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The New Wedding Book: A Guide to Ditching All the Rules
Plan your wedding without the weight of outdated customs and get hitched in a way that is authentic, fun, and true to who you are.
“But you’re getting married! You have to!”
That empty statement is on the other end of everything from jaw-droppingly expensive dresses, staged proposal engagement photo shoots, and reception selfie stations. From the minute they become engaged, there’s a script that couples are pressured to follow.
By breaking down the antiquated traditions of that #blessedweddingday, this book will help betrothed pairs throw the icky bridal traditions to the curb in honour of getting the wedding of their actual dreams — not the one we’ve been force-fed for decades by the wedding industrial complex.
Inspiring couples to plan their wedding in a way that is meaningful to them, The New Wedding Book debunks the “traditions,” makes sense of realistic budgets, offers brilliant advice from real-life couples, and confronts the crushing pressure for weddings to be perfect.
“But you’re getting married! You have to!”
That empty statement is on the other end of everything from jaw-droppingly expensive dresses, staged proposal engagement photo shoots, and reception selfie stations. From the minute they become engaged, there’s a script that couples are pressured to follow.
By breaking down the antiquated traditions of that #blessedweddingday, this book will help betrothed pairs throw the icky bridal traditions to the curb in honour of getting the wedding of their actual dreams — not the one we’ve been force-fed for decades by the wedding industrial complex.
Inspiring couples to plan their wedding in a way that is meaningful to them, The New Wedding Book debunks the “traditions,” makes sense of realistic budgets, offers brilliant advice from real-life couples, and confronts the crushing pressure for weddings to be perfect.
- GenresNonfictionReference
272 pages, Paperback
Published April 20, 2021
4 people are currently reading
54 people want to read
About the author
Michelle Bilodeau
1 book2 followersMichelle Bilodeau is a Toronto-based writer and editor, focussing on lifestyle, beauty, fashion and cannabis. She has worked in Canadian media for nearly 20 years, with staff positions at Flare Magazine, Fashion Magazine and The Kit. She has written for Hello! Canada, Refinery29 Canada, CBC.ca, Latitude, The Toronto Star and more. Bilodeau is also a regular on-air contributor for The Social.
A graduate of the print journalism program at Centennial College, Bilodeau has taught and guest lectured at Centennial College in recent years. She is also currently a student of the Ontario Psychotherapy and Counseling Program.
A graduate of the print journalism program at Centennial College, Bilodeau has taught and guest lectured at Centennial College in recent years. She is also currently a student of the Ontario Psychotherapy and Counseling Program.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
February 28, 2021
I thought this was a perfectly adequate retread of the “your wedding doesn’t have to look like a magazine” discussion. I’m getting married next year, so I’ve been inhaling wedding books for the past few months as we start to visualize what our wedding is going to look like. I’m also gay, so a lot of wedding books don’t really have me or my partner in mind. This one is relatively inclusive of couples of all genders, though there’s tons of advice in here that really only applies to straight people (“tell everyone you just got married for the whole first year after your wedding so you can get congratulations and free stuff!”). It’s also worth noting that all the money talk is Canadian dollars and all of the legal stuff is also Canadian, so US audiences will have to do a little math/research. All of the anecdotes from real couples, of which there are many, appear to all be from very very ritzy fashion/event industry people, so those aren’t particularly helpful. Overall, it’s a fine book that gives readers permission to have their wedding however they want, but the practical advice for people on a budget is minimal. My absolute favorite is A Practical Wedding which addresses the same concepts but from what I feel to be a more grounded, actionable place.
July 20, 2021
Somewhat unsubstantial / kinda stressed me out / some good advice but nothing new. idk 3.5 stars
April 19, 2021
I received this book from one of the authors. However, the review is entirely my own. These are my own thoughts and opinions, as always.
I have had a bone to pick with standard/traditional North American weddings for a long time now. I got married at the age of 21 in the year 2009. So I was young, an undergraduate student, very broke, and it was the middle of the big recession/financial crisis. I really could’ve used this book back then. I felt so alone questioning WHY all these wedding “traditions” were expected of me. This book helped rationalize those feelings for me, and made me feel a lot less alone. So thank you Karen and Michelle, better late than never!
This book aims to give power back to its readers, and I respect it a lot for that. It breaks down where some of these traditions come from: spoiler alert they’re all yucky and sexist. I once tried to casually explain the origins of a father “giving away” his daughter and why brides wear veils to a friend. She was horrified! So I’m glad this book does not shy away from the yucky past of most wedding traditions. It also dishes out super practical advice, such as breaking down thank you cards or what percentage of your budget should go where no matter how big or small the budget. This book also does not judge. You want to spend $30,000 on your wedding? Okay sure! You want to spend $5,000 on your wedding? Also fine! It’s about doing what YOU want to do and to reflect who you are as a person.
But hands down my FAVOURITE thing about this book was that in the introduction these wonderful women state that they are “white, heterosexual, cisgender women. When we are talking about weddings, we are talking about the Western wedding as we know it...” (p.7) This meant EVERYTHING to me. In my goodreads reviews I am often VERY critical of self-help or lifestyle non/fiction materials being only geared to, written for, AND written by very affluent, white, hetero, cisgender individuals. It was really starting to get me to me how horrible those books made me feel. THIS BOOK DID NOT DO THAT. They acknowledge their background and audience. They interviewed so SO many couples, “They range in age, race, gender identity, sexual orientation, clothing size, income, backgrounds, and location.” (p.5). It was beautiful to hear so many different and beautiful stories.
I hope to hear more stories like those interviewed for this book. I hope more people can take lessons from this book and do their wedding their way.
I have had a bone to pick with standard/traditional North American weddings for a long time now. I got married at the age of 21 in the year 2009. So I was young, an undergraduate student, very broke, and it was the middle of the big recession/financial crisis. I really could’ve used this book back then. I felt so alone questioning WHY all these wedding “traditions” were expected of me. This book helped rationalize those feelings for me, and made me feel a lot less alone. So thank you Karen and Michelle, better late than never!
This book aims to give power back to its readers, and I respect it a lot for that. It breaks down where some of these traditions come from: spoiler alert they’re all yucky and sexist. I once tried to casually explain the origins of a father “giving away” his daughter and why brides wear veils to a friend. She was horrified! So I’m glad this book does not shy away from the yucky past of most wedding traditions. It also dishes out super practical advice, such as breaking down thank you cards or what percentage of your budget should go where no matter how big or small the budget. This book also does not judge. You want to spend $30,000 on your wedding? Okay sure! You want to spend $5,000 on your wedding? Also fine! It’s about doing what YOU want to do and to reflect who you are as a person.
But hands down my FAVOURITE thing about this book was that in the introduction these wonderful women state that they are “white, heterosexual, cisgender women. When we are talking about weddings, we are talking about the Western wedding as we know it...” (p.7) This meant EVERYTHING to me. In my goodreads reviews I am often VERY critical of self-help or lifestyle non/fiction materials being only geared to, written for, AND written by very affluent, white, hetero, cisgender individuals. It was really starting to get me to me how horrible those books made me feel. THIS BOOK DID NOT DO THAT. They acknowledge their background and audience. They interviewed so SO many couples, “They range in age, race, gender identity, sexual orientation, clothing size, income, backgrounds, and location.” (p.5). It was beautiful to hear so many different and beautiful stories.
I hope to hear more stories like those interviewed for this book. I hope more people can take lessons from this book and do their wedding their way.
April 20, 2021
If you’re getting hitched, you need this book. The authors filled their pages with candid stories, insightful tips and DATA. Actual numbers and stats. Before you think the only way to get married is to spend a fortune, wear the standard white dress, have eight bridesmaids in identical outfits and serve a sit down meal - think again. Michelle and Karen did the work so you can plan the wedding you want without the guilt or debt. I loved it, and I’m already married!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 22, 2021
This book was everything I hoped for and more! Michelle and Karen really put a lot of my own thoughts into words and is the perfect read for much of our generation as we try to figure out how to budget for a wedding AND buy the house one day, while also challenging some of those strange, old gendered traditions. With lots of real life stories and some excellent breakdowns of all the things you will need to think about/ remember/ do leading up, I will definitely be revisiting this book again when it comes time to plan my own wedding party!
April 6, 2021
This book is AMAZING!! Being newly engaged, it's hard not to get wrapped up in all that comes with the wedding industry. The laundry list of expectations and traditions is endless; a big cake, floral bouquets, first dance, garter toss, wedding favors, the list goes on. This wedding book is a breath of fresh air because it makes you think about the 'why' behind so many wedding traditions and if they actually hold any significance for you as a couple. Most importantly, it reaffirms it's ok to throw out traditions that don't serve you as a couple...and heck, add new ones! The book also has fantastic tips on how to navigate the wedding industry and understand the history behind traditions. It left me feeling empowered and excited to start planning a wedding that holds true to our values.
April 5, 2021
After getting engaged mid-pandemic the “rules” of how to get married (let alone when) have felt less relevant than ever to someone who was already ready to throw out the rule book - this was when The New Wedding Book came in. Karen and Michelle touch on all of the seemingly taboo topics I was too worried to ask friends and family about when thinking about my own wedding plans. I feel more informed now to make decisions that truly reflect the values of my partner and I and importantly, aware of blind spots that they smartly call out.. like how to pick out vendors and what to ask them to make sure you know what you’re getting! All of the uncomfortable conversations and dilemmas you’ve thought of and many you haven’t the authors discuss, I feel about 1000x more informed and empowered now than I did before I read The New Wedding Book will share with all my friends... but maybe not my mom.
January 27, 2025
Had some good tips that were refreshing compared to all the bs out there but I wish they went deeper. It still felt like they were advising planning a traditional wedding
April 20, 2021
Looking for permission to plan your wedding YOUR way? Here it is! This book has got savvy advice sandwiched between anecdotes from real couples and genuine questions about why the industry looks like it does. The New Wedding book is the one I wish I’d had when my partner and I planned our wedding!
May 17, 2021
Love the way the book is written, and how it really focuses on doing what’s best for you and your partner - and not making decisions based off unwanted advice. I love how it incorporates the history of many traditions too, so interesting to learn about! But I do wish it contained a few more stories of couples who changed everything because of the pandemic and how they coped with such drastic changes (and lost deposits), or not being able to include loved ones at your wedding because of gathering restrictions.
We’ve changed / cancelled our wedding three times since the pandemic started, and are now just eloping with only the two of us.
We’ve changed / cancelled our wedding three times since the pandemic started, and are now just eloping with only the two of us.
February 28, 2021
Always wondered why the heck entire families and friends watch a groom remove the brides garter in front of them all? Or why a diamond ring displays HIS financial power? Fancy something different for your big day? READ THIS BOOK!
Hands downs, the most current, relevant and progressive guide to weddings out there.
Candid in the best way possible and here to guide you through a sincere rethink of the (jaw-dropping) patriarchal traditions and constructs of weddings.
Part helpful guide (including budgeting), part education (you may to decide to honor some traditions, at least you'll know their origin) and ALL fun read ("...whoever said an engagement ring should cost at least two to three months' salary is kind of a dick.")
If you are questioning the wedding industry even just a little bit, you've found your people here.
Hands downs, the most current, relevant and progressive guide to weddings out there.
Candid in the best way possible and here to guide you through a sincere rethink of the (jaw-dropping) patriarchal traditions and constructs of weddings.
Part helpful guide (including budgeting), part education (you may to decide to honor some traditions, at least you'll know their origin) and ALL fun read ("...whoever said an engagement ring should cost at least two to three months' salary is kind of a dick.")
If you are questioning the wedding industry even just a little bit, you've found your people here.
February 15, 2021
I love this!
The whole premise of doing what works for you personally resonated with me strongly. This book offers a lot of insight into the whole process of wedding planning and helps with adjusting expectations realistically. Especially during the pandemic! They tried to cover a lot of scenarios and there are a lot of suggestions for thing to pay attention to while planning, that will not occur to you, I guarantee. Having the couple's stories helps feel more connected to all the advice given!
The whole premise of doing what works for you personally resonated with me strongly. This book offers a lot of insight into the whole process of wedding planning and helps with adjusting expectations realistically. Especially during the pandemic! They tried to cover a lot of scenarios and there are a lot of suggestions for thing to pay attention to while planning, that will not occur to you, I guarantee. Having the couple's stories helps feel more connected to all the advice given!
April 5, 2021
THIS! This is the book we really needed when we were planning our wedding. Every single major point of concern/anxiety we had - from invite lists to budgeting to telling the people we love the most to (politely) stay in their lane and let us do what we want - all of it's addressed in a thoroughly enjoyable way in this book. Give it a read, take it to heart and thank yourself when you can look back on the weeks and months of pre-wedding planning and realize your story has much less stress involved than the stories from everyone else.
May 7, 2022
I liked it. I found it helpful for understanding a lot of the little things and gave me things to think about that wasn't on my radar. I also still found it overwhelming, but that's definitely a me thing too. This book felt a lot like "there's no pressure to have the perfect/correct wedding, but here's exactly how to do that, so actually there is pressure." Definitely geared toward the people with big, happy, stable families.
December 4, 2024
I thought this was packed with practical advice for the modern wedding, specifically highlighting that the wedding industry is overpricing and upselling like crazy. Helpful info on downscaling your budget to include the must haves and refocusing on what the couple wants, not what everyone else says is a must have.
September 14, 2021
Should've read this one first, had more practical tips and made me feel better about what we are/aren't doing (and threw shade at the other one!)...though still totally had some weird stereotypes.
February 28, 2021
The New Wedding Book is a refreshing guide to what planning a wedding entails.
And while I really liked the overall tone of "it's YOUR wedding, so do what YOU want", there were points that disappointed me more or less. The most notable examples for me are: calling a 60+ guests wedding "intimate" - I wouldn't use than for anything 30+ guests; still trying to push for some things like "you NEED to at least book a hotel room for the night of the wedding" - some people are just homebodies and I simply think that booking a hotel in the city I live in is a seriously stupid idea. They also sneaked in the very inaccurate "statistic" of "50% or marriages end in divorce" - that's a yearly rate for the US, nothing to do with 50% of all marriages actually ending in divorce.
The book is also very USA/Canada centric and the budgets mentioned there sounded astounding, given I live in Europe. I would have also liked to see notes that laws around marriage vary, not only whether gay marriage is allowed, but also in how the whole process works and the documents needed. I'd note that it's important to understand what is currently expected by law and planning for it is important! And also it's the law that can require anything from a wedding - be it licenses, witnesses, etc. EVERYTHING else is optional, but the book kinda glosses over that, trying to push for more cheaper, but still traditional wedding.
I did enjoy some of the real-life wedding stories they included, but they are added in between text, which means that you turn the page in the middle of a sentence and you suddenly see a block of text that's not related. Unfortunately, some of the stories felt very... unnecessary, e.g. a story of a bride that got peer-pressured into getting a dress she didn't like, but then on the wedding day, the dress "made [her] feel special". What's the moral of that story? Or the bride who had issues with her mum not liking how she's planning the wedding and the story ended with a "welp, guess [I] have to talk [to her]", no note on how that ended or how it affected the wedding.
I'd still recommend the book to people who feel very much pressured into the traditional big wedding BS.
*Thanks to NetGalley and Dundurn Press for providing me with an ARC of this title in exchange for an honest review.*
And while I really liked the overall tone of "it's YOUR wedding, so do what YOU want", there were points that disappointed me more or less. The most notable examples for me are: calling a 60+ guests wedding "intimate" - I wouldn't use than for anything 30+ guests; still trying to push for some things like "you NEED to at least book a hotel room for the night of the wedding" - some people are just homebodies and I simply think that booking a hotel in the city I live in is a seriously stupid idea. They also sneaked in the very inaccurate "statistic" of "50% or marriages end in divorce" - that's a yearly rate for the US, nothing to do with 50% of all marriages actually ending in divorce.
The book is also very USA/Canada centric and the budgets mentioned there sounded astounding, given I live in Europe. I would have also liked to see notes that laws around marriage vary, not only whether gay marriage is allowed, but also in how the whole process works and the documents needed. I'd note that it's important to understand what is currently expected by law and planning for it is important! And also it's the law that can require anything from a wedding - be it licenses, witnesses, etc. EVERYTHING else is optional, but the book kinda glosses over that, trying to push for more cheaper, but still traditional wedding.
I did enjoy some of the real-life wedding stories they included, but they are added in between text, which means that you turn the page in the middle of a sentence and you suddenly see a block of text that's not related. Unfortunately, some of the stories felt very... unnecessary, e.g. a story of a bride that got peer-pressured into getting a dress she didn't like, but then on the wedding day, the dress "made [her] feel special". What's the moral of that story? Or the bride who had issues with her mum not liking how she's planning the wedding and the story ended with a "welp, guess [I] have to talk [to her]", no note on how that ended or how it affected the wedding.
I'd still recommend the book to people who feel very much pressured into the traditional big wedding BS.
*Thanks to NetGalley and Dundurn Press for providing me with an ARC of this title in exchange for an honest review.*
August 2, 2021
The New Wedding Book by @mbilodeau and @karen_cleveland
We’re getting married in September. And we are not really doing anything traditionally. We’re doing a helicopter elopement with only our immediate family (6 people) followed by dinner at a local restaurant. There is no seating chart to worry about, no speeches (hopefully) and no invitations. With covid, I didn’t want to have to reschedule or stress about any plans falling through or have any travel restrictions to worry about.
This is not to knock anybody going the traditional route - it’s so nice to be able to CHOOSE and this book normalizes all kinds of wedding plans. I had no idea the wedding industry pulled in so much money but it’s not surprising when it’s broken down - venue, good, drinks, parties and showers. It’s wild.
If you’re planning a wedding or know somebody who is, and you’re leaning away from the traditional bc it are getting some grief from family, this is for you. I loved reading it. And I love what we chose to do to celebrate us.
Bookmark: @the_book.look
Wedding dress: @wedbizgirl - I cannot wait to wear it!
Thank you Karen for sending me this copy ❤️ #gifted
We’re getting married in September. And we are not really doing anything traditionally. We’re doing a helicopter elopement with only our immediate family (6 people) followed by dinner at a local restaurant. There is no seating chart to worry about, no speeches (hopefully) and no invitations. With covid, I didn’t want to have to reschedule or stress about any plans falling through or have any travel restrictions to worry about.
This is not to knock anybody going the traditional route - it’s so nice to be able to CHOOSE and this book normalizes all kinds of wedding plans. I had no idea the wedding industry pulled in so much money but it’s not surprising when it’s broken down - venue, good, drinks, parties and showers. It’s wild.
If you’re planning a wedding or know somebody who is, and you’re leaning away from the traditional bc it are getting some grief from family, this is for you. I loved reading it. And I love what we chose to do to celebrate us.
Bookmark: @the_book.look
Wedding dress: @wedbizgirl - I cannot wait to wear it!
Thank you Karen for sending me this copy ❤️ #gifted
August 17, 2021
This has a ton of good information and advice. It's also just overwhelming, but the whole topic of weddings is overwhelming lol
July 10, 2021
"Our hope for this book has helped guide you towards what is worth stressing over" (240)
I thought this book was very well written and laid out. It changed my perspective on a lot of things and made me think about the industry as a whole. I thought it had a good message and its your day, do what you want. It was also amazing to see Canadian statistics.
This book was a quick read; as I read it in 2 days.
I would recommend it to anyone planning a wedding!
I thought this book was very well written and laid out. It changed my perspective on a lot of things and made me think about the industry as a whole. I thought it had a good message and its your day, do what you want. It was also amazing to see Canadian statistics.
This book was a quick read; as I read it in 2 days.
I would recommend it to anyone planning a wedding!
May 1, 2023
This is a good book if you haven’t done a bulk of your wedding planning already or if you just want to learn where certain (patriarchal) wedding traditions come from, which is primarily what I got out of it.
The authors are big supporters of small weddings, limited budgets, and rejecting most of the expected activities for weddings. They are very considerate of how LGBT+ and (some) minority groups navigate wedding planning.
If you’re looking for a book to tell you not to have a big wedding with all your extended family, this is it. If you do want a longer guest list, you’ll probably feel a bit ostracized when they seem to blame the couple for spending money so all the people they care about can attend.
They are spot on that the wedding industry is out of hand and unnecessarily expensive, and that we should push back on this. Yet, telling people to limit the number of loved ones at a very important event in their lives somehow doesn’t seem like the answer?
The authors are big supporters of small weddings, limited budgets, and rejecting most of the expected activities for weddings. They are very considerate of how LGBT+ and (some) minority groups navigate wedding planning.
If you’re looking for a book to tell you not to have a big wedding with all your extended family, this is it. If you do want a longer guest list, you’ll probably feel a bit ostracized when they seem to blame the couple for spending money so all the people they care about can attend.
They are spot on that the wedding industry is out of hand and unnecessarily expensive, and that we should push back on this. Yet, telling people to limit the number of loved ones at a very important event in their lives somehow doesn’t seem like the answer?
May 12, 2021
Where was this book when I was getting married?! I got really overwhelmed reading a million blog posts and could've used one singular guide that was approachable and not preachy. That said, I feel like The New Wedding Book is perfectly timed with everyone reevaluating what a wedding is as we move through the pandemic and want to come out the other side more in tune with our own wants, needs and values.
I'll be making this my go-to engagement gift, especially to younger people who could easily be caught up in the excitement of what they've seen in the movies and what their more-traditional (read: older) family members are telling them.
Also, as someone extremely nosy, I loved the insights from real couples.
I'll be making this my go-to engagement gift, especially to younger people who could easily be caught up in the excitement of what they've seen in the movies and what their more-traditional (read: older) family members are telling them.
Also, as someone extremely nosy, I loved the insights from real couples.
January 3, 2026
Excellent book that acknowledges how extravagant weddings have become and reinforces the couple's ability to bring it down to a level and style they want. I loved the advice in this book from rewriting the wedding the couple wants, while also being mindful of guests and family. Only downside as others have stayed on reviews is that it would have been nice to hear from 'regular' couples instead of those in the industry. This would have just brought the book down to an even more realistic level that I felt the authors were trying to achieve. Highly recommend to read for any wanting to get married, those engaged or planning a wedding.
August 24, 2022
This was a good book for providing an external, unbiased to my own situation, permission do whatever will make me feel good on my wedding day. While I needed extra validation that questioning a "traditional" big, white wedding was not only okay but necessary, I definitely hoped for more practical ideas and processes as well.
The authors recognizing their own bias and ensuring they included stories and anecdotes from people with very different experiences was fantastic to see, and I wish more self-help was as self-aware.
The authors recognizing their own bias and ensuring they included stories and anecdotes from people with very different experiences was fantastic to see, and I wish more self-help was as self-aware.
February 3, 2023
I enjoyed learning about the origins of what we consider
"wedding traditions" and all are such eye opener and WTF moments. It provided insight that most "traditions" really do not have good meanings, especially for the bride. I recommend this book for any engaged couple who's thinking of breaking traditions and doing what THEY want for their special day. It's a validation that we don't need to follow tradition and the wedding should be a reflection and celebration of the couple and not be dictated by what others think they should do on their wedding day.
"wedding traditions" and all are such eye opener and WTF moments. It provided insight that most "traditions" really do not have good meanings, especially for the bride. I recommend this book for any engaged couple who's thinking of breaking traditions and doing what THEY want for their special day. It's a validation that we don't need to follow tradition and the wedding should be a reflection and celebration of the couple and not be dictated by what others think they should do on their wedding day.
September 25, 2023
If you're looking for a book to help you normalise the fact that you want to do what you want to do for your wedding without making you feel like the worst human, then this is it. But honestly nothing too new here if you have strayed from any wedding articles that are demanding you act a certain way.
September 27, 2021
Listened to the audiobook and found the cadence of the readers voice absolutely insufferable. 90% of the tips provided are common knowledge in a post-COVID world. This book may be useful if one has been living under a rock for the past two years.
Read
June 8, 2025plenty of good advice about planning a nontraditional wedding (in various flavors), but the writing style was often pretty grating. I preferred Your Wedding, Your Way and maybe didn’t need to read both but I did, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
May 4, 2021
Required nuptial reading! An evolved and tremendously well-researched wedding book. Men need to read this book as much, if not more than women.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews