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Spite: The Upside of Your Dark Side
Spite angers and enrages us, but it also keeps us honest. In this provocative account, a psychologist examines how petty vengeance explains human thriving.
Spite seems utterly useless. You don't gain anything by hurting yourself just so you can hurt someone else. So why hasn't evolution weeded out all the spiteful people?
As psychologist Simon McCarthy-Jones argues, spite seems pointless because we're looking at it wrong. Spite isn't just what we feel when a car cuts us off or when a partner cheats. It's what we feel when we want to punish a bad act simply because it was bad. Spite is our fairness instinct, an innate resistance to exploitation, and it is one of the building blocks of human civilization. As McCarthy-Jones explains, some of history's most important developments—the rise of religions, governments, and even moral codes—were actually redirections of spiteful impulses.
A provocative, engaging read, Spite shows that if you really want to understand what makes us human, you can't just look at noble ideas like altruism and cooperation. You need to understand our darker impulses as well.
Spite seems utterly useless. You don't gain anything by hurting yourself just so you can hurt someone else. So why hasn't evolution weeded out all the spiteful people?
As psychologist Simon McCarthy-Jones argues, spite seems pointless because we're looking at it wrong. Spite isn't just what we feel when a car cuts us off or when a partner cheats. It's what we feel when we want to punish a bad act simply because it was bad. Spite is our fairness instinct, an innate resistance to exploitation, and it is one of the building blocks of human civilization. As McCarthy-Jones explains, some of history's most important developments—the rise of religions, governments, and even moral codes—were actually redirections of spiteful impulses.
A provocative, engaging read, Spite shows that if you really want to understand what makes us human, you can't just look at noble ideas like altruism and cooperation. You need to understand our darker impulses as well.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published October 22, 2020
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March 20, 2021
There are four basic social behaviors: co-operation, selfishness, altruism and spite. Simon McCarthy-Jones of Trinity College, Dublin has zeroed in on the last one in his book, Spite. It is wider and deeper than you might think.
Humans, and pretty much only humans, have a pronounced tendency to spite others. That is, they are willing to take a beating (financially, socially) just so someone else might not get ahead. He says they “do it to inflict harm on the unfair, the dominant, the elite. We may also do it to widen the gap between us and others and to stay off the bottom rung of society. The failure of elites to understand that the populace is driven by more than its narrow economic self-interest opens the doors to spite and to manipulative counterelites, with potentially disastrous results.” It is, he says, a gut response and not a reasoned, intellectual decision.
The book examines numerous situations and a large number of psychological studies that have sought to filter spite, examine, refine and dissect it, and mainly, understand what makes people do it at all.
It’s only used against other humans, even when the spiter doesn’t know the other person involved. An identical test given by a computer instead of a human results in essentially no spite attempts. So spite is purely vengeance, meant to cause pain for others, even while the spiter knows it will cause him/her pain, possibly even greater in severity. It is the opposite of homo Economicus, always acting in his own best interest.
In the famous ultimatum game, where subjects have to split $10, if the recipient disagrees on the split, neither gets anything. Some 70% reject offers from humans, but 80% will accept the same (or worse) offer if it comes from a computer. With humans, spiters don’t want other humans to succeed, to get richer, to be in control, to have any advantage at all. Anything they can do to spite them, including coming away with nothing at all to show for it, is preferable. Coming away with less than they started with is also acceptable if it keeps others from getting ahead.
The expression “cutting off your nose to spite your face” captures the madness totally. It is self-destructive, retards action and progress, and is everywhere.
People hate the talented, far worse than they hate the lucky, who merely stumbled onto their position. McCarthy-Jones examines it in politics, religion, and of course in social media, where spite has nestled into a very comfortable (ie. anonymous) new home. Anyone can slam anyone else in social media, and they do, sometimes with deadly effect that no one is apologetic about. It is a function of hate, and hate is hot right now.
It has a lot to do with status. Those nearer the bottom than the top don’t want to fall any farther, and anyone who might benefit more than they could pushes them down another notch. So spite is redolent of white supremacy and the patriarchy, racism, nationalism, jingoism, xenophobia, lack of education and prospects and the ever present “freedom”.
McCarthy says about 7% of the population is spiteful. Better educated, older and wealthier people don’t do it much at all. It is a young, aggressive and ignorant trait. Spite is so powerfully attractive that people will actually change their own beliefs to spite someone else, and then justify their actions – to themselves. The book backs this with an examination of Brexit, where voters had to know the result would be bad, that the proponents were frauds, that the proponents were lying, and despite all the reasoned and sane rebuttals. They did it to punish the ruling class and the rich, who were expecting to benefit even more by Remaining in the EU. Such is the power of spite, according to McCarthy-Jones.
There’s a lot I had trouble with in Spite. McCarthy-Jones’ chapter on politics was particularly objectionable. He focuses on Hillary Clinton, claiming a major reason she lost was that people wanted to spite her by voting for Trump. But it is intellectually dishonest to claim anyone who disliked Hillary spited her by voting Trump. People are offered a choice (of sorts) in elections. Selecting one candidate because s/he is less objectionable is not spiting the other one. It is a requirement that a choice be made. Hillary offended a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, so they voted for someone else. She was out of their consideration, not necessarily the object of spite. Every election has losers, and they are not automatically defeated by spite. Some are actually elected on merit, as Trump voters are likely to claim.
In his chapter on terrorists and particularly suicide bombers, I had the same reaction. Zealotry is not spite. It is closer to discipline than spite. McCarthy-Jones shows that zealots, be they jihadists or Trumpers, use far less of their brain when their values are challenged. They simply react to take out the Other. They are not spiting them (and for suicide bombers, killing themselves in the process). They are taking them out for all that is holy to them. They don’t have to be directed to do it. Spite doesn’t enter into it, at least for me. And McCarthy-Jones does nothing to help me overcome my viewpoint.
Examples: in France in early 2021, a lying child told her father the teacher showed the Charlie Hebdo cartoons of Mohammad in class and she was offended (in fact, she had skipped class that day). Her father was so enraged he posted a video of himself calling for justice against the teacher. A self-radicalized Muslim in another town took it upon himself to find and kill the teacher, which he did, beheading him in the street on his way home from school. He actually had to ask some children which one he was and no planning whatsoever went into his quest. This was not spite. It was terrorism. Self-detonating at a wedding is not spite. It is a direct attack. Opening fire on a beach in Tunisia is not spite. Begging police to kill him after committing murders of infidels is not spite. Zealots actually seek martyrdom.
So many have self-radicalized and attacked people on the streets that McCarthy cannot say they have the support of an organization that promotes sacred values. His analysis makes spite seem like far more than the 7% the studies show potential spiters to be.
All that is fine; I like a book that challenges me to argue cogently against it. And McCarthy-Jones sets himself for plenty. But he does it with aplomb. Spite is an easy read, with bright comments and asides that make it enjoyable, in spite, shall we say, of the topic at hand.
David Wineberg
Humans, and pretty much only humans, have a pronounced tendency to spite others. That is, they are willing to take a beating (financially, socially) just so someone else might not get ahead. He says they “do it to inflict harm on the unfair, the dominant, the elite. We may also do it to widen the gap between us and others and to stay off the bottom rung of society. The failure of elites to understand that the populace is driven by more than its narrow economic self-interest opens the doors to spite and to manipulative counterelites, with potentially disastrous results.” It is, he says, a gut response and not a reasoned, intellectual decision.
The book examines numerous situations and a large number of psychological studies that have sought to filter spite, examine, refine and dissect it, and mainly, understand what makes people do it at all.
It’s only used against other humans, even when the spiter doesn’t know the other person involved. An identical test given by a computer instead of a human results in essentially no spite attempts. So spite is purely vengeance, meant to cause pain for others, even while the spiter knows it will cause him/her pain, possibly even greater in severity. It is the opposite of homo Economicus, always acting in his own best interest.
In the famous ultimatum game, where subjects have to split $10, if the recipient disagrees on the split, neither gets anything. Some 70% reject offers from humans, but 80% will accept the same (or worse) offer if it comes from a computer. With humans, spiters don’t want other humans to succeed, to get richer, to be in control, to have any advantage at all. Anything they can do to spite them, including coming away with nothing at all to show for it, is preferable. Coming away with less than they started with is also acceptable if it keeps others from getting ahead.
The expression “cutting off your nose to spite your face” captures the madness totally. It is self-destructive, retards action and progress, and is everywhere.
People hate the talented, far worse than they hate the lucky, who merely stumbled onto their position. McCarthy-Jones examines it in politics, religion, and of course in social media, where spite has nestled into a very comfortable (ie. anonymous) new home. Anyone can slam anyone else in social media, and they do, sometimes with deadly effect that no one is apologetic about. It is a function of hate, and hate is hot right now.
It has a lot to do with status. Those nearer the bottom than the top don’t want to fall any farther, and anyone who might benefit more than they could pushes them down another notch. So spite is redolent of white supremacy and the patriarchy, racism, nationalism, jingoism, xenophobia, lack of education and prospects and the ever present “freedom”.
McCarthy says about 7% of the population is spiteful. Better educated, older and wealthier people don’t do it much at all. It is a young, aggressive and ignorant trait. Spite is so powerfully attractive that people will actually change their own beliefs to spite someone else, and then justify their actions – to themselves. The book backs this with an examination of Brexit, where voters had to know the result would be bad, that the proponents were frauds, that the proponents were lying, and despite all the reasoned and sane rebuttals. They did it to punish the ruling class and the rich, who were expecting to benefit even more by Remaining in the EU. Such is the power of spite, according to McCarthy-Jones.
There’s a lot I had trouble with in Spite. McCarthy-Jones’ chapter on politics was particularly objectionable. He focuses on Hillary Clinton, claiming a major reason she lost was that people wanted to spite her by voting for Trump. But it is intellectually dishonest to claim anyone who disliked Hillary spited her by voting Trump. People are offered a choice (of sorts) in elections. Selecting one candidate because s/he is less objectionable is not spiting the other one. It is a requirement that a choice be made. Hillary offended a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, so they voted for someone else. She was out of their consideration, not necessarily the object of spite. Every election has losers, and they are not automatically defeated by spite. Some are actually elected on merit, as Trump voters are likely to claim.
In his chapter on terrorists and particularly suicide bombers, I had the same reaction. Zealotry is not spite. It is closer to discipline than spite. McCarthy-Jones shows that zealots, be they jihadists or Trumpers, use far less of their brain when their values are challenged. They simply react to take out the Other. They are not spiting them (and for suicide bombers, killing themselves in the process). They are taking them out for all that is holy to them. They don’t have to be directed to do it. Spite doesn’t enter into it, at least for me. And McCarthy-Jones does nothing to help me overcome my viewpoint.
Examples: in France in early 2021, a lying child told her father the teacher showed the Charlie Hebdo cartoons of Mohammad in class and she was offended (in fact, she had skipped class that day). Her father was so enraged he posted a video of himself calling for justice against the teacher. A self-radicalized Muslim in another town took it upon himself to find and kill the teacher, which he did, beheading him in the street on his way home from school. He actually had to ask some children which one he was and no planning whatsoever went into his quest. This was not spite. It was terrorism. Self-detonating at a wedding is not spite. It is a direct attack. Opening fire on a beach in Tunisia is not spite. Begging police to kill him after committing murders of infidels is not spite. Zealots actually seek martyrdom.
So many have self-radicalized and attacked people on the streets that McCarthy cannot say they have the support of an organization that promotes sacred values. His analysis makes spite seem like far more than the 7% the studies show potential spiters to be.
All that is fine; I like a book that challenges me to argue cogently against it. And McCarthy-Jones sets himself for plenty. But he does it with aplomb. Spite is an easy read, with bright comments and asides that make it enjoyable, in spite, shall we say, of the topic at hand.
David Wineberg
July 1, 2022
3rd read:
This is probably the first book that I’ve read for a third time. I can’t get enough of it. Maybe it’s because I’ve been feeling really spiteful lately and see how often others use spite as well. I had a long history of anger issues, and it’s helped me to understand what’s going on. Spite is harming someone at the cost of harming yourself in the process, and Simon McCarthy-Jones does an epic job explaining why this is. He uses studies as well as some evolutionary theories as to why we do these things. After reading it once again, my spite is toned down just a little, but I also don’t feel as guilty about it.
2nd read:
I was in a “mood” earlier this week, so I decided to read this book for a second time. In my opinion, this book from McCarthy-Jones is one of the most underrated books of 2021. Spite is one of the most irrational human behaviors out there, but in this age of outrage culture, and everyone seeming so angry, this is such a relevant book. Personally, I wanted to re-read it because we often beat ourselves up for these negative emotions, and I knew this book would remind me why those emotions are there, the evolutionary advantages of these emotions, but also how to keep them in check. Spite is an act of harming others that also harms ourselves and/or people we care about, and there’s a right way and wrong way to use it. By reading this book, you’ll have a better understanding about this ever-present part of human nature.
1st read:
I wish I could put into words how much I enjoyed this book, but I don't think any review I could write would do it justice. The societal norm is to look down on spite, anger, sadness, and any other negative emotion, but we often forget that we evolved this way for a reason. Simon McCarthy-Jones wrote an incredible book explaining why we evolved for spite and how it helps us as a whole. But like any other emotion, when not kept in check, it can be our downfall. Personally, I had a lot of anger issues and spite issues growing up that I've been able to get in check, but I feel awful when the emotions start to bubble up. This book allowed me to cut myself some slack and realize it's not just a "me" issue, but it's something we all deal with.
More specifically, this book dives into some amazing topics like why we hurt ourselves just to harm others. Throughout history, we've seen marginalized people take actions that can hurt themselves in order to hurt others, but the author explains how that is how we push forward to achieve justice. I think one of my favorite chapters was about the 2016 election and why people voted for Trump even though they knew it would harm themselves and the country as a whole. Sometimes, there's a narrative that Hillary Clinton only lost due to misogyny, and while misogyny is definitely an issue, the chapter gives a much more nuanced look at the mistakes Hillary made to make people want to spite her.
I could talk about this book forever, but I'm going to stop there. Go out and get this book to have a better understanding of yourself and the world as a whole.
This is probably the first book that I’ve read for a third time. I can’t get enough of it. Maybe it’s because I’ve been feeling really spiteful lately and see how often others use spite as well. I had a long history of anger issues, and it’s helped me to understand what’s going on. Spite is harming someone at the cost of harming yourself in the process, and Simon McCarthy-Jones does an epic job explaining why this is. He uses studies as well as some evolutionary theories as to why we do these things. After reading it once again, my spite is toned down just a little, but I also don’t feel as guilty about it.
2nd read:
I was in a “mood” earlier this week, so I decided to read this book for a second time. In my opinion, this book from McCarthy-Jones is one of the most underrated books of 2021. Spite is one of the most irrational human behaviors out there, but in this age of outrage culture, and everyone seeming so angry, this is such a relevant book. Personally, I wanted to re-read it because we often beat ourselves up for these negative emotions, and I knew this book would remind me why those emotions are there, the evolutionary advantages of these emotions, but also how to keep them in check. Spite is an act of harming others that also harms ourselves and/or people we care about, and there’s a right way and wrong way to use it. By reading this book, you’ll have a better understanding about this ever-present part of human nature.
1st read:
I wish I could put into words how much I enjoyed this book, but I don't think any review I could write would do it justice. The societal norm is to look down on spite, anger, sadness, and any other negative emotion, but we often forget that we evolved this way for a reason. Simon McCarthy-Jones wrote an incredible book explaining why we evolved for spite and how it helps us as a whole. But like any other emotion, when not kept in check, it can be our downfall. Personally, I had a lot of anger issues and spite issues growing up that I've been able to get in check, but I feel awful when the emotions start to bubble up. This book allowed me to cut myself some slack and realize it's not just a "me" issue, but it's something we all deal with.
More specifically, this book dives into some amazing topics like why we hurt ourselves just to harm others. Throughout history, we've seen marginalized people take actions that can hurt themselves in order to hurt others, but the author explains how that is how we push forward to achieve justice. I think one of my favorite chapters was about the 2016 election and why people voted for Trump even though they knew it would harm themselves and the country as a whole. Sometimes, there's a narrative that Hillary Clinton only lost due to misogyny, and while misogyny is definitely an issue, the chapter gives a much more nuanced look at the mistakes Hillary made to make people want to spite her.
I could talk about this book forever, but I'm going to stop there. Go out and get this book to have a better understanding of yourself and the world as a whole.
April 21, 2021
Spite: The Upside of Your Dark Side by Simon McCarthy-Jones tells us why spite can actually be a good thing, even though it probably doesn’t seem like it could be.
An act is considered spiteful if it involves harming another person, but in doing so, also harming (or potentially harming) oneself. Spite causes us to go against what would, at least in the short-term, be in our own best-interests. This has posed challenges for economists and their notion of homo economicus, who acts rationally in their own self-interest.
The author points out that at least someone who’s being selfish can be reasoned with; “What do you say to a spiteful person who values your suffering more than their own well-being?”
Much of the book refers to research conducted using the “Ultimate Game.” In this game, people are paired and assigned a pot of money. It’s up to one person to decide how to divide the money and then make an offer to the second person. The second person can either accept the offer, or they can essentially say bite me, and neither of them gets any money.
The second person is always better off taking the money, because some money is better than none. But depending on the perceived fairness of the first person’s offer, the allure of the bite me can be very strong. When there is a $10 pot and the first person offers the second $2 or less (thus keeping $8 or more for themselves), about half of people will reject the offer even though it means they get diddly squat.
The author gives some quite extreme examples, including people killing themselves and their children. Perhaps most extreme, albeit probably more complicated than just spite, was that towards the end of WWII, Hitler had the choice of diverting trains to resupply German troops getting their butts kicked on the Eastern Front, or continue using those trains to send Jews to extermination camps. He went with the second option, to Germany’s military detriment.
The book talks about differences in spitefulness based on cultural views around fairness, sharing, and deservedness. Personality also has an impact, and the dark triad of personality traits (psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism) is associated with a higher tendency towards spitefulness.
Punishing unfairness activates our brain’s pleasure circuits. When faced with injustice, “our brains not only push us down the road of spite; they clear all traffic in the way.” When anger and moral outrage get involved, it can push us into a cutting off your nose to spite your face type of situation where the only one who actually gets hurt is you.
The book explores why spite was preserved through evolution, and the role it might have on a broader social level in enforcing social expectations around fairness. Even kids will give up candy to spite someone, so that’s got to be pretty deeply rooted!
The author offers an interesting argument for the potential role of spite in Hillary Clinton’s loss in the 2016 US presidential election, as well as the outcome of the Brexit vote. There’s also a discussion of the role of spite in terrorism.
And of course, if we’re going to talk about spite, social media must have a seat at the table. The author writes, “If a Machiavellian mind set out to make spite flow, it could not have done better than create social networks. They decrease the cost of spite and multiply its benefits. Social media creates a perfect storm for spite. Online anonymity cuts a crucial real-world brake on spite. It eliminates the threat of retaliation. Released from this fear, people freely aim counterdominant spite at those who have more status or resources.”
This makes for a great read for anyone who’s fascinated by psychology and how we strange humans work. I found that some of the examples given of Ultimate Game research started to get a bit repetitive, but the book picked up steam again towards the end with its discussion of present-day social issues. Overall, it was a really interesting read.
I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.
An act is considered spiteful if it involves harming another person, but in doing so, also harming (or potentially harming) oneself. Spite causes us to go against what would, at least in the short-term, be in our own best-interests. This has posed challenges for economists and their notion of homo economicus, who acts rationally in their own self-interest.
The author points out that at least someone who’s being selfish can be reasoned with; “What do you say to a spiteful person who values your suffering more than their own well-being?”
Much of the book refers to research conducted using the “Ultimate Game.” In this game, people are paired and assigned a pot of money. It’s up to one person to decide how to divide the money and then make an offer to the second person. The second person can either accept the offer, or they can essentially say bite me, and neither of them gets any money.
The second person is always better off taking the money, because some money is better than none. But depending on the perceived fairness of the first person’s offer, the allure of the bite me can be very strong. When there is a $10 pot and the first person offers the second $2 or less (thus keeping $8 or more for themselves), about half of people will reject the offer even though it means they get diddly squat.
The author gives some quite extreme examples, including people killing themselves and their children. Perhaps most extreme, albeit probably more complicated than just spite, was that towards the end of WWII, Hitler had the choice of diverting trains to resupply German troops getting their butts kicked on the Eastern Front, or continue using those trains to send Jews to extermination camps. He went with the second option, to Germany’s military detriment.
The book talks about differences in spitefulness based on cultural views around fairness, sharing, and deservedness. Personality also has an impact, and the dark triad of personality traits (psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism) is associated with a higher tendency towards spitefulness.
Punishing unfairness activates our brain’s pleasure circuits. When faced with injustice, “our brains not only push us down the road of spite; they clear all traffic in the way.” When anger and moral outrage get involved, it can push us into a cutting off your nose to spite your face type of situation where the only one who actually gets hurt is you.
The book explores why spite was preserved through evolution, and the role it might have on a broader social level in enforcing social expectations around fairness. Even kids will give up candy to spite someone, so that’s got to be pretty deeply rooted!
The author offers an interesting argument for the potential role of spite in Hillary Clinton’s loss in the 2016 US presidential election, as well as the outcome of the Brexit vote. There’s also a discussion of the role of spite in terrorism.
And of course, if we’re going to talk about spite, social media must have a seat at the table. The author writes, “If a Machiavellian mind set out to make spite flow, it could not have done better than create social networks. They decrease the cost of spite and multiply its benefits. Social media creates a perfect storm for spite. Online anonymity cuts a crucial real-world brake on spite. It eliminates the threat of retaliation. Released from this fear, people freely aim counterdominant spite at those who have more status or resources.”
This makes for a great read for anyone who’s fascinated by psychology and how we strange humans work. I found that some of the examples given of Ultimate Game research started to get a bit repetitive, but the book picked up steam again towards the end with its discussion of present-day social issues. Overall, it was a really interesting read.
I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.
September 30, 2020
You've Heard Of The Imitation Game. Meet The Ultimatum Game. McCarthy-Jones does a phenomenal job in this text of analyzing what exactly spite - which he defines as a behavior that harms both oneself and the other - is, why it is seemingly necessary for human advancement, how it seems to have come to be, and even some of the biological bases of the behavior. In the process, he gives some startling and many times counter-intuitive insights on how exactly spite manifests, often using a tool developed in the 1970s called The Ultimatum Game as the basis of the science. Both a fascinating and disturbing book, this could potentially provide saavy operators yet more ways to control the masses in ways that most wouldn't even realize they are being controlled - and yet by exposing these methods to the masses in question, gives us ever more effective tools to question the propaganda we are so incessantly bombarded with through so many modern communication channels. Very much recommended.
February 25, 2021
This book is super easy to read for being a nonfiction piece on a psychological phenomenon. There's a lot of things you don't realize are spiteful or an act of spite. I found it informational but not a difficult-to-understand analysis of spite. It's interesting to see how spite can have its pros and cons and there are times where spite could be a good thing for you. When someone thinks of spite they usually give it a negative connotation. Spite, like so many other psychological manifestations can have a positive and negative usage.
Thank you Netgalley and Publishers for the free ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you Netgalley and Publishers for the free ARC in exchange for an honest review.
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April 17, 2021الأقوال والأفعال ...
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«الاستبيانات فقط تقيِّم كيف يقول الناس أنهم سيتصرفون. قد يتصرف الناس بطريقة مختلفة جدًا عند مواجهة مثل هذه المواقف فعلاً ».
هذا يعد مصدر قلق طويل الأمد في البحث النفسي. في الثلاثينيات من القرن الماضي ، لاحظ الباحث في جامعة ستانفورد ، ريتشارد لابير ، أن الناس سيتحدثون بطريقة عنصرية ، لكنهم لا يتصرفون بهذه الطريقة عندما يقابلون شخصًا من عرق مختلف. ربما يمكنك التفكير في قريب مسن يخرج بمشاعر عنصرية في المنزل تجعلك تشعر بالذهول ، ومع ذلك فهو قادر على التفاعل مع أشخاص من أعراق أخرى.
اعتقد لابير أن هذا قد يكون هو القاعدة وليس الاستثناء. كان قادرًا على اختبار ذلك عندما أمضى عامين في السفر حول أمريكا مع زوجين صينيين شابين.
في ذلك الوقت ، واجه الصينيون في أمريكا تحيزًا واسع النطاق. عندما وصل لابير والزوجان إلى فندق أو مطعم ، راقب لابير كيف يتصرف أصحابها. خلال عشرة آلاف ميل من القيادة عبر أمريكا ، لم يتم رفض الخدمة في أي من 184 مطعمًا قاموا بزيارتها. فندق واحد فقط من أصل ستة وستين فندقًا قاموا بزيارته ، رفض خدمتهم . في هذا الرفض الوحيد ، أعلن المالك ، "ليس لدينا غرف لليابانيين" بعد ستة أشهر ، أرسل لابير استبيانات إلى جميع هذه المؤسسات تسأل عما إذا كانت تقبل / تخدم الضيوف الصينيين. قال أكثر من تسعين بالمائة إنهم لن يفعلوا ذلك.
ما يقول الناس أنهم سيفعلونه يمكن أن يكون مختلفًا جدًا عما يفعلونه بالفعل ، والذي ، في هذه الحالة ، يجب أن نكون شاكرين له!!
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Simon McCarthy-Jones
Spite: The Upside of Your Dark Side
Translated by #Maher_Razouk
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«الاستبيانات فقط تقيِّم كيف يقول الناس أنهم سيتصرفون. قد يتصرف الناس بطريقة مختلفة جدًا عند مواجهة مثل هذه المواقف فعلاً ».
هذا يعد مصدر قلق طويل الأمد في البحث النفسي. في الثلاثينيات من القرن الماضي ، لاحظ الباحث في جامعة ستانفورد ، ريتشارد لابير ، أن الناس سيتحدثون بطريقة عنصرية ، لكنهم لا يتصرفون بهذه الطريقة عندما يقابلون شخصًا من عرق مختلف. ربما يمكنك التفكير في قريب مسن يخرج بمشاعر عنصرية في المنزل تجعلك تشعر بالذهول ، ومع ذلك فهو قادر على التفاعل مع أشخاص من أعراق أخرى.
اعتقد لابير أن هذا قد يكون هو القاعدة وليس الاستثناء. كان قادرًا على اختبار ذلك عندما أمضى عامين في السفر حول أمريكا مع زوجين صينيين شابين.
في ذلك الوقت ، واجه الصينيون في أمريكا تحيزًا واسع النطاق. عندما وصل لابير والزوجان إلى فندق أو مطعم ، راقب لابير كيف يتصرف أصحابها. خلال عشرة آلاف ميل من القيادة عبر أمريكا ، لم يتم رفض الخدمة في أي من 184 مطعمًا قاموا بزيارتها. فندق واحد فقط من أصل ستة وستين فندقًا قاموا بزيارته ، رفض خدمتهم . في هذا الرفض الوحيد ، أعلن المالك ، "ليس لدينا غرف لليابانيين" بعد ستة أشهر ، أرسل لابير استبيانات إلى جميع هذه المؤسسات تسأل عما إذا كانت تقبل / تخدم الضيوف الصينيين. قال أكثر من تسعين بالمائة إنهم لن يفعلوا ذلك.
ما يقول الناس أنهم سيفعلونه يمكن أن يكون مختلفًا جدًا عما يفعلونه بالفعل ، والذي ، في هذه الحالة ، يجب أن نكون شاكرين له!!
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Simon McCarthy-Jones
Spite: The Upside of Your Dark Side
Translated by #Maher_Razouk
January 23, 2021
3/5 stars!
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
The author has a very accessible and easily understandable writing style that hooks the reader in reading more. However, I think this book drags a lot for my liking, and as someone who likes directness in what I'm reading, this isn't just it. I can still see this being enjoyed by other readers, though.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
The author has a very accessible and easily understandable writing style that hooks the reader in reading more. However, I think this book drags a lot for my liking, and as someone who likes directness in what I'm reading, this isn't just it. I can still see this being enjoyed by other readers, though.
August 14, 2021
The humor in this book (while not the focus or goal) is great.
June 11, 2023
Interesting view on “spite” as it relates to us economically, politically, and sociologically.
April 15, 2021
Like a lot of pop-sci books, Spite does have a tendency to get lost in the weeds a bit. It isn't too bad, however, and in addition to the lab experiments it describes, the book uses several relatable (or at least interesting) real-world examples to illustrate its points, e.g. the 2016 US presidential election and UK Brexit vote, the tactics surrounding the attempted release of the Baader-Meinhoff prisoners. I am convinced: spite is an evolutionarily beneficial behavior although perhaps less adaptive in modern humans than in our pre-civilization ancestors. Thanks to the publisher for the free advance copy I received via a Goodreads giveaway!
April 13, 2021
Spite by Simon McCarthy-Jones is a free NetGalley ebook that I read in late March.
Where I had once really thought of spite as being revenge, no, this book informs me that it is to mindfully hurt someone while simultaneously hurting yourself, sometimes at the loss of property or respect or humanity. Also, it's incredibly random and can turn on a dime, and pulls from generations of primal urges as the outward manifestation of selfish anger and a form of social interpersonal punishment. There are also a whole lot of case studies, instances from science, politics, and business recounted from history and current issues with the internet.
Where I had once really thought of spite as being revenge, no, this book informs me that it is to mindfully hurt someone while simultaneously hurting yourself, sometimes at the loss of property or respect or humanity. Also, it's incredibly random and can turn on a dime, and pulls from generations of primal urges as the outward manifestation of selfish anger and a form of social interpersonal punishment. There are also a whole lot of case studies, instances from science, politics, and business recounted from history and current issues with the internet.
July 17, 2021
In Margaret Atwood's The Testaments, the main character endures a terrible indignity and responds spitefully:
There are three kinds of spite.
Counter-dominant spite occurs when we feel indignant or treated unfairly and, at first glance, overreact out of spite. Why? The evolutionary logic here seems to be that if we repeat interactions long enough, we see that it can deter unfairness or the powerful taking advantage.
Dominant spite occurs when the powerful take advantage of the weak. The evolutionary logic here seems to be maintaining relative advantage over others.
Existential spite is the third kind. Here, the example that is offered is how people will act irrationally to prove they have free will rather than admitting to being a mechanical automaton. But more broadly, we see it when people will act irrationally to defend the reputation of their group, such as when American conservatives refuse to get the Covid-19 vaccine and die. As with all behaviors, this existential spite is not uniquely right wing, obviously, but in this case it does seem to be part of the package. (See notes.)
I wouldn't say that I loved reading this book, but I already know that I'll rely on it to guide my thinking going forward. And I'm sure I'll talk about it a lot with my friends. Recommended.
Notes.
"I will get you back for this. I don't care how long it takes or how much shit I have to eat in the meantime, but I will do it."She is willing to take a loss to ensure that her adversary suffers. An overview of spite might sound frivolous, but Simon McCarthy-Jones' Spite: The Upside of Your Dark Side is an important book whose ideas can be applied to how we think of group dynamics, motivated reasoning, and intransigence.
There are three kinds of spite.
Counter-dominant spite occurs when we feel indignant or treated unfairly and, at first glance, overreact out of spite. Why? The evolutionary logic here seems to be that if we repeat interactions long enough, we see that it can deter unfairness or the powerful taking advantage.
Dominant spite occurs when the powerful take advantage of the weak. The evolutionary logic here seems to be maintaining relative advantage over others.
Existential spite is the third kind. Here, the example that is offered is how people will act irrationally to prove they have free will rather than admitting to being a mechanical automaton. But more broadly, we see it when people will act irrationally to defend the reputation of their group, such as when American conservatives refuse to get the Covid-19 vaccine and die. As with all behaviors, this existential spite is not uniquely right wing, obviously, but in this case it does seem to be part of the package. (See notes.)
I wouldn't say that I loved reading this book, but I already know that I'll rely on it to guide my thinking going forward. And I'm sure I'll talk about it a lot with my friends. Recommended.
Notes.
December 30, 2020
Acting in a spiteful manner—deliberately trying to hurt someone, even when there's nothing to gain and even when those actions might cause you to suffer as well—is something everyone engages in at one point or another. However, if you want to know why we act spitefully despite knowing that spite hurts both the sides, why do we still engage in it? Why would we stand in the rain to curse the clouds? Is spite in our DNAs? Is it a manifestation to declare our freedom to act the way we want to, no matter that your act will cause trouble for the society that we live in? Does spite create and/or provides any benefit to the society we live in? Can we control positive and negative manifestation of spite?
The author has provided a wonderful description on the way spite works and how it originates or finds a recurrence in our behavior with other human beings. If you want to know why we indulge in spiteful behavior, read this book as it provides incisive details on the way spite originates and works within us. Somewhere in the book, the author quotes Dostoyevsky to sum up the attitude of some of us as ‘a creature with two legs and no sense of gratitude’
The author has provided a wonderful description on the way spite works and how it originates or finds a recurrence in our behavior with other human beings. If you want to know why we indulge in spiteful behavior, read this book as it provides incisive details on the way spite originates and works within us. Somewhere in the book, the author quotes Dostoyevsky to sum up the attitude of some of us as ‘a creature with two legs and no sense of gratitude’
Shelved as 'dnf'
December 28, 2021I thought this would be interesting. I minored in Psych. I live for analyzing behavior. But this was just really lackluster. Chapters in and it felt like the author just didn't have much to actually SAY about the topic. I could have gotten the same information from a 10 minute powerpoint presentation. But I won't be spiteful (ba-dum ching) and give it a low rating when I didn't finish the book.
September 26, 2021
The book provides a comprehensive view on spite, but could have likely been an essay.
November 16, 2020
I have read this kind of a book for the first time and got to know deeply about a natural human trait called spite which every human being (as do some animals also) have but would often not know or acknowledge. The spite - deliberately trying to hurt someone, even when there's nothing to gain and even when those actions might cause you to suffer as well—is something everyone engages in at one point or another. These gestures can be as petty as cutting someone off on the road, even if it puts you in a slower lane, or as big as spending tons of money to build a house to stick it to your neighbour. Spite is a behaviour “which is costly to both the actor and the recipient” and is one of the four “social behaviours” as narrated in this book. The other three are altruism (a positive effect on the recipient but a negative effect on the actor), selfishness (a negative effect on the recipient but a positive effect on the actor), and mutual benefit (a positive effect on both the actor and the recipient).
The nature of the spite has been explained in such a way that after you have read this book, you would know before hand whether you are acting out of spite against some one and if “yes” then “why”? If you can analyze the situation, then probably you would want to correct yourself before acting spitefully to understand how your acts of spite are going to manifest on other fellow human beings.
Though the book has been written very succinctly, nevertheless I felt it could still have been edited by another 10-15% to make it more engrossing. Chapter 6 on "Spite and Politics" contained extensive details about prevalence of spite amongst voters/electors and the politicians in 2016 US presidential elections in USA. Such detailed description could have been avoided just to make a point on “Spite and politics”.
I strongly recommend this book to those who want to feel the reactions of their actions taken unconsciously or unintendedly which may cause problems for other people which you may not even have intended.
The nature of the spite has been explained in such a way that after you have read this book, you would know before hand whether you are acting out of spite against some one and if “yes” then “why”? If you can analyze the situation, then probably you would want to correct yourself before acting spitefully to understand how your acts of spite are going to manifest on other fellow human beings.
Though the book has been written very succinctly, nevertheless I felt it could still have been edited by another 10-15% to make it more engrossing. Chapter 6 on "Spite and Politics" contained extensive details about prevalence of spite amongst voters/electors and the politicians in 2016 US presidential elections in USA. Such detailed description could have been avoided just to make a point on “Spite and politics”.
I strongly recommend this book to those who want to feel the reactions of their actions taken unconsciously or unintendedly which may cause problems for other people which you may not even have intended.
July 30, 2021
This was a great analysis of the human motivation to spite others. It incorporated psychology experiments (with and without replication studies), philosophy, and sociology into a great overview of this behavior. I'm not sure I buy the author's arguments about the social benefits of spite, but I did value the summaries of the various game theory experiments that had been done, as well as the "chaos" theory postulated by Russian novelists as an almost anti-enlightenment view. (I wonder how much spiting the Calvinists who believed in predestination did). I recommend this book to anyone interested in understanding people better.
A few ideas struck me -- in particular the fact that the time/ability to reason is something only the elite have, the idea that humans value "freedom," that serotonin can have a suppressive effect on anger, that there's a real tendency to hate saints/do-gooders, even when we truly value their message. The idea that people are social creatures and so their willingness to act heroically anonymously is almost non-existent was really fascinating.
The author was a bit too enamored of Nietsche & his view on religion as the opioid of the masses/religion as a form of social control for my tastes, but otherwise this was a great pop psychology read, with lots of quotable passages & a good introduction to a complex topic. There has not been enough research on spite (it appears), so perhaps in a decade or so this book will be completely out-of-date because work is being done now to further explore this.
A few ideas struck me -- in particular the fact that the time/ability to reason is something only the elite have, the idea that humans value "freedom," that serotonin can have a suppressive effect on anger, that there's a real tendency to hate saints/do-gooders, even when we truly value their message. The idea that people are social creatures and so their willingness to act heroically anonymously is almost non-existent was really fascinating.
The author was a bit too enamored of Nietsche & his view on religion as the opioid of the masses/religion as a form of social control for my tastes, but otherwise this was a great pop psychology read, with lots of quotable passages & a good introduction to a complex topic. There has not been enough research on spite (it appears), so perhaps in a decade or so this book will be completely out-of-date because work is being done now to further explore this.
June 13, 2021
Being somewhat inclined to spiteful behavior myself (much to my chagrin, another ugly feeling that merits its own book), I enjoyed this romp through history and psychology, even if I sometimes felt that we were not always getting at a narrowly-enough defined emotion. Spite is a profoundly counterintuitive emotion that defies economic logic yet, as McCarthy-Jones shows plays an important role in our social, political and spiritual lives. McCarthy-Jones argues that there are two forms/motivations for spite - dominant and counter-dominant, with the latter emanating from the desire to assert superior status and the other from egalitarianism (not just against those deemed powerful and unjust but also, in the form of 'do-gooder degradation' against anyone who seems to set themselves above others, regardless of the benefits provided to the group as a whole) .
July 10, 2023
Growing up, my parents always pointed out that my strongest motivating force was Spite. If a teacher told me I couldn't accomplish something, a class mate did something I conidered unfair, or someone telling me I HAD to do something; all of these would trigger my spite mode and I would go out of my way to make sure they were wrong.
So reading about the reasons this emotion tends to drive people was facinating. And how it can be either a positive or negative thing. That it helps make sure people play fair, or to shake off dominating forces as well as using it as punishment for people we think are doing better than we are.
Knowing about what can ignite this feeling is fascinating, and makes it easier to actually get a handle on the feeling instead of letting it run away with us. Or how to not set the spite spark in others that might end up burning you instead.
So reading about the reasons this emotion tends to drive people was facinating. And how it can be either a positive or negative thing. That it helps make sure people play fair, or to shake off dominating forces as well as using it as punishment for people we think are doing better than we are.
Knowing about what can ignite this feeling is fascinating, and makes it easier to actually get a handle on the feeling instead of letting it run away with us. Or how to not set the spite spark in others that might end up burning you instead.
March 6, 2023
This book was about the benefits and drawbacks of being spiteful. An interesting study was the Ultimatum Game. People were told they could have 10 dollars but they had to share with another person. They could choose how much to give them. If the person accepted the amount they would both keep the money. If the offer was not accepted then neither got the money. It was interesting to hear the conditions and percent that did and didn't accept the offer. This was then ties in to spite, spiteful voting and politics and how we need to be thoughtful about motivation for our spite.
August 1, 2021
A fun and interesting topic, outlined in a rational progression. It was not a book I was expecting to read. I just happened upon it and I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Will probably fade from my memory relatively quickly, but that's okay.
May 16, 2021
👌👌👍👌👍👌👍
Read
January 8, 2023Interesting topic, but got a little bogged down with details and skimmed through the middle.
February 21, 2023
surprisingly interesting!! i can definitely be a person filled with spite and pettiness so it is reassuring to know i'm not a bitch, just human.
June 3, 2021
Simon McCarthy-Jones is really a brilliant scholar ... Spite is the best book in it's field this year
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