Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.
Start by marking “Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You” as Want to Read:
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
Enlarge cover
Rate this book
Clear rating
Open Preview

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

4.1  ·  Rating details ·  1,736 Ratings  ·  167 Reviews
Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They can be our parents or partners, bosses or coworkers, friends or lovers. And no matter how much they care ...more
Paperback, 272 pages
Published March 4th 1998 by William Morrow Paperbacks (first published 1997)
More Details... edit details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about Emotional Blackmail, please sign up.
Popular Answered Questions
Jackie I am reading this book ow and will let you know. Go to amazon and look at the is very thought provoking. Jackie

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30)
Rating details
Sort: Default
Autumn Jean
Jan 11, 2013 rated it it was amazing
This extremely straight forward book is an absolute MUST READ. My husband's mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and has been emotionally blackmailing him and his siblings for YEARS. I picked up on it pretty quickly, but didn't know how to handle her attempts to control me, my relationship with her son, or my decisions in raising our daughters without getting extremely angry and lashing out.

I knew that there was a better way to deal with this woman, without letting everything she
حين وطأت قدماى جلسة الدعم الأولى لي كنتُ مترقبة
لقد كانت المعالِجة تديرها بشكل مختلف،
فبدلًا من سرد كلٍ منّا لقصتِه كلها مرة واحدة،
كنّا نقسم قصصنا إلى :(الأزمة، وطريق العلاج، والنتيجة) وكنّا نتبادل سرد قصصنا بذلك التقسيم حتى ننتهى جميعنا من سرد أزماتنا ونبدأ جميعنا في طريق العلاج سَوِيًّا
بإشراف وتوجيه وجهد عظيم من المعالِجة
يصحبه صدق وإخلاص وشعور بالأمان والدعم لا متناهيان في المجموعة.

أنت لست وحدك في هذا
لم تكن ولن تكون أبدًا الشخص الأوحد المعرض للابتزاز العاطفىّ في العالم
هذه كلمات لا تق
Jul 27, 2011 rated it it was amazing
It took me a while to get through this book because I wanted to make sure to really absorb it (including using a highlighter and taking notes). I have a family member who is very manipulative and I know I have to change the way I deal with them rather than trying to change them. Now that I've finished the book, I feel better equipped to handle the ridiculous requests / demands that I've come to expect from this person. I know that it will be uncomfortable and a bit scary to break the familiar cy ...more
Lina AL Ojaili
Oct 13, 2012 rated it it was ok
Dave Burns
Mar 23, 2013 rated it it was ok
Shelves: library, skimmed
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but ideally we will negotiate to a win-win solution. Manipulators fight dirty. They make demands, and if you resist they respond with pressure, guilt trips, and threats.

I was disappointed with part II of the book, where the author was supposed to show us how to deal with manipulators. She had some good points in there, but I don't think she really gives the reader much to go on with regard to strategies for change. She tries, but it seemed vague, nothi
سارة درويش
الكتاب قيم جدا مفيد ليس فقط في ما يخص علاقاتنا بالآخرين لكنه مهم جدا أن نقرأه ونضعه في اعتبارنا ونحن بصدد تربية أولادنا كي لا تتكرر مأساتنا. بالنسبة لي الجزء الأكثر أهمية كان الخاص بالابتزاز الذاتي كذلك الجزء الخاص بكيفية إيقاف الابتزاز والتصدي له.
Apryl Anderson
Jul 27, 2011 rated it really liked it
Similar to the other books of this genre, it sheds light on the dark places of our relationships. Forward's key phrase for recognizing when we're being manipulated is FOG: fear, obligation, guilt. What you do with that requires practice. Forward offers concrete and logical advice. What you do with it is your responsibility.
I stumbled across a reference to this book online while searching for more advice/support/ insight as to what to do / how to cope with a very difficult family situation. I ordered the book online and it arrived from the US about a week later. Have read it cover to cover over the last two days ( it felt like water in the desert) and found so much wisdom and practical advice packed inside I could just kiss the author! I went straight out this morning and bought a notebook to use start to rethinkin ...more
Debbie Bateman
Oct 30, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I read this book as research for a short story I'm writing, but was struck by how common many of the emotional blackmail techniques described in this book actually are. Family members, friends, and employers often use these strategies without anyone thinking about what's going on. If you're a generous person, you could be taken advantage of easily.

As the author points out, a lot of emotional abuse mimics normal behaviour and can be difficult to identify for that reason. What makes emotional bla
Jan 09, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Excellent book! This books makes it crystal clear the behaviors of one who consistantly uses emotional blackmail to get their way. Outstanding, easy read. I found myself highlighting points in almost every chapter. It is truly amazing how Frazier describes FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) that so many blackmailers use to make their victims bend. It can be ever so slight to completely obvious. Once you know the pattern, it makes it quite easy to spot what is happening and put in place the tools ...more
May 22, 2011 rated it it was amazing
I think everyone should read this book. I know what you are thinking...just another self-help book, but this book will help you deal with anyone difficult in your life and also realize when you yourself aren't acting reasonably. I could relate to a great deal in this book and I'm sure you will too.
شيماء فؤاد
الكتاب مفيد جدا .. ودقيق ومفصل
لكن مسهب جدا جدا جدا وكثير القصص والحكايات
قرأت نصفه بعناية ..
والنصف الثاني المتعلق ب كيفية التعامل مع المبتز اضطررت أن أقرأ بعض العناوين و الفقرات فقط .
Masque Chen
Jul 17, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition

開始是西方加油加油人書籍,序章先summary ,勾起讀者興趣。花了好幾章的時間解釋概念,中間聰明的穿插各種實例,隨著章節推進揭露這些故事的進展(大部分的書是單次舉例,這裡是讓故事跟著章節演進,更有說服力)。






Raya Dimitrova
Oct 30, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Скоро бях попаднала на въпроса "Коя е книгата, която е променила живота ти?". Тогава това ми прозвуча твърде силно, за да титулирам която и да е книга с тази чест. Е, вече мога да кажа, че си имам такава. Тази книга "ми отвори очите" (никога до сега не бях ползвала този израз, но сега наистина се чувствам така) и ми даде решение на дългогодишен проблем.

За да разберете дали имате нужда от тази книга, ще цитирам част от въведението:
"Тъй като е толкова трудно да разпознаете емоционалното изнудване,
May 23, 2012 rated it really liked it
THIS is what my stepfather does. He is toatally a punisher! Its nice to have names for things, it makes them seem more manageable, more comprehensive. It helps my brain organize behavior idk idk. I actually did take a lot of really great stuff from this book. Some of it Ive been doing for a while, but most of it i haven't really been conscious of, and a lot of her advice and techniques are brilliant. Like non-devensive communication, i used taht with my mother last night and it was great. I mean ...more
Nov 13, 2008 rated it liked it
Recommended to Nicole by: my sister
Shelves: communication
I read this book because I know I've dealt with emotional blackmail in my life, and I wanted to gain some perspective on it.

Overall I think this book was good because it was an easy read (there are many stories about her clients that make the book interesting, and you want to find out what happens to them). There were definitely some interesting points throughout the book, but for the most part the points seemed self-evident to me.

The book is aimed more so at those currently experiencing emotion
Rebekka Steg
I recently finished reading this book (although I did read the Danish translation) and it's made a great impression on me. It is definitely something I've struggled with in my past relationship. Allowing someone to run all over me, using guilt, threats or verbal abuse to make me give in.

Not only does the book deal with what emotional blackmail is, it also tells you the background for it, and what you can do to stop it from happening again, by working on yourself and your own behaviour.
新新 Xin-Xin
"بدون الشعور بالذنب فإن المبتز لا حيلة له."
Abrar Yasser
Apr 09, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
"إذا ما سويت اللي قلت لك عنه ترى ما احبك !"
من منا لم يسمع هذه العبارة أو يطلقها؟!
عندما تقرأ هذا الكتاب ستكتشف أنك كنت يومًا ما مُبتزًا أو ضحية للابتزاز -مع الأسف-!

هذا الكتاب مفيد، يشرح عملية الابتزاز العاطفي وكيفية التغلب عليه فيما لو كنت ضحية. كنت أتمنى لو ناقشت الدكتورة أيضًا طرق تساعد المبتز على التخلص من هذا الأسلوب.
Jessica Williams
Jul 21, 2017 rated it really liked it
It took me so long to get through this book, but it was only because of how difficult the subject matter was. This book was given to me by my friend's mother after a long talk about my mother, my ex, and very trapped feelings I've held for a long time. Not only did it open my eyes to their behavior, but it made me realize that I have some things to change about myself as well.

This book is very well written with a lot of logical exercises to put into action. Susan makes examples of several clien
Nov 16, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I wish I'd read this book many years ago. Very useful.
Aug 29, 2018 rated it really liked it
It's a very good self-review book that when I read it i kept looking at myself to see if i actually am a person who also give emotional blackmail. I think we are all more or less this kind toward certain people. I think the good thing is i find what i have and i will try to correct it or improve it.
The simplest is stay calm and think over and over the incidents happened in front of us. Before we react, we need to be careful, try to behave like outsider, practice to jump out of that situation cou
Eliot Burdett
Mar 07, 2017 rated it liked it
Many tactics that will only work against an amateur "emotional blackmailer"
Pardis Parto
وقتی اطرافیان از ترس، تعهد واحساس گناه برای استثمار شما استفاده میکنند، خواندن این کتاب خالی از لطف نیست. خیلی از دستورالعملها جالب و کاربردی نیست ولی شما رو با حسهاتون آشنا میکنه و تمرکز برای از بین بردن مزخرفات روابط تون و بالا میبره. ...more
Jun 08, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I really enjoyed reading this book. What inspired me to read this was when I was sharing a life update with a friend. I was rationalizing my relationships and current circumstances and a friend of mine helped me get out of my FOG (a term mentioned in the book) by being honest with me by telling me I was being manipulated. She never referred this book to me but I added it to my list on Goodreads and decided to read it. I was able to relate to most of the scenarios in the book to help me realize w ...more
Dec 07, 2013 rated it it was amazing

Superb, life changing book. Originally published in 1997 by Susan Forward Ph.D. with Donna Frazier, this is at least the third time I've read this book.

This straightforward explanation of emotional blackmail types of behavior -- people who use guilt, fear, punishment (emotional or physical etc. -- to get what they want also explains in crystal clear detail how to break through those personality traits and protect yourself and restore your self esteem.

Susan Forward's Toxic Parents is o
هر یک از ما با نقاط حساس خود وارد انواع ارتباط ها می شویم، آزردگی های انباشه شده، پشیمانی، عدم امنیت، ترس و خشم.
این ها نقاط حساس ما هستند؛ نقاطی که اگر لمسشان کنیم به درد می آیند. باج گیری عاطفی زمانی به وجود می آید که ما به افراد اجازه دهیم بدانند که این نقاط را در ما شناخته اند، یعنی زمانی که آن نقاط حساس را می فشارند و ما از جا می پریم...
واقعیت تلخ این است که «سازش ما» پاداشی است که باج گیر دریافت می کند و هر زمان که ما این پاداش را در قبال عمل خاصی به کسی می بخشیم - مهم نیست خودمان بدانیم یا
Oct 19, 2010 rated it liked it
I enjoyed reading this book. I had been doing some research on Adult Bullying and came across Emotional Blackmail. It is definitely a good book to read if you are in or have been in an unhealthy relationship whether it be with a friend, colleague, or family member. It gives a lot of insight into those individuals who leave us feeling like we are the crazy culprit when in fact,they are. After reading this, I feel a lot more confident about how to handle running into an emotional blackmailer/Bully ...more
« previous 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 next »
There are no discussion topics on this book yet. Be the first to start one »
  • In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
  • The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family
  • If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World
  • Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
  • Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry
  • Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents
  • The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond
  • The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life
  • Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self
  • The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment
  • Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt
  • Our Inner Conflicts: A Constructive Theory of Neurosis
  • Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries
  • Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder
  • For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence
  • Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem
  • The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships
  • The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life
One of the nation’s leading therapists, as well as a best selling author, dynamic lecturer and frequent talk-show guest. In addition to her private practice, she has served as a therapist, instructor and consultant for many Southern California psychiatric and medical facilities. She is the author of the #1 New York Times best sellers Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Toxic Parents ...more

Nonfiction Deals

  • The Man from the Train: The Solving of a Century-Old Serial Killer Mystery
    $14.99 $2.99
  • Real Artists Don't Starve: Timeless Strategies for Thriving in the New Creative Age
    $9.99 $1.99
  • Never Stop Walking: A Memoir of Finding Home Across the World
    $5.99 $1.99
  • Life Lessons from Matthew
    $5.99 $1.99
  • The Last Founding Father: James Monroe and a Nation's Call to Greatness
    $11.99 $3.99
  • Whatever It Takes: Geoffrey Canada's Quest to Change Harlem and America
    $9.99 $2.99
  • The Voice of Knowledge: A Practical Guide to Inner Peace
    $9.99 $2.99
  • My Mother Was Nuts
    $5.99 $1.99
  • Brotherhood: Dharma, Destiny, and the American Dream
    $7.99 $0.99
  • Final Vows
    $9.99 $2.99
  • Chosen by a Horse: a memoir
    $9.99 $1.99
  • Playing for Keeps: Michael Jordan and the World He Made
    $17.99 $1.99
  • John Quincy Adams
    $12.99 $3.99
  • Easy Soups from Scratch with Quick Breads to Match: 70 Recipes to Pair and Share
    $15.99 $2.99
  • By Myself and Then Some
    $11.74 $1.99
  • The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery (A Toltec Wisdom Book)
    $9.99 $2.49
  • Shakespeare Never Did This
    $6.99 $1.99
  • No Compromise: The Life Story of Keith Green
    $6.99 $1.99
  • The Guns of August
    $8.99 $1.99
  • Wish You Happy Forever: What China's Orphans Taught Me About Moving Mountains
    $14.74 $1.99
  • The Return: Fathers, Sons and the Land in Between
    $12.99 $1.99
  • The Prize: Who's in Charge of America's Schools?
    $12.99 $2.99
  • Leaving Microsoft to Change the World
    $12.74 $1.99
  • People Over Profit: Break the System, Live with Purpose, Be More Successful
    $13.49 $0.99
  • The Crusades: The Authoritative History of the War for the Holy Land
    $9.24 $1.99
  • The Lost Painting
    $12.99 $1.99
  • The Supreme Gift
    $2.99 $1.49
  • Fly a Little Higher: How God Answered One Mom's Small Prayer in a Big Way
    $9.99 $1.99
  • Helping Children Succeed: What Works and Why
    $9.99 $2.99
  • How Dogs Love Us: A Neuroscientist and His Adopted Dog Decode the Canine Brain
    $5.99 $1.99
  • But I Could Never Go Vegan!: 125 Recipes That Prove You Can Live Without Cheese, It's Not All Rabbit Food, and Your Friends Will Still Come Over for Dinner
    $18.50 $3.99
  • A Dog Year: Twelve Months, Four Dogs, and Me
    $8.99 $1.99
  • Deep Run Roots: Stories and Recipes from My Corner of the South
    $16.99 $4.99
  • Buffett: The Making of an American Capitalist
    $13.99 $1.99
  • Forks Over Knives - The Cookbook: Over 300 Recipes for Plant-Based Eating All Through the Year
    $15.95 $2.99
  • Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral
    $9.99 $2.99
  • Make It Fast, Cook It Slow: The Big Book of Everyday Slow Cooking
    $12.99 $2.99
  • The Family Gene: A Mission to Turn My Deadly Inheritance into a Hopeful Future
    $11.99 $1.99
  • Life Lessons from Ephesians
    $5.99 $1.99
  • A Marriage in Dog Years
    $4.99 $1.99
  • Trusting God Day by Day: 365 Daily Devotions
    $11.99 $2.99
  • Smoke and Pickles: Recipes and Stories from a New Southern Kitchen
    $18.95 $2.99
  • Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids
    $13.99 $1.99
  • Founding Mothers
    $8.74 $1.99
  • Through a Window: My Thirty Years with the Chimpanzees of Gombe
    $15.99 $1.99
  • Undeniable: Evolution and the Science of Creation (Kindle Edition)
    $9.99 $2.99
  • Around My French Table: More Than 300 Recipes from My Home to Yours
    $19.99 $2.99
  • Once Upon a Time in Russia: The Rise of the Oligarchs—A True Story of Ambition, Wealth, Betrayal, and Murder
    $11.99 $2.99
  • Manage Your Day-To-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus, and Sharpen Your Creative Mind
    $5.99 $1.99
  • Ida: A Sword Among Lions
    $8.24 $2.99
  • A Natural History of the Senses (Vintage)
    $13.99 $1.99
  • Unsinkable: A Memoir
    $9.24 $1.99
  • The Big House: A Century in the Life of an American Summer Home
    $11.99 $2.99
  • The Other Wes Moore: One Name, Two Fates
    $11.99 $1.99
  • The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever
    $7.95 $2.49
“Yet if there's one thing I know with absolute certainty, both personally and professionally, it is this: Nothing will change in our lives until we change our own behavior. Insight won't do it. Understanding why we do the self-defeating things we do won't make us stop doing them. Nagging and pleading with the other person to change won't do it. We have to act. We have to take the first step down a new road.” 10 likes
More quotes…