS HE NOT HUGGING ME IN BED???". Then, there's a personal hated toxic one for bisexual characters: the MC doesn't get the boy he wants so he turns to the safest choice girl and they sleep together. Achilles (SONG OF ACHILLES), Jason McConnell (BARE), Tanner (AUTOBOYOGRAPHY), and many more. Will is the next one to the list, except he's unlikeable and I wished I'd never met him as a character. Thus, from this mistake, there's a pregnancy scare, which leads to an abortion, of which Will is included in the scenes with his ex-girlfriend, Lilley. Lilley, bleeding, nauseous, vomiting, going through hell with her body, swallows her own needs and lets Will run off to be with Dan. He completely forgets about her, then does the asshole thing of not taking attention to his phone after he tells Lilley to call him if she needs him. He honestly doesn't give a shit and deludes himself into thinking she'll be fine. Will is honestly gross. I've never hated a book character so much.

Another gross element that sat so uncomfortably with me: Will cannot hold secrets. Will cannot discern what's his business and what isn't. He tells his friends about Dan's heroin addiction, his abusive relationship, and then tells Dan things about his friends. He outs them, he shares their information--and just all-round clearly has no sense of personal boundaries because he's never had to deal with anything serious or hard in his life. He reeks of toxic privilege. He villanises his best friend who only ever wanted to be there for him, and the author tries to make a reader hate that best friend for getting between Dan and Will. Will is obsessed with the idea of his best friend liking Dan, and we're supposed to go along with the idea that it's a shock that his best friend likes Will himself. What poor taste. A reader is supposed to feel the shock Will feels when he finds out Daniel likes him--but it's laughably bad writing. There's no shock value to what the author has tried to give that to. The hyperbole is done so poor.

I don't regret reading this book, if only to write a review and hope that others can see the errors I have and stay away. This is toxic bisexual rep with a character who only sees himself and fuck anyone else who tries to smash his picture of perfection. Will is not the bisexual hero you think he is; he's stalker-ish, creepy, obsessive, paranoid, and an all-round asshole.

I'm sorry to the author for such a bluntly harsh bad review but I had such a negative experience reading this book. Nothing was done well, nothing redeemed the book for me, and nothing could make me recommend it to anyone else. I do not have respect for this book, or any of the author's future works. I don't have any respect for anyone who reads this book and roots for Will and Dan. They're forced together for the sake of the mlm romance, but the author tells us what their relationship is. The bare glimpses we get of being shown is completely different. I don't want to be told how they are because it was gross and did not make sense or add up. If I was Dan, I'd have run a thousand miles from a creepy boy who decided to be in love with him because of A) a cheese topping remembrance, and B) Will obsessing that Daniel looked unhappy the literal second time he ever saw him. What a toxic story with no plot because the main character couldn't see past his childish behaviour and saviour complex long enough to realise he only meddles in other people's issues. He does nothing to fix them and everything to make it about how he's affected. Oh, boo fucking hoo, Will. ...more

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Nov 01, 2020 Tasha Vieira rated it it was amazing

ARC reader - honest review

On reflection I believe this book deserves a more detailed review so have edited my original one.

Normally I don’t enjoy slow burns but I was hooked and invested from Will and Dan’s first chance meeting right to the last page. I can’t think about jacket potatoes without thinking about these two. This is a great testament to the writing style.

I absolutely adore everything about Dan. He is a unique and complicated character and I really felt for him throughout. He’s had ...more

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Jul 16, 2020 Fanna marked it as to-read

Shelves: 2021-releases

July 16, 2020: Bisexual YES! Super excited for this one.

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Jan 05, 2021 Salem Reid rated it did not like it

I would first like to press that this is my opinion and if you are the author reading this, please do not read if you are not open to honest criticism and/or you are not prepared to read a negative review. My opinion is not based on the writer and it is a look into my reading experience only.

Note: I only gave it 1 star because I need to in order for it to count for my reading challenge.

SPOILERS below. Full review link here because I ran out of space:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_...

---- ...more

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Dec 19, 2020 Jessica rated it it was amazing

Shelves: lgbt

I’m going to write a long and gushing review for the blog tour in a few months time, but I wanted to say a few things now because I loved everything about this book from start to finish.

- The writing is absolutely STUNNING and so well thought out.
- The characters feel so real. They have backgrounds, interests, identities, fears, hopes, flaws. I loved each and every one of them and how they drive the story.
- It has some of the best bisexual rep that I have ever read and it is so consistent throug ...more

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Jan 09, 2021 sol marked it as to-read

Shelves: lgbtqia

the mc is bisexual
i am bisexual
that is the only reason I need to read this book immediately

flag 4 likes · Like · see review

Jan 06, 2021 Cheryl Burman rated it really liked it

Will is bi, but no one knows. Or he thinks no one knows. He doesn’t understand his own reluctance to come out, given his supportive uni friends, tolerant parents and a sister who’s got his back the whole way. He’s recently broken up with his girlfriend, Lilly, and has sworn off relationships, at least while he’s working hard on his medical degree. Then he meets Dan - exotic, troubled Dan - and that’s it. Dan’s gay, which should make life a lot easier, except it doesn’t. Willingham has a good tou ...more

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Jan 08, 2021 talia ♡ marked it as to-read

Shelves: 2021-releases, lgbtq-rep, romance-novels, wishlist, ya-lit

okay, im super excited for this book bc bi!rights! but i am CRYING over the cover 😭😭 WHY does this look exactly like gansey and adam parrish in that meme format?!...this literally sums up their relationship too 😭

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Jan 05, 2021 Matthew Cornford rated it it was amazing

You may have noticed Not Quite Out has been causing a sandstorm of interest via Twitter and Instagram. Because I’ve kept a close eye on Willingham's posts over the last couple of months, I’ve had a reasonable idea of the plot, the boys and what might be happening in this novel.

There isn’t a chance I’d spoil your experience of this book by giving too much away but I will discuss the outline of the story, my thoughts of the two boys and my own experienced with regards to the topics within the book You may have noticed Not Quite Out has been causing a sandstorm of interest via Twitter and Instagram. Because I’ve kept a close eye on Willingham's posts over the last couple of months, I’ve had a reasonable idea of the plot, the boys and what might be happening in this novel.

There isn’t a chance I’d spoil your experience of this book by giving too much away but I will discuss the outline of the story, my thoughts of the two boys and my own experienced with regards to the topics within the book.

William, this shy and fragile young boy at Keele University studying to become a Doctor. A self-proclaimed NERD and complete light weight when it comes to alcohol. Yet what William shows you through this book is the passion and utter surrender of oneself to another. To discover the faults and weaknesses of somebody and the ability to look past them to see the brightness they hide within.

Daniel, a tall handsome blonde Russian whose been drawn into a world of sex, drugs and… an abusive relationship. You can’t help but fall for Daniel from the first moment he’s mentioned on the page. This vulnerability he so honestly portrays just makes you want to whisk him up and save him from the horrors of the world.

From start to finish the book is written from Williams perspective as he attempts to rescue Daniel from the tight grips of an abusive partner. It flows in a conversational style while never forgetting to supply you all descriptive details you need to just fall in love with every character. The plot flows in the direction you would expect for a young love, coming of age YA novel but certainly does have a few plot twists to keep your interest peeked.

Willingham did a spectacular job of creating sexual suspense. I was made to turn every page expecting a first touch, kiss or embrace. While they are there throughout the book, I would say I was defiantly left wanting more, yet that may have been the idea. The ones that are there are pure, innocent and incredible moving. While having all the above causing a wonderful euphoria at every page turn, we are brought down to earth rapidly when tougher subjects are approached. Let’s not forget the first page of this book states “This book contains references to abortion, PTDS, drug addiction, abusive relationships and self-harm.” While drug addition is of course a main focus of the book the other parts are approached in a softer more general term.

We won’t discuss how this tail ends, as of course you must discover for yourself wither Daniel can be saved and if William can be his one saviour.
...more

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About Louise Willingham

Louise Willingham

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Louise Willingham is an environmental scientist and writer whose interests vary from Pre-Raphaelite art to going to rock and metal concerts. While studying for her BSc at Keele University, she was a regular at the village pub quiz and a vocal member of the LGBT+ society committee. Not Quite Out is their debut novel.

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